also, miss me with the "y'all" shit, too
The diversity of experience among the thousands of Black people who have been the victims and perpetrators of DV/interpersonal violence is hella broad...BUT even with that, in our community, the most common type is shit like this: a couple gets drunk/high and beats the shit outta each other (and a whole bunch of data proves this). So, yeah, the fact the we don't have a pop cultural framework to even have a discussion about bi-directional violence and substance abuse is really really fucked up.

The crutch of "toxic masculinity" obscures way too many issues of social ecology, too. For example, let's say that Kelis DIDN'T just say in that interview that they both put hands on each other, and the violence was one way only...apparently, it ain't "toxic masculinity" that caused Nas to lay hands on her, it was his alcoholism. Being a violent drunk isn't exclusive to men, so I don't know how using the dogma of "toxic masculinity" would apply to a situation like this (which, again, is the most common form of DV in our community). Which would be more helpful to a woman married to an alcoholic, abusive man: Providing him with tools to deal with/beat his alcoholism, or lecturing him about "toxic masculinity"?

the cult of "toxic masculinity" demands that the last 40+ years of sociology be ignored and replaced with "cuz niggas ain't shit" as a starting point, and that just doesn't help anyone in any way.