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Forum nameGeneral Discussion
Topic subjectUpdate: spoke my piece, she spoke hers
Topic URLhttp://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=show_topic&forum=4&topic_id=13338159&mesg_id=13338523
13338523, Update: spoke my piece, she spoke hers
Posted by j., Mon Jun-17-19 09:02 AM
Friday happy hour: I went and dude didn't show (I expected that)
There were 3 other dudes and 2 other females (plus my girl and I)
they were all cool, the usual HH venting session
this one's an asshole, this one's cool, this one this, this one that
at one point, they got to talking on who's your favorite manager and co-worker?
what about this clique and that clique?
I think so and so might be hooking up
did you see when so and so was talking to so and so?
shit like that
my radar was on 100%
they mentioned mad names, his name was never mentioned

This made me think 2 things:

1- dude is a non-entity in the office
2- they were respectful enough not to embarrass her in front of her man (I go with this one based on precedent)

So we left, everything was cool

Saturday we had mad errands to do and everything was cool
However, Saturday going into Sunday, I couldn't sleep at all
I was up for damm near 3 hours thinking about the shit
then was up at 6 am and couldn't sleep anymore

She wakes up around 9 and I was HEATED
I couldn't take it anymore so I say
I need to talk to you about dude
When I was away I started getting very weird vibes and foul energy
then I have this clear as day dream on the flight back home
I need you to speak your truth
Did anything go down or was there any communications, anything beyond regular work talk?

She says
They were planning a group outing to a hookah lounge
to celebrate that they were passing their certification tests
one by one the group flaked and bailed
so in the end it was them 2 and he said "do you want to go just the two of us?"
she was wishy washy cuz she was tired
they go back and forth about it
THEN after they finally settle on a time and place
(this was a Friday after work)
she asks if they want to go just the 2 of them (to confirm I guess)
(Did I mention dude's married?)
He flakes (kinda hard to get away from your wife for a couple hours friday night right?)
They decide to plan the group outing another time
that was that

(that's her story)

I discard all the other shit and focus on "just the 2 of us"
I ask "did his wife know? she's cool with that?"
She says she met the wife at a company picnic the week prior (I was gone so my girl went solo)
and that she's crazy jealous

It all comes together in my mind at that moment
dude is on a tight leash at home
starts a new gig, hits it off with an attractive unmarried woman

So I say
"Out of respect for her as a human being, one of you should tell her what's going on
she shouldn't be the odd one out, I know about it so it's only right she knows you're planning to hit a hookah lounge just the two of you"

My girl gets defensive
It's not like that
it's not a date
I don't want to date him, I love you, he's not a threat, etc etc

I say
Ain't no dude asking to go out just the two of us unless he's got a vibe or green light or signal to even ask
if the group outing fell apart, that was the end of that
for him to ask that and then for you to follow up and ask the same thing
How would his wife feel?
What if I did that when you were out of town?
and then not even tell you about it?

After going back and forth
she admits "just the two of us" was wrong and the reason was she was tired of being cooped up at home
plus she hadn't gone out at all since her grandpa passed away a month ago (fact, I was there for all that)
bottom line she's depressed
I was gone, she wanted to go with the group, they bailed, he was still down
since according to her he's not a threat and she's not interested in him like that
it was cool to go to the lounge with him alone
but then he flaked so that was that

I asked
you met his wife, when do I meet him? why wasn't he at the HH?
that will happen, he couldn't make it, etc etc
resolved that I will meet dude ASAP

Then she got into
If you want me to stop talking to him I will
I won't text no more, no more going to lunch, etc

I call bullshit and say all that will do is create resentment
sure, she'll stop for a while
then some time passes and she'll be mad at me
for not letting her have friends, it will become the forbidden fruit
and we all know where that leads

So I say
I have zero interest in controlling your life
I don't work with you
you're a grown ass woman
you know what's right and wrong
do what you feel

Resolved that she will put distance between them
I take that with a grain of salt and emphasize that she shouldn't do that for me
if she wants to keep on with him that's her choice
she emphasizes that she's doing it for her and our relationship because she sees now how it can be misconstrued and can look wrong to someone looking from the outside (you know, like his spouse)

In the end
I made my feelings very clear, she hemmed and hawed until admitting it's not right, and claims she will fall back