...

Damn, is this mic still on? Good to see this post is still going. Haven't been on OKP in years.

Confession: Lost a good job, divorced and came close to losing my life since the last time I posted here.

Couldn't be better. Thanks for asking.

they asked me to mentor a second kid

he’s white

Gonna teach him that the Black man is God.

lol

fr...wonder what people here think of ideas to send kids to stay a week with families of different races/backgrounds. theory being... a lot of racism/prejudice is rooted in lack of exposure. send 3rd grade white kids to live with black families, might them less likely to be 30 year old racists. seems like decent idea on paper. but dunno how it'd actually go down.

it literally doesn't matter where that somewhere is

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

>they asked me to mentor a second kid
>
>he’s white
>
>Gonna teach him that the Black man is God.
>
>lol

PHEW!

It used to be exciting... all that potential energy. Hollering at women. Hanging with a crew. Dope spots with dope music. Getting flyers at one spot and going to take a look. Early 20s were the peak for meeting people. Spots just packed with people looking like a 90s R&B video. Out hunting for my future queen, lol.


I still go out now to go dancing with my lady, and it's actually more fun now, just not as random and the parties with good music & age-appropriate crowds don't come around as often. Also prefer day parties over late nights & after hours now.

because it was cheap af. That place was the shit.

Sweating and dancing hard af.

and my boss is like “damn, you make it sound like a person died”

nigga, we didnt have a car payment. A part of us DID die yesterday.

Might be cheaper to fix it (if it doesn't involve engine work) than replace it.

need a whole new engine

aint worth it to keep putting thousands into a 2011

taking it in next wed.

regardless, its time so we will be shopping this weekend but would be nice to sell this car when it isn’t in limp mode.

while we may have a case worth fighting for, paying insurance on that thing prolly isn’t worth it since it takes so long to fight for an engine.

Already replaced the car so sold it for parts or should I say, we donated that shit.

We got a good 10 years out or it. Just relieved it died close to the crib and not on a road trip.

.

oil consumption/bearing failure.

leaving early today?
coming in late tomorrow?
is it spring break?

first off, fuck outta here nigga, it aint your company or your business on when I come and go.

acting like leaving an hour early or 15 minutes early is stealing.

dude even said “if the boss leaves early the accountant will leave like 5 minutes earlier EVERY TIME”

nigga??? You can leave too if you want and when you do leave early for a haircut or some bullshit no one gives a shit.

Don't leave your computer unlocked, because he's gonna be all in your browser history.

Someone: "Anyone seen Lex?"
Dude: "Yeah, I saw him go into the bathroom like five minutes ago. He must be taking a shit."

peaking at phones and shit

we always lock our computers. Its a rule since its cyber.

I’m leaving early the rest of the week. He’s gonna be mad af.

>leaving early today?
>coming in late tomorrow?
>is it spring break?
>
>first off, fuck outta here nigga, it aint your company or your
>business on when I come and go.
>
>acting like leaving an hour early or 15 minutes early is
>stealing.
>
>dude even said “if the boss leaves early the accountant will
>leave like 5 minutes earlier EVERY TIME”
>
>nigga??? You can leave too if you want and when you do leave
>early for a haircut or some bullshit no one gives a shit.
>
>

My resume and credentials are impressive. They have been for a long time at this point.
But that’s never stopped anyone from calling me up and going 8 mile on me during an interview and even often times in the work place once hired.
It is exhausting. But the dude today actually listened to me explain concepts and processes and even had follow up questions to further flesh things out for insight.

If I didn't already know that there was a presidential election in seven months, I wouldn't know it from the (admittedly little) media that I'm exposed to.

Not even doom-and-gloom "We gotta stop Trump!" energy.


Feels like there's gonna be some sort of plot twist coming soon.

>If I didn't already know that there was a presidential
>election in seven months, I wouldn't know it from the
>(admittedly little) media that I'm exposed to.
>
>Not even doom-and-gloom "We gotta stop Trump!" energy.
>
>
>Feels like there's gonna be some sort of plot twist coming
>soon.

https://www.cbs8.com/article/news/local/99-cents-only-to-close-all-locations/509-e23f5dbe-c385-4cd9-a47b-a764dcbb2a7d

I mean everything is no longer 99 cents, but it was still fund digging through all the crap.

I once almost fought a dude twice my size for fucking with her. Fortunately got broken up before he pummeled me into a coma, but thanks to the intervention I came out of it looking pretty good.

There was an opening I never took, and she got with someone less 'shy', so friendzone city from there throughout hs

reconnected on Facebook years later but tbh we didn't interact much, but she was doing great, became an indy filmmaker, and good god aged better than anyone I've ever known.she looked amazing

now she's fucking stage 4.

I found out 2 days ago another friend had passed in January. This one hit me hard because evwn though it had been forever we were really close for a few years

Fuck cancer, man

If you are going to have nice sunglasses, why not have a pair that can take pictures, take calls and listen to music?

I don't think everyone will be walking around with AR headsets but these features on sunglasses could become standard.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

I said if healthy and in little pain I could see myself going another 35 to 40 years

She said she is good with another 20 years

Nigga. I told her she gotta come up on those years or fucking tap out quicker than 20 years. Fuck that. Either rock with me or die early enough for a nigga to find someone else while I can still do some things

We had a good laugh.

told him that dude was a fraud and couldn’t be trusted

the other day he says “yeah, so turns out he also wanted to fire me too and bring my wife (she used to work for us) over to work with him”

gotdamn savage

buddy was scheming

I warned him that dude was a fucking liar.

I'm trying to find apartments with inclusionary/low income zoning and it's impossible.

But this place is $590 a month but man, it does look like a Prison: https://www.srolivingsandiego.com/

https://www.trulia.com/building/golden-west-apartments-720-4th-ave-san-diego-ca-92101-2079674139?mid=0#lil-mediaTab

They want $1,000 deposit. I am asking him to go look at the place, he has an appoint tomorrow. But I might go down tonight say at 8pm and see what it's like.

Also trying to get them to come down on the deposit.

but its wild how they have 3 photos of the building/room and 20 photos of the street.

community bathrooms?

I found a Reddit thread on it, it doesn’t sound great:

https://www.reddit.com/r/sandiego/s/ZJiwviH3j9

At least that's what I've heard people call them here in Philly. A house that one can rent rooms out of, usually weekly for like $100-!$125. Shared bathroom(s) & kitchen, as well as porch, yard and whatever else is there.

Probably not *too* bad if the people living there are overall good people, and he isn't an introvert. Definitely something to think of as temporary, but it is also a roof with a bed, hot water & a kitchen so it's better than a lot of alternatives.

The type of people he'd be sharing intimate space with is crucial tho.

Edit:It's not a house, it's a HOTEL that was converted. I don't think there is any kitchen, you get a room and shared a bathroom with the entire floor. Not sure how many bathrooms per floor, or if it's like a gym bathroom or what.

A charity in town paid for his deposit AND first month's rent.

I plan on going down tomorrow and looking at it.

I think we can get him a mini fridge and a microwave for under $100 both used.

Not sure how he'll get internet.

I have a PC monitor I can give him so he can plug his Xbox into. He has headphones. He can browse web and watch streaming on the Xbox once he gets Internet.

So unless the place has a ton of break ins, or it's horribly unsafe he's got a base of operations until we can get him low income housing.

I call him after work and see if he needs blankets/pillows - I have extras.

I know you're mostly joking, and the idea of having video games means someone is lazy, but for him it is not.

He has been receiving SSI income for almost 30 years becuase he is manic-depressive. He is currently taking medication, and has been for most of the 30 years.

When he gets into a depressed state he simply does not leave his bed for days. So he CAN'T work - he literally will not go to work or call work - he is *not* reliable in any way.

That's why he's on SSI. They don't love giving that out to single guys in their 20s.

Apart from that he has NO HUSTLE. You'd think that when he wasn't depressed he might try to get some extra money somehow - like day work but he doesn't.

So he plays Xbox *literally* 12 hours or more a day. A $60 game can occupy him for WEEKS. Like it cost 10 cents an hour to play it. It is all he does.

He's not dumb, but he definitely needs some sort of institutionalization or support or he'll end up right back on the street.

He had spent his entire $1100 by the 17th and when I asked on what he was non responsive about it. I know it wasn't rent. It wasn't video games - I have his Xbox. It wasn't bills. I doubt he ate $1100 of fast food - or bought $1100 of weed in 2 weeks.

Maybe he got robbed? Maybe he got conned? Maybe he is smoking crack now??

Since his rent is paid for 30 days I'm worried he might spend his money on other stuff and miss rent when it is due on the 22nd of nect month.

Update:
He's in room now. He told me the place has bedbugs. I said to talk to management.

He responded "They had a whole cadre here within an hour of my report. First an inspection, then a spray, now they are doing something to my door. They use heat treatments to insure eradication too."

I'll bet he brought in bed bugs on some of his stuff - I hope he did. That way they can eradicated them quickly - if the whole place has them it'll be bad.



Added:
I'm worried about burglary too but people live there for years, so people have TVs and xboxes. I'm going to buy a used 1080P TV at the thrift store for him, and a used mini fridge and a used microwave. Probably cost $100. We'll smuggle in the X-box - but anyone going to rob him will do it even if he has no Xbox. And Xbox isn't worth nearly as much as PS5 for resell.

I think about his situation a lot - it is seriously stressing me out a lot. But it's not a problem I can solve other than to give him at least $1000 a month and maybe put *my* name on a lease - and I'm not going to do that.

I wouldn’t buy that nigga anything besides food and clothing

and cant work or wont work?

is the plan to stay there forever?

I wasn’t joking at all. An Xbox at a place like that? If he lost 1100 dollars best believe that Xbox will end up missing and he wont know where it went.

I have a cousin who begs on FB on the daily. My older cousin wants to punch her in the face every time she sees her. Got like 5 kids.. and her 5 kids have like 12 kids.. come to find out, my cousin gets 4800 a month in disabilities. I heard that and EYE wanted to leg sweep her ass.

got another cousin who just spent 80,000 in 14 months and has nothing to show for it. Didnt even use any of it to buy her son a headstone.

I loathe these types and cant help them. fuck that, why care more about their life than they do?

Rant over..

>I wouldn’t buy that nigga anything besides food and
>clothing

I think buying a TV, fridge and microwave from Craigslist with all 3 combined costing $100-$150 is fine. (Frankly I make a lot more money than I spend - so a few hundred dollars every few months doesn't impact me in a big way. I certainly don't relish it - my money needs to go into the bank so *I* don't become homeless.)


>and cant work or wont work?

*Can't work* - it's a disease in his case - a mental disease but not just him being lazy. If you had an employee who got depressed and didn't call into work or come in you'd fire him QUICK like. That's why he gets disability - he actually can't work.

>is the plan to stay there forever?

I hope not, but what else can he do? Getting on Section 8 in San Diego *literally* takes 10 years. https://www.sandiegocounty.gov/content/sdc/sdhcd/rental-assistance/update-application.html

I hope he can find better low income housing - but he's never going to be able to get much more money and $1100 a month doesn't get an apartment and food in Mississippi-- much less San Diego.

>I wasn’t joking at all. An Xbox at a place like that? If he
>lost 1100 dollars best believe that Xbox will end up missing
>and he wont know where it went.

Yeah, could be. But if keeps the door locked and no one breaks the door down then he has a shot at keeping it. A used Xbox is worth about $350 so it's definitely a target but not like if he had jewelry or cash. I'm advising him to bring it in a suitcase and not tell people about it.

>I have a cousin who begs on FB on the daily. My older cousin
>wants to punch her in the face every time she sees her. Got
>like 5 kids.. and her 5 kids have like 12 kids.. come to find
>out, my cousin gets 4800 a month in disabilities. I heard that
>and EYE wanted to leg sweep her ass.

My friend doesn't beg - and only gets $1140 a month. That's $13k a year to live in San Diego on. Median rent in San Diego is $2500 a month. I kind of wish he begged but he has no one - no family at all.


>I loathe these types and cant help them. fuck that, why care
>more about their life than they do?
>
>Rant over..

I definitely know people like you describe - he's just not one of those. It'd be way easier if he was - I just stop being his friend and move on.

Product marketing, he can do something. He chooses not to.
At least 80% of the working class are not thrilled about leaving their bed to go to work, but most of us understand the consequences of not getting up and out to get something.

Until the day a person is unable to leave their bed to feed themselves for days and die, there’s no disease.

I picked him up and bought him to Best Buy and bought a mini fridge/freezer and a small microwave at Best Buy. I also ordered a T-Mobile 5g home internet device too.

The place is OLD, 1913 old.
It is *clean* and there was a security guard in the lobby.
I met/saw maybe 20 residents. It seems like it's just people without money - I didn't see anything illicit or shady going on - but it was 5pm maybe the shady folks were still asleep?

The location is great: It's on 4th and G which is the corner of Horton Plaza and in the heart of the Gaslamp district. Easy walk to Comic-con. TONS of shopping and food around. (No movie theatres at all downtown anymore though.)

We showed up and unloaded the fridge thinking we'd have to carry it stairs. A man who was smoking a Meerschaum pipe saw us and said "Hey, I'll get the hand cart" and went and got us the hand cart/dolly. We thanked him and started toward the stairs.

He said "Why not take the freight elevator?" My friend had no idea there was one, so we headed to it. An elderly man who was using a chair-walker was already on it but welcomes us on.

We went to the second floor and the interior smelled of a heavy mixture of Lysol and someone cooking hamburgers. No trash to be seen - very clean and very old feeling.

Went to his room and it's is SMALL. It could probably hold a king size mattress and a desk chair -if you didn't mind not being able to open the door.)

Ceiling is high, and it has a ceiling fan and a smoke detector. Windows have retractable plastic blinds and the windows do open.

The twin bed mattress didn't seem great, but much better than sleeping in a tent on the street.

We unpacked the fridge and microwave. There's 2 electrical boxes with a total of 4 outlets, but I'll just get a power strip for him.

I set-up the T-mobile internet and it is BLAZING FAST on the speed test. Like 680Mbps down and 110Mbps up. $50 a month flat - no equipment cost - no contract. 15 day free trail and $200 cash back if you keep service for 60 days. It'll be effectively $34 a month for the first year.

He's by the stairs and there was a very loud guy upstairs talking to someone and we heard shouts of "She's a bald head!" and other random claptrap. Hopefully it's quieter at night.

His cat was suspicious of me, but seemed in great health.

I used a toilet near the freight elevator - it was simply a toilet - no sink. All rooms have sinks.

There's a shower area and bigger bathroom but I didn't go see them - but my friend says they are clean.

He's going to buy a giant TV (cost like $400 or less) but in the meantime I offered my old 32" monitor. I'll probably help him move some of his things from my storage area to his place this weekend.

So for $600 a month he's indoors, has a fridge/microwave, utilities paid, fast internet. Seems old and clean and filled with people who are just poor and living their lives.

Next challenge: Getting him a "better' place with low-income housing.

I picked him up so he could get some stuff out of my storage area, like his XBox and his clothes.

When he gets in my car he has some electronic cases, because he doesn't have renter's insurance yet and didn't want to leave them behind for fear of a break-ins. I notice he has some Harmon Kardon headphones and he tells me how GREAT they sound and how he'll never use earbuds again. Not sure which ones they are but he says the cost like $100.

He also says he ordered a TV. He wanted the Hisense U7K https://www.hisense-usa.com/televisions/hisense-55-u7-series-mini-led-uled-4k-google-tv-55u7k . It retails for $499 but it's been sold out for months - I think they stopped making it.

He bought a "refurbished" on from a seller on Amazon (not Amazon itself) for $449 and then got an extended warranty for $60 - and it won't ship until the 14th. So he paid more for a refurbished TV than new - but with a warranty. Seems like a stupid decision to me - but I tell myself - "it is his money." (I think he should have bought $200 TV and banked a little money.)

So we go to my house and he packs up some stuff and I loan him my Dell 32" monitor until his TV comes in.

We head back to his place. I notice he has another portable electronic case that looks like it's for a Switch. I ask "Did you get a Switch?"

Turns out it's an Rog Ally portable Windows Gaming PC - like a Steamdeck. I know those cost between $400 and $600 depending when you bought it and the options. (He never seems to buy the cheapest.)

I stopped asking question - *but man I am pissed. *

Because if he had that BEFORE he was evicted he should have sold it to pay for a fucking hotel or toward a room.

But if he bought it AFTER he got evicted then I've been worrying about him and he's blowing his fucking money on handheld gaming system that I don't even buy for myself because of cost. I suspect he bought it last month after some dude let him stay in a spare room for 2 weeks, and that's why he had no money last month after the 14th.

So I realize that 1)He's a dumbass extreme and 2)His manic phase might account for some of the behavior - but I'm personally over his shit. He's not a blood relative so I don't have to deal with any of this if I don't want to.

To recap: He has the smallest room possible in a pretty depressing place but all he cares about are video games and electronics. So if he has $500 a month in cash after rent that he's going to spend $500 a month on shit like this and he's not going to try to get a better place to live or save a single cent for emergencies.

I gave him at least $600 in cash in the last 2 months and he has a $600 handheld OLED video game system.

Plus I know he's smoking a ton of weed - that's not exactly cheap either.

His birthday and my mom's are 1 day apart so I'll still take him along for the annual The Cheesecake Factory dinner my mom wants - but he's not getting any more money from me and in 6 months I'm going to make him for for the Internet or cancel it.

He has proven himself right, living the way he is he's been able to do whatever he wants for all but 6 weeks of his life - when he was on the street in a tent. So this is working for him.

I have to learn to say "Fuck it, he's made his decisions and if they are stupid and he's on the street it's his problem only."

I see our friendship dwindling - we are too different now.

he’s running game. I know you say he is depressed but he is prolly depressed from smoking weed all day and not being able to get past level 35 of Minecraft or some shit.

Not trying to be insensitive but dudes who say I can’t work to keep a roof over their head but can work YOU for your hard earned money don’t get any sympathy from me.

lmao at spending rent money on video games and weed.

>Not trying to be insensitive but dudes who say I can’t work
>to keep a roof over their head but can work YOU for your hard
>earned money don’t get any sympathy from me.

I mean disabled has an actual meaning, and he's been diagnosed as severely bi-polar
https://www.healthline.com/health/bipolar-disorder/is-bipolar-a-disability#:~:text=The%20Americans%20with%20Disabilities%20Act,if%20you%20can\'t%20work.


>lmao at spending rent money on video games and weed.
Yes, this park is INSANE to me. His doctor might say it's a part of being bipolar - but it's a bridge too far for even me.

If he was living in a tent and then someone invited him to stay at their house for 2 weeks so he felt he could spend $500+ on a video game system - that seems more than bi-polar to me. It seems stupid.

If he plays his cards right he'll just live in that small room for the rest of his life and have enough to buy video games and weed.

Probably keeps him from spazzing out, or getting all depressed, etc.

I agree about the video games tho, that's just escapism/a distraction from reality.

but I’m not against smoking weed

I’m against smoking so much weed you cant do anything but play video games all day.

Not even dismissing his disorder, but I think anyone who smokes knew a few people who chose weed over work.

If he said dude just sits in a corner all day or is zombied out due to medication then sure but this dude is buying the finest weeds and using his brain to solve digital puzzles using hand eye coordination and shit.

He is also finessing the fuck outta handle while doing it.

That man has an amazing work ethic at avoiding work and paying bills.

Last month he had spent *all* of his money by the 18th and I didn't talk to him from May 20th until June 5th.

Basically I wrote an email saying we have been friends for 35+ years, and I love him, but his situation is stressing me the fuck out and we can't really talk about only bad things anymore - that's not really a friendship.

He tells me that spending all of his money early is fine now because as long as on the 1st he pays rent that he's set because it includes electricity, water, etc. I told him that's fine but if he needs $100 on the 18th because he split his pants and has $0 money until the 1st that he can't ask me for money or even really tell me about the bad stuff that is solvable with money - because I'm not a charity - I am his friend.

So he needs to call me and just bullshit about life, and pop culture and keep me out of the existential "I need a house" or "I'm 1000% broke and can't buy food" shit - unless it's a surprise like his building burns down or the big earthquake comes and makes his place un-liveable.

He called on the 5th (my birthday) and we talked about everything but him being so broke. I'll see how it goes in the future.

And he has bed bugs again - he thinks the place has bed bugs and roaches so he's pretty sure he didn't bring them in with him. It's hard to tell because shelters and places like he's staying at where people come in from shelters do have bed bugs.

I had an inspector to my house to look for bed bugs around May 25th just be be sure - I have no sign of bed bugs at all.


In other news homeless in California is really hitting the 50 year old plus demographic hard now - and it super hard on the black population. (This friend is white, but my other friend who has been living for free with his friend is black and will be kicked out in October.)

https://calbudgetcenter.org/resources/the-rise-of-homelessness-among-californias-older-adults/

The above link describes my white disabled friend situation to a tee, and probably my black friend's future condition.

I have friends who are mentally ill and it is so frustrating dealing with them at times. But, know you are doing something really worthwhile, even if it seems naive.

But, I want to say that its important to draw firm boundaries with people like your "friend." Just because their needs are too much for us laypeople to handle. Your friend really needs some form of therapy besides video games and better meds. Both things that you aren't trained to provide.

I also want to suggest you reach out to an organization named NAMI. They provide support groups and other training to people who care for people with mental health conditions (the new term for the mentally ill).

I do some work for NAMI in LA, but the San Diego chapter is known nationwide for its services.

Just a suggestion...

My mom is on my phone plan and it only costs me $20 a month to have her on it. I tell her do not give me money but then she'll randomly stick an envelope in my wife purse with some cash in it for me.

Last weekend she did that and wrote "my cell phone bill for the year" on it.

FFWD a couple days later. I NEVER carry cash, my schedules tight, I'm carrying around this envelope from the gym twice a day to work etc. no time to take it by the bank.

I had it in the same pocket as my cell and when I pulled my phone out in the gym as i left the locker room it must have fell out. Didn't realize it until I got to work like 20mins later.

I'm killin' myself initially over it, but chalk it up to someone needed it more than me, I'm going to keep it moving. My wife felt the same and didn't make me feel bad about it. I made peace with it.

Today my mom says on the phone as I'm pulling up to the gym at lunch "Don't drop anything important". I didn't know what to say and she said sorry, I shouldn't joke about that but it kinda hurt. I felt awful as it was and she knew it. Now my days ruined all over.

I lost $100 like six months ago. Had it in the back pocket of my jeans, five 20s. Went to get it and it was gone. Looked around outside where I knew I reached into my pockets and didn't see it. Still hoping it turns up in the house somewhere.

I once found a 20 that I lost almost two years later.

they redid the chimney and did a great job..

but they ghosted me on the kitchen ceiling. I'll try again but I guess they got better things to do.

I signed off on the quote but only paid for the chimney...

hopefully they respond because the quote is a great price.. lol

Got tired of haggling over the size of my burrito EVERY TIME.

I get skimping on the meat, but I didn't even get meat on mine and they still skimped on the tofu. That little pat of rice they used to try and give me every time was like a slap in the face tho. Couldn't get past that.

Plus, it's more work but my homemade burritos are much better tasting & cheaper.

dirty muthafukkas.

I was hype for a second

Shot in the head at close range.

He didn’t die or pass on. His life was taken from him.

I haven’t seen or heard from him in maybe a decade, a little less probably.

He embraced me when we first met and never looked back. He helped me feel welcome, like family. Whenever we would go visit that side of my wife’s family, we’d stay with his mom. I had the distinct honor of being her favorite of all her nephews. I know this because everyone knows this, because she told everyone. She passed two years ago.

And now he’s gone too. He got sidetracked in dope, street shit, got locked up for awhile, etc.

He got out awhile back but I don’t know when exactly. I know he had a shaky path trying to get his life on track.

But man. We had an instant bond. And I always felt that love, that family love, that helped me feel comfortable integrating completely. Even now, with the separation, this is still my family.

We had a few convos way back when and I let him know what that meant to me. I wish we had gotten to cross paths once more, just so I could remind him. I should have reached out when he was locked up, but out of sight I guess. Should have reached out after he got out, but too busy here in Cali I suppose.

I spent my Sunday giggling at BBL Drizzy, Drake memes, and texting friends about how Kendrick whooped Drakes ass. Tonight we find out he got killed.

It is what it is. That juxtaposition is sobering but I know how life goes.

But man this sucks.

It reminds me to keep up my relationships with family that's out of state.

...peak "artistry."

Personal shit, at that. Not even clever bars & jokes. Just who can win the shit-talking contest in the public forum.

All this shit is toxic AF.

we’ve lived in Nc for like 12 years which is the longest we have ever lived anywhere.

We used to love A LOT fresh out of college because its what you tend to do at a young age.

and while I do think it would be dope to live outside the US given the climate, she wont want to sell the house which means we aint got no real money to make that type of move.

or maybe I’m just older and more conservative when it comes to moving.

While Trump and the climate of the US is a reason, the real reason is hating her gig and I know when moves are made due to trying to escape life, you just end up in a new place with similar problems. Plus we got kids.

but again, maybe its me and it would be dope to live a slower laced life that isn’t based on capitalism and trying to spend your way to happiness.

And by "leave" my job is voluntarily exit to avoid cuts to my team.

When I mistakenly framed it like leaving my job so people under me don't lose their job, she flipped.

But the truth is, I really am ready to go. If I get packaged out I can take some time for my own stuff and figure out what I want to do next.

I am about to meet with HR and I think the conversation may be either me or someone from my team has to be on the chopping block. At this very moment not sure how I am going to respond.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

did she think you would leave without a compensation package?

cause it sounds like you are still volunteering to leave over another coworker.

what would you do for your next move?

Like if they came to me and said, hey we need to cut someone from your team. it's me saying, don't cut anyone, just package me out.

Years ago I had a similar situation where they wanted to cut someone from my small team and I offered that we all just take small paycuts. They didn't take me up on it (and they didn't fire anyone). HR did look at me like I was crazy for offering to cut my own pay.

I've been day dreaming about taking a sabbatical and taking a stab at some projects I've been wanting to do for some time. Creative and non-profit oriented.

I am tired of working for other people and not necessarily with people I like.

I've been at the same place for 10+ and could use a change or next phase of my career.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

My company brought in outside investors and they say nothing will change. But things WILL change.

I like my gig. I like the pay.

but mentoring and working with young men has made me second guess what I do but part of me just wants to sell the house, move to an island or country where I can stretch my money and just live.

Spending all day in an office cubicle is wack af. We do have a lot more Black techs so at least I get to shoot the shit with Black men but my wife and I are ready to sell banana leaves amd teach english 3 times a week.

Tired of this paper chase.

grew up in the burbs with families that worked the Steel Mills on the river. We loved comfortable. Not rich but good money for HS graduates. Then the mils closed and shit got rough, real rough..

but growing up in a village with a tight knit Black community aint normal.

My best friends, I don’t even remember when I didn’t know them because out parents partied together and watched each others kids. I’m not talking 2 or 3 friends. I’m talking about 25 to 30 friends that are like family and we all had siblings and cousins.

Going home for Juneteenth so I’m hype and I get homesick a few times a year when I think about the lack of community where we live.

just glad my kids are starting to appreciate it. Other day one of them said they cant wait to go back to Pittsburgh and it made me smile.

Yea, I fucked up lol. My plea agreement was to pay a certain amount and go to traffic court. I paid the fee, but I was just going to do the driving class in the summer, once my life calmed down a bit.

Evidently that was the wrong move. Got a notice in the mail that they suspended my license due to a failure of not taking the class, and now I have to pay $40 to get it restated and then pay $15 to take the class.

I'll put the money in the mail tomorrow because we have to pay with either a money order or cashier's check, and I just don't have the time to get either one during the week.

First time I've ever got my license suspended so I feel so damn dumb, but my life is so busy and chaotic that it just wasn't a priority for me. I just hope this doesn't affect my insurance.

too busy to get a money order?

you work for Elon?

My current days start at 730am and end at 1100pm. Between her doctors appts, her gym/rehab classes, and me having to make up the time I miss because she's not currently driving and I have to drive her everywhere, I have no free time during the week.

I won't lie, it sucks but I'm an only child so 🤷🏾‍♀️

or you. riding dirty?

someone gotta get you a money order.

okayplayers activate!!!

My plan is to get the money order tomorrow at the post office and send it priority while I'm there. I'm hoping once I schedule the class and pay the fee they'll reinstate it.

So hopefully fingers crossed I'll be back to normal next week.

There is your phone, email (work and personal), text, whatsapp groups, LinkedIn Inbox, FB, Inbox, etc.

I always feel like I owe someone a response...and it's because I do.


I have been looking for the ultimate to-do list app where I can easily add anything to it, a missed call, email, text, etc. in like one click.




**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

best thing I ever did.

unless shit is on fire it will be okay when I get to work the next day.

things supposedly wont change, but they will

hopefully for the better.

could working remote be possible?

we shall see.

On Spotify and YouTube Music, there is more country music seeping into my radio/shuffle music and I blame Beyonce. Play a couple of her songs and now I got to hear all this other Country songs.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

and a guy had a huge Beyonce Flag attached to his car while blasting her album at a rest stop in some podunk town when we stopped for gas.

is it really that serious?

on another note, there were about 6 cabins on our hill and every single one of them was rented by a Black family.

pool table, indoor pool, multiple balconies.. highly recommend it as a lil getaway

plenty of Black folks around.


"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

but just on the strip and that little island was enough for the kids.

They loved it and its going to be an annual trip now.

Doc says thats alright, but I feel a mineral is missing, definitely iron. But even when I take iron I’m craving that damn popcorn, no substitute and only the plain.

Also I finally found an article that might help me when a court case. Reached out to the lawyer of that case and hoping he take on mine.

which means coming home to half started random projects.

just go for a walk and watch netflix or some shit

plant some plants and flowers

don’t try to rip cabinets off the wall.

summer is booked between trips, kids going to camp, concerts and visitors
if I give her idle time i might end up with a new life

My 13-year-old kids go to a school where you really never ever hear about kids fighting in their middle school (or even the elementary or high school, but maybe I am out of the loop). That sounds great, right? Let me give two examples where I am starting to think otherwise:

1.My boys had a sleepover and the boys were clowning another kids skills at basketball and all the other activities they were doing and the kid overheard it. Kid was destroyed. He went to the bedroom for the rest of the night and I had to harass him to get out of bed late the next day and participate in activities with the other kids. This was after all the boys apologized. one of the kids who he even overheard felt so bad about it he was crying at some point. Kid is a type to get picked on and when I was talking to him I was trying to give him pointers on snappy comebacks. I think everyone would have felt better if he had just said "shutup you ol peanut head looking MF" and if they ended up fighting that would have been more cathartic then kids walking around looking sad and depressed.

2. My niece is 12 and she and her friends are having problems with some little boy in their class. So they got together and wrote a 20 point list of why they don't want to hang out with him anymore. Typed up and everything. They also included quotes from kids criticizing the boy and screen shots of convos about him. I read the list and was impressed with the thoroughness of how they took him apart but know it would be pretty devastated to read a list about how you suck that so many kids put in time and effort to put together. I told my niece I would rather get beat up then be giving that list. Just mental ass kicking that would hang with you a long time.

There is no more fighting but bullying continues and it takes mental verbal forms. I swear it can be worst than a good old fashion ass kicking.




**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

quotes and bullet points and shit? gotdamn

I’d get my cousin to fight her if I was that boy.. lol.

but I agree, a quick little wrestling match or snap back would cure a lot of shit. These kids be in their feels and shit and fucking up the vibe for everyone. I woulda sent his ass home.

My body feels nice & loose when it's hot, I love the sun and I don't have to wear mad layers of clothes to be warm. Shirtless w/ shorts is my favorite gear this time of year. It's humid here too, so the air is nice & thick.

Most people I know start complaining when we hit the low/mid-80s, and I'm looking away like that Kento monkey puppet meme. Gotta keep quiet or folks think I'm being contrarian.

First heat wave of the year is kicking off in Philly, and mad people are complaining already.

I’ll be in Pittsburgh next weekend and thank goodness we have a hotel room. Most of my family still don’t have AC so the houses are hot AF.

Assuming it's the normal humidity, and not that soupy shit we get sometimes. When the humidity is too high even 85 feels uncomfortable. Too low, and it's chilly in the shade, lol.

>I’ll be in Pittsburgh next weekend and thank goodness we
>have a hotel room. Most of my family still don’t have AC so
>the houses are hot AF.

Do they put box fans in the windows? We get avoid using the AC most of the summer by putting the fans blowing out on the upper windows, so cooler air gets drawn in through the lower ones.

Shirtless season. Only downside are the fucking mosquitoes that haunt my yard. Gotta cover myself with the (non-chemical) repellent that sometimes works, sometimes doesn't.

Going in to work in this weather does suck tho. Wearing long pants & button down shirts gets on my nerves when it's hot.

and you are like, "yeah I am defending myself because you are attacking me!"

I feel like in their version of it, they are supposed to be able to say whatever they want to about you and you are just supposed to take it.

Not really for me personally but have had it happen professionally.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

I mean, okay okay... you're just obsessed with this... OMG , you're STILL talking about this?

etc.

>I feel like in their version of it, they are supposed to be able to
>say whatever they want to about you and you are just supposed to take
>it.

Yup. Purely manipulation tactics to paint you as the "bad guy" and make you look bad in front of other people (if there are any around). Usually after they've said/done some underhanded shit and you go to check them on it.

I've learned to minimize communication, or cut the person off completely if I can because they are operating in bad faith. Never dealt with this professionally tho, only personally.

A version of "Throwing stones and hiding hands"

which is good AND bad

I don’t want to feel exhausted at the end of summer.

either we are traveling as a family or my wife is traveling.

https://shop.harlemglobetrotters.com/product-p/1351.htm

I can't find any shirt for sale currently with both the Globetrotters and the Generals on it - that's what I really want.

there is a cafe near my job that I often visit. the checkout lady is hispanic, but treats me differently. she would hold my food behind the counter until i pay. or would ask if I paid and tell me to show her the receipt before giving me my food. i do not see her doing this to the other white customers. she is just an employee and not the owner.

currently i just don't allow her to wait on me. when she approaches me i just walk away and ask another employee for help.

she seems eager to want to wait on me. when i walk up to the counter she is the first to run up and ask how can she help me. but, then why be racist toward me?

and start saying ola (her name)

that’s all I got.

she might be racists or just doing what management told her to do when the customer is Black.

or it could be personal.. lol

hold the receipt in her face

maybe when you're paying YELL LOUDLY NARRATRING HOW YOU ARE PAYING

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

No further explanation, just uncomfortable.

Either that, or find a new cafe. I usually do the latter.

So my wife goes to work every day, and as she enters the office, she gives a big hello. Everyone responds back except for one younger black girl. To my wife, it's noticeable. Like she doesn't even bother to look up. Small matter right but my wife is her bosses bosses boss and it colors how she sees her. Like, if her name ever came up in layoffs or terminations my wife is like she has no inclination to help her and would have no feelings about seeing her go.

Its such a small thing so it's not worth discussing with her or her boss but stuff like that impacts how you are perceived in the workplace. You can't teach good manners or common sense in the workplace.

My suggestion to my wife though is next time it happens call her out by adding a hello directly to her and call her out by name. After a few "Hello (Name)" she'll either get it or not. It's kind like how you would do a child.

Same with you. I think you can gently and with a smile call out the behavior and put the person the spot. like "Oh you think I would steal the food" with a smile could be enough to embarrass her to act decently.



**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

my former boss was like this. If he was deep in thought or in a funk he straight up ignores a hello

then circles back on some “hey, whats up, did you see the game last night” and will talk for 20 minutes

even his wife was like “well, since he stepped down at least you now have a CEO who can communicate” even she admits he packs social skills.

he even admits his kids also suffer the same issue when it comes to being social.

But even if you are on the spectrum, if you are in an office environment, you got to learn "normal" office behaviour.

Not necessarily spectrum but every summer we get interns and there are always a bunch who don't know to speak or make eye contact when you pass someone in the hall and you see them doing all this effort to NOT acknowledge you when you pass them in the hall. It's easier to just nod your head or say hello you learn over time...or don't.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

or lack there of.

took me a while to figure him out and not take his silence personally.

emails were crafted terribly as well.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

and im SO not that guy. but stuff like that i feel is bigger than me.... it's for my daughter, wife, cousins, friends and all blk ppl in general.... i would ask her to explain why i am being asked for this every single time when I dont see her do the same thing with all the other customers... if the explanation is not satisfactory, ask to speak to management and demand an explanation

that would either have her completely change her behaviour in the future or at the very least, she will make a mental note of who you are and will remember that you are not the one

the silent and polite shit in the face of micro-agressions is for the birds... we gotta make racists scared again

imho

i think i will do a combination of recommendations. ask her name and chat her up a bit and ask about the policy. then leave a negative google review including her name.

I feel like everyone young person I speak to and ask them what there future plans are tells me that they plan to be retired by the age of 40.

Their is even a term for it: F.I.R.E. Financially Independent, Retire Early.

I am trying to figure out if this is something new or if my cohort would be answering this question the same way if asked back in the day.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

im around a lot of HS/college/fresh grads and they really truly think life is a straight line. a lot of them ask me like "BK how do I be like you. you seem like you have it all figured out and your life/career is set" im like man if you only knew

they dont understand that
- hey in order to take a step forward you might have to take a step back to move to a city w/ more opportunity
- another COVID type event could happen
- markets crash/recessions happen
- you/your family might have serious health issues
- you might lose that job tomorrow

thats why i tell them the best advice i can give you is to just be resilient and never get too high on your successes or too low on your setbacks. cause this shit is not gonna go how you think.

even my most successful friends aren't retiring at 40. but they are in a more comfortable position to prioritize themselves at this point.

Wanted to have $$$ in the bank, as well as investments that earn profits (like rental units, stocks that pay dividends, a piece of a profitable business, etc.)

Never planned on retiring tho. Just figured I could do the work that I *really* wanted to do if I was generating enough passive income.

Like a wood shop. Goal of mine is to retire and start making custom musical instruments as well as vintage wood trim and other stuff for houses in my 'retirement' shop.


Planned on the FI, not the RE.

That is a long fucking time to sot back and bask in your glory.

Unless you are a cop, military or worked for the state right out of HS there was never this idea of retiring at 40 or even 50.

and the whole FIRE movement seems miserable. Don’t do shit but save money and skip lattes to get to retirement.

I still read money mustache from time to time but that dude got divorced and his followers turned on him when he bought a Tesla. Imagine losing your shit because someone worth millions bought a nice car.

95% of those folks are fucking lying and selling their story to make ends meet or they had parents and a 200K gig right out of college.

they don't know what they don't know....

Kudos to them for having dreams though...keep that same energy


"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

Never a plan thus still working at 40 lol

Seems the younger generation is more about their money and they got to see how maybe skipping student loans is for the best

want to start off by saying fuck that bitch ass nigga.

One of his associates who was a good coach passed away and a friend of mine went to the viewing and bumped into him. Said he regrets the way he handled or should I say how he sabotaged and ruined my HS experience by playing his midget ass son over me.

If I ever see that dude I’m cussing him out just like any other former teacher or principle who was a racist POS.

Now you want forgiveness?

>want to start off by saying fuck that bitch ass nigga.
>
>One of his associates who was a good coach passed away and a
>friend of mine went to the viewing and bumped into him. Said
>he regrets the way he handled or should I say how he sabotaged
>and ruined my HS experience by playing his midget ass son over
>me.
>
>If I ever see that dude I’m cussing him out just like any
>other former teacher or principle who was a racist POS.
>
>Now you want forgiveness?
>
>

maybe you were a hothead? lol

I don't really know you, so my opinion ain't shit. Your online persona doesn't come across as someone who would let a hard foul go.
He probably didn't want his son in that type of environment.

but his son wasn’t that good and no one on the team liked him.

It was nepotism at the highest level.

Most of the players on our team have played together since grade school and junior high. We had mad chemistry. The coach brings his son in junior and senior year and totally fucked up the teams vibe.

Senior year his son gets hurt early in the season and we won mad games as well as a winter tournament while he was out. Ranked top 5 in our district. As soon as his son comes back we lose mad games and dont even make the playoffs.

After the season ends.. coach calls us to the auditorium to say he is retiring because he cant handle the grind anymore. All the seniors were pissed because this dude ruined our season for his son.

Shit was so bad WHITE PARENTS wanted to hire a PI because they knew that dude was lying about getting a divorce just to get his kids into the district. He even rigged the votes for captain. All the players told us who they voted for and yet, his son was a captain.

A true POS.. which is why he wants to call and apologize.

He shouldn't be trying to contact any of the children he coached.

and I told him he was a POS and if anyone else in his family is coaching I pray they aren’t as shitty and selfish as he was back in the day.

This nigga brought up the winter tournament too.

“You had 15 points and no turnovers”

me: and you still fucked me over for your gotdamn son.

I said a few more things to remind him how shitty he was as a coach and said Fuck you.

his response: You’re totally right

man, I had to hang up on his ass.

I chose violence

You gonna have to carry that shit to the grave

>and I told him he was a POS and if anyone else in his family
>is coaching I pray they aren’t as shitty and selfish as he
>was back in the day.
>
>This nigga brought up the winter tournament too.
>
>“You had 15 points and no turnovers”
>
>me: and you still fucked me over for your gotdamn son.
>
>I said a few more things to remind him how shitty he was as a
>coach and said Fuck you.
>
>his response: You’re totally right
>
>man, I had to hang up on his ass.

The idea that he fucked you over because he wanted his son to be more like you turns my stomach.

I was furious after the call because he didn’t tell me anything I and everyone else on the team already knew.

I just couldn’t give him a “thanks coach for being honest” it was basically “fuck you, you racist POS for ruining a good team”

im dying picturing you giving ur number just to shit on dude lol. shit been sitting with you huh.

was he racist or was it strictly nepotism? did he keep you from a scholly?

if it was some race shit mixed in there or something then i can see the vitriol but dude sounds like its been sitting with him too and he regrets it. you coulda stalled him man lol.

when he saw him at a funeral for another coach after he begged to get in touch with me.

My dude always kissed up to the basketball coaches tho so when I responded “fuck that nigga” he was all “nah, he’s old and I think he is being genuine”

me: man.. fuck that nigga!

Could I have gotten a scholly? Maybe D2 or D3. He had connections.

and yeah, it was definitely racism AND nepotism. He called me to apologize for a reason and its because the shit was blatant.

He admitted he played Italian bums more than he should’ve.

its weird as fuck because back then he KNEW it. Even an assistant coach used to get on him about it during games when his kid was getting spanked.

In the style of Heavyweight. Might even listen to up to 3 episodes.

I wonder what his motivation is though. Even if I did something as fucked up I couldn't imagine still being caught up about it 20 years later to start calling former students.




**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

lmao.. I’m joking but I actually believe its because he knew he fucked up a good squad and prolly fucked up his career for a few years.

He stepped down after the season.

He never coached again.

>lmao.. I’m joking but I actually believe its because he
>knew he fucked up a good squad and prolly fucked up his career
>for a few years.
>
>He stepped down after the season.
>
>He never coached again.
>

Getting the account from both sides, some auxiliary people
+ the phone call? That's a nice little viral mini doc right there.


Ice Cube might put you in the Big 3 on some honorary shit lol

happened like 20 years ago. I'm like dude how can that still be on your mind?

It ain't healthy to dwell on such things for so long.

I actually was interviewed for the heavy weight podcast about a beef I had with my best friend from college (I've told the story of him swinging on me). It was a compelling story but they never pursued it to interview him because they thought it would make matters worst.

Yours is way more interesting if ended his career.

If I weren't kneed deep in projects I would want to make this podcast.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

and its one thing to let something from 20 year ago hold you back vs using it as fuel to create a better life.

and maybe they balked at your incident because you got swung on and may have zero remorse for your part of it. I dont remember the story but I think you said something foul and he gave you the business.

He apologized, I thanked him and just KIM. I didn't want anymore interaction with him at that point.

but I feel you. I REALLY feel you.

than any carjacking I've ever heard of. You'll probably see the video soon.

WTF... pray for America.

and everyone was like “nah.. that’s a bad idea”

2 weeks later

my boss: we probably need to add a second webinar that goes more in depth on the solution

everyone: great idea

wtf??

And then you look petty when you say "I said that already". SMH.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

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back in the day the only Black radio station in Pittsburgh WAMO had this contest..

my dad loved to stir shit up..

he called in and said he would wash the Klans sheets. He didn’t win, but he became a regular on the radio station.

One time I came home to visit and he called the radio station and told them to tell me to call him.. on the air. This was before cell phones. My cousin drives by and screams “Call your Dad.. that nigga on the radio looking for you”

He wanted rollin papers and to play his number.

I miss him.

I cannot write a email without running it through AI first. *sigh*

but it's working so I will have to keep at it.

"That email looks great, Luminous! It’s clear that you’re a caring and thoughtful friend to Michael. You acknowledged the video he shared, expressed concern for his well-being, and offered your support. I’m sure he’ll appreciate your message. 💕"

it makes me wonder if its just luck of the draw

I’m fiddy and feel like I can’t die until these little one’s are okd enough to take care of themselves.

seeing someone with a kid the same age as mine knocking on deaths door is scary af.

I damn near always hope they OD'd or drowned rather than they collapsed a a barbeque

Not only for me but the people my age around me

A couple months ago I misinterpreted some test results and spent 3 hours thinking I had cancer. Turned out I just needed colonoscopy which turned out to be fine

Fuck that feeling forever though

You can look out for yourself but sometimes it IS just the luck of the draw

I've essentially been her caregiver for the last couple years, which was following years of doing the same for my grandma

She's had quite a few health issues and several falls. weve been able to manage, but that in itself has been a grind while trying to maintain a career and a life. But damn if this wasnt the most stressful, emotionally taxing few weeks I've ever had in my life full of ERs, hospitals, 911 calls, police, paramedics, neighbor drama, fears of dementia, fighting with doctors to honor her directive and her wishes... sleepless nights, social workers, fearing how I'm going to ever handle this if she has alzheimers...then it got worse, she got worse and it all went downhill fast... then she went, and I was by her side.

She's the first person I've ever watched at the moment of death.. I've been there right before or right after, I've never seen it happen. It's something

Im in a weird place of numbness, sadness, disbelief, and relief... then guilt for feeling the releif.

I'm grateful she was able to go out on her own terms, and I thought I was looking at some rougher years ahead, so in a sense, she let me off the hook

My childhood wasnt the best, and i prob ultimately took far better care of her than she ever did of me, but weve talked about it and got past it. Fuck I'm gonna miss her tho

I understand the feeling of relief mixed with guilt mixed with relief.

seeing it happen in real life is not like the movies.

peace

100%

>I understand the feeling of relief mixed with guilt mixed
>with relief.
>
>seeing it happen in real life is not like the movies.
>
>peace
>

That's a lot to carry.

I'm glad to hear you reached some measure of equilibrium and were able to have a relationship, and I can only imagine what it's like to have to care for a parent through those circumstances.

Peace to you and yours.

>That's a lot to carry.
>
>I'm glad to hear you reached some measure of equilibrium and
>were able to have a relationship, and I can only imagine what
>it's like to have to care for a parent through those
>circumstances.
>
>Peace to you and yours.

Was talking to my oldest childhood friend the other day who's basically like a cousin. My mom and her mom were best friends but on the outs the last few years. We were talking about getting up on weekend mornings and making poptarts and watching cartoons, walking the dogs, our parents passed out from partying all night. But we're 7 or 8 years old looking out for ourselves, because no one else is. I look back at those memories fondly and not traumatic even though it's obviously not normal for kids to fend for themselves because their parents wanna shoot heroin. But ive had/have friends who had it way worse (and I know you've gone through some shit, to put it lightly)

My mom has plenty of regrets for how I grew up. Weve worked through it, and I wasnt one to throw in her face. If it got brought up, it was by her. So by this point if I had resentment it was from her not planning for her future and me having to carry the weight.

My wife and I went through a fair share of that. She lost both her parents, one quickly and one over a long period of time (essentially wasting away in our basement). My dad battled dementia and it was draining emotionally, financially, and everything.

As much as I loved all those people (including my inlaws), there absolutely was a sense of relief when they were no longer suffering and sick and moved on to what's next. As time passed on we realized and could see that we were in a depressive fog that hung over us for YEARS. I was at my most destructive, our marriage at its most strained.

Years from it now we have relief in that we were there to the end and took care of our parents and did right by them. We are all in a happier place. marriage stronger from going through the ordeals together, and just appreciating being on the other side of it all for now.

Grieve and then breathe again.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

That sounds like more than alot and I'm glad you guys got through it in time. Dementia sounds absolutely terrifying and I only got a small taste if it. Since this last saga happened so fast i dont think it was actual demetia, but something in her body. She was cognitively fine until a few weeks ago and suddenly all these delusions, wandering off at night (this is someone in bed by 7), randomly walking into the neighbor's house, calling 911 several times because 'the lady won't stop', 50+ insane texts to the landlord...in the ER (second one that day because the first blew us off and sent her home) she turned on me, and for the first days in the hospital wouldn't allow the social worker speak to me... by the time I saw her that all subsided, but her body was shutting down... I say this to say I only experienced what mirrored dementia symptoms for about 10 days.. to go through this over a prolonged period of time is unimaginably terrifying, so I'm really sorry you had to go through that with your dad

so again.. thank you

>My wife and I went through a fair share of that. She lost
>both her parents, one quickly and one over a long period of
>time (essentially wasting away in our basement). My dad
>battled dementia and it was draining emotionally, financially,
>and everything.
>
>As much as I loved all those people (including my inlaws),
>there absolutely was a sense of relief when they were no
>longer suffering and sick and moved on to what's next. As
>time passed on we realized and could see that we were in a
>depressive fog that hung over us for YEARS. I was at my most
>destructive, our marriage at its most strained.
>
>Years from it now we have relief in that we were there to the
>end and took care of our parents and did right by them. We are
>all in a happier place. marriage stronger from going through
>the ordeals together, and just appreciating being on the other
>side of it all for now.
>
>Grieve and then breathe again.
>
>**********
>"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then
>they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson
>
>"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

Sending out *positive energy* as well.

>Sending out *positive energy* as well.

Felt and appreciated 👊🏽

Taking care of a parent is overwhelming in ways many won't understand until you have to do it, especially if there's little outside help. I think it's normal to feel how you do, but also allow yourself grace to realize the kind of pressure and worry you have been carrying while caring for a sick elder.

>Taking care of a parent is overwhelming in ways many won't
>understand until you have to do it, especially if there's
>little outside help. I think it's normal to feel how you do,
>but also allow yourself grace to realize the kind of pressure
>and worry you have been carrying while caring for a sick
>elder.

You nailed it. Thank you for this

and God bless you for being there for your family when they truly need you.

really appreciate it

>and God bless you for being there for your family when they
>truly need you.

and there is always one white bish on some “I cant stand both of them, she is so smug” trying to bam up the thread like that egg headed dude.

Braces been on for more than a year and a half to little improvement, so now I have to get spikes placed on the back of my teeth to basically retrain my tongue's position in my mouth. 😑

Gotta hope this works because the next step is potentially having to get jaw surgery ☹️.

Plus I'm carrying two dental and two medical insurance policies and none of them are paying for it. According to my orthodontist it's a relatively cheap procedure, but gatdamn I can't stand these insurance companies.

She's had back problems since the 1980s but right now she's not really able to walk more than a block or two without feeling pain and slowing down and resting - and she's incredibly depressed by it.

She's been saying she's going to have another back surgery and has always indicated it was a same-day/outpatient surgery, but come to find out it's going to require 5 to 7 days in the hospital.

Then when I read about they are doing the back surgery FROM THE FRONT, and have to MOVE HER ORGANS to one side of her body - well I'm kind of freaking out.

It's called an Anterior Lumbar Interbody Fusion (ALIF) Surgery, and she's having the l5-s1 and l4-s2.

This video shows illustrations of the surgery, and it seems scary to me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEDRGQ6hYy0

As a former nurse she's completely fine and unworried.
I'm scared for her. And I'm freaked out.

It's kind of out of my hands- I'm just going to try to be supportive and help her in the hospital and when she goes home.

they told my uncle six weeks recovery and turned out to be 6 months because when they got in they found the nerves all tangled or something.

my mom had paralysis in one of her feet caused by compression in her back causing her to fall constantly. One neurosurgeon wanted to do a very involved surgery.
The second one we saw said there was no real guarantee the surgery (which he called major even for someone who's had had alot of surgeries), came with any guarantee it would fix her dropfoot, so we opted for PT and pain managment... tried a brace but it didn't work, but the PT/meds/shot every 6 months did work for a few years.

Hope it all goes well. I have a childhood friend who has had about 10 of them, but she's middle aged

Moving organs and blood vessels to do a back surgery from the front seems WILD to me as someone who is not in the medical field.

>my mom had paralysis in one of her feet caused by compression in her
>back causing her to fall constantly. One neurosurgeon wanted to do a very involved surgery.
>The second one we saw said there was no real guarantee the surgery
>(which he called major even for someone who's had had alot of
>surgeries), came with any guarantee it would fix her dropfoot, so we
>opted for PT and pain management... tried a brace but it didn't work, but
>the PT/meds/shot every 6 months did work for a few years.

Yeah, the are NO guarantees given, but she's got issues that can't be fixed with PT. Right now she just has *a lot* of pain and a lot of pain medicine and she's very tired of it all.

I don't think anyone really knows how back pain actually works, it's still being discovered and maybe in 50 years they'll have better options. Mom and I will both be dead then so it doesn't help her.


Good luck to both our moms.

>Good luck to both our moms.
>

Unfortunately (scroll above) I lost her a couple weeks ago
I was looking at your post below re: advanced directive, and advocating for her. This turned out to be a huge battle even having that in writing/notarized and the 100 conversations her and I had had about it... I don't say that for you to worry, just that it was hard to get these doctors to listen... especially being outside her medical group because she never got stable enough for transport.

But really for the most part focus on the now and not things that haven't happened, or you'll drive yourself mad

Hope all goes well, and she gets some rehab/therapy and comes out of this with an improved quality of life with far less discomfort

We're going to make sure that she tells the doctors that they must follow her advance directives.

We've done that in the past - it helps get everyone on the same page.

Sorry about your mom.

this wasnt a surgery situation, it was more she was going downhill fast, and once it was clear she wasn't coming out of it, it became a fight, because they seemed determined to prolong her suffering for no real reason

>We're going to make sure that she tells the doctors that they>must follow her advance directives.
>
>We've done that in the past - it helps get everyone on the
>same page.

100%

>Sorry about your mom.

Thank you

and stay positive.

I have 0% control, other than advocating for her if she can't do it herself.

I have the advance directives on me, and we've filed them with hospital already, and I'll make sure we enforce her wishes to the letter - that's basically all I can do.

...And drive her there, and be with her in the recovery room/hospital room and visit and run errands and make sure her cats are taken care of.

But the doctors can still do everything right and it turns out bad and no one has control.

She's 'only' 77 so her life expectancy is 88! She can't live with this pain for 11 years, I can't imagine how awful that would be for her.

Death or making the back worse is very rare, but if this doesn't work very well she is going to spiral into a deep depression, and I know how she feels about living this way.

Crossing my fingers and doing what I can - and staying positive in front of her.

Hopefully is all goes beyond well.

The PACU nurse said she and the anesthesiologist had to throw *everything* at my mom after the surgery to get the pain under control.

Dilaudid was NOT cutting it, we're talking fentanyl was needed.

They moved her to a room on Tuesday morning and when she came in she was so tired and in such pain I couldn't see anything else but that.

Seeing your mother unable to do things like move in the bed at all, crying, crying out in pain, it was awful. And I could only offer comfort, I could not do anything to fix it.

She was able to get up and walk when PT came by everyday she was in the hospital, but she's complaining of so much pain. Mind you she's on a dilaudid pump that gives morphine every 10 minutes, and they even adjusted it to give a double dose once as a hurt as a "pain breakthrough" dose.

The second surgery on Thursday also went well , but again, a lot of pain.

She was so tired, and the opioids had her nodding off like it was a Bubs-centric episode of The Wire.

Each day she got a little better, but she was not making a ton of sense. One day she told me "Squirrels are going to fly out of my eyes!" And I asked "Why?" and she said "Because I'm full of squirrels."

They took her off the drip on Saturday and she's complaining of pain but she's definitely regaining her personality/mood.

On Monday she was supposed to get transferred to either an ARU (physical rehab) but they said she was in too good of shape. Moms REFUSED to go to a SNF and instead convinced one of her friends who is a retired RN to stay in her house until Friday, at which time my aunt will come out and stay with my mom in her house. (She can't stay at my house, I have stairs that she can't walk up - and I really can't take care of her at her house because she needs help doing things like using the restroom - that's why I think she should have stayed in a SNF.)

She's in pain - and her mind isn't quite back. She can't use her phone very well - even texting or making calls.

So I'm kind of PISSED OFF at her that she would go to a SNF - because she would have imposed herself on her friend and she would have given my aunt time to prepare and come out on Sunday. And if she falls it would be much better to be a facility.

This is clearly the beginning of the end for her - even when she completely recovers I think the next big health issue is going to weaken her even and take a bigger toll than this.

She's survived colon cancer and breast cancer so far, but it is taking it's toll.

I wish I could keep her safe and out of pain, but you really can't.

Had to fight and claw to get both my mom and grandma to go/stay in rehab. They *always* want to go home. My grandma only went once. She couldn't take a single step or go to the bathroom on her own but insisted she was fine.

My mom always either flat out refused or left early. Some of them were nice but others were awful so it was hard blame her, but as you said it puts the burden on others, and you.

Hopefully she gets the PT and pain managment she needs to turn it around. Back surgeries are complex and they tend to take longer, especially at a certain age.

Hang in there.. try to take care of you

>Had to fight and claw to get both my mom and grandma to
>go/stay in rehab. They *always* want to go home. My grandma
>only went once. She couldn't take a single step or go to the
>bathroom on her own but insisted she was fine.
>My mom always either flat out refused or left early. Some of
>them were nice but others were awful so it was hard blame her,
>but as you said it puts the burden on others, and you.

I mean I'm assuming our relatives are nice, otherwise sane people. But when told "Hey, you should stay in rehab for at least a week" they can't do it - and instead lie to themselves and don't really care what type of burden they place on others.

Luckily for my mom she did have a friend with a set-up without stares who happens to be a retired nurse.

But if she stayed in the hospital for 1 more week and got more strength then her sister would have been at the house and everything would be ready.

Just unloading - I hope we *all* have peace with the family.

I think for my grandma she was in denial because she never had a single medical issue until her 80s...and never hospitalized until 90 so when her body finally started breaking down she just didn't get it.

My mom it was more selfish... like she didn't *want* to burden anyone but given a choice between that and what she wants, her needs were gonna come first.

Sometimes depends on the rehab center. Some have been really good, others were hellholes.

Definitely good to have a retired nurse on deck as a friend, but i assume she's up in age, plus she's just one person

>But if she stayed in the hospital for 1 more week and got more
>strength then her sister would have been at the house and
>everything would be ready.

Part could just be she's in so much pain, it might just be a psychological thing that she feels the comforts of home may ease that ... dunno

>Just unloading - I hope we *all* have peace with the family.

I get it. Stay up, man

And shit all over the place at her friend house.

It's 8am I'm going to have to figure out a way to get her into a nursing home AND fight with her to get her in one.

She's fucking terrible.

And I found out that her friend is going to Europe for 5 days so she's REALLY IMPOSING on them.

Sounds like she def needs to be in a care facilty for a time
Hope you can convince her to go. Good luck

She mixed up all of her pills and took 4x the mount of laxative that night.

When I went to get her she was pretty much herself - with a few issues. She can't tell her pills apart if they are roughly the same size and shape - and for some reason she won't just leave them in the fucking bottle and take them out as needed.


But she's not hitting the Percocet but once every 4-6 hours and she can walk okay now. I cancelled *everything* I had going on and I'm staying at her house until my aunt comes tomorrow.

But it ain't going to be fun or pretty when the real decline hits, I don't see being able to convince her to do *anything* she doesn't want to.

She's only 23 years older than I am - that's pretty soon in the overall picture.

But I bet by the end of next week she'll be back to 998% herself and won't need live-in help.

If i can give one drop of advice, try not to worry about 'when the real declne hits' and focus on her gains and recovery

I drove myself insane six weeks ago thinking my mom had dementia or alzheimers wondering how I'm going to deal with it, researching care facilities, Medicaid, possibly taking family leave... all while trying to deal with what was happening in the moment... I was hitting a wall because despite being below the poverty line, she didn't qualify for jack shit... but my philosophy was to get out ahead of it... the best advice I got was to drop all that, especially when I didn't have answers on her diagnosis yet. I lost my mind catastrophizing over a bunch of things that never came into play... i was already losing it over what was happening in real time. I lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks, and probably aged 2 years..

I say all this to say that, sure, real decline can happen for her and fast, but stressing over shit that hasn't happened, or may never happen will only eat you up inside

easier said than done, I know. stay up tho

>>i was already losing it over what was happening in
>real time. I lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks, and probably aged 2
>years..

I think these last 2 weeks aged me only about 4 moths :)

Glad you made it through.


Now with my aunt in town my mom is DRIVING again and literally sounds normal. 6 days ago she was sounding like a slurring disabled person.

I'm going over tomorrow to help with chores, but I really thought there'd be months before she bounced back.

I have home insurance with State Farm

Apparently they canceled my auto insurance when I switched but they didn’t cancel
my home insurance. So we were paying for TWO home insurance policies last year.

I never got any emails thanking me for renewing last year. No pamphlet or policy mailed to us.

Anyway, its canceled now and our insurance sent the proof of insurance coverage for the last year so hopefully we get that money back.

I wondered why my mortgage was higher last year but thought it was just due to the home appreciating.

it felt good getting almost $3K back yesterday

I actually said “man, it sure would be nice to get that check when I open the mailbox” and that shit was IN THE FUCKING MAILBOX

but I didn’t fist pump until I verified to amount.

it was my daughters bday but WE got a present… lol.

Our mortgage should be lower too in November by about $200 a month.

It's been my form of protest.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

.

☹️

like she deserves my words

IDK why...

there is a fear I wont be able to find a gig that pays as well but when I look at gas, tolls and commuting I think I can make like 5K to 7K less and STILL be even when I calculate cost.

but yeah.. new investors and no direction. ionno

we all feel like its a slow sinking ship.