Go back to previous topic
Forum nameFreestyle Board
Topic subjectthis...
Topic URLhttp://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=show_topic&forum=7&topic_id=58508&mesg_id=67932
67932, this...
Posted by Foneticcus, Wed May-02-07 11:10 AM
>chained to him for
>6 years and counting, she has
>lost her smell.

was where the poem started.

those words made me stop.


perhaps find a way to set it up in less words, & drag the reader into the still-beating heart as quick as you can? 'cuz that word: "smell"...just so unexpected & poignant.