I cut out sugar, set up a sustainable workout plan, cut out alcohol, and there have been big improvements.

Last night my wife said jokingly ... "don't do too much, that's the first sign of cheating"

Now, I responded the best way EYE know how ... but I've hand that loaded ass statement lobbed my way my entire adult dating life and never known how to respond to respond to it.

One young women once even told me that I make her feel fat (she was a big girl) just from the fact that I work out.

What success have you had navigating getting shape without making someone you're with feel bad about themselves? My wife hates exercise, so getting her to join me is a immediate losing bet.

It's especially intensified after 2nd child and hitting mid-40's....
8 years in though....I think it's finally clear i'm doing it for myself, my sanity and for them (kids and wife). Got a lot of hereditary stacked against me, trying my best to level the playing field and maybe get an advantage.

also, I bang this real hard during my next workout session:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOtvdE9PaNQ

I have two buddies who recently got fit. One cat, you can see the confidence, he's dressing better, more upbeat...etc.

The other...THAT dude. Posting CrossFit WODs everyday, mirror selfies, humblebrags, every topic includes him talking about being "off that sugar"...you know...THAT dude.

You'll never be able to manage how people feel about themselves in relation to your fitness. Just do your thing. People will notice and respond to the new you accordingly without you drawing attention to it.

...Last night my wife said jokingly ... "don't do too much, that's the first sign of cheating"...

...now that is a potential trap... Your only response to that should be "Naaah..." and keep it moving.

We got a 3 year old and a 4 month old and we only moved to this state 6 months before quarantining together every single day for 10 months.

Anything is possible. But a lot of things are improbable.

I'll be sure to not improve to much or feel to good about myself to resolve your insecurity issues" but you gotta give it with the same energy.


This might start a fight...but if you tryna better yourself you don't need 'jokes' like this coming from the one that should be supporting you or at least not getting in your way.

Only YOU know what's at stake.

once i talked to her....their were no more issues
i went hard a couple years ago
got the whole family gym memberships
meal planned
got books
my wife fell of the wagon
i didnt
she said that same bullshit in a different way
called her out on it
talked through it
no issue now

all these "tap-dance-around-the-issue" answers are hilarious.

She said it cause

1) she thinks that's cool in y'all relationship
2) to see if you'll respond

so RESPOND, man. LOL

you're gonna get tired of it sooner or later. just deal with it. it doesn't have to be an angry discussion, but people DO have to own their insecurities. I stopped pump-faking; we're on our 14th year. When you hit your mid 40's you not gonna be tryna hear nunna that shxt. LOL

Peace tho. and ALL DUE RESPECT.

That's it something you enjoy doing. A stress reliever.

Or frame it around the health benefits. I don't want heart disease/diabetes.

I don't know man. I don't think that insecurity is something you can get around with just a carefully worded explanation

And I'm BAD at helping people work through their insecurities. I'm good at not making it worse, but that has a limit.

>And I'm BAD at helping people work through their
>insecurities.

...that's not your job. and quite honestly, you should not let her get away with that kind of comment, no matter how benign. You should communicate honestly when your partner is attempting to undermine your attempt to take care of your own health...call them out on it every time cuz that kinda shit is not cool in relationships regardless of what insecurities she has.

Your fitness journey is about you and she centered herself. that's not kind or loving at all and she needs to hear that from you, at some point

she should be supportive of you, especially if you've given no other reason for her to suspect you of cheating...so yeah that's some gaslighting ass bullshit


I'm good at not making it worse, but that has a
>limit.

ok..i'm not gonna comment on that lol.

just communicate with your wife, always.

d

"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

ESPECIALLY if you know you on the up and up...
and you know that SHE knows you on the up and up....

Some shit is just said in a relationship as a simple checksum...

Now...if it becomes a recurring theme...then yeah...

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

i agree that sometimes you let a comment like that slide...

but what he described, imo, bears some additional discussion.

d

"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

other signs of insecurity from her? Because I wouldn’t pull too much from that one comment.

I lost 150 lbs a couple years ago, and while my wife never had insecurity issues she definitely had some friends and family in her ear about it - “why is he losing so much weight? Are you sure he isn’t cheating? You better go up to that gym with him to see why he’s up there so much...”

All of that was ridiculous. But if there are other issues present something like this can put a magnifying glass on it. If she actually has issues, try to be self-reflective and examine whether you’ve changed in any way towards her - spending less time with her, talking any differently, not showing intimacy in the same way, etc. Sometimes being more deliberate about the things you are already doing can indirectly help her work through some of the issues she may have herself.

She rarely ever projects it on me.
It usually just manifests itself into feeling bad about herself and stewing.
And I don't want that. Like I don't want this person either feeling bad about her body or worrying about cheating.

on you, so there isn't anything that could be recommended for you to do differently. Just continue to be supportive, have an open mind for the times she might want to talk through things, etc.

As in, "when you say something like that, it makes me feel..."

You don't have to be accusatory or diagnose her (as in calling out her insecurity) but stick to yourself and how it makes you feel. A good partner would respond to that.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

lol.


yes, this is the way. this is the mature way.

It's such a young comment and I can see what's "being said."
But ideally I'd like to find a way to up her self esteem without making cheating a referendum on her body or physical choices.

I have too many failed attempted trying to help other people overcome their insecurities to remotely give any advice on how to fix that.




**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

Maintaing lies and sneaking around. Hard fucking pass.
And I got other things I'd rather do
I'd leave before I cheated

aye man, feels are reals. I am starting to learn this one.

you could be on the ball, being a loving and present person, but if the FEELINGS of things is off, then there is a whole other battle at hand and that battle might be related to something you can do. Sometimes, that sort of stuff is on your partner's side of the fence. (for the other readers, no, I am not suggesting giving up and saying "thats yo shit!" - but, there is a line that can be crossed where things enter a potentially toxic area where you are overly responsible for your partner's happiness)


I'm a man and that may come with a different set of societal expectations, buuuut, I'm right here dealing with self esteem bullshit from childhood. My wife really really really wishes I could see me the way she sees me, but it's deep work. All the "you're so great!" statements just slide off.

You know what its like? It's like being colorblind and having no sense of smell and everyone around you says

"FUCK. you have got to smell these gotdamn roses. these red motherfuckers right here are the best goddamn smellinest ass red roses. take a whiff my dude."

you know you can't smell them, you know that they are red, so to appease everyone, you lean over take a whiff and say

"yeah, mmm, yeah, red smells good. uh huh."


goddamn, being a human is a slog.

her: ????

you: mental health baby. I was drinking and eating my bad feelings. working out is how I take control of mental health...and I get to look good for you. *mock growl*

her: hmmmph 🤨

you: *jingle pocket change* i got some quarters, you wanna see how hard you can bounce em' off this fit ass?

her: 😮

you: *mock twerk your ass on her, then turn around and hug her from behind, then whisper in a faselto voice* "She's your Queen-to-be"

her: https://media.tenor.com/images/a4033fd7c0fcbe31ae2888aec75fc118/tenor.gif

https://media.giphy.com/media/QLvRBqfLXCphu/giphy.gif

https://media.giphy.com/media/l0ErDBUHkxmSxi40M/giphy.gif

those types of comments can cause arguments or just turn into comedy routines

my wife is the type to say something like this but we got jokes.

but I do my best to make sure my wife knows I love and lust for her regardless of her size.

2 kids in a short amount of time is hard af on a woman’s body.

About

But that don't make someone feel better. At the end of the day I don't want her to feel bad about her body.

I love it, lol