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Forum namePass The Popcorn
Topic subjectOE here to tell y'all why SPIDERMAN 3 is going to be GARBAGE
Topic URLhttp://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=show_topic&forum=6&topic_id=270496&mesg_id=270496
270496, OE here to tell y'all why SPIDERMAN 3 is going to be GARBAGE
Posted by Orbit_Established, Thu Apr-05-07 02:34 PM

I'm back.

I'm busy as fuck, but I gotta tell y'all this real quick.

I might make a quick cameo to tell you how terrible the
new gimmicky Tarantino flick is, but maybe not.

Man does QT suck. I'm going to relaunch my anti-Pulp Fiction
campaign in summer of 2007, so watch out.

Anyway, Spiderman 3 is going to be garbage. Don't fight it.
You know that. Here them reasons:

1) You've finally realized that Kirsten Dunst is ugly.

I knew it from birth. She so ugly, she made me walk out of Jumanji and
I wasn't shit but a pubescent niglet when is seent it. Y'all on the other hand
drank the dimepiece Kool-Aid. Because you've now realized she ugly,
and even you nerdy muffuckaz can do better, you're not going
to be interested in the scenes with her in them. They finnna
make you go to sleep. She's not interesting, and neither is her
character. Its hard to be emotionally attached to a characther(Spiderman)
who is consistently scrapping over an ugly broad. Don't work.

3)They've violated the 'Batman Returns' rule:


Mr. Sandman? Venom? That Goblin young nigga? Too much.

And this overarching theme of 'Battling yourself' is ghey and
played out, and on the humble THEY ALREADY DEALT WITH
a lot of that shit in Spiderman 2. Done already.

This movie is going to play out like the old WWF Hulk Hogan
sequences from the 80s and 90s. Hogan would be getting
his ass whooped, would be about to be pinned and then
some shit would happen and he'd get life in one arm and the
gradually get up and do that bright eyed deep breathing
shit to the crowd. Then he'd slam someone and do that
boring leg drop shit and it was a rap.

That's gonna be Spidey in this movie.

3)I must preface this with a no-homo, just because I got to.

Tobey Mcgwire is plain uninteresting to look at. His boyish
innocent I'm naive bullshit look on his face can't carry 3 movies.
He is not only the whitest person on earth, his range ain't that solid.
Don't get me wrong, he's a good actor and all, but I'm saying he
can't carry 3 movies. Youda been better off casting someone with
a big ass scar on their face, or a dude with surgically reparied nostril
or something. Something that catches attention.

And real talk: Peter Parker's character isn't actually written
very well. I know his appeal is that he's supposd to be a
"regular kid that everyone can relate to" and that's cool, but
he's a grown man and I want to see some real views on something..
...I don't know, have a scene where the nigga recyles some cans or
something..man up, bitch.

I hope its good though. I just think its gonna suck.

And which one of y'all told me to see 300? That was some
April Fool's bullshit a month early, so fuck y'all.


O_E: Your Super-Ego's Favorite Poster.

"I ORBITs the solar system, listenin..."

(C)Keith Murray, "Cosmic Slop