I mean, since nobody else is

http://youtu.be/6gDpoZsoufQ

Looks a little tone-deaf comedically

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Baby, I'm your carpenter, please let me lay your tile

kiss it repeatedly.




This works for me I'll be seeing it.
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When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
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You cannot hate people for their own good.

Not really the direction I'd hope to they go. But maybe it'll be fun, kinda like how the Brady Bunch films were.

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When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
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You cannot hate people for their own good.

i will always have a thing for eva green. she needs a burger or two though.

If that's not your thing, well...

I didn't mind it so much, just wish that the story being told was better and made more than a lick of sense

This movie exists mainly for the benefit of Johnny Depp and Tim Burton, both of whom were serious Dark Shadows fans as kids

And it was their call, by the way, to "camp it up," as those here have noted

Except it's not really camped up so much as the humor's dry as a bone and the overall atmosphere is a bit dark (but not too much)

A majority of the jokes center around Depp's being the proverbial fish out of water in the year 1972. More than a few of the visual, "look at this weird thing from 1972!" gags fell flat for me but I and the audience laughed out loud more than a few times at Depp's delivery of insults. If you're a wrestling fan, just imagine William Regal as a vampire waking up in the year 1972 and you're almost there.

Practically everyone else, save Eva Green and Michelle Pfeiffer, were wasted to me. Chloe Grace-Moretz was just around to roll her eyes at Barnabas, because, you know, she SO can't be bothered to deal with him. Don't get me started on Jonny Lee Miller and Jackie Earle Haley, who both seemed to be there just to get a check. And I didn't care about the chick who was supposed to be Barnabas' love from back in his time as well as in '72. This is supposed to be the big story that keeps our investment in the movie, but it just didn't work for me. I was more interested in Depp acting fey (yet again) and walking around like an alien.

Listen, all that said, it's not a bad movie, it's one you could catch on cable (or Netflix) if you were bored one day and want to see Johnny Depp act a fool for about 2 hours.

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© 1 ScreenName Only, Inc. All Rights Reserved

William Regal as a vampire waking
>up in the year 1972 and you're almost there.

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© 1 ScreenName Only, Inc. All Rights Reserved

I was hoping the previews weren't a true representation of CGM's on-screen time and role....but you pretty much confirmed that she is wasted.

Mind you, I've seen the original version AND the 90's remake.

I'm SUPER cool...

I still have to make my way through the OG. Do you know if the Netflix version is in order?

Pfieff-Dawg's best days are behind her (a place I used to crave crazily). HBC was servicable. CGM didn't do much other than make me think WTF once her character finally came to life. Bella Heathcote appears to have the chops. The movie constantly teases us as to her importance but forgets about her for quite a few looooooong stretches. It gets a pass when the times spent instead on Depp & Green (who steals it).

But then there's the little boy, the scumbag Dad, the business ventures & a buncha other stuff thrown in for bad measure. First Burton flick I've seen in the theater since Sleepy Hollow. Seems like I can't wait just as long for the next one.

After the first 20 minutes it fell apart, had few laughs here and there. Long stretches of nothing happening. And yet I have a feeling this will be better than Battleship.

Good cinematography, production design, and music. That's it. Waaaaay too cluttered-- no stakes, really.

It's not really aggressively bad, just aggressively forgettable. Which is worse.

Glad to see Alice Cooper though. And slutty CGM is gonna make some pervy creep audience members very happy.

guess I should've heeded all those bad reviews, this was pretty mediocre even with 0 expectations going in. All the "good" jokes were in the trailer, the rest of the humor was strangely off-kilter, even though there was potential for some good fish-out-of-water hijinks. I guess Thor stole all of those last year.
It just seems Burton and Depp made this movie "because they could"; despite all the stuff about them loving the OG material I never felt much passion. Some good cinematography and I did like the prologue somewhat, but the whole thing was odd. Like a slowly-paced rush job, with plotholes to boot.

Maybe if there was titties in it I could have given it a pass. But nope, so, terrible.

was exactly what i expected. For some reason DS reminded me of that awful disney flick Eddie Murphy did a while back called the haunted mansion. I guess great gothic/vampire flicks are a thing of the past.

Grade D