as i walked in my dreams with my girl
i heard shots buss
echoes of a rightful death
as the night spoke to me in spanish
while in reality my bestfriend confessed
that she thought i looked like jesus.
the very nerve of her words moved me to fear me
and so I allowed my mind to teach my body to fast
and not feel deprived/so that i
would open my eyes to the truth of my destiny
like indigenous children learning to read
themselves
and i tried to change the future,
by focusing on the things that could never stain
like being a dancer, but my body didnt feel the same
(though it does now)
I refused to write, fearing how
it would change things.
(but now i must)

collecting myself lovingly
i couldnt hide from myself (anymore)
reflecting only in my mind, the path that i've taken
the bridges i've burned
and all the times i've been faced with a turning point
but felt too blind to pick up on the signs that i needed to understand
in order to learn
not to make the same mistake twice
felt froze
idled in my skin
the minute i felt exposed to the world for my sins
keeping myself within my home
like there was nothing left to do but breathe
nothing left to do but believe
that one day i would mobolize myself and achieve
the very accolades i've seen

(why did i run?
I was never ready
now, look at what i've done.
look who i've hurt
look who i've depressed with sadness
how have i allowed this?)

played life like a game
only to get played
didnt know the rules
so i felt framed
by my very misguided,
interpretation of what an intellectual emcee should be
only to find myself with a god complex, fearing me
ran through life and dreams
only to hide from the world
hide from who i've been and what i've done
and now that i've come out of hiding
i must continue to build.