thinking about a spur of the moment vacation since I have to use my PTO before the end of the year.

Prolly go for a week.

and can I easily find some “bomb trees, strong like a tong squeeze” if I stay at a resort?

please know: this will be my first trip out of the country and our first real vacation. I’m not interested in being one with the locals this tim around. Just trying to relax and reboot while people bring me drinks and shit.

Apologies to the experienced travelers who like to be one with the locals but that isn’t my desire for this first trip.

>and can I easily find some “bomb trees, strong like a tong
>squeeze” if I stay at a resort?

Did 4 days at a resort in Jamaica for a friend's wedding. I checked in, went up to my room to change and on my walk between my room and the pool I was stopped by two of the resort employees who greeted me, sparked up a quick convo and all but told me if I need *anything* to let them know.

By the time I got to the pool a few of the people in the wedding party already had weed, the next day another guy got to the hotel and had bought coke from the taxi driver on the ride from the airport.

I can't speak on the quality, I'm no connoisseur, but you'll have no issue finding what you're looking for.

or should I get some Jamaican bills?

and that includes the night I left the resort.

Bringing some just in case obv but don't expect anyone to turn down USD.

Everyone would prefer American dollars. If you didn't pull out enough cash try to get dollars from the hotel or an ATM with American dollars.

Also be prepared for them to hit on your girl. Jamaican cats are ruthless.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

Was there for a bachelor party in 2016. Weed, blow, strippers (and beyond) ... were at our disposal, and all the hotel staff made it known immediately. One guy at a bar tried to shove weed in my pocket.

The reports about the blow were that it was the best the guys who partook had ever done. Pure as hell.

The weed was hit or miss but some of what I smoked was really good.

Beyond just the debauchery, Jamaica was beautiful, the people were insanely nice and fun, and the food was awesome. I'm gonna try and find out where we stayed and report back. But can't say enough about how gorgeous it was. I want to go back. And it was cheap.

beautiful country. and yes, it's easy to find.

Any suggestions? Tips? Thoughts?

once a year, and always to the same Sandals resort (Sandals Royal Plantation). When my wife and I vacation we like luxury, peaceful vibes, great food/drinks, and beautiful views. There is a HUGE range in quality and style when it comes to all inclusive resorts. Even among the salt companies like Sandals, Secrets, etc. Royal Plantation is a smaller, more quiet, and more luxurious type of resort. Every room there is a butler suite which means you are assigned two butlers who hook you up the entire week there. They give you a butler cell phone and do all kinds of stuff, like learning your favorite drinks, finding you on the beach and bringing you snacks and drinks, getting you food from off the resort if you let them know, setting up candlelight dinners, etc.

The food is OUTSTANDING. Again, huge range in quality with some resorts having wack buffets. The food at RP is plated and all GREAT. Good variety as well. The bar in your room is STOCKED. They get your preferences before you arrive and hook it up with everything you want.

There is a larger Sandals resort next door (Sandals Ochi) which has more of a party vibe, not as luxurious but more for people who want to be social. I know about that because when you are a guest at Royal Plantation you can go over to Ochi as well, but they can’t come back the other way since RP is more exclusive.

I’m scared to show it to my wife because I know she will be all about it..

but Its like $1600 more than the other room for the week.. and I can do a lot with $1600 dollars

Might have to tip a brotha $100 and tell him there is another $100 if he hooks me up all week.. lol.

This is a long time coming so I may splurge.. we’ll see. Regardless, I think we are going with a Sandals or Secrets type resort. I just want some nice service and some really good food.

Appreciate the info

vibe. (Also it’s WAY more expensive than it used to be pre-pandemic)…

But then quickly get drunk with power lol

more cool than it sounds. We’ve been going every year since 2018, and we’ve made legit FRIENDS with the staff there. As in we’re in regular communication, sending each other Christmas gifts, etc. One of the butlers is trying to convince us to buy some property down there.

They LOVE seeing Black folks there. Like they’ll go out of their way to hook you up. It’s not a vibe at all like “hey go do this for me”, it’s more like visiting a RICH friend’s mansion and them showing you around and handing out with you, and as they get to know you they’ll hook you up with stuff that you’d like. They were surprising us just bringing lobster blt’s as a snack on the beach and such…

so we get butler service and full access to Secrets Wild Orchid and Secrets St James and access to their private pools and private restaurants.

I’m a little worried since Breathless is a party atmosphere but I think we will probably spend more time at Secrets since we hear they have better food and the beach.

We wanted Secrets but not at the price they were asking.

Nice combo there. The main advantage of the butler service in that case is gonna be securing you reservations at the Seecrets restaurants (and also likely securing you spots on the beach.) With options like that you’ll likely be able to take in the party vibe when you want to but have a more quiet, relaxed vibe when you need it as well. Let your butlers know if that’s what you’re looking for, because they can make the recommendations AND save spots for you.

I’m with it.. lol

but yeah, the plantation part does make it sound wild af

jk

never been to Jamaica and partly because we didn't know where to go. Putting this place on our list.

but the news hasn’t been good about cartel shootings and Americans dying in their rooms in Mexico

so I just blurted out Jamaica.

Its more expensive than DR and my brother was telling us Jamaica is expensive post pandemic (scout confirms this as well)

but since my wife and I have never left the states we have no reference on pricing. We are also in FUCK IT mode since we’ve never left the states or had a real honeymoon.

so we splurging.

The first time we went to Sandals RP in 2018 it was around 2000 for both me and my wife for 6 nights. All inclusive of everything of course. Every year the price goes up a bit, but it had been reasonable because of loyalty discounting. If you book your next trip while on site you save around 20% (in addition to locking in the current pricing) so it ended up feeling like a no-contract timeshare - that’s the reason we’ve been going back every year. So this year’s trip was based on last year’s (2021) pricing, and that was around $3500. We didn’t book our 2023 trip while on site though and took a HUGE L - because when I looked into the 2023 trip based on 2023 pricing (two years of steep price increases and no 20% discount) the cost had jumped up to over $7500! Still not bad compared to more exclusive destination islands of DisneyWorld, but the inflation is crazy.

a fucking pandemic pops up and now prices are insane..

Me and the exe had a good time. She bitched for half the trip..guess thats why shes the exe...but i digress.

We stayed a hotel that was formally a Sandals hotel and i swear to god an old jamaican dude was in the water dragging what looked like a million patches on strings. He was selling weed going from resort to resort by way of water about 20 feet off the beach.

It was that easy!

Being that was 10 years ago they probably they probably sell it at the front desk now.

You good no worries.

She was a bit pretentious and petty. Jerk Chicken was too spicy for her. Breakfast eggs wasn't scrambled enough. People doing the night show, one of the guys got to close to her. She didn't like the Dunn River Falls excursion. Hibachi dinner She got into with another woman over some petty shit. I think the only thing she enjoyed was the ziplining. Needless to say we broke up shortly after that trip.

I don’t know how many times I’ve said over the years to different women lve been involved with…you really gonna let XYZ fuck up our trip/day? Like…really? It definitely happens smh

She was a bit pretentious and petty. Jerk Chicken was too
>spicy for her. Breakfast eggs wasn't scrambled enough. People
>doing the night show, one of the guys got to close to her. She
>didn't like the Dunn River Falls excursion. Hibachi dinner She
>got into with another woman over some petty shit. I think the
>only thing she enjoyed was the ziplining. Needless to say we
>broke up shortly after that trip.

example of disrespect.

but women.. whew, one car cuts them off, one person rolls their eyes and they will fuck up YOUR day.

It can be exhausting

lol

Some shit is unforgettable. Especially when you're on vacation.

its like complaining about weed smoke.

when I see reviews and people are like “they kept asking me to buy weed”

the fuck?

thats like going to Napa Valley and being mad because they keep trying to sell you wine

is there anything else I need to enter Jamaica?

I’m a travel virgin.. lol.

No need for covid test since June 1, 2022

You and your wife will each probably have to fill out an immigration document they give you on the plane that you have to show at customs when you get to jamaica

just a short form explaining your reason for visiting with all your information on it.

Then you will have to do the same thing coming back into the u.s.

If there's anything else im sure someone will add on.

https://twitter.com/p_money/status/1596430936308006913


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

what a trip..

I’m exhausted.. but in a good way.

Positives.. whooo haaa

Doorman brought my bags up to the room at 4PM along with some purple and other varieties.. I picked them all.

I mean… as soon as we arrived and popped champagne at check in they were on me. What you need? I got you? where you want to go? I know all the spots. Anything you need just hit me up.

Mostly it was just chillin at the pool, chillin at the beach.. then back at another pool, another part of the beach..

I went out once just to kick it in off resort. Wife fell asleep so I told dude to drive and show me his spots. Kept is real local.. and real hood. Maybe too hood but it was peace. Also bought some from him on the way..

Every day the doorman asked me if I needed more.. lol.

Went to a farm. Not in Negril but like 45 minutes from the resort. Used the same driver all week too. Copped some more after the tour along with some seeds. Wife was asking questions like a chemist but dude was patient and gave us some great tips. Never knew how to spot male plants.

Wife and I made it our mission to smoketh all of it. We did…

Visit the spa, that shit was lovely. But man, Jamaicans like their hot tubs cool. Was shocked at how unhot the jacuzzi’s are but I guess it helps keep you in their longer and stops you from passing out.

We stayed at Breathless which is connected to Secrets St James and Secrets Wild Orchard. We booked preferred club which comes with a butler and has 3 pools and the rooftop access.. also has better liquor and little food bites you can snack on. Is it worth it? Not sure but we loved the option. One thing I really liked about Breathless is the space between the pool and the rooms. We were up high enough and far enough away that we could jump in the whirlpool on the balcony bukked naked and spark something and have no worries. Secrets all the rooms are basically right up on their pools. Breathless was also BLACK AS FUCK!!! Not in a bad way but I did wonder if some of these white folks realized how Black it is on weekends. It was like 40% Black early in the week. By Thursday it was like 75% Black. Secrets darkened up too on Thursday. Was pleasantly surprised at seeing us all over the place.

We probably didn’t take full advantage of having a butler. We aren’t used to that shit but it was nice having someone check on you daily. But we weren’t really on some “I’m over at this beach, bring us a drink” because staff is all over the place.


now for the cons.

no cell phone service and weak wifi. I’m sure I could use international rates and such but nah.. just used wifi calls but once you are off resort its 1985 all over again. You just out in the 3rd world but after I was feeling nice and had a few red stripes in the hood my mind was like “don’t get caught slippin” and it was time to go. Resort does a good job tho with the drivers so they know when you leave. Everyone says “we can’t rob or steal because it would fuck up the long money.

worst part tho, everybody hustlin. The workers will beat your ear up trying to get you to use their driver or use them for excursions. Some got a little too comfortable. Ole girl that worked as a dancer was like “your wife is intoxicated?” my response.. she better be, we didn’t pay all this money to be sober..”

we also did the little travel pitch for spa vouchers. Next time.. I would just pay. Fuck that shit was loooong. How you gonna ask me to pay 25K at 9AM on our first full day? Didn’t like that at all. They kept throwing out numbers and maybe we would save money but I don’t like being told I spent too much on a trip while I’m just starting and I don’t think I want the pressure of feelikg like I have to book a vacay because I’m wasting money if I don’t. Not ready for that commitment and not sure if its any cheaper than just booking trips a year or 2 out.

But bruhhh, that massage was lovely. I almost understand why Deshaun was wildin. I was with my wife and even she was like “they prolly coulda went a little lower on our asses.. lol” but they did a great rubbing without tugging.

Crazy as it sounds.. after about 5 full days I was ready to come home. One thing I would suggest is don’t schedule too much and don’t feel like you have to try all the restaurants. Felt like we were on a schedule at times.. kept reminding ourselves we can do wtf we want.. its our vacation.

Rating for this trip on scale of 1 to 5 spliffs?

Definitely a 5 spliff trip.


Will probably try Negril or Ocho next time to see if there is a difference.