I’m not mad. But I’m more sympathetic than empathetic and if anything trying to relate to sad people is super confusing.
Here are the facts

1. We can’t afford to thrive in DC. Even at good salaries we were just making it. And that’s with grandma as house care. Because we couldn’t afford to thrive we couldn’t afford to
2. move forward, which is items like child care, New car, real savings, home ownership, college fund, things of that nature just weren’t realistic. And so
3. A few years ago we started to talk about potential places to move, live, next steps and therefore
4. everyone has had years to mentally prepared for necessary change, and I recognize people get comfortable but there’s a part of me that’s a survivor and that part doesn’t allow for me to get too comfortable anywhere. Besides
5. I’ve been down here for two months, they’ve all had that long to in addition to the years to really accept change. And I know that logically but I also know that
6. That’s not how the cycle of grieving works and right now they’re grieving. But part of grief is
7. Accepting. And that more than anything is my biggest point of, internal irritation. Because I feel that
8. They should’ve been here years ago. Not the last few months, not the last year, but years ago. That’s hey, the life we’re living and want to live isn’t sustainable giving current conditions and whether it’s income, proximity to family, environment, or future needs .... you should be thinking of ways to keep that up.


And now I’m just venting here. Because I can’t take this to them. And if I hold it in too long it’ll come out in other ways.
I can’t call it. I’m not even here in the move. I’m just treating this as an opportunity to get those things we talked about.

i'm glad that you posted this, we're looking to move out of the DC area
soon too, I'm finding that it's just not feasible to live here anymore.
where did you end up moving to?

Perfect launching point
Start with a solid company at DC level income with Texas COL, crash with my folks rent free until she finds work. Housing is affordable enough to purchase immediately ... then game plan from there.

seems like Texas has a lot to offer

Absolutely sure we won't be here by 2020 and am mentally prepared. For all the same reasons of DC Metro area living. This area doesn't offer the equivalent in cost of living like and do not want to raise a teenager here. Was thinking of going back to Baltimore, but after seeing that SW Baltimore has turned to shit, it would make me sad. I am hoping for Houston, but Cape Coral and Research triangle are also very likely. Being so imminent, my family and friends are actually kind of distancing in subtle ways and that is taking a bit of the excitement away.

Prices are creeping up with the influx of industry and people migrating from north raising the prices here. My wife and I are getting a house 20 miles from Raleigh because it's pretty much the only place we can afford to live and still roll with all the things listed in the OP.

This is all familiar for you. It sounds like it’s her fam that’s grieving and if she is big on family and has never been away from them I can see why they are going through the process.

Also, you have a young kid so that adds to it.

I know you are venting but be careful. I had a cousin who moved to NC from Pittsburgh and he just couldn’t deal. Dude was physically ill from missing his family and home. Some people can move and not skip a bit. That’s me.

But I know people who never left home and don’t want to leave. Family and familiar surroundings are more important than money to them.

Good luck.

The DMV offers so much in such a small space. I think while we are all broke as hell and scraping by because we like living here.

I am in the same boat. It is just my daughter and I in a small condo. Now I want to move to a 3bd /3bath small bungalow/cape cod. I am about to drop $370k!!!

But we have built our whole world here, school, neighbors, enrichment activities, jazz in the park, birthday pool parties etc.

I don't even know where I would move to. I don't have friends or family located anywhere else in the US other than the east coast.

I have just surrendered to living simply and traveling to make it living in the new DC.

What did you find was most expensive other than childcare? After childcare was over, I found that I could enjoy life more if I didn't dine out or go to restaurants!

Last week in Texas I bought a FRESH pound of strawberries for 1.34
Gas is 2.11
Happy hours are real
Etc. A dollar goes far here.
If there’s one thing I disliked the most it was penny pinching and ironically eating out
For the money and paid, for average food either in restaurants or grocery stores I could get SO much better elsewhere for SO much less.

Wish y'all the best fam. Hopefully everyone starts to see the light and y'all live happily ever after.

cant beat them fresh fruits and vegetables for cheap, that alone is enough
reason....no need for whole foods

the COL always pops the bubble

and Charlotte isn’t the cheapest city but it’s still way below the DMV unless you want to live in a high rise apt in Uptown.

SA and Houston to be exact, and he just kept talking about how everything was so much cheaper down there.

He said he went grocery shopping with his sister and was shocked at the prices versus DC.

Guess everyone is moving down to Texas lol...

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

Prolly talk more now than when y’all were together.

a few weeks back.

And if you can swing it once you guys are in your own space, cop plane tickets for her to get back to see friends and fam from time to time. Eventually, she'll see that life has moved on w/o her and that her life, with her family (you'ze guys) is in the Lonestar State.

I'm pulling for you and your family.

Hoping it would be cheaper. It *is* cheaper...barely. I make more than I did in NYC, but we still can't afford a house in a decent area. The housing prices are out of control. I'm not sure how much longer we will stay here.

everyone has different priorities. even if they know in the end it will be better for them it takes time to adjust. knowing ahead of time can help but it doesnt lessen the pain of when the change happens. not for everyone.

definitely be patient with them. find some peace knowing this was the right thing to do and try to find ways to help them cope.

listen to them, find out what is bringing them down. sometimes people just need to let it out.

That could be affecting your family as well.

The people, having to drive and the climate all seem very different.

my mom had cancer for 9 years before she died. I was mentally preparing for that shit since diagnosis day one. Doesn't make it that much easier. That's how grief works.

But also, we moved from NYC to Charlotte almost 2 years ago for all of the reasons you described. My tribe was nothing but happy for us, because they understood it ain't about them! lol.
But on the flipside of that, i was totally salty when a best buddy of mine moved from NYC to Seattle....even tho i had already left NYC myself! So its not always rational either.

Hopefully, your family can pull through and start enjoying their new home.

We are actually in the process of putting our Bay Area townhouse on the market and buying for cash in the Charlotte area.

We thought about Tejas for a hot minute, but every time we start considering it, some fuckshit happens out there in the news and my wife is like "hell no, we are not going to Texas."

We want that mortgage-free life and everything that it comes with; However, I do know I will be missing CA as I've only ever lived in Northern California my whole life. Culture shock and homesickness are things I fear I will experience; however, I'm pretty adaptable and easygoing. My wife will be good because she is from NYC and Orlando. Moving around is normal for her.

And I know what folks think Texas is, and it’s a lot of things, but it’s not “the south”

North Carolina is a gorgeous state though.
I could just never pull that trigger

It really comes down to the city and the people I come in contact with on a daily basis.

There'd be more money for "wants" in those places if I kept the same level of job.

But with 2 little kids, having a support network of friends and family is highest priority right now.

Moving, working and being isolated is difficult unless you and your partner have a strong teamwork mindset.

Well based on what you’ve typed it doesn’t sound like she is, but perhaps I’m wrong.

But to me reading what you’ve wrote sounds like you’ve moved near your fam so of course you are happy and content but she’s moved away from her fam so it’s a little different.

So many planes, affordable rental cars, FaceTime, group texts, picture sharing

That unless you have regular family hobbies like “we go bowling at granny’s ever other week” then it’s a stretch to do once you leave

And I say that while loving my family dearly, but I’m not jonsing to be around them and o think most people aren’t when they really think about it. We just tend to do what’s comfortable and complain about it.

Meanwhile, I don’t know San Antonio like that. I moved from here 12 years ago I was only here for 10. Half of that was high school and all I did was sports, the other half was college and all I did was date and work. Everything has changed, some lots some little. So
I can’t call it. Our other car got in yesterday, so that helps.

Pitt and Charlotte today, how familiar would that be?
Now it’s not completely unfamiliar. I’ll give you that.
But I’m intimately familiar with DC and Houston in ways that I don’t even come close to being with San Antonio
I can’t tell you what the worst parts of towns are (because that’s changed)
I can’t tell you what the roads are
Where to eat
Where to shop
Where the cops are trippin
Where to stay
I can’t tell you what the weather is gonna really be like
I’m still checking the speed limits on roads
I can’t make a single recommendation to you
That’s not familiar.

in the same city as your parents.

Your mouth is saying one thing but your actions are hypocritical

Your wife is a plane ride away from her family.

You’ve definitely won the FamilIar Place Olympics here lol.

Like I’m the same person just last year that y’all were questioning why I’d stay in a hotel when we visit
Not every family vibes the same.
But go ahead and cook.

You are still much closer and in the comfort zone of Texas.

But there’s truth to both of our points.

like the washer n dryer in the bedroom post?


____________

DALLAS LAKERICKS LETS GO!!

get familiar with one and it all makes sense.

Like I totally get the being sad aspect of moving and being away from loved ones
I understand the discomfort of the unfamiliar and a desire to cling to the past
None of that is in question, this isn’t a calculation

What I don’t get is the dramatic over reaction
Or the lack of preparation when you know how you are
So for example, I know I’m a lazy ass and that babies take up a bunch of time
Before she came home I canceled my gym membership and bought a full weight set, because I knew good and damn well I wasn’t gonna make time to go to the gym

Now take my wife. I was home for four days before we got on the road
She has literally months to prepare to leave, so see people, dinners, drinks, lunches ... and she didn’t with some. Some she definitely did. But she didn’t make even an effort to do some that she bemoaned in those four days
These are the kinds of things that I don’t get.
And I also don’t get the aspect of recognizing something and not doing something about it
My MIL for all her faults, gets it.
She already has a ticket for next month. She’s planning a trip for November. She has a retirement plan ready to launch and is now passively looking at houses while we figure it out. She gets it. She doesn’t want to feel the way she does and wants to change the situation. My FIL has none of the above
He has no clue how he wants to handle this

no matter how logical your solutions are to you people just dont work like that.

i understand your frustration and i do apologize for making light of it. you did everything you could to prepare yourself. you did everything you thought you could to let your people prepare. there are so many justifications for making the moves you did. im sure your family all said they were on board before. still, sometimes things just hit us differently and you cant force people out of feeling that.

it takes patience. i hope you find it.

I listen. I ask. And I leave alone.
But in the short term, some of our limitations can be maddening

>But in the short term, some of our limitations can be
>maddening
>

and yes, that can be frustrating.

Especially if you have a list of things that need to be completed in a timely fashion.