And I know you beat yourself up over your feelings but hopefully you can come to terms with them. It's natural and no one expects you to be 'normal' through this. You shouldn't expect it from yourself either.

It's also ok to grieve her illness. Serious health issues take a toll and my mom bounced back from various things many times (so often that I feel like I took it a little for granted). But I worried alot about her at first. Then I realized she'd likely not have an extended life as things carried on. It took about 8 yrs for my mom to deteriorate in health to the point that it took her life.

If your mom pulls through, it becomes that much more important to relish/enjoy your time with her. But there's nothing wrong with being sad at the possibility that she won't, because that's very real also.

Be as strong as you can, try to find distractions (healthy ones, I spent extra time with my kids, my niece and nephew) and be as receptive to your time with her as you can be (get everything you can out of it). Because the blessing for you is, you still have that time. My mom went without us having a certainty about it. I would have much rather been able to talk to her in a hospital for a few months rather than it being sudden.