The only criteria I think should be ruled out is Schwarzenegger's recent political career. Otherwise, use any criteria you want. I'm hoping this will get just as ugly as it did at the bus stop in 5th grade.

Poll question: Alright PTP...Schwarzenegger or Stallone?

Poll result (20 votes) You're a disease...and I'm the cure. (7 votes) Vote It's NOT a tooma! (13 votes) Vote

So I think the choice is pretty clear

...I hated him for it. I'd always half-heartedly ride for Rambo. "But, but...if their only weapons were bows and arrows, Rambo would win."

Of course, nowadays, I view the first Rambo movie as a suprisingly good movie.

and the things that killllllled me:

that car that i believe that flipped on it's side, magically got restored to perfect condition.

the obvious launching of the people who got 'naded. you can see the freakin' plank of wood launch them if you pay attention to the bottom of the screen.

the dummies that were tied to posts next to the buildings that ahnold bombed.


lol. classic.

constantly rewinding and watching the ridiculous shit over and over

The cardboard cutout standup soldiers during the giant explosions are def up there in the greatest movie moments

http://www.ruthlessreviews.com/reviews.cfm/id/774/back/80/page/commando.html

COMMANDO
by Jonny Lieberman



Released: 1985

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Jonny's Favorite Film...



Tagline:
Somewhere... somehow... someone's going to pay!

Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence:
Gay men get fucked by--not with--Arnold

Homoeroticism:

More than you could possibly imagine. I mean all the crap about Arnold being Der Gropin'fuhrer was just a rightwing-ruse to distract Californians from the fact that Schwarzenegger has starred in the single gayest movie ever made. The Republican Party had to make Schwarzenegger look like the worst heterosexual predator since Marv Albert just so that their own people would vote for him. For reals. The first time we see Arnold in Commando, Mr. Olympia is carrying a big chainsaw with a four-foot blade and an even larger log on one shoulder. He's all sweaty and determined looking, rugged, and accompanied by a steamy steel drum and sax solo! Bear City, USA, man. While flipping through his daughter's Tiger Beat a few scenes later, he exclaims, "Why don't they just call him Girl George? It would cut down on the confusion." Meaning of course that while others might have been confused about Boy George's sexuality back in 1986, Arnold knew the straight truth. Or lack thereof.

When Arnold's old commander comes to tell Die Governator that somebody is killing all of his old men, Schwarzenegger sneaks up behind him and puts a hard gun in his back. The commander says, "Silent and smooth -- just like always." Is that what straight men say when another dude sticks 'em with something hard from behind? Didn't think so. Arnold also of course picks up another man by his balls. And, for God knows what reason, Arnold is in a pair of skimpy speedos for at least four minutes. Just paddling around in a boat. Oh, wait -- I know the reason.

But, you can't talk about the amazing gayness of Commando without mentioning Bennett. In fact, if I ever go back to school, my thesis will detail how the late twentieth/early twenty-first century embracing of homosexuality stems from Vernon Wells' portrayal of this particular character. After I'm done, West Hollywood will be renamed "Vernon Wells." Where to even start... Bennett spends nearly the entire movie wearing the following outfit:

Leather pants
A black, sleeveless T-shirt
A chain mail vest
A large belt that turns said chain mail into a little skirt
Fingerless leather gloves
A dog chain choker
A flat top
A push broom moustache
A leather belt that he wore around the chain mail vest, making it seem as if he were wearing a skirt. Yes, I stated this point earlier, but holy fuck does it need repeating!



Basically your standard leather-daddy getup, minus the cop hat. His Australian accent doesn't help things, either. For no apparent reason, Bennett exclaims, “John, I'm not going to shoot you between the eyes. I'm going to shoot you between the balls.” Money shoot him between the balls... But what really sent my gaydar off the chart was the following exchange between Arnold and Mr. Wells:

Matrix: "You can beat me... You want to put a knife in me. Look me in the eyes. See what's going on in there while you turn it. That's what you want to do to me, right? Come on, let the girl go. You and me. Don't deprive yourself of some pleasure. Come on Bennett; let's party."

Bennett: "I don't need the girl -- I don't need the girl!!"

Short of Arnold actually licking Vernon's ass, you simply could not come up with a gayer scene. Seriously, men fucking is straighter. And of course, you can’t spell Commando without “man,” “do” or “personal lubricant.”

Corpse Count:

Commando almost features more murders than it does homosexual innuendos. Almost. 146 people are shot, blown up, stabbed, scalped, dropped off cliffs and mutilated, and fully 138 of those onscreen deaths happen during a four-minute time frame. Four fucking minutes! Without doubt the bloodiest four minutes in the history of film, easily trumping the even finale of the great Death Wish 3. In one particularly noteworthy sequence, Schwarzenegger's John Matrix character manages to commit five murders using a pitchfork, an axe, a machete and two circular saw blades--all within the span of twenty seconds! He even kills two guys with one bullet.




Maybe even more impressive than the amount of men that he kills is the amount of men that he just beats the living crap out of. Specifically one scene where he not only hits a guy with a phone booth, but then he throws eight grown men flying through the air at the same time! The Wachowskis obviously stole this far superior scene for Neo's lame-ass fight with 5 dozen Agent Smiths in the Matrix sequel. And we know where they got the name of their film. And we know why the one brother is a cross-dressing transvestite.

How Bad Is It Really?
Bad? Bad? Look, I'll be the first to admit that it is hard to retain one's critical faculties while watching THE RADDEST MOVIE EVER MADE!!! But seriously, Commando rules. If the purpose of a film is solely to entertain, then no movie has anything on Commando. Did I mention that at one point Arnold and Alyssa Milano are feeding a deer? And that he’s wearing a pink shirt tucked into white shorts? Holy shit, that rules. What is also fantastic about Commando is that for all the ridiculously over-the-top uber-mensch moves Schwarzenegger makes, Rae Dawn Chong is constantly reminding us just how over-the-top and ridiculous all of the macho bullshit is. Here's what I mean:

Cooke (The Great Bill Duke): "Scared, motherfucker? Well, you should be. Cause this Green Beret's going to kick you ass."


Matrix (Arnold): "I eat Green Berets for breakfast. And right now (punch) I'm (kick) very (slap) hungry." Cooke gets tossed through a wall.



Cindy (Dawn Chong): "I don't believe this macho bullshit!"


See, that's what makes Commando succeed on so many levels. You don't believe the macho bullshit, either. But you love it. The director tells you exactly what to think, in case the action is too fast and you can't pay attention to everything that is going on. Like, when Arnold throws Cooke through the wall onto a couple who somehow kept having sex despite the four gunshots in the next room, Rae Dawn observes, "These guys eat too much red meat." Again, exactly right. Also of note is when the naked couple emerges from underneath the covers, the woman is behind the man. Yeah, buddy!



One-Liner:
Move over Henny Youngman. Take a hike Don Rickles. Here comes Commando! Honestly, everything else aside (yes, even the hot man-on-man action), what I love most about Commando are all the brilliant, transcendent One-Liners.
From, "Don't disturb my friend. He's dead-tired" to "I'm air sick," Commando trumps all other movies ever made--EVER--when it comes to One-Liners. I mean, even when the bad guy asks the eleven-year-old girl, "You'll be together with him soon. Won't that be nice?" The eleven-fucking-year-old girl says, "Not as nice as watching him smash your face in." Even the soon-to-be-fodder for Arnold’s mighty gun D grade bad guys get to rip some off, “Slitting a little girl’s throat is like cutting warm butter.” However, Commando being Commando, Bennett retorts, “Put that knife away and shut your mouth.” Remember, in 80s Actions, knives are dicks.


Post-Mortem One-Liner:
Let's be honest here. With the possible exception of Predator no other movie in history has half as many good sentences to hilariously celebrate the death of a fellow human being.

The greatest Post-Mortem One-Liner of all time is the following: Schwarzenegger has just chased down and run Sully's (David Patrick Kelly) Porsche off the road with an Austin Healy Sprite. After ramming the Sprite head-on at 80 miles-per-hour into a telephone pole, Arnold checks to see if Rae Dawn is alive and then pulls Sully out of the Porsche, demanding to know where his (Matrix's) daughter is. Sully tells him to fuck off. Arnold says, "Listen, loyalty is very touching but it's not the most important thing in your life right now. Gravity is." Great line, but, well, keep reading.

Arnold then carries Sully over to a cliff and dangles him over the edge by one leg (look for the wire holding Sully up). After some more words are exchanged, Schwarzenegger says to Sully, "Hey Sully, remember when I said I'd kill you last?" Sully then says, "Yeah, you promised you'd kill me last." To which our governor responds, "I lied." He then drops Sully off the side of Mulholland Drive. Now, I know what you are thinking. That is technically a "Pre-Mortem" One-Liner. Right, except for the fact that just before Schwarzenegger pushes Sully's Porsche back onto its wheels, Rae Dawn asks, "What happened to Sully?"

"I had to let him go."

Holy shit, is that funny/brilliant! It has had me laughing for the past twenty years.


Stupid Political Content:
None really. I mean all the usual romanticized military/vigilante crap is front and center, but it is obviously such homosexual fantasy that any overtures to the right are lost on everyone, save castratos. Sure, he lives isolated and alone with a literal arsenal in his tool shed, but look at that chest! We could begin to discuss how a man could murder over a dozen-dozen people and yet be smiling at the end of it all (sheer fascism), but then, those biceps start calling my name. All bulgy and shit. There is one odd part where Arnold explains to Alyssa Milano, "When I was a boy and Rock and Roll came to East Germany communists said it was subversive... Maybe they were right?" But honestly, I had way too large of a hard-on to make heads or tails of it. OK, fine -- tails.



Novelty Death:
At the climax of the "fight" between Bennett and Matrix, Arnold somehow manages to rip a 4-inch diameter pipe off the wall and hurl it through Bennett's chest. Of course, before Arnold even sees the pipe, Bennett has a sub-machine gun leveled at him. And of course after the pipe goes through Bennett's chest, Arnold says, "Let off some steam, Bennett." God, I love this movie!!!


Was There An Atomic Blast At The End?
No, but Arnold's old commander does say that he is expecting World War 3. He seems to be looking forward to Armageddon, too.

What You Learned:
If I was al Queda, I would not fuck with California while Schwarzenegger is in charge. Also, if you watch the scene when Arnold is blowing up all the military barracks, you can actually see the support beams that are holding up the dummies. Oh, and I am definitely, severely, chronically gay.

If we're killing people, Arnold. I see Conan the Barbarian, Terminator and Predator as benchmark films for the genre in the 80s. If we're making a drama, Stallone. Cop Land and the first Rocky are better performances than anything Schwarzenegger has on his resume.

Comedy is the tough call. I guess Arnold. He did Twins. Of course he also did Junior, Kindergarten Cop and Jinigle All The Way. If we count Pumping Iron as acting he was hilarious in that as well. Stallone had Oscar and Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot. He made me laugh a few times in Demolition Man though.

...anything Ahnuld has ever done?

I think that Rocky is definitely a bigger cultural icon than any role Arnold has ever had.

But at the same time I feel like Arnold himself is probably bigger than Rocky. I mean Hans and Franz weren't really imitating any particular Arnold role, just the persona. I mean who else could get away with calling the California state legislature girly men?

the whole fucking WORLD said "I'll be baaahk" for about 10 years. If THAT ain't cultural impact I don't know what is...

Nope. So there's no reason for your cranky tone.

It's entirely possible and even probable that Rocky is bigger than the Terminator, catch phrases aside. That film has got statues and landmarks and ish.

Gee I guess that clenches it, I mean what's Arnold got?

Oh yeah, HIS OWN STATE.

Stallone couldn't even even get elected Homecoming King.

Hollywood, that is.

(Arnold sold his shares a while back. Hopefully to Dolph Lundgren.)

the one here in Chicago is a Pizza joint now.

*Sarcas-o-meter bursts into flames*

I'm not even gonna front, I thought Commando was great cinema at the time. I still kinda do.

And I cut Rocky off after #3. Arnold has some dope flicks but none of them get me amped like Rocky.

Stallone also gave us First Blood (A dope move that didn't need any sequels).

Peace,

*** MARBLES ***

______________________________________________________________________
Aight man
HOLLA THEN

Ahnuld faves: Terminatah 1&2, Conan, Commando, The Running Man, and the one with mars and Sharon Stone in it...

Sly faves: Rocky 1,2,3,4 and Rocky Balboa, Demo Man, Rambo 1, Tango and Cash.

tie game!

Cosign. I think Terminator gives Arnold the edge.

Terminator
Commando
Predator
Conan
Kindergarten Cop
Red Heat
Total Recall
True Lies
Last Action Hero
Twins
Eraser
I even kind of like "End of Days" and "6th Day" or whatever the one about clones was where he says, "When I told you to go fuck yourself, I didn't mean it literally".


For real, is Stallone fucking with any of that shit? Dude has basically just been riding on the legacy of Rocky and Rambo his whole career.

Plus I just saw the poster for Rambo (IV)

Ahn-uld's had some good joints, but in no way, shape, or form is he fucking with

Rocky
Rocky II
Rocky III
Rocky IV
Rocky Balboa
First Blood
Rambo: First Blood Part II
Over the Top
Cobra
Tango and Cash
Cliffhanger


And what's the Guv'nor got?

Conan the Barbarian
The Terminator
Commando
Predator
The Running Man
Total Recall
Twins
Terminator 2: Judgment Day


Yeah, these are lists (you'll live), and it's not even close.

Now, granted, on his roster Arnold has 4 of the (arguably) great action films of our time (Terminator 1, Commando, Predator, Total Recall), but still, it's not even close, imo.
______________________________________________________________________
Aight man
HOLLA THEN

Too many regular dude roles.

Regular dude goes for a jog up some steps
Regular dude goes to war
Regular dude goes mountain climbing

Who gives a shit?

Arnold could be a barbarian, a killer robot from the future, an undercover cop, hell he even played a pregnant dude once. Cop Land ain't seeing shit on that.

Look at all those damn sequels you listed, Sly stays making the same flicks over and over. Arnold barely stays in the same GENRE for more than two films in a row, much less franchise! Sci Fi, Action, Comedy; You name it, he did it. AND made bank. Sly cranks out more turkeys than a Butterball factory.

Come on, yo

Sly built his career on being the Everydaydude... why would he switch it up? Why we trynna make him into Will Smith, whom as we all know is the most versatile actor of all time in the history of Hollywood
______________________________________________________________________
Aight man
HOLLA THEN

Arnold would occasionally step down from Mt. Olympus and do some everyman shit... He could go from Hercules in New York to Jingle All the Way effortlessly. He really WAS the Will Smith of his generation. AW HELL NAW you say? Think again!

Sly TRIED stepping out of his mold (most likely an attempt to fade the Governator) only to fail time and time again.

Running Man>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Judge Dredd

The Terminator >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Talking Robot in Rocky IV

Night-muhfukkin-Hawks

I also caught a bit of F.I.S.T. on cable a few weeks back

The problem with that movie is that it's too long, that's not on Sly
______________________________________________________________________
Aight man
HOLLA THEN

I'm ridin' with Sly on this one...

ionno...lemme think about this.

During an especially shitty period of the show, the SNL episode he hosted was great. So, because dude has that kinda range, because Rocky is much better than The Terminator, because I doubt Mr. Stallone made something as expensively wretched as Batman & Robin, because I unfortunately bought a ticket as a little kid to see Junior, and because compared to a Nazi father, Frank Stallone is actually the less embarassing family member, Sly wins easily.

If nothing else it showed Sly had a sense of humor about it all.

"Hey remember that movie “Kramer vs. Kramer"...That movie was about child custody too. But it wasn’t that good. It was...I don’t know, it was missing something, you know? Ah, what was it missing? I can’t...Oh wait, I know: arm wrestling"

you've got to be some kind of moron to worship that film

whaaaat? lol

I'm a Terminator guy, but an Oscar ain't nothin' to sneeze at.

And the script is a pretty good read

Now, if dudes want to talk "shitty" movies:

Pumping Iron (NOPE, it count)
Conan the Destroyer
Red Sonja
Red Heat
Collateral Damage
The 6th Day
End of Days
Batman and Robin
Eraser
Junior
Kindergarten Cop
Raw Deal

vs.

Oscar
Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot
Daybreak
Rocky V
Driven
Get Carter
D-Tox
Lock-Up
Rhinestone

It ain't even close, joe. Not even close.
______________________________________________________________________
Aight man
HOLLA THEN

Second off, did you just make a list of shitty Stallone movies and not include Judge Dredd?

______________________________________________________________________
Aight man
HOLLA THEN

If for nothing else, 'it's not a tooma.'

That can't be on Arnold's bad list.

------------------------------------------------------------------
2006-07 Zeno Memorial Cup winner: Chara SMASH

POSITIVITY = 2007 WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS

no matter how horrible his shit is NOW, he got it right the first time out.

Seriously, one of my fave Stallone joints.

It even had skinny Tom Sizemore!!!!!

And when he wraps that weight in a cloth and started wreckin' bammas in the yard?

Classic Sly.
______________________________________________________________________________

R.I.P. Sean Taylor, 1983-2007

http://cscpov.blogspot.com/

"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..."
-unknown

"To Each His Reach"
-George Clinton

This poll should be a runaway by now.
______________________________________________________________________
Aight man
HOLLA THEN

Seriously, man, you've stacked the deck so high even Rocky couldn't jog up it.














Arnold could, though.

Arnold would shoot it down AND come up with some lame one-liner:

"You're no longer playing with a full deck"

or

"The deck is now closed"

or

"You just got decked"



L
______________________________________________________________________
Aight man
HOLLA THEN

But all objectivity aside, I realized I hate him. I don't love any movie he's in, and I love quite a few of Arnold's. So even if Rocky means more to people than the Terminator, and even if Batman and Robin is a greater nadir than Stop or My Mom Will Shoot, it doesn't matter because I hate Stallone. His presence makes me less likely to see a movie. I think about seeing Rhinestone and it just makes me feel all itchy in my soul.

And this is very close, but I think in real life he may be a bigger jackass than Arnold.

f*ck Stallone, that movie is pure Christmas movie CRACK

nm

The quality everyman to the overhyped image.

IMO, True Lies WAS the shit.

I only mean that in the sense that Stallone seems to be the one obsessed with what people thought (and still think) of him, and it can make him seem like more of a loser. Not that Arnold's some pure artist or anything (or Nas for that matter).

haha. this cat's dedicated.

I'm not into both Jay or Nas. Do NOT put me in that civil war lol

first off fuck junior, fuck stop!or my mom will shoot & pretty much all the non-action movies. These dudes are action heroes point blank. I mean would you have really gave a shit about Rocky's life if the ass-whooping wasn't there? didn't think so.

IMO, Sly's characters take themselves too seriously. There's something about the unintentional humor of a massive Austrian who can barely speak english dropping one liners. Im almost positive the writers of commando/total recall/predator were rolling on the floor while writing some of the shit they had Arnold saying. The fuckin Simpsons got a character paying homage to Arnold's quips. I think when Arnold 'got in on the joke' is when his movies started to downslide(Last Action Hero), but stallone was already out by then.

Need more proof?
http://youtube.com/watch?v=jqUz8DQLhgs
^^^^^^
CMON MAN NIGGAS WAS USING HIS CLIPS TO SMEAR HIS CAMPAIGN

.