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Forum nameFreestyle Board
Topic subjectRE: ~~Inhalation's Inspiration~~
Topic URLhttp://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=show_topic&forum=7&topic_id=64068&mesg_id=64195
64195, RE: ~~Inhalation's Inspiration~~
Posted by omo_oba, Sat Feb-17-07 12:38 AM
your use of sound is amazing.
and visually, the line breaks look good while aiding the rhythm of the piece.
i kinda feel like you walk the reader through the piece a little... i need to learn how to do a little of that, i tend to leave writers hanging :) , but this piece is light but strong... i wonder if it'd be more powerful with less (i.e. tulips)
sry for being so wordy...i'm such a nerd and still in college poetry workshop mode lol
take care sis and i look forward to reading more of your work
btw... ;-)thanks for feedback on my piece