Geaaaaah

With the death of my hairdresser I’ve been thinking a lot about dying. Not that I’m ready, it’s just...you never know. He was 50 years old, going through a divorce and lost his mother. it pains me to think about how I rushed our last conversation. I’m working on being more patient with people. Ive taken for granted that it will be a tomorrow.

I can’t even bring myself to do my hair anymore 😢

We’re entering a new world order...

i thought i only did that with white actors and new rappers.

(yesterday i realized, btw)




i think i got an F so far on self isolation.
half of it is out of my control. i didnt go many places to begin with but ive basically been in my car every day. keep going to work. i was going to stores too much the first month. ordering too much stuff online. been doing drive thru and delivery too much. im limited on my outside contact but it is more than immediate household. its hard to say no.

Just had someone trying to sell windows. I get it.. people are home but wtf?

I’m finally getting used to WFH with kids. Production is still down but I’ve stopped fighting trying to work a hard 8-5. There will be days when it won’t happen because the kids need attention.

i mean, of course it comes down to them taking your offer or not - some folks might be considered too essential to leave.

I have no fucking clue where I am in the equation. My department does not directly deal with P&L but we do power the company so the people involved with P&L can well, get that profit and loss popping.

I'm looking at 12 weeks severance if I were to take it. - but again, it all depends on if my boss and HR were to be like "Oh you wanted to go? No. Sit that ass down. YOU THOUGHT"

I'm not saying I want to take it - I don't.

If anything I'm just thinking, what the fuck does this mean, are layoffs coming? Should I buckle the fuck down and finish my portfolio so I can look for another job?

I've said before, the company I'm with is over 150 years old, they've seen more than "some shit", they've seen all the shit.

This would all be easier if I were just a man without kids. My productivity has taken a massive shit since I'm with the kids 90% of the day so there is a part of me thats looking at the big picture like "I'd fire me"

its normally for folks that have been around forever. luckily that doesn't apply to me.

but yes, it typically means layoffs are looming. if the number of volunteers isn't big enough, the layoff list will be longer. so either folks take the severance or take their chances with layoffs. severance folks are normally closer to retirement, but would still lose some retirement benefits by taking the early out.

Putting some good energy out there for you.

I had that same feeling a few weeks back.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOTYXAQ0g5cKdr1mFJRPy2g/about

they all had reasons (new job, husbands new job + moving out of state, this is some bullshit, etc.) but I hope that they provides some financial cushion. It increases the workload of those of us who are left though.

All I could do is say “yup, no lies told”

Going to work more after the kids go down. Trying to stick between the 8-5 schedule doesn’t work and when the kids need me, I can’t ignore them.

So next week is late nights to knock out these projects and get back on track.

not really sure how much working from home had to do with it but it did happen while i was working from home. blah

forgot to update one word on a form and now we need to reorder it. thankfully there isnt much of a rush on it and theres actually a chance the customer is going to ask for some changes which would had required at least a partial reorder. still sucks. boss didnt sound upset.

it had been a long time since my last mess up. it happens i guess.

this shit is not normal.

it's not like I can go anywhere, but not having work brain for multiple days in a row has been very useful

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

what I appreciate:

- one of my favorite producers/musicians
- very informative podcast/good interviewer

what Im tired of:

- documentary appearances
- talking and educating through DJ sets (just play the jams and keep it about the music), right now he's lecturing through IG comments while people are trying to jam
- explaining black life to white America

there's a difference between critique and disrespect, Im just tired

Everybody keeps hyping....
Everybody don't have to like the same stuff I guess....



"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

I first I thought I could only watch it on my phone via the IG app and then I figured out I would just use the IG website on my computer. Much easier to listen to on a computer.

* I've been in these grocery stores every 2-3 days but I really do take COVID-19 seriously. Fridge and freezer space is limited, stores be out of stock and I keep forgetting shit or coming up with new things to cook...

* My mom watches MSBNC. There is an HIV treatment commercial that seemingly comes on every.single.break...and it bothers me. Shame on me.

* My social life was in shambles before the pandemic so I'm not as affected as much as others. 

* I signed up for someone's OnlyFans subscription out of curiosity and out of the hope that I could see this particular creator's  ____. I regret it, especially after I was prompted to undergo some liability shift process for using my Chase debit card on that site. I didn't proceed. I will be canceling before the renewal this month and possibly ordered a new debit card. Never again. 

* I've been doing the bare minimum at work at lot lately. I've been staying up too late and then taking naps throughout the workday to catch up on sleep. I even fell asleep during an 8:30 a.m. conference call back in April. I was the last to hang up 15 minutes after the call ended. Oops--hope I didn't jam up somebody's conference call line. I don't have kids. I feel lazy AF.

* I regret about $100 worth of merchandise I bought with my stimulus money. It doesn't help that I showed my azz in that stimulus check post. I'm wiser than that. Time to get it together... ;-/

they scamming like a mf on that thing. shit like this
https://twitter.com/stephxghost/status/1260729572884168705?s=21

The person I had been subscribed to didn't do that, thankfully. She was way more, uh...open.

The only thing I didn't like about how she ran her page was how the inbox exclusive content, which cost additional money, was not necessarily better than her regular posts.

She recently dropped her monthly subscription rate from $20 to $10 but I still unsubscribed and got rid of my account. The debit card "liability shift" concerns me.

I don't like porn so I thought this was a better, more tasteful alternative + I liked the fact that I was supporting a dope Black woman directly. The adult entertainment industry is exploitative AF.

*shrugs*

found out on FB today.

But I been 'out the clique' for a while. It made me happy to see him looking relatively well and confident that he can beat it, tho.

oh well.

I'm feenin to smack cards and talk some shit but there's hardly anyone here (Stockholm) that plays.

We grew up together and there was an attraction but she’s also like a goofy sister to me.

Anyways.. they way we played spades the first time was unreal. We were one! Just running fools off the table.

Always wondered if I should’ve pushed up but at the same time. It was just cards. Lol.

everyone is old now