How's that for an unsettling image? lol
Sounds like the sequel to 2 Girls 1 Cup.


>Lady in the Water is pretty boring, but it is what it is.

What it is... is a pile of shit.


>The Village literally made me angry, it was so bad.

It sounds like you mainly just hated the twist and felt tricked and betrayed. What about the actual story? It was dope as shit.

Lady in the Water meanwhile, had the worst plot of any major mainstream movie in recent memory.

Blah blah storytelling fairy tale whatever. Shit was just dumb as fuck with the narfs and scrunts and such.


>Maybe it's
>just cuz I was such a huge fan of M. Night up until that
>flick, but I found it to be shamelessly manipulative, a film
>that sets rules into place and then breaks them willy-nilly
>with the twists.

That's why they're called twists. I don't recall the movie "setting rules into place" - all it did was introduce characters and a way of life and let the viewers draw their own (incorrect) assumptions about the time and setting.


>Characters speak in an older form of
>English... and then we find out they were from the city in
>present-day, and just chose to change the entire way they
>speak.

I assumed it was because they were trying to establish an atmosphere. They wanted to essentially go back in time to a simpler time and way of life. I figured they adopted that speech to remind themselves; then once you've been doing it awhile, it becomes natural. And all the younger folks have grown up that way organically, so it's not weird to them at all.


>They go to great lengths to create this ruse... but
>then quickly tell a young girl so that she won't be afraid on
>her journey into the woods for medicine... which one of the
>elders who knew about the truth of the monsters clearly could
>have insisted on doing.

I'll have to see it again, but it didn't seem terribly out of place to me at the time. The elders simply refused to ever go back themselves; that part makes perfect sense to me, especially if they trusted her not to reveal the truth to anyone else.


>A character is retarded... but acts
>incredibly smart at a key point in the film in order to try
>and squeeze an extra scare or two out of the audience.

Yeah, that was kinda odd, but retarded people can be pretty insightful in certain isolated situations.


>The end
>is interesting for a minute... and then resorts to a long
>didactic monologue in order to explain to the audience what
>was going on, in case the images on screen weren't quite
>enough. There's less than zero subtlety in this film,
>everything is delivered with the heaviest of hands.

The end was cool. I am not offended by a lack of subtlety - I recognize that many people need that. I guess it's catering to a lower level of audience, but I don't mind. It's a nice little summary.


>I hated nearly everything about The Village. It was
>beautifully shot, had a nice score... but it was so incredibly
>bad.

Sounds just like how I feel about Lady in the Water (although I can't really remember the score, seems like it was kinda cool). Everything else about it sucked ass.