is this considered an act of homophobia?

depending on who you ask

And yes, probably. It's about an insecurity about being perceived as homosexual. That insecurity is rooted in homophobia.

ie women using when saying something that could me interpreted as heterosexual (ie i put the whole thing in my mouth...pause)

but yeah, that is definitely where it stemmed from and has some immaturity embedded in it for current users and I can easily see why someone would be offended at its usage.

in probably 7-8 years at least.

>ie women using when saying something that could me
>interpreted as heterosexual (ie i put the whole thing in my
>mouth...pause)
>
>but yeah, that is definitely where it stemmed from and has
>some immaturity embedded in it for current users and I can
>easily see why someone would be offended at its usage.

on his drink champs episode.

lol.

which just tells you it's lame shit

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

"hey Pete, come here (pause **giggle**) i need you to check out something"

"I have to drive into the city and i hate that it takes so long (pause **giggle**)

I made, what is now in hindsight, an incredibly idiotic sttatement about a gay man in a movie being portrayed as just a man who happened to be gay, as opposed to being a caricature of a gay man.

I thought it was well-meaning, but a friend immediately called me on it.

She- rather charitably- said that it was a hetero-normative statement, because what I may view as a caricature can and likely is a very realistic portrayal of some gay men.

That made so much sense that I was pissed at myself for even thinking along those lines. I didn't even argue the point or try to defend myself. My mind sat in that stench of that for a minute though, because that't very likely not the only blind spot I have, and not just for that community.

I'd say I'm well meaning, but still have some catching up to do. I could be alone in that, but my guess is that a lot of us still have serious blind spots on issues where we're the outsider. "Pause" is some shit that's common and culturally overt, and I think I'd probably have been more bullish in attacking it a few months ago. But I'm realizing that there's probably a lot of things that people do that they don't realize is some measure of aggression/ignorance.

Some do, and don't care, and that's an issue. But for those of us who do care, some of this corrective energy be better directed inward.

"Pause" is definitely some shit that needs to go though.

I didn't quite follow* but it seems like from what you described if you surveyed 100 gay men there could be a fair split between your POV and the person you were talking to. Correct me if I am wrong. I mean its great that someone gave you a different way to look at it but I am not sure one POV should be privileged over the other.



I bring this up because I had a recently had an incident recently when I was talking to someone recently and I used the term "Disabled Person" and the abled person I was talking to "corrected" me and said, "It's actually Person with Disabilities because its 'Disabled Person' defines a person by their disability". That irked me and I spent some time thinking about it whether that was just my pride at being corrected but I think its more than that.

For example, if a person corrected someone who said "Black" and said well its actually "African-American" or vice versus I would find that annoying because I don't think its settled and I have heard the arguments on both side. Some people don't like being called a color and some people take pride in the term "Black". However, there are always people who take it upon themselves and speak up for all black people.

Now look, If I said "Disabled Person" and a person with disabilities told me that they didn't like the term and preferred personally "Person with Disabilities" that would be one thing. If a non-disable person warned me that some people with disabilities don't like being referred to as "disabled person" that would be useful to know and glad someone told me. But for a able bodied person to correct me on language on a POV that isn't universally accepted as the right POV truly did irk me.

Anyway, you didn't ask for all that but you reminded me of that incident and I would say, it may not be a reason to beat yourself up over it.


*I think you were describing a straight person playing a gay character but was playing the character over the top in a stereotypical way and you friend "corrected" you to say some gay people would find the performance okay because some gay men do act that way.




>I made, what is now in hindsight, an incredibly idiotic
>sttatement about a gay man in a movie being portrayed as just
>a man who happened to be gay, as opposed to being a caricature
>of a gay man.
>
>I thought it was well-meaning, but a friend immediately called
>me on it.
>
>She- rather charitably- said that it was a hetero-normative
>statement, because what I may view as a caricature can and
>likely is a very realistic portrayal of some gay men.
>
>That made so much sense that I was pissed at myself for even
>thinking along those lines. I didn't even argue the point or
>try to defend myself. My mind sat in that stench of that for a
>minute though, because that't very likely not the only blind
>spot I have, and not just for that community.
>
>I'd say I'm well meaning, but still have some catching up to
>do. I could be alone in that, but my guess is that a lot of us
>still have serious blind spots on issues where we're the
>outsider. "Pause" is some shit that's common and culturally
>overt, and I think I'd probably have been more bullish in
>attacking it a few months ago. But I'm realizing that there's
>probably a lot of things that people do that they don't
>realize is some measure of aggression/ignorance.
>
>Some do, and don't care, and that's an issue. But for those of
>us who do care, some of this corrective energy be better
>directed inward.
>
>"Pause" is definitely some shit that needs to go though.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

but I would fully expect people to eventually stop talking to me

It's the equivalent of a white person saying nigger in white company and being mad at the white friend saying they shouldn't say that. Does the person saying it need to be in black company in order to be corrected?

Now I can't speak to the person who said that to you's tone, they could have been real assholish about it. But the actual ask is correct.

I say this as someone who is still learning about the harmful things that have come out my mouth i thought were minor. If these micro aggressions are going to stop people have to be called out on them and people have to be willing to hear them in good faith no matter who it's coming from.


█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."

It should not take a person having to be from the community you're disparaging for the point to be valid.

And I think the more apt comparison is to "slave vs enslaved" than it is to "black vs african american."

She didn't yell or go off or any of that.

She simply said, "fyi, that's a very hetero-normative statement you made. here's why."

I don't know if the term "called out" draws up more combative imagery that that, but just being advised that you're making an error qualifies as "called out" in my book, regardless of how it's done.

>I didn't quite follow* but it seems like from what you
>described if you surveyed 100 gay men there could be a fair
>split between your POV and the person you were talking to.
>Correct me if I am wrong. I mean its great that someone gave
>you a different way to look at it but I am not sure one POV
>should be privileged over the other.

I'd say it is.

A. I'm not part of the LGBTQ community. She is.
B. Even if others in the community disagree, her point is valid:

I was setting an arbitrary line around the portrayal of community of which I am not a member.

>I bring this up because I had a recently had an incident
>recently when I was talking to someone recently and I used the
>term "Disabled Person" and the abled person I was talking to
>"corrected" me and said, "It's actually Person with
>Disabilities because its 'Disabled Person' defines a person by
>their disability". That irked me and I spent some time
>thinking about it whether that was just my pride at being
>corrected but I think its more than that.

>Some people don't
>like being called a color and some people take pride in the
>term "Black". However, there are always people who take it
>upon themselves and speak up for all black people.
>

Can't attest to the tone of that discussion, but I think it is your pride. I think people are resistent to rethinking the way they view the world around them, because it doesn't directly effect them, so they don't necessarily see the harm it causes.

To a degree, that's understandable, because if you can't see it, you can't see it. But the resistance to being shown is an issue in and of itself. Further, if the net result of that change is I/you/me/we become somewhat better educated and more sensitive toward marginalized groups, what's the actual problem, apart from not wanting to conform.

>For example, if a person corrected someone who said "Black"
>and said well its actually "African-American" or vice versus I
>would find that annoying because I don't think its settled and
>I have heard the arguments on both side.

Understood, but there's some nuance here.

I'm not Black. So that's not really a discussion for *me* to have.
But you are, so you have, at a minumum, an actual say in the matter, because of your direct and intimately relevant and lived experience on the subject. At that level, there's a genuine discussion to be had IMO.

But if my miscellaneous looking, non-Black ass tried to correct you or any other Black person on that? I don't really have a place in that discussion from where I stand. At best, my role is to shut the fuck up and listen, particularly since my family is Black, so that I can better find ways to advocate for them.

I'd argue that my proximity there does give me some dogs in some fights , but not every fight, and to a limited degree, at best.

Hell, I'm very aware of the obvious issue (small i, to be sure, because of the context) me explaining this shit to you, as a Black man.

>Now look, If I said "Disabled Person" and a person with
>disabilities told me that they didn't like the term and
>preferred personally "Person with Disabilities" that would be
>one thing. If a non-disable person warned me that some people
>with disabilities don't like being referred to as "disabled
>person" that would be useful to know and glad someone told me.
> But for a able bodied person to correct me on language on a
>POV that isn't universally accepted as the right POV truly did
>irk me.

Ah, ok. Yeah there's a bit more context there. I may have left out that my friend is LGBTQ, so that may alter your response some.

>Anyway, you didn't ask for all that but you reminded me of
>that incident and I would say, it may not be a reason to beat
>yourself up over it.

I look at it as an honest mistaken that could have been avoided had I put more thought into it. I- we, really- are generally surrounded by loved ones from many walks of life, and while it doesn't encroach on the level of, say, white guilt over, well fucking everything, I think it's healthy to have a measure of reflection on the seemingly small ways we tend to say or do even the most innocently misguided things.

I feel this way in large part because I see the gross ways in which so many overlook, ignore, or excuse bigger, immediately impactful aggressions on a daily basis. The net effect for me was... I really want to do better, in general.

And the way you described in more detail was, IMHOP, not correcting you but letting you know there was another way of looking at it.

So I think that scenario is different in a lot of ways that's important.....but that's because I don't think she "corrected" you.

The thing is I do believe you got to approach of these topics with a bit of humility and listen but at the same time I don't believe in Truths in general so I still think I would have a hard time being lectured by anyone, including someone within the target group, presenting their opinion as fact or a truth.

I always found obnoxious that person who takes it upon themselves to speak for all black people on a topic that is highly debated amongst black people.

This might not be relevant to what you are talking about but its what triggered my response.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

criticized as being a negative/stereotypical portrayals of the LGBT characters (Often played by non-Gay actors)

That is a thing that actually exists.

extremely old and corny. It's like a "welcome to 2009" kind of expression.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

because I'm sure it was around or started with that RUN DMC song...

you really don't have to announce that you're not gay.

Opening line on the track, by billy woods:

“Got caught with the pork/But you gotta kill the cop in your thoughts/still saying pause?”

https://youtu.be/5RcbXWBb-94

and loved it.

within certain circles of course

not pause necessarily but ayo, whoa, watch your mouth etc.

I was listening to a podcast, yesterday. They were talking about honeymoons. One of the guys was agreeing with something someone else had just said and was like...that's what I'm talking about, fist-pound, fist me" Everyone yelled out a different thing like "what???" "whoa, chill", "phrasing!!!"

perfect example

somebody says 'fist me' of course we gonna clown, like c'mon you sound crazy

>that's what I'm talking about, fist-pound, fist me"
>Everyone yelled out a different thing like
>"what???" "whoa, chill", "phrasing!!!"

PAAUUUSSSSEEEEE!!!!!!

Did it a few weeks ago when I was helping my boy install some lighting in the shop

How many times can u let a nygga say "bend that back and slide it in" before you're like "aye bruh.. pause nygga damn"

I'm not that mature

Srry not srry 🤷🏾‍♂️
____________

DALLAS LAKERICKS LETS GO!!

what this was about. I honestly never hear that, and never would have thought it had anything to do with homophobia if I had.

People on this board were using "pause" on here all the time (along with "no homo") during that time thru like '07, '08 maybe. It was hard to miss.

"pause" here or irl.

the person they are speaking to says "we don't do that pause shit"

I mean it's still a pretty regional thing, so every once in a while you might get an east coast dude interviewing someone from elsewhere and you can actually see at what point the "pause" nigga realizes he sound corny.

Eat shellfish? Gay.

Too many women around? Gay

How you dress. Gay.

Just about everything one does SOMEONE will assume or find "gay"

Moral: 🖕🏿 em.

(#pause)


on sabbatical.

does it really matter?

wonder what bin's doing?
http://i.imgur.com/phECCMp.jpg

get over it.

PHOBIA = FEAR

"pause" = joke

Straight men find stuff like "that's gay" funny

Some black people may joke about another black person that prefers pumpkin pie over sweet potato pie as being "white".

It's not fear or hate, but a joke.

Stop being so pussy and stupid

phobia = fear, dislike, or aversion to.

Got caught with the pork?

>Some black people may joke about another black person that prefers pumpkin pie over sweet potato pie as being "white".

That is absolutely not the same as jokes about gay people, Black people, or any other historically oppressed groups.

Gay people trying to attach their struggle to racism....

when for years the gay white community was NEVER trying to stand up for black people in this country..

And yeah I see a lot of GAY FACE in movies... when about 80 percent of gay people are not as flamboyant as they are portrayed in movies... and it's like "in case you didn't know I'm a gay man in this movie" when it doesn't even relate to the stories.

You can still go and see 10 movies and not see one black person in the movie.

whether or not you, the person saying it, thinks it is wrong

the context is what it is now, and its not a particularly good joke to die on a hill over anyway.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

I can't find the clip, but I think it from last week.

the most humorless, joyless, performatively woke group ever

I'm in classrooms. Well was before the pandemic. You say the NAME OF A RACE IN A SENTENCE and its racist lol

people say this about every generation.

this might be the first generation where young people are the new old people, and feel the need to set everyone straight by lecturing them at every turn..

which isn't always a bad thing, and wouldn't be a bad thing at all if it were actually as much about kindness and inclusiveness, as it is just being self-righteous.

>people say this about every generation.

the civil rights generation

every generation has a group or three pushing things forward and people always call them out for not being happy with the way things are..