I'm just a little into a new job. At that point where all the introductions have been made and it's time to start performing. And I keep finding myself having these moments reflecting on a situation as a comparison to how it would have happened at the previous. And while it's not perfect now it is so much better than it was. Which then pisses me off as I think of how bad it was knowing it didn't have to be. That spirals into what could I have done which is a horrible place. I eventually realize this and pull myself out. Until something else triggers it.

I'm very aware of this, and now see it as not just going away like I wish it would because things are better now. But I'm also just waiting for the same shit to start here. Because you know... Eventually...

But right here and now or right before I started typing this at least I realized this can affect my performance and I need to do something about it. This post is not enough.


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Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."