And at 13, I knew that mess of a movie was beneath me.

Recently seeing Roland's before-your-movie-starts preview of 10,000BC however made me pine for a more simpler time when the all-star talent of Matthew Broderick and Hank Azaria ran away from CGI creatures, all while set to Puff Daddy's raping of classic rock.

I would rather watch Crash again before attending a free screening of this Paleolithic piece of shit.

Really, why would anyone be interested in it?

The cast includes some guy whose previous credits were Teenage Bobby from Third Watch and an Ashlee Simpson movie, a girl whose biggest break thus far has been playing Xander Berkeley's daughter in Poison Ivy II (two, man, two), and a Kiwi who only ever gets "ethnic" roles as Tic-Tic.

Producer Michael Wimer has an ounce more respectability, as he was credited on the documentary Capturing the Friedmans. Unfortunately, for him, his credit was simply a "special thanks."

Oh, and the motherfucking composer shares a writing credit.

Really, that sounds good? Instead of paying ten dollars to see it, just imagine the Discovery Channel ripped of all its ingenuity and left to tell a story that's likely older than 10,000 BC.