1. super mega peripheral vision. I'm always looking, but not looking directly yamean?

2. I'm like...goddamn might as well be on the spectrum. My wife notices sexy stuff about women while I tend to notice other weird stuff.

Wife: ga'damn, honey got cakes. Y'see the donkey on her?

Me: Yo...is she wearing a wig?

Wife: uhwhat. LOOK AT HER PHAT ASS, and yes, that's a wig, that's a very very bad wig.

3. the people I tend to eye fuck are like...people not even on her radar. The women she feels threatened by are not on my radar. I like weird shit when it comes to what I look at in public.

Like...ol' Miss Johnson has a ripe ass. I KNOW SHES GODDAMN 59 years old. I never said I would, I'm just sayin' I'm not - NOT going to sneak a glance at her plump, glazed-ham looking-ass 59-year-old rump.

Or, meth bike chick in the acid wash jeans has some phat tiddys

Or, awkward dr. out on a morning neighborhood, run is looking mad right in her neon onion skin shorts.

Anytime I see "sexy" done in an intentional, giant-flashing-sign sorta way, it feels like a put on. I like unexpected shit.