to check out other woman while with their lady.

I quit someone over the weekend because his is excessive.

let’s start there…

start doing double takes and lookin back/staring...thats somn different. how far did homey push the limit?

..kudos to the both of ya'll!

work for his relationship doesn't mean it's any sort of common marker for a healthy & secure one...let alone a "VERY" secure one.



"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

Why try to bury our heads in the sand and pretend there's not a hot motherfucker over there? lol

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

1. super mega peripheral vision. I'm always looking, but not looking directly yamean?

2. I'm like...goddamn might as well be on the spectrum. My wife notices sexy stuff about women while I tend to notice other weird stuff.

Wife: ga'damn, honey got cakes. Y'see the donkey on her?

Me: Yo...is she wearing a wig?

Wife: uhwhat. LOOK AT HER PHAT ASS, and yes, that's a wig, that's a very very bad wig.

3. the people I tend to eye fuck are like...people not even on her radar. The women she feels threatened by are not on my radar. I like weird shit when it comes to what I look at in public.

Like...ol' Miss Johnson has a ripe ass. I KNOW SHES GODDAMN 59 years old. I never said I would, I'm just sayin' I'm not - NOT going to sneak a glance at her plump, glazed-ham looking-ass 59-year-old rump.

Or, meth bike chick in the acid wash jeans has some phat tiddys

Or, awkward dr. out on a morning neighborhood, run is looking mad right in her neon onion skin shorts.

Anytime I see "sexy" done in an intentional, giant-flashing-sign sorta way, it feels like a put on. I like unexpected shit.

and if i didnt catch her in the first glance, then hopefully she crosses my natural vision

one of my best friends will stare across the room like Kobe at a chick.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Eso76RSUYAAgICG?format=jpg&name=900x900

i used to get on him about creeping women out at the gym doing that. and sure enough this chick he was seeing called him out on his 10000yd stares at women

.

but it shouldn't be obvious or obnoxious.

“Wow, look how big her ass is” then you’re living wrong within your relationship.

my wife is like “nigga you slippin’” if I miss something nice.

doesn't mean you can't bark at the cars

Overly obvious would likely be a problem too. Though she usually knows when I'm gonna take a look cause she already peeped it herself and knows it's coming Haha

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

if your lady is cool with it, fine. I’m asking those who didn’t mention their lady…do you think it’s cool that you do it?

I just wanna make sure I’m not tripping ☺️

it’s a red flag because in my mind it shows that he has no control. I also wonder if men even realize how it can be perceived.

I’m open to correction…

but it sounds like you want to control where he looks.

Unless he is hollering or on some “Dayummmmm!” with his mouth wide open I don’t think its lack of control.

you felt it got crossed....
i dont see the problem

now would I date a women with that boundary
no

but we would probably butt heads on other issues too

fair isnt the point

Now I think the larger point is are you being reasonable.

I don't think so, but ultimately, if this bothers the fuck out of you, us telling you we don't think you're being reasonable isn't going to stop it from bothering the fuck out of you.

there is a dude out there who doesn't do this, or does this in such a way as to not let you see it. So just find that dude.

sounds you think it's a slippery slope to hooking up elsewhere. can't say that never happens with some dudes/chicks, generally it's just a quick mental 'she fine' and keep it moving.

it's not a question of fairness. you aint like it and it was your breaking point.

Control is not acting on it when you see somehing you LIKE when you already have what you NEED or LOVE. That's the red flag.

Looking is just looking. Being tempted is another conversation. Looking at strangers in real life and being attracted is normal. To think that you are the only person they will ever be attracted to is setting yourself and that relationship up for failure.

The only red flag I see in this is why does it trigger you and what are you doing to work on that trigger. I mean if you want to date someone who doesn't look at people or their surroundings then date a blind person? LOL

If it's that much of an issue there needs to be worked done together to build that trust and be cogniscent of what triggers you and how its handled on both sides.

it’s not about him finding someone else attractive…I’m reasonable in that sense.

it’s the “disrespectful”…the total disregard of me that triggers me!

by way of example…
say, you and I are dating…how would you feel if I checked out the crotch of every man that walked by?

not the 'thinking.'

It's a thing, men are visual creatures it takes an incredible amount of restraint to keep from looking and mostly we do it.

That being said, again, FUCK fair. If this is a no go for you, it's a no go.

It's a red flag if every time you look it's taking away from the connection via the conversation, eye contact, etc then yes this is a red flag. I guess I would need more information or description on what exactly happened during these looks and what you guys were doing etc.

you have a boundary....thats it
questioning it is the real problem

People sometimes create boundaries that aren’t healthy. They are still boundaries. I think its fair to question them because sometimes they aren’t always rational. Having that “im set in my ways” is a red flag if we are being honest lol

but I have enough women friends and family to know women tend to look at fingers and other body parts as well... lol.

Cause if he’s just looking and you mad then yeah that’s a little much
But I can easily see it surpassing just a look

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

From the info presented it sounds excessive. I see how that would be an issue for sure.

It would be disrespectful to you for him to be flagrantly sending a signal that he's interested in other women.

But we're all interested in other women, even if it's purely superficially. So you're gonna to drive yourself crazy trying to police every stolen glance.

everyone looks.. including you.

as long as he isn’t slobbering or burning a hole in their ass it shouldn’t be an issue.

Of course that means I have to do the same when she spots a good looking dude. Ahem.

but i mean, if my wife sees a fine dude and makes a comment or whatever, it don't bother me.

just kidding.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

...getting caught though?

I can do 2 things.

Look elsewhere conscientiously so that she never sees me looking. In this instance I've noticed, but I didn't look.

or 2. I look briefly to satisfy my curiosity.

shrug

That being said, I believe it is fair to quit someone who makes you feel small or disrespected, for whatever reason, as long as you've given them an opportunity to fix the situation.

its biological that folks will be attracted to others..aka looking as well. It has nothing to do with their love etc towards their mate

Shows a level of respect and appreciation for that mate. It seems as if that is what the OP is seeking, and I get it. Unfortunately, as far as regular, degular dudes go, it may be a bridge too far.

once it's in my site

thank goodness my wife peeps with me.

>Shows a level of respect and appreciation for that mate. It
>seems as if that is what the OP is seeking, and I get it.
>Unfortunately, as far as regular, degular dudes go, it may be
>a bridge too far.


Oh..he JUST started doing this?

Wait..ya know what..nvrmnd. Not gonna do it..not today

I'll try to NOT look and she'll be like

"...I KNOOOOOW you seee it...." (c) Yung Joc

The little lady used to run all kinds of 10ks and 15ks and stuff.

After the race is over, I would peep her checking out the diesel dudes that run with no shirt on. I don't call her out or anything.

It's not like we're outrageous about it. I don't yell out, "Damn, did you see the ass on her?!?"

A glance or something like that is fine. I'm not worried that she's gonna run off with every nice looking dude that walks past her.

Is that at the root of the issue?

That when we look at other women we are 'othering' you and committing adultery with other women? Eye-f--king?

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

🤷🏽‍♀️

I guess we could be single and complaining about what our exes did, but we'd have our dignity tho


www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

I may have offended some.

idk why you'd feel differently about others

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

just because she points out something you like doesn’t mean she’s cool with it.

or people in really any kind of mature adult relationship?

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

its odd to tell people what is common in a marriage.

Especially when a lot of people in here are going against your opinion on how common it is

I think some folk simply have a definition of what a marriage should be and once they are actually married they find out its nothing like what you expect.

Its prolly why the divorce rate is so high. Its not like the movies or a biblical marriage. Its 2 regular ass people who don’t actually change who they are once they become married.. and when people admit or accept this reality they fine tune their marriage to work the best way for them..

or they say fuck you and bail

it implies, because I’m not married I can’t speak on it. when I’ve been in committed relationships and the other thing separating us is licensing.

not to mentioned, I’m a woman and I have married friends.

there is no “common” or “uncommon” way to be married.

B: Having friends that are married doesn't teach you shit about what it's like to be married.

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

without the threat of being cut

or can do the same as in nobody's looking?

personally....
but if it works for y'all then kudos....

I'm just providing an alternative viewpoint for the discussion.

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

expect her to keep it reserved and preserved around strangers whether I'm there or not.

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

or feign disgust like "wow, I can believe she has her ass out like that?!"

So yeah, I notice. She does too.

Was he looking at a lot of women, or was he commenting too much on the ones he was looking at, or both?

I feel like any judgment calls are pretty empty until we know that.

Plus it's probably good for you to be able to articulate what constitutes too much for you.

insensitive, rude, disrespectful...etc

ugh...i despise this saying low-key, but it's not necessarily what you do, but how you do it

does he make you feel like he goes further than looking when you aren't there?

if i don't feel like he is really into me then i'm going to create distance

but i don't think that looking at other women is indicative of that....necessarily

i'm a people watcher, tho


smh...i realized i didn't answer your question

>to check out other woman while with their lady.
>
>I quit someone over the weekend because his is excessive.
>
>let’s start there…
>

I have homeboys who have to feign blindness or face the wrath. I have homeboys who will turn their head around like they're ole girl on The Exorcist to check out every girl who comes around. I have homeboys who will see some celeb lady on TV and go out of their way to say something about her being hot/him being in love with her/whatever. I don't understand any of those options and wouldn't love it from either direction.

Me?

I will look. My wife is aware. We talked about it early on. She said 'you never stay on anyone long enough to make me worry, you make me feel special all the time/I never feel insecure because you don't look at them the way you look at me, and I trust you'. I pointed at her like she threw me a good ass pass during a pickup game and we've been cool on it ever since.

When I'm by myself, I look more than I do with her around because duh. But really, no matter what, I'm just looking. And my wife is keenly aware of this. She's got me all the way / I ain't going no damn where / that woman is the love of my life / I look at her harder than I look at pretty much anyone else.

Not sure if this helps, but I am not sure if my wife knows the type of women I like THE MOST or why. We're around them ALL THE TIME. BUT because my volume of looking is about the same no matter what, she doesn't totally know.

And yes, if someone shows up with the biggest something or other in the whole place and she's wearing something that says 'hey, check this out, yawl!', my wife MIGHT bring it up. I will usually, out of respect, not make it clear that I noticed it from the jump. Then, we'll have a completely reasonable conversation about whatever the big stuff and/or the outfit is. I'll undersell my thoughts on it (nuff respect!), bring the convo back to how much I like MY WIFE, and then we finish eating/drinking/shopping/whatever and we're good.

I had a thing going on with a woman if she had on a “look at me with the big ole something” outfit and I didn’t peep or say something.. lol.

you mentioned it something discussed beforehand…do you mind sharing the details?

me and mines, happened to be discussing the attire of a couple we just finished having drinks with. basically, he said the wife was dressed like an old lady. It snowballed from there…

>you mentioned it something discussed beforehand…do you mind
>sharing the details?
>
>me and mines, happened to be discussing the attire of a couple
>we just finished having drinks with. basically, he said the
>wife was dressed like an old lady. It snowballed from
>there…
>
>
>

I don’t mind at all. The underselling is my call. Its nothing ridiculous.

My thinking is this: my wife ain’t my homeboy, this ain’t my bro phase, and when I’m with her, me and her aren’t just sitting around wasting time at a low stakes, low expectations happy hour somewhere. We’re partners in a relationship FOR LIFE. And I want to do my part to make it great for her while not insulting her intelligence. So that’s why I’m not gonna just go blind or completely lie if some obviously attractive lady shows up around us and my wife notices AND says something about it.

Just because my wife SAID ‘she knows that dudes are gonna look. It’s cool cuz you don’t linger and I trust you’ doesn’t mean I wanna take that as an invitation to go all in on some comments about how slamming some other woman is at the bar at some restaurant or wherever. I don’t want to mess around and say anything that would make her have ANY ill feelings about herself or me over some good-looking lady who showed up somewhere. So, out of respect and what I consider reasonable caution for my wife (and myself too..I’m not all honor!), I keep it short and simple when I’m being even remotely complimentary of some other lady’s looks. And I’m almost guaranteed to follow it up with something about her cuz I want to make it ultra clear that it doesn’t matter how bangin some other lady is. I see that lady, I can appreciate her from a distance, and yeah..back to you, Mrs. jimaveli. To me, it just makes sense to handle it that way. And she seems to appreciate it so I roll with it like that. It makes sense, yes?

thanks for explaining 😊

and leave you like "???"

lol

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

or is this about him discussing what the wife was wearing?

I’m mad confused

why would a man objectify another woman in front of his lady. that’s the issue!

this is a whole OTHER conversation....you got everybody riled up about a totally different issue lol....


"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

you got lost.

him mentioning her attire is what triggered me bringing up ALL his shit.

on someone’s wack fashion choice?

yeah.. no shade but I swear its like some people just make up shit to stay single.

All dude said was she dress like an old lady

Did he say she needed to dhow her fat ass or tig ole bitties?

Sounds like you used that comment to turn a throw away joke into a whole lot more

its an observation.

Did he slide her a Macy Gift Card or offer to take her shopping?

If the old ladies husband showed up in some gators looking like a pimp from the 50’s would you really be in his business if you clowned him once they left?

You that insecure that his joke really made you feel like you were disrespected?

Did you give her that dress? Is that what this is really about?

Help me out.. cause once I meet up with people its my gotdamn business to observe what people wear, say, do, etc.

So yeah.. dont ask me to double date or meet with your friends if I have to act deaf dumb and blind and cant comment on dudes turned over shoes or ole girl’s Mama’s family dress.

cuz I could be misunderstanding…but, I swear I read this about five times. You said y’all were already talking about the couple’s attire…and then he said she dressed like an old lady?

with this mind, him criticizing what she had on is an example of the behavior. the deeper issue is how much he does it when we’re together and why he’s comfortable doing it.

.

that he was judging a lady ? you feeling like he's secretly judging you and your attire?

I would never trigger someone like that if we were exclusive. How exactly does that convey exclusivity? He is sending a message to you that you should be uncomfortable all the time whether he knows it or not. That's not going to work. Even if you were to figure out his little sneak peek technique down the line, you'll know he cares enough to not make you look like a fool.

… :-)

The trick is to be subtle Abt it

Or wear shades.

>Or wear shades.

should handle it in a way that is respectful and they are both comfortable with. So for some couples maybe it's a very subtle glance, and nothing said verbally at all. Some couples maybe it's "look at that booty!".

There's only an issue if there's an imbalance in expectations/comfort level between partners, and if that's the case then just communicate about it. If the communication has happened and there's still an imbalance, than at that point red flags need to go up...

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

if you noticed and catch your date noticing, are they looking at all types of people or lusting after attractive people? you might not notice your date is just a people watcher but you're only noticing when they notice attractive people cause you caught it too. i people watch. it's my ADHD. I can focus on a conversation with my SO, sure, but my eyes wander indiscriminately and she knows that and mocks me for it.

I'm always aware of the situation around me. if i see someone particularly attractive, I'm not a dog licking its lips staring at a steak, I'm probably just acknowledging the existence of a passerby who happens to be conventionally hot. In the same way i'll take notice and track a guy with a long ass beard, or a woman who is not discernably attractive but is wearing something kinda funny or talking loudly on the phone. I'm easily distracted. Not a cute trait, but it is what it is.

if you are saying they're crudely staring and getting hot in the collar eyeing down a clearly hot person but they are completely focused on you when other, non-hot people pass by? yeah that's creepy and disrespectful in a new relationship where you have not initiated pointing out that person's appearance. As others have pointed out, deep in a relationship you might both be comfortable enough to just point it out. or not. but you'll know your partner. in a new relationship, its definitely messed up to creepily ogle people

had matching hair and pants color. I said word? oh yeah, she does.

of course, I'd already seen her, but didn't put the hair and pants together. we both laffed and continued our bike ride.