Dry, incessant narration.

Exposition all over.

Lazy throughout.

Even in Woody's last mess, Cassandra's Dream*, I at least half-cared for what Colin Farrell's character was going through. With this ensemble, I didn't care and wasn't interested, so when those emotional pay-off scenes come, they ring nothing but hollow. I mean, the ending is like a bad comedian finishing a set by abruptly sitting on a whoppie cushion.

And Scarlett Johansson? She should make movies for eight-year olds, because that's where her acting skills lie. There is a quick scene where she's meant to be pondering some great romantic dilemma near a body of water. However, her silently looking out at the water isn't even believable. It's like her face is trying to express "contemplative and concerned", but all the audience gets is the overly self-conscious straining of a vapid actress who is the talent-equivalent of a real-life Romy and Michele type. Normally, I know I would and should blame the director for any actor's perceived shortcomings, and while the writing is wretched, she makes it all the more unbearable an occasion. (Great breasts still.)

But Penelope Cruz? In her abbreviated stint on screen, she tries her damndest to inject a little life and credibility into the story. It's the type of bursting supporting performance that can get award consideration if it weren't so undercut by the aforementioned narration, a couple embarrassing montages, and a general lack of development. Was Woody rushed or did someone steal a reel of film? I say this because her scenes seem to jump so suddenly. If anything, the triangle between her, Johansson, and Javier Bardem should have been the main storyline and not just an excursion. This is not to hold anything against Rebecca Hall, because she's not bad, it's just that she's stuck in a bad movie.

The cinematography, which takes full advantage of the wonderful architecture, art, and landscapes of Spain, is the movie's strongest point. Look, no negatives in that sentence.


*I've seen 23 movies from 2008 so far. Woody has two in the bottom five.