I've always said I'm jealous of the country and space we give women to express their interests and emotions/insecurities. I'm thankful for the circles I have because I know a lot of men are out here in the quarantine just conversating w/ the voice in their head.

I remember hanging out w/ this chick and bringing her around some of my childhood guy friends I'm still tight with and she hit me w/ a chide/compliment like "oh my god you guys are like girlfriends its so cute its gross". I've known most of these guys for about 15-20 years. I don't have as much fun w/ them these days, but I know I can talk to these guys about anything. Women, money, insecurities, etc

I notice a big difference in the tone and subject matter with those guys even compared to my college circle who I have known for about 12 years now. I have a fucking blast with these guys when we hang out, but its all very surface level and machismo based. Who's got the best whip? Who's got the best chick? Who team is killing right now? Who's making money? Who's living? We've all brawled with each other at some point but t's very rare we really delve into our problems w/ each other. If I get them 1v1, it's possible but there's no weakness to be shown in front of the 5 of us. Quarantine has helped with that slightly in that we just don't have as much material shit to talk about.

And then I compare it to the friends I've met post-college, and its drilled down even further where the whole friendship is centered more around common activities. I can think of one post-college friend I talk w/ on any sort of emotional level. And he basically rocketed himself to that level w/ me because for whatever reason he looks up to me like an older brother. I absolutely wasnt expecting him to lay his soul bare in front of me about a woman he loved. I remember him saying after the fact "I knew you might poke a little fun because that's just what you do but I thought I could count on you to not judge me negatively for this"

I think the difference for men (and I am absolutely winging it here) is that we have a certain allowed window of vulnerability in our life. Usually the teenage years. By the time you hit college you're supposed to have that figured out (you're lucky if you do but thats the expectation). And beyond that you're socialized to give a little less of yourself with each passing year. The folks I've been able to make those sort of connections w/ typically bring me back to a sort of pure childhood sort of friendship. The kind where you can just kick it and not really do shit because you really just enjoy each others company.