Regarding my ethnic makeup and whiteness... frankly, everyone sees me as something different, but that's another topic, unless it's deemed relevant to this.

In the past, I've tried to be a dissenting, educational voice for white and hispanic friends whenever black issues are discussed. That was largely a failed endeavor.

Over the years I just started cutting those people out of my life. Unfortunately, it took far too long for me to remove a couple of folks that were too close for me to easily cut out for good, but I finally did that about two years ago.

Frankly, that was cause for serious self reflection, because there's really no justification for me to maintain relationships with people who will downplay or downright dismiss issues that impact black people. And yet, I still have the odd pang of wanting to reconnect with some of those people. So that's a problem.

The best, and most important thing I can do, is educate my children to black issues. My daughter has already experienced racism from classmates, who in kinder didn't want to hang out with her because she's not white. Thankfully my wife and I had already prepped her for that, and she handled it well.

I reinforce the beauty of her color nightly, with a bedtime song I wrote for her and my son:

She has beautiful brown skin
He has beautiful brown eyes
They have beautiful black hair
They're beautiful, where?
They're beautiful inside

She's 9 now, and has become much more aware of racial discrepancies in media, to the point that she now has a hard time watching anything that doesn't have decent racial inclusion.

But my wife and I both make a conscious choice to ensure they get programming that is inclusive, and she's becoming much more inclined toward media that heavily features and stars black and Hispanic characters.

We- and I have to say we, because I cannot sit here and pretend that my wife is not an equal partner in educating her on these matters, but I am absolutely just as active in this department- also have relatively frequent dialogue on historical black figures, and so she does have a decent working knowledge of Dr King, Rosa Parks, etc.

Yesterday, we watched some material about Juneteenth, and a clip about Officer Clemons from Mr Rogers right after, because she has a hard time with the harsher realities of the relationship America has had with black Americans.

So, educating her to those realities, helping reinforce a positive self image, educating her on colorism within groups so that she doesn't develop a stigma toward those with darker or lighter skin, ensuring that black history is a common discussion topic, helping her understand current events, etc. But I anticipate serious shortcomings on my part, as they grow up.

As an "ally", I don't know. I'm ingrained, and not just with my wife and kids. I suppose, one aspect of being supportive means I don't pepper the black friends I have with conversation about every black issue that arises, because to me that "otherizes" them, for lack of a better term.

I do speak to black friends on issues where I think I may be off base, or over analyzing some shit, or genuinely want their take from their point of view, but that always feels tricky to me, and I never feel good about it when I do, even when I get good feedback.

I've had to reprogram the way I see a lot of shit over the years, and the way I engage. I had to abandon things like the "race card", once I realized the problems with it. I learned that here, on OKP, and I don't let that go unchallenged if it comes up. As time goes on, I allow less and less to go unchallenged.

But I'm still guilty of serious failures. I was speaking to a coworker awhile back, and I said something to the effect of the topic of racism being always there, even beneath the surface. I genuinely can't remember what I said, because the part that stands out is that she told me that because she's black, she can't just table that discussion, because even if she wants to, it's always being shoved in her face, whether she wants it or not.

Yeah, no shit. How easy it is for me to be so cavalier on this subject.

I failed that one like a motherfucker.

Me and Deadzombie had a horrible relationship, and I couldn't stand him, because he would not leave me the fuck alone. So I once told him to go find a cop and reach for his waistband. I'm ashamed of that, and regretted it at the time. I weaponized- and this trivialized- a real issue that he, people here, and people I know and love in my day to day life, faces every day.

An ally doesn't do shit like that.
I learned from it, but that doesn't change the fact that it happened.

All in all, I'm not sure there's a whole lot I do that can't be chalked up to "cute, he's trying". I don't do enough studying, reading and listening to academic black voices. Yes, i listen to my favorite rappers and producers and other pop culture voices on these issues, but I haven't yet gone all in.

Checking Roland Martin or, in my better moments, the occasional Angela Davis talks here and there doesn't cut it.

So I'd classify myself as someone who is falling far short, and needs to do much better.