He judged the "validity" of her pain and concluded that her pain was no longer valid and now she's out of line.

I reinterpreted that horseshit into what he really meant. Her pain was "valid" as long as you agreed with who she directed her pain's vengeance.

Then she switched up and now that same pain & vengeance is off-putting.

That's garbage on every level and it comes from a refusal to be honest with yourselves.