>because they seem to me a crippling disease
>causing me to rail against and fail in anxt
>seize up from my guts and freeze
>even though it runs my blood hot like 3000 degrees
>stiffling my appreciation for existance with stipulations
>against ease
>capitulating over my needs
>vexed impatience over my expectations
>would that I could be rid of them to live and taste life as a
>refreshing breeze
>to turn a hurricane soul and meet her again whole
>instead I become unhinged to be opened because
>failed expectations are like locks without any keys.

"Please" in the title of a poem(or even a rap) is off-putting. It makes one think you are begging the audience to read it, which never bodes well of the author. Anxt is spelled angst, I assume you know this, and just added the X for a 2006 EXTREME DEW effect.

{I'm sorry if I'm a sarcastic bitch, but I honestly think my critique can be somewhat helpful}

I liked how you used a lot of three-syllable words for rhythmic effect of the poem. The point of good rap, song lyrics, or poetry are words used most effectively to evoke a desired feeling within the reader/or listener- IMO. Unfortunately, the feeling these words give me are---
"I thought big words would make this sound more important." It's only because the words don't feel organic to the emotional current of the poem. Every time you write, you should ask yourself why must these words be shared, now? And if you don't have a good answer you probably are just ranting and/or full of BS. I know all too well.

The first line is definitely not grammatically correct in any way shape, or form, which is fine if you have a friggin Pulitzer. For anonymous, unestablished "word artist", it makes people stop paying attention when they lose track of the flow because of grammar errors.


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I'm a dirty, dirty humanist.