i used to do these back in the day..its been a minute

so in honor of my 20 years on okp, and my 50th trip around the sun this year, i will answer any and all questions honestly about things i know alot about:

life
sex
relationships
parenting
sweepstakes
the nonprofit industrial complex
grad school

if its some shit i don't know much about, imma be honest about that too. I try not to have opinions on things i don't know much about (wish more people were like that)

real quick, i wanna also acknowledge that this community is a big part of who and why i am. i learned so much about myself interacting w/ya'll...learned how to argue/debate and defend my position on things..learned to not care if i wasn't liked (cuz lemme tell you, i've been QUITE the controversial figure on here)...and i've made life long friends and connections, gotten help when i needed it and given it in spades. and believe it or not, there are still MAJOR things that none of y'all know about me LOL
d

"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

are any worth trying?

also, regarding this nonprofit industrial complex. is there a job that pays well that is in high demand that doesnt require you went to school for it. for someone looking to do good but not go broke what are some areas you recommend?

>are any worth trying?

yes, always. i used to win them alot, then got bored of it and stopped entering them. i've won 3 trips (1 to Japan, 1 to England and 1 to NYC), a flat screen tv, money, gift cards, books, sports tix etc

its so random tho. there's no real science to it. I'll just say that the smaller the pool of people entering, the greater the odds you'll get a prize

don't enter anything you have to pay for...(with the exception being an actual raffle)...most sweepstakes are free and have varying rules depending on the state.

also, they generate alot of spam..so i had a separate email address i'd use just for entering sweeps.

if you wanna give it a try sweepsadvantage.com is a decent site. Sadly, the one i used to use is now defunct. We think the guy who was running it died or something cuz it just stopped being updated


>
>also, regarding this nonprofit industrial complex. is there a
>job that pays well that is in high demand that doesnt require
>you went to school for it. for someone looking to do good but
>not go broke what are some areas you recommend?

absolutely! there are alot of nonprofit jobs that don't require a specific degree. my go to site (pretty much the only 1 i use) is idealist.org. Browse the job listing on there and see what sparks your passion

i see alot of need for people who are great with marketing and communications, social media, hr etc

d
"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

they are my FAVORITE to talk about

Milan just turned 25...he's a barista at a coffee shop in SOHO as well as a hip hop/krump dancer, teacher and choreographer..he's also working on creating an artists collective in Jersey, which would include his brother..

Marius just turned 23 and is a professional photographer (who calls himself Ikyo..*eyeroll*) and small business owner of a 400 sqft pro studio in the Bronx called The Color Studio...he's already had some of his pics published in a few online & print mags, and is a featured model in an upcoming campaign for Everlast's new sport clothing line

it makes me so proud that they are both creative artists, like they mama
d

"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

your update made me smile.

kev

the way they treat the girls and women in their life

with not just 'respect', but a true understanding of their value & worth, with a reverence of their intellect and without a consistent need to reference or ruminate on their bodies

d

"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

I remember when you used to post about them as children. It’s wild how fast they grow up!

>they are my FAVORITE to talk about
>
>Milan just turned 25...he's a barista at a coffee shop in SOHO
>as well as a hip hop/krump dancer, teacher and
>choreographer..he's also working on creating an artists
>collective in Jersey, which would include his brother..
>
>Marius just turned 23 and is a professional photographer (who
>calls himself Ikyo..*eyeroll*) and small business owner of a
>400 sqft pro studio in the Bronx called The Color
>Studio...he's already had some of his pics published in a few
>online & print mags, and is a featured model in an upcoming
>campaign for Everlast's new sport clothing line
>
>it makes me so proud that they are both creative artists, like
>they mama
>d
>
>"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of
>people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing
>at how stupid you are." - bshelly

right in front of my eyes..

sometimes i just stare at them and be like, you used to be in my belly!!!!

d


"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

Bshelly is a poster here, I assume?? :-(

And why'd you put it in your sig?

I updated my avi based on the same post she took the quote for the sig from.

Anyhow, the sig is from when he went and did this bullshit:

https://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=show_topic&forum=4&topic_id=13409580&mesg_id=13409580&listing_type=search

"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

particularly in this time of The Reckoning around race in the US

a privileged white man, in a space that was created by and for mainly BIPOC, went all the way antiBlack racist, right in our faces

that will stay in my sig until the lights go out on okp so folks never forget.

d

"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

Thanks for the backstory on that. I missed the kerfuffle (sp?).

Have a nice 50th bday! "You're gonna live to be 100 cuz you're only half dead." - old joke about turning 50 lol

Peace

"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

that was almost 3 years ago when i made my "looking for a sugar daddy' post

i mean, you ready for the answer, out here? :)

if yes, i'll tell you. if no, i'll inbox u LOL

my bad, though. i should have written back.

d

"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

you said you were on the 'light side' of six figures, which was like not really 'sugar daddy' material, per se

you also didn't seem serious and kinda like you were lightweight mocking me

so i didn't feel like it warranted a response at that time.

d

"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

fair enough. i just cracked 100k then.

I was serious though. I'dda pulled up to your city

hope so...

we are.

I mean covid lockdown boring TF out of us... but otherwise.

i'm just waiting until its my turn to get the vaccine

spending more time alone than i have in my whole life, which is kinda nice quite honestly

d

"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

I appreciate the women who still post here (and that there's still a few of us here at all lol).

But I especially love when posters like you, afrogirl_lost, akon, soulpsychodelicyde, CherNic, and whoever else I'm forgetting drop in a post seemingly out of nowhere and drop etherous (and usually feminist) truthbombs of stunning concision. Most of you have been posting here longer than me and perhaps that influences the extent to which you don't gaf (which I love lol). But ya, when old controversial posts are upped for whatever reason, I find your truthbombs age super well even tho the language may have rubbed some the wrong way at the time.

Anyway, I'd enjoy reading anything you have to say on the topics listed, but I suppose I'm most interested in your insider knowledge of the non-profit industrial complex lol. What are top signs you would look for to determine whether an org is on the typical bs?? Board diversity? Funding sources? Lack of scandals/headlines?

Additionally, re: parenting, you've talked about how your boys are grown now and totally flourishing, which has got to be such an incredible feeling. If you had become a parent later in life, like in your 40s or late 30s as many people are nowadays, which parenting aspects would stand out to you as likely being much more difficult for older first-time parents vs. younger first-time parents? And which would stand out as likely being a bit easier? Basically: knowing what you know now, how might first-time-parent-at-younger-age Damali advise ofirst-time-parent-at-older-age Damali?

Re: grad school, do you have plans/interest to pursue more, like a Ph.D or anything?

And lastly, you've posted recently about getting more involved in politics, pursuing training, etc. May I ask what level(s) of politics most interest you (eg. local, state, federal, all of the above), and whether you're drawn to more behind-the-scenes work or being a candidate yourself? And btw I think your pursuit is awesome and hope you're able to share some aspects of what you learn along the way.

>
>I appreciate the women who still post here (and that there's
>still a few of us here at all lol).

a few is pretty accurate LOL

. But ya, when old controversial posts are
>upped for whatever reason, I find your truthbombs age super
>well even tho the language may have rubbed some the wrong way
>at the time.

and still does...but thanks so much for that recognition.

>Anyway, I'd enjoy reading anything you have to say on the
>topics listed, but I suppose I'm most interested in your
>insider knowledge of the non-profit industrial complex lol.
>What are top signs you would look for to determine whether an
>org is on the typical bs?? Board diversity? Funding sources?
>Lack of scandals/headlines?

White its really difficult to see potential problems in any nonprofit from the outside, I do think board diversity is a really important external indicator. How many BIPOC board members are there? are any of them in Officer positions? how many are women? Are the Board President, Treasurer and Board VP all white men? who are their major donors? Is there mission aligned with their programs? Are their programs addresses the root cause of a problem or just its symptoms? (i.e. feeding the hungry instead of directly addressing and trying to solve for why people are hungry)


>
>Additionally, re: parenting, you've talked about how your boys
>are grown now and totally flourishing, which has got to be
>such an incredible feeling. If you had become a parent later
>in life, like in your 40s or late 30s as many people are
>nowadays, which parenting aspects would stand out to you as
>likely being much more difficult for older first-time parents
>vs. younger first-time parents? And which would stand out as
>likely being a bit easier? Basically: knowing what you know
>now, how might first-time-parent-at-younger-age Damali advise
>ofirst-time-parent-at-older-age Damali?

ok you're probably gonna hate this answer but i feel like i can't really answer that cuz i have no frame of reference for being an 'older' parent. i mean i can guess, but i hate to put parenting stereotypes into the ether cuz that's one of the things i hold most sacred for women to wrestle with for themselves...that 'hard' or 'easy' are constructs that often hold us back from simply doing what's best for our own lives at the time. In general, parenting is both the hardest and the easiest thing i've ever done and age is only one variable, of so many, in how one would evaluate that.

>Re: grad school, do you have plans/interest to pursue more,
>like a Ph.D or anything?

yes, and only because i'd like to be a professor in my older years and having a doctorate seems to be the only path to that...

if i were to do it, though, i would ONLY do it at an HBCU. I would not want to give another dollar of my money to a PWI and really wish I'd come to that decision earlier before getting two degrees from NYU

>
>And lastly, you've posted recently about getting more involved
>in politics, pursuing training, etc. May I ask what level(s)
>of politics most interest you (eg. local, state, federal, all
>of the above),

I'm definitely most interested in local or state politics cuz the majority of the political power lies there. However, i don't feel anchored enough to any particular community to decide where I would do that...especially since my true desire is to leave the US for a while

but if i ever were to 'settle' somewhere again (i'm currently houseless living in a temporary airbnb situation), then i would absolutely run for state or local office of some kind. If nothing else, but to keep progressive ideas in the public debate ethos.

and whether you're drawn to more
>behind-the-scenes work or being a candidate yourself?

even though i wrote the above, i'd actually prefer behind the scenes..like something policy related in the executive branch, or being a committee aide in the Senate...research and helping to write policy briefs etc...but those jobs tend to lean more toward younger candidates who are fresh outta college and have the privilege to work 24 hours a day for a small annual salary or the energy to work 24 hours a day. i have neither at almost 50 LOL

with that said, i have recently been endorsed by the Progressive Talent Pipeline (https://progressivetalentpipeline.org/) and do attend trainings and info sessions on how congress works.

And btw
>I think your pursuit is awesome and hope you're able to share
>some aspects of what you learn along the way.

much appreciated :)

d


"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

and what do find most rewarding

meaning, a foundation will give you money and say it should only go toward the 'program' and not your 'overhead' (meaning utilities, mortgage and sometimes even staff)...when the program itself cannot operate without those things...that way of thinking and grant making cuts so many small nonprofits off at the knees

>and what do find most rewarding

simply spending my time and energy and brainpower doing something that helps to improve people's lives...especially when those people are kids/students...giving back what i never got in my youth...

d


"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

I'm an Aquarius.

https://numerologysign.com/aquarius-man-and-pisces-woman-compatibility/

"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

https://numerologysign.com/aquarius-man-and-cancer-woman-compatibility/

>
Considered one of the worst matches for Aquarius man, Cancer woman and Aquarius men tend to a mismatched couple. They do not intuitively understand each other, and they process the world in different ways.


Love you anyway Damali, even tho it ain't in the stars for us apparently.

what makes you think u had a chance regardless?

d

"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

did one of your boys end up going to france on the trip? (a long time ago)

okp predates GoFundMe lol

folks chipped in and helped him get there..it was so dope.

d

"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

Do you think Black people in the US would be interested in a study comparing the situation of Catalans in the greater context of Spain to that of Black people in the greater context of the US?

(It would of course be highly nuanced and acknowledge those things that are not comparable at all between Catalans and Black ppl in the US. But Catalans have their own language/culture/history, and have suffered much oppression of all those things. They also understand their own culture plus the broader culture, the way (many/most/nearly all?) Black people in the US have an innate understanding of their own culture as well as general US culture. Catalans also deal with the same bullshit of idiots on national TV telling them how they are, how bad they all are, what they need to do, etc, from people alleging expertise because their sister-in-law is Catalan, or that "some of their best friends are Catalans, BUT..." and all that bullshit.)

that's interesting and all but my first question would be, why?

what would a comparative study accomplish? who would it help? what's the thesis question behind it that needs to be answered?

it just seems unnecessary and i'm not a fan of research for research sake.

d


"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

A very good question. The reason, which I should have explained more clearly, would be to help understand and fight against fascism. It's on the rise here, too, like in so many places. (I'm an American who's lived in Barcelona for many years.)

There is so much in common between the extreme right in the US and in Europe/Spain. It could be useful to compare the situations and learn from them, using the Catalan cause as a concrete example of fighting fascism in Europe (a lot of people outside of the Spanish State hear "Spain" and think of sun, sangria, etc -or maybe the Prado Museum and historical monuments- and don't realize that there is still a huge ideological holdover from the 40-year bloody dictatorship that existed here.)

You're right, and you've helped me think about how to better frame my ideas. Thank you! This should be a project based on comparing what methods Black people have in the US have used and are using to fight white supremacism/fascism, and what methods people here have used and are using to fight Castilian supremacism/fascism. How do pro-democracy, pro-minority groups organize? What works, what doesn't, what forces do they come up against, and how do those forces respond?

Moltes gràcies i bona tarda!

what has stayed the same?

anything stands out that is better now?

favorite memory from the boards?