They got Jesse.

http://www.theroot.com/don-t-let-the-smile-fool-you-i-m-cringing-on-the-insid-1819987586


And John Singleton, who isn't that old but the behavior described in the story is very much old black man.

http://www.indiewire.com/2017/11/john-singleton-accused-sexual-harassment-danielle-young-1201894751/


Not condoning either of their behavior but it very much sounds like moves out of the old black man playbook.

My dad was a gentleman and I don't think he crossed a lot of lines but there are plenty of things that he did that don't fly with the younger crowd (e.g., calling women "sweetheart") that I wouldn't try today.

Not a major loss. We got to accept the world is different. But you are going to have to drag alot of old black men into this new world.




**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

in the current discussions about sexual harassment.

b/c you're right - we write that stuff off as old man shit (but so do 'they' - ask GHW Bush) but it's creep life and rape culture, in reality.

>it's creep life and rape, culture, in reality.

I had a secretary at my old job who hugged everyone and called everyone "sweetheart". One of the young white female lawyers was offended by being called sweetheart and reported the older black woman and the older black woman was reprimanded and told never to call anyone sweetheart. I never seen that lady so angry.

Anyway, I am not comparing grabbing a woman's thigh with an older black woman calling someone "sweetheart" but I am comparing an older black man calling someone "sweetheart" and an older black woman calling someone "sweetheart".




**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

it's about the grabbing and the talking under that woman's clothes when she's just doing her job as a professional journalist.

Don't have my OKP Manual handy to confirm though.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

'sweetheart' and that's just like but not at all like Jesse and John being called out for touching a woman's thighs.

one of them is just a sign of the times. the other is sexual harassment. they have nothing to do w/each other.

but sure.

I was heading with this) which is:


Is it rape culture when old black women call people "sweetheart" or conversely is it benign when old black men call people "sweetheart"?

When you use the term "culture" that really draws in the totality of the elements as contributing to the mentality.



>'sweetheart' and that's just like but not at all like Jesse
>and John being called out for touching a woman's thighs.
>
>one of them is just a sign of the times. the other is sexual
>harassment. they have nothing to do w/each other.
>
>but sure.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

not like this.

you're trying to drag the discussion out in the woods.

i'm not going out there w/you.

I am just curious to hear how some of yall see it.




>not like this.
>
>you're trying to drag the discussion out in the woods.
>
>i'm not going out there w/you.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

good luck, baby.

and then I see 7 photos with you laughing, smiling with your arm around the guy you are accusing.

Just tell your story cause the photos don’t help our accusation.

Unless the photo shows something inappropriate it doesn’t do anything but invite skepticism.

I could definitely see these dudes hollering tho...

not to pull this shit?


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

But no woman should do that. I shouldn’t do that. It’s not my fault if a man wants to turn a professional environment into a playground of flirting, grabbing and sexual talk. I didn’t ask for the attention just by existing.

No one asks for the attention by just being themselves.


-------------

Its a her, she, we piece meant to engage people with similar experiences.
It's not even about the skeevy men, it's more a reclamation of her right to autonomy than an indictment.

But just curious, who in your mind is this essays intended audience?


>But no woman should do that. I shouldn’t do that. It’s
>not my fault if a man wants to turn a professional environment
>into a playground of flirting, grabbing and sexual talk. I
>didn’t ask for the attention just by existing.
>
>No one asks for the attention by just being themselves.
>
>
>-------------
>
>Its a her, she, we piece meant to engage people with similar
>experiences.
>It's not even about the skeevy men, it's more a reclamation of
>her right to autonomy than an indictment.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

Its
a
her,
she,
we
piece
meant
to engage people with similar experiences.


-----

You even copied that in your reply.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

to engage people with similar experiences.

Definition of people

plural people
1 plural :human beings making up a group or assembly or linked by a common interest
2 plural :human beings, persons —often used in compounds instead of persons salespeople —often used attributively people skills
3 plural :the members of a family or kinship
4 plural :the mass of a community as distinguished from a special class disputes between the people and the nobles —often used by Communists to distinguish Communists from other people
5 plural peoples :a body of persons that are united by a common culture, tradition, or sense of kinship, that typically have common language, institutions, and beliefs, and that often constitute a politically organized group
6 :lower animals usually of a specified kind or situation
7 :the body of enfranchised citizens of a state

and I'm not doubting her story just saying I'm not a fan when someone presents a photo with them smiling and hugged up and tells folks to look at it to see the discomfort

Walk me through the logic so I understand.

we can all learn from these stories...

so why the hell wouldn't it be intended for everyone?

With a word count limit and a limited audience.
It's not journalism. It's not news.
It's a victim's story on a platform.

have picked up on it.

You don't put shit on The Root for privacy.

It isn't even a post on Lipstick alley.

She is a journalist who published a story on a website geared towards men and women who are interested in African-American Interest stories. Millions visit the website.

The Root describes itself as an online magazine.

What does word counts have to do with anything?



>With a word count limit and a limited audience.
>It's not journalism. It's not news.
>It's a victim's story on a platform.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

Byline by

Danielle Young

Writer/Producer @TheRoot & Host of #TheRootLive and #JudgeOfCharacters Telling stories in color. Dirty Chai Drinker. God over everything.


----

Is the root a sexual harassment themed site? No
So the story is independent of usual content
Is there explored research past the article's writer? No
So the story is personal
Is there story tied a narrative with interviews and sources? No
So essay not journalism.

-------

Website.

There is absolutely nothing in the piece that signals that this story is just for women who have had similar experiences.

Why would you even assume that to be the case? Because of a word limit?

You have no basis for your position.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

and going hard with it too

Fucking sycophant fool.

they always mad

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/_KAbb54SuKU/maxresdefault.jpg

https://goo.gl/DL5HWk

lol

I'm bout to. She talking about not Jesse, he marched with MLK. Who do you think he learned it from?

http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/tbt.gif

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

>and then I see 7 photos with you laughing, smiling with your
>arm around the guy you are accusing.

laughing and smiling IS EXACTLY WHAT WE WOMEN GENERALLY DO WHEN WE ARE FACED WITH AN UNCOMFORTABLE SEXUAL SITUATION

it's TEXTBOOK discomfort.

go look at that creepy fucking video of Ben Affleck and that journalist as he groped and tickled and propositioned her ON CAMERA WHILE SHE WAS WORKING

her discomfort is PALPABLE and shows in every giggle

i'm so happy for you that you've had the privilege to never experience this but i've been in that situation MANY FUCKING TIMES

so shut the fuck up about what you don't know.

d

>>and then I see 7 photos with you laughing, smiling with
>your
>>arm around the guy you are accusing.
>
>laughing and smiling IS EXACTLY WHAT WE WOMEN GENERALLY DO
>WHEN WE ARE FACED WITH AN UNCOMFORTABLE SEXUAL SITUATION
>
>it's TEXTBOOK discomfort.
>
>go look at that creepy fucking video of Ben Affleck and that
>journalist as he groped and tickled and propositioned her ON
>CAMERA WHILE SHE WAS WORKING
>
>her discomfort is PALPABLE and shows in every giggle
>
>i'm so happy for you that you've had the privilege to never
>experience this but i've been in that situation MANY FUCKING
>TIMES
>
>so shut the fuck up about what you don't know.
>
>d


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

the characterization that she was harassed in the tape.

http://www.tmz.com/2017/10/12/ben-affleck-groping-tv-host-did-nothing-wrong-anne-marie-losique-2004-interview/

I saw the tape and my first reaction is that I was watching two people who were fcuking, not someone being harassed. I wasn't certain that was the case, but her statement seems to back up that she was okay with it.

I know people often laugh when uncomfortable so I never would point to someone laughing as a sign that certain contact is welcomed.

On the other hand, I think it is hard to look at those pictures and conclude that she was clearly uncomfortable without her telling you that is the case.




**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

>I saw the tape and my first reaction is that I was watching
>two people who were fcuking, not someone being harassed. I
>wasn't certain that was the case, but her statement seems to
>back up that she was okay with it.

however, i think its important to acknowledge that sometimes we women feel pressured to say something was ok when it really wasn't because we don't want to get someone in trouble. i have no way to know if that's the case here, but i can't help but wonder, under the circumstances.

>On the other hand, I think it is hard to look at those
>pictures and conclude that she was clearly uncomfortable
>without her telling you that is the case.

that is true. but we weren't left with any reason to wonder; she stated it plainly

and in reference to what I said above, her original instagram post made it like she was ok with Singleton's comment when she really wasn't...again, that need to make everything ok for others..

d

awkwardness of someone arguing believe women when they say it was non-consensual and doubt women when they say it was consensual.


Of course, I understand why a woman might be in a position where feel compelled to say something consensual when it wasn't but this on its face really doesn't look like one of those cases.



>
>>I saw the tape and my first reaction is that I was watching
>>two people who were fcuking, not someone being harassed. I
>>wasn't certain that was the case, but her statement seems to
>>back up that she was okay with it.
>
>however, i think its important to acknowledge that sometimes
>we women feel pressured to say something was ok when it really
>wasn't because we don't want to get someone in trouble. i have
>no way to know if that's the case here, but i can't help but
>wonder, under the circumstances.
>
>>On the other hand, I think it is hard to look at those
>>pictures and conclude that she was clearly uncomfortable
>>without her telling you that is the case.
>
>that is true. but we weren't left with any reason to wonder;
>she stated it plainly
>
>and in reference to what I said above, her original instagram
>post made it like she was ok with Singleton's comment when she
>really wasn't...again, that need to make everything ok for
>others..
>
>d


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

>awkwardness of someone arguing believe women when they say it
>was non-consensual and doubt women when they say it was
>consensual.

i'm definitely not arguing that we should doubt them when we say its consensual. not at all. I'm just letting you know that its a factor sometimes.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

Sexual situation

Not that I've ever been confused.

>laughing and smiling IS EXACTLY WHAT WE WOMEN GENERALLY DO WHEN WE ARE FACED WITH AN UNCOMFORTABLE SEXUAL SITUATION

Im pretty sure ive told them here before. But man he is really loud and bold and gives no fucks.

>Im pretty sure ive told them here before. But man he is
>really loud and bold and gives no fucks.

seems like this shit is finally starting to get some traction

what I'm not sure about is how to atone for this

Outright rape, yes, you need to have your shit wrecked

But, uh....are things scaling? Do we have an agreed upon way to make things right?

Is the move to put everyone out of a job?



There doesnt seem to be a way for these men to make it right outside of shutting down their careers

Senior still has all his marbles, I think he might be less touchy feely going forward.


>seems like this shit is finally starting to get some
>traction
>
>what I'm not sure about is how to atone for this
>
>Outright rape, yes, you need to have your shit wrecked
>
>But, uh....are things scaling? Do we have an agreed upon way
>to make things right?
>
>Is the move to put everyone out of a job?
>
>
>
>There doesnt seem to be a way for these men to make it right
>outside of shutting down their careers


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

Like, part of me imagines that a real heartfelt "sorry" wont be good enough for some folks

niggas can't go back in time.

niggas can't change the past.

it's like comedians apologizing for f####t jokes in the 90's or 80's.

sure, but does that do anything for how they felt back in the 80's when you ran to the bank with them jokes?

because you probably did by today's standards.

curious to see how this all resolves once the wave of accusations is over.

you saying anybody could accuse of you of harassment or everybody getting laid generally harasses their way into the draws*?

*by "today's" standards

who didn't feel like they could come forward back then but they might feel more empowered now and so if that happens we should consider hearing them and handling the situation w/the sensitivity it deserves.

and use that photo as proof you were inappropriate.

maybe w/o realizing it.

or maybe you weren't.

i don't see women having much incentive to accuse any of us who ain't got shit of being inappropriate back in the day. b/c the statute of limitations has expired on the criminal case, most likely. and they're not going to bother suing us in civil court b/c we ain't got shit.

what other motive could they have? a mad ex? coming w/that accusation? i mean...i guess? but if that happens and i need to defend myself i can handle that if it comes. but i don't see that coming. if it does i'll deal.

it's no reason to tout theories like the one coming from BKW or the idea that any old photo can be used to prove a lie.

hit it and quit it type of dude when I was in HS and early in college days...

but I would like to think no one would say I was inappropriate but that's not for ME to say. I would let them tell it cause it's about how they receive it.

I stand by my opinion on photos tho for these type of accusations. While I get using them to show the encounter I think it's a bad idea to say "see, see how uncomfortable I was even though I was smiling in the photo?"

I doubt that photo would work to your advantage in court... and I'm just talking the court of public opinion.

so i wouldn't just dismiss that.

you can't relate but that doesn't mean it didn't happen or that others aren't swayed by those explanations of the photos.

we are all socialized to behave a certain way when we're photographed. pose. smile. don't ruin the moment. no matter what you're actually feeling just pose and smile and don't make a scene.

don't make a scene. <-- women get that socialization much tougher than we get it. we get it as kids (i recall being a ring bearer in a wedding when i was 5 years old and i wore a tux and it was hot that day in that church and outside and i had to stand and pose for SO MANY pix afterward and all i wanted to do was get the fuck out of that tux and that church but i was threatened w/in an inch of my life to NOT MAKE A SCENE and stand there and smile no matter what or else and in all the pix i'm smiling like i'm not being tormented and threatened and miserable). but it continues for women as they're told to smile in pix w/creepy old men who are touching them in their 'no zone'. and if they complain later it's 'just *insert old man*!' and their feelings are minimized. what matters more in that moment is the picture. they stood and smiled though some creepy dude was touching them out of the image (on the ass, the thighs, under the clothes, whatever). they smiled as they were taught.

anyway, i wouldn't just dismiss the words about the pix b/c lots of ppl out there don't dismiss them. we relate to them.

but you know... I think the words are much more powerful than asking folks to view the photos but I will stop saying it so I don't take away from the point being made

what is going on is women are coming forward w/stories of past abuses and harassments about which they kept silent not b/c the abuse and harassment didn't happen by some imagined standard but b/c back then they felt silenced and today they feel a wee bit more comfortable to speak up b/c it seems right now they're more likely to be believed. but as you have shown us not everyone believes these women even today.

i think it's important to make space for these folks to come forward and avoid statements like yours that tend to diminish the power of the stories we're hearing. sentiments like the one you expressed tend to have a silencing effect, i fear.

i also don't think the men who are being targeted by these stories need defense. they can handle these stories. they'll be fine. i also don't think there's much if any value in defending 'men' generally in these situations. or viewing this as some sort of GNDRWARZ! thing. b/c it need not be that. though it's tough to talk about w/o going there, i guess. but...i don't feel the need to get defensive when i hear these stories from women or from men (aka the Spacey stories). i don't jump to defend the targeted men or men generally.

i also don't want to discuss this (not w/the likes of you) but i'm going to keep posting about it as much as i want.

But then I remembered that he probably ain't your intended audience.

it's not for him. he might get it one day but i know today ain't that day.

By today's standards and the last 17 years standards, I won't catch a charge or even an accusation.
I hope you playing for poast, because if you're really learning from some of these knuckleheads here it's gonna be a rough road for you in life.

I'm sure plenty of dudes think the same thing but let women tell their stories and you might just find out that one of those touches or a line in your smooth R&B days made them feel some type of way.

The closest I've ever got to skeeviness would be at 14 where I literally begged a young woman for a kiss that I didn't get.

it's not for you to decide bruh...

and it's funny because you been out here heavy in these trenches but here you go trying to tell women how they should feel about your advances.

don't get me wrong, I also would like to think none of these women will say I was inappropriate but that's not for me to say if we are really trying to be who these women want us to be.

With. There is no need for me to add the addendum *of social norms at the time.
You're ignoring that part. Not sure if you understand the depth of the subjects you keep wading into. But good luck with that.

Women: that behavior that I experienced was inappropriate
Men: it was the culture at the time

In an extreme stretch of parallels you sound like a civil war apologist
Enslaver: who could've known that slavery was wrong at the time
*Screams in abolitionist dialect*

my point is "EVERY MAN" can say they have never ever ever...

but a woman can grab the mic and be like "well, that one time after 2 drinks when you leaned in I felt..."

"that one time when you grabbed me and hugged me I felt.."

that's it bruh.. we can use all the catch phrases we want and say we never violated or over stepped but that's not for us to say at the end of the day.

these women are telling their stories and anyone can get it if we going back 10 or 20 years.

>but a woman can grab the mic and be like "well, that one time
>after 2 drinks when you leaned in I felt..."
>
>"that one time when you grabbed me and hugged me I felt.."


Are these the type of stories in the news right now?
Women and men by the dozens are saying they were some combination of drugged/raped/molested
And your retort is to say that any innocuous incident can become a news item
I wish. I'd rather live in that world than this one where men can rape with impunity and everyone has to dance around these secret scars and terrors.

that they probably thought was charming or just jokes...

back in college I dated a woman and we walked into a building and she was headed the wrong direction so I reached out and grabbed her arm to let her know we needed to go another direction.

She pulled me aside and asked me not to grab her like that because her last man was abusive and it triggered things.

so.. while I had no ill intentions it still came across wrong to her and I had to adjust my thinking when making contact.

just saying..

what we think is normal or just a touch might feel like a violation to a woman we know or just met...

and some women are touchy feely but only feel okay when they do the touching.

Or titty? Or done the shoulder massage move?
I haven't.
Not on someone I wasn't fucking.

I think you are taking the thigh grab literally when I think it's moreso about contact in general.

and I'm not saying I was violating when I hugged someone we were just on some incense, peace and love steez. So when we went to different college radio stations to freestyle and interview and hugged the intern or host while I was faded was I violating?

I don't think so but what if one was like "yeah.. he stared at me too long and I don't like being hugged"

I like to think I was a good dude in all those interactions but what if a woman felt otherwise?

I'm just thinking out loud and saying it's not for ME to say how they received it..

I think that's what some of these stories are about.

>I don't think so but what if one was like "yeah.. he stared at
>me too long and I don't like being hugged"
>
>I like to think I was a good dude in all those interactions
>but what if a woman felt otherwise?

You know how we handle these things as adults? And how you personally are
not likely to have to worry about these things right now today based on your level of awareness.

That's been me most of my life. That's my answer. I didn't start thinking like this in adulthood. I didn't need to reflect on my behaviors past or present based on the news of today.
As a man you get a very close view of skeevy behavior by men your whole life. It doesn't take much for you to say "I don't want to be like them" and then just don't.

when dealing with women.

It still comes down to how they received it.

That's all I'm saying. You keep patting yourself on the back if it makes you feel better.

It's not about you fam

>when dealing with women.
>
>It still comes down to how they received it.

That's not how human interactions work between two adults.
That's completely incorrect.
If you really believe this then yeah. I get how everything you come out with is supremely flawed.
Adult women are
Adult
Women

They're not asking you to dance around their delicacies. They're asking not to be violated.

sure thing

and i'm not convinced you're suddenly on the good side of this.

i hate talking about it in terms of sides but i feel like previous things you've posted on the topic gave the impression that you tend to disbelieve the women telling these stories and you're frustrated that so many have come forward and you wish they'd stop.

and so i'm not sure this current stance doesn't come from that ^ place.

forgive me, i probably have you wrong. but like i said...you play too much. you joke and tease and bully too much. so now this stance feels like the wolf in sheep's clothing.

In which people will vote against their economic interests and support the rich's because they believe they're close to being millionaires.

He's willing to be the quasi defend of actual predatory behavior because of fear that he could be accused of it at some point with a close enough lens.

Both mindsets are irrational. But here we are.

why would you even suggest such a thing?

actual than confronting the actual world you're experiencing and witnessing.
It seems like an escape to what could be versus what is
I wouldn't be shocked to find that you're a person that's deeply uncomfortable with change.
I have no doubt that you're sincere in what you're saying
It just frequently in this case seems disconnected from the actuality.
You may be better off having these conversations with women, you're gaining nothing from having these with OKPs

.

but on this one I'm being genuine.

I find it odd when I read someone going hard for women YET still showing they may not get where they are coming up short... or where EYE think they may be coming up short.

I know I don't have all the answers and I do joke at times BUT when we really get into these convos I'm pretty honest on where I stand and it isn't always going to be on one side of the fence.

but I'm dead ass serious on saying dudes can say they have been 100% straight up all they want but as we see, the women are the ones who get to tell that story, not us.

I wasn't one of them. Didn't consider participating. They would walk over to the girls team, pull out their junk and then giggle and run off. Today they'd be lucky to not catch a sex offender case. But it was wrong then still. Just different ways in which we interpret or penalize wrong.

and it was wrong then and it's wrong now. I wasn't that dude either

my point tho isn't to say you HAVE done these things. I believe you when you say you haven't but within these recent convos its odd to hear you say you have never done anything...

cause IMO it's not for us to say because women are telling us that while we think we were ok they weren't ok with it.

kick game, lie, provide liquor/drugs, etc.

basically do whatever you can to 'persuade' a woman to have sex with you. instead of just relying on pure chemistry and her initial level of desire/comfort.

we view sex as something we have to induce a woman into relinquishing. and we unwillingly endure its absence.

instead of viewing it as something we may or may not mutually agree to share at some point.

>kick game, lie, provide liquor/drugs, etc.

>basically do whatever you can to 'persuade' a woman to have
>sex with you. instead of just relying on pure chemistry and
>her initial level of desire/comfort.
>we view sex as something we have to induce a woman into
>relinquishing. and we unwillingly endure its absence.
>
>instead of viewing it as something we may or may not mutually
>agree to share at some point.

carry on....

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

.

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

i'm gay as hell and i can see what he means by that. and i agree w/it.

even if he's not talking about ME in particular i know other men where that description fits.

so i'm not acting brand new about any of it.

the same when i hear these stories about harassment and abuse. even if i don't think i've behaved that way i know other men who have behaved that way so i can imagine the events going down as the women claim they did. so i don't act brand new about it just b/c i don't think i'm directly implicated.

to flesh out full thoughts here. I want him to go further and flesh that shit out. As it sat, as I read it, that was my initial gut reaction to the statement. Wasn't a slight or disrespect to him. He took it there... I guess autocorrect changing Playa to Player just gave a whole different tone....

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

not that we out here raping these women but that we view sex as a thing we have to GO GET. or that we have to entice our partners into giving it up.

when ideally it's something 2 ppl share w/each other w/o one having to trick the other or take from the other.

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

so damn sensitive???
sheesh...



"Get ready....for your blessing....."

a complex subject?

one that largely involves feelings?

we SHOULD be sensitive.

btw - you are too which is why you tripped over him saying 'our' b/c you felt implicated perhaps unduly or unfairly.

it's okay to be sensitive about this.

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

I think he said exactly what he was trying to say. A lot of dudes don't view sex as a two-way thing. Their whole focus is how what techniques do I use to get this nut off. I don't see how much more fleshing out that needs. I didn't trip off playa or player...your response read like you didn't want to be lumped in with that line of thought.

>I think he said exactly what he was trying to say. A lot of
>dudes don't view sex as a two-way thing. Their whole focus is
>how what techniques do I use to get this nut off. I don't see
>how much more fleshing out that needs. I didn't trip off
>playa or player...your response read like you didn't want to
>be lumped in with that line of thought.



"Get ready....for your blessing....."

Women don't generally just go around offering sex.

If you're able to consistently get women to want to have sex with you that means you have to be doing SOMETHING right.

Now, you should actually be GOOD at it/make sure your partner gets theirs

This will make it more likely for them to KEEP having sex with you.
Do a good enough job they might even tell their friends (MARKETING)

than us bruh

OK...maybe not...and that was a sexist joke...but still

>Women don't generally just go around offering sex.
>
>If you're able to consistently get women to want to have sex
>with you that means you have to be doing SOMETHING right.
>

you literally just have to exist...be respectful and not talk your way out of it

that's where men mess up...
just be honest and true in your presentations of who you are, not who you want to be

Man or your average Woman to have sex with someone of the opposite sex?

Women CONSISTENTLY are getting offers directly and indirectly
(And far too often the approach is in wild unsavory way, dudes need to work in that)

If a lady is just all right looking, if she stands outside long enough in one spot, EVENTUALLY some thirsty dude will try to talk to her.

Doesn't matter what her personality is like.
What she does for a living/how much money she has in the bank.

Just being a woman is enough for SOME one to actively try to have sex with her ("our" standards aren't that high)

respond to a backpage ad or hop in his van and hit the stroll

but generally speaking the advantage goes to women as far as the number of people that they may encounter

but what does that have to do with anything?

the average, adult, fire-breathing, employed, single man wouldn't have any issues meeting women if he is...idk...normal and respectful

it's more of them(women) than us and they scrambling to snatch and choose or get chose EVERYWHERE...unfortunately for them

the direction of pursuit demands it

sure, some of us make it look effortless but that's usually just talent and/or practice at work

if you are the pursuer...it's not like we peacocks and we just biologically have brighter feathers to attract women...nah...you actually have to do shit and say shit lol

they are complaining about attention just for EXISTING bruh

we don't get that from them lol

.

even tho half the game is just shutting up and letting things play out instead of pressing the situation.

https://media.tenor.com/images/ecca6d81113c2e6d77cdc392cb0c4a59/tenor.gif


>even tho half the game is just shutting up and letting things
>play out instead of pressing the situation.
>
>
>


that's the point lol..i'd say more like 70% tho

Be around and ability to recognize those horny women who will be open to sexual encounters.

lol


i'm kidding


kinda lol

shit is mad weird to me..

but then I remember some dudes ONLY use dating sites and spend most of their time online or gaming it kinda makes sense.

times are different I guess.

...but, from seeing some of these dudes in IT, it's NOT easy for everyone. Far from it. I think the amount of 20 & 30+ dudes that are virgins would surprise a lot of people. It's probably the same thing where pretty women think that what happens for them happens for every woman, but it's far from the truth.

SOMEBODY has to initiate that process, you're not going to just accidentally fall into sex.

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

to me this is the major problem...admittedly, men created this problem but how do you teach wolves to become vegan or their previous prey to coexist after being hunted for so long

is the direction of pursuit even changing at all with all this awareness? that's a genuine question i cant even answer bc im out the game but yea...

those predatory ways get rewarded by both men and women...it is good that women are speaking out but i'm curious as to how we can really impact that predatory culture without balancing out the direction of pursuit a bit

if the dynamic remains hunter and hunted, eventually somebody gonna do some fuckery
do we *really* wanna change that dynamic, is the big question

I don't necessarily see that as a bad thing if the other person is willing and ENJOYS the proceedings.

There's a whole lot of gray area from person to person

party wish they hadn't done the deed?


Are you glad you got it or do you feel some remorse?

Someone that would feel remorse in that situation is more likely to be in tuned to the other party before and during...ensuring that its mutually enjoyable.

Someone that doesn't feel remorse and is glad they got theirs likely isn't in tuned to the other party and just looking to get theirs.

i'll read through all this when i get some time this afternoon

And I heard bad stuff about John Singleton viz-a-viz Tyra Banks (DV stuff) back when I was in high school, so no surprise there, either.

him dying as early as he did meant he got canonized and lionized and didn't live long enough to tarnish his legacy.

imagine MLK w/a jheri curl.

MLK hitting a crack pipe w/Marion Berry.

it'd have been a mess.

i think the same thing about Jimi Hendrix

we skipped out on him having a Carlos Santana moment

the feelings the women in these stories are trying to communicate.

what they can prove matters less than what they felt.

b/c these cases aren't going to court. not a court of law, at least.

and they're not even about the court of public opinion.

they're more about a Public Oprah episode. these women are sitting on a talk show couch talking about their feelings. they're not standing behind a podium talking to Judge Judy. they're just talking about their feelings.

not 'just' b/c their feelings matter.

but that's the focus when i read the stories. i imagine how these women felt. i don't evaluate the cases for court. though i'm a lawyer.

these things ain't about proof, IMO as much as they're about feeling.

"Straight Black Men are the White People of Black People."

LOL!!!

how do men pick up such behavior...
is it just from being men?

we see other men do it (especially men we admire like our fathers, uncles, cousins, preachers, elders, et al). they suffer no ill consequence or at least none that we see.

we mimic the behavior. we don't suffer any ill consequence of any importance. so we continue it.

In the beginning of the article she mentioned being taught not to say anything, "especially black women". Am I taking that comment too literal because when I apply it to my own life, I don't recall it that way...

by way of example, not sure exactly what age I was but I know it was very young. While taking a bath a friend of one of my uncle knocked on the door. I invited him in...he decline and I was like I can close the shower curtain. thinking nothing of it...

later that evening, my mother beat the crap out of me and explained how I was never to do that.

and that's great.

but the story is bigger than you.

i have 2 aunts who were molested by a church deacon when they were teenagers. both told their mother. their mother told both of them to keep quiet b/c that deacon was a good man w/a family and at least one of my aunts was 'fast' and so she probably invited him to touch her. then my grandmother beat that aunt. the other aunt was told she must have misunderstood what happened and she actually was 'counseled' by the same deacon who she accused of molesting her. grandmother and deacon and that aunt in a room talking about my aunt being mistaken and not repeating the allegation.

back then it was common for women to be told to keep these stories in house or else the good men they were accusing might have their more important work compromised. so they were shut up and shut down and silenced.

maybe you were lucky. that's good stuff. but many women weren't and we can't use your story as proof of anything about them.

perhaps...
I like to provide example because often I feel like people here misunderstand me. hopefully my example allow people to see why things show up for me different.

but yeah, FLUID might be on to something about it being a culture thing. I think my mother's generation and those prior to it may have dealt more with it. so when it got down to us, my friends and I, our parents were more adamant about "sitting on men laps"...

the tone of him saying "no".

im thinking he may have been 20s...early 30s.
like i said...i was young
i wasn't like I was being fast either
just didn't understand the inapproriateness...

"women" for developmental purposes.

My cousin use to walk around in her PJs way too long with grown-up boobs bulging out until someone told her to put on some real clothes.


>the tone of him saying "no".
>
>im thinking he may have been 20s...early 30s.
>like i said...i was young
>i wasn't like I was being fast either
>just didn't understand the inapproriateness...


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

druuuuunk. My boy's niece was in the shower..they only had one bathroom. I was cool with my homey but i was just meeting all his brothers. i had to peee so badly and for whatever reason the niece was showering with the door cracked. I don't remember what the conversation was but the niece somehow gave me permission to go in. Just as i was about to go in, my wife(just a friend at the time) stopped me and was like don't do it. She saved my ass. Things coulda went so different if i had went in. I was mortified the next day when she told me

prior to it actually happening. from what I've seen in my fam is once it happens, there are a lot of decisions to be made.

when the person that was violated brings it up, it becomes who can I trust to tell this to? will I be believed by my own family? what will happen next if I tell? but he's such a good uncle/cousin/grandpa and I don't want to embarrass him? maybe he won't do it again? was this my fault?

there's a ton of things to process and often when the victim says something, she's questioned and shamed into not telling anyone for fear it'll cause trouble in the fam.

and i was adamant w/all who talked to me about it that we had to support her. we had to err on her side b/c other younger ppl were watching and hearing us and if they saw or heard us shutting her down then it would make it difficult for them to come forward if they needed to.

it turned out the lil cuz was lying and that was revealed and we healed the situation privately. everybody's cool now, at least it seems. i hope we didn't do too much damage.

for everyone excect the person that did it.

my cousin's granddad touched her boob intentionally as a joke. not sure what kinda joke he was going for, but of course he shouldn't have touched her.

so tells me, her mom, her sister. eventually, but reluctantly mom talked to the grandpa. I don't know how that convo went, but apparently the message of don't do that again was received.

in all of this, the grandmother is not aware of anything. nobody had the guts to tell her that her husband was touching folks wrong. makes me wonder how many other folks this has happened to since most of my younger cousin are girls.

how was the family member that was accused handle that? there's this impression that you don't recover from that type of accusation but sounds like in this case you can

a lil randumb but i suggest re-watching the original Sparkle and peep how men holla'd back then

there was NEVER a 'good ole days' for women

i was watchin w/ a fren a few yrs back and we were 'laughin' but got damn if dudes went extra hard in the paint

like it was better back then?

nah son..

like lemme hold this door for ya
**smacks her in the back of the head for not moving fast enough**

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

World culture is such that the end result of pursuit is conquering.

Conquering is always about one party dominating the other.

Name one culture where the primary pursuit of a mate doesn't involve some sort of play that involves making ones sexual intentions known. The problem is that world culture has amplified & boiled down the key components of the equation to eliminate the nuances and subtleties in order to get to the final goal in the fastest way possible.

Society is moving faster....
This is the speed bump to slow things down.
Population control by the almighty??


"Get ready....for your blessing....."

that fall outside of the current definition of "acceptable" pursual?

bear with me, im trying to understand this "world culture not a man thing" thing.

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

not a person nigga...a culture...that's clearly a subculture where they are literally making a caricature of our behaviors simply bc they like women

don't want to be out here offending folks on OKP because that's usually how it goes down on here.

>not a person nigga...a culture...that's clearly a subculture
>where they are literally making a caricature of our behaviors
>simply bc they like women

you obviously knew what I was referring to though...

Why you always coming at me sideways on here?? As infrequently as you post, it seems like you stay coming at me like you have some kinda problem with me for whatever reason. What did I do/say/post to offend your sensibilities out here??


"Get ready....for your blessing....."

if so - why?

men are socialized to behave this way.

of male behavior

it's literally mimicking how men act simply bc the prey is still women...

ya'll can't be serious

he was challenged to name a society where women were the predators (even a subculture) but he should have realized that it means those women would need to be pursuing men and not women

smh

>of male behavior
>
>it's literally mimicking how men act simply bc the prey is
>still women...
>

Its pure toxic masculinity; hopped out of the train one time and there were two dudes and one gay female and she was the one who hit the woman in front of me with the mad disrespectful street holla and all three of em laughed. What makes that sitatution depressing is you've got someone who's basically biologically coded not to be gender binary and even she knows the best way to embrace masculinity is to be a fucking dick.


"I learned it from watching you".

I know a few women who have switched teams cause guys have done them dirty.

99% of them end up with the same type of woman or even worse.

and all of them have had to physically fight or defend themselves out of a relationship.

a lot of them go waaaay overboard with it.

"The problem is that world culture has amplified & boiled down the key components of the equation to eliminate the nuances and subtleties in order to get to the final goal in the fastest way possible. "

We're at the forefront of this blossoming into an issue with victims on both sides of the gender line.

Y'all are talking masculinity...i'm off that....i'm speaking on what I see is a larger budding problem.



"Get ready....for your blessing....."

and you know that but good luck.

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

i might be slow tho.

im still not 100% sure what your point is exactly but hey if women are acting like men do to secure the draws, let's address them too(?)

are all those women acting like men when they chase?

not sure if that's what he is implying.

I think some are saying those women are emulating men and that might be true as well.

there are huge chunks of the world where womean cant even pursue women (or men) openly and/or aggressively. hell, huge chunks of this country lol. so i def wasnt thinking that was the angle he was going with originally.

I feel like that's something y'all knew about me though lol...

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

of the sexual misconduct currently at issue. And it happens bc of the way we're socialized and bc there's so much support out there for this misconduct. It is our problem bc we're the ones out there acting badly. It's on us to fix ourselves. But first we have to see the problem. Living in denial and deflection won't help us solve our problem. I say 'our' bc we're men. You and I aren't out there engaged in the misconduct but we should be on watch for it bc our peers might be out there acting badly. We also don't want to offer any support for this misconduct, or at least I don't, via words or actions or silence or inaction.

and similar convos IRL.