I'm not a traveller, I'm one of those people that has enough fun at home and gets uncomfortable with the idea of taking time off work to spend money traveling to another city where my entire goal is to spend even more money. But thanks to PPP, super generous restaurant regulars and everything that I like to do being closed or incredibly awkward during 2020, relative to the rest of my life I was absolutely rolling in money by the summer of 2021. So I decided, fuck it, I'll go to New Orleans.


And everything about that trip was great, EXCEPT my time in HJIA, because it was the only time I had a 1.5 hour layover. I was just gonna head toward my terminal and grab a seat at the bar, only I noticed a sign saying that there was like a parking area or whatever just to the left and figured, hey, no problem sneaking out and having a quick cigarette.


I HAVE been to some larger airports in my life, namely JFK, LaGuardia and Pearson INTL so I'm not a total travel peasant, but having done most of my traveling before 20 (and I'm 33 now) and all of it eventually centering around Omaha, I'm so used to being hurried by family and winding up in an airport that takes about 20 minutes to walk from one end to the other that I had no idea that I was about to follow a series of signs that would have me walking nearly a mile, to the front of the airport, BACK ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TSA CHECK IN, and I could just tell it was like 300+ people in line to get checked with like 50 minutes to get back to my flight. I only made it due to two lucky circumstances:


1) When I finally made it to the checkpoint, the woman who scanned my boarding pass noticed I was getting on a connecting flight and gave me a look like I was a complete dumbass before telling me I could skip the baggage scan because I'd probably need to sprint. I figured she was being a little funny until I started marching back toward my gate (which was in, like, terminal G?) and noticed the signs saying it was 15-20 minutes from terminal to terminal and I was starting at A so it'd take an HOUR to walk there?! And there I was, with like 30 minutes to takeoff...so I was SPRINTING. And even before I was a smoker, I was a 12 second 100m / 16 MINUTE mile guy, endurance running was never my thing and now I'm a guy with a backpack, a suitcase and lungs fresh full of that sweet tobacco smoke. I'll never make it.


2) I noticed there were those trainlines to speed things up and keep double-taking as I ran past them, and somewhere past B the train pulls up so I say fuck it and hop on...there's at least 7 elementary school kids on this train, all in baseball gear. No parents in sight? So now I'm not only certain I'm missing this flight, I'm surrounded by kids throwing baseball gear at each other and acting like nothing will ever go wrong in the world; I'm losing my mind. No wonder people hate travel - but this is all because I thought I could sneak a quick cigarette? Fuck me! ...And then, finally, we're at my stop, and out pour all those kids, sprinting just ahead of me, heading the same way...and the flight attendants for MY FLIGHT standing in a line cheering these kids on as we arrive about 10 minutes late for scheduled takeoff and all board together, and once the attendants realize I have nothing to do with those kids very clearly letting me know that they're the only reason I'm catching this flight right now because their previous flight had to delay landing. So I high fived all of them on my way to my seat in the cabin.



If/when I'm back in HJIA I will never underestimate it ever again.


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"This is the streets, and I am the trap." � Jay Bilas
http://www.popmatters.com/pm/archive/contributor/517
Hip Hop Handbook: http://tinyurl.com/ll4kzz