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Forum nameFreestyle Board
Topic subjectRE: crowded
Topic URLhttp://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=show_topic&forum=7&topic_id=58508&mesg_id=58584
58584, RE: crowded
Posted by Giovanni, Tue Jul-18-06 05:10 PM
"her hair is matted...
>she scratches it
>to somehow remove the thought of him."

this right here is a very powerful line.

">*it's so crowded in here* she lies
>in bed knowing he'll wake up
>wanting to play with her pussy
>before their alarm sounds. "

this was kind of raw but it works.

"chained to him for
>6 years and counting, she has
>lost her smell."

another powerful line. i've heard of people losing a part of themselves in relationships. i've often thought of it as a part of the characteristic making space for the other person's, or the willingness to compromise on certain issues. but i've never thought of somebody's smell being another thing that's lost. they get marked by their lover's/partner's scent. that's deep.