I've always been a bit of an "internet dater". Used to try to get at people via yahoo chats, then myspace and facebook changed the game up and it was a wrap for me. Did try Blackplanet once but my personality was too goofy for that site.

So it's like 2012ish, and I'm newly unemployed, 28, and living with my parents, which buys me some flexibility in my job hunting. Before I was looking to take any job for money, but living with my parents let me find what I was looking for careers wise. I figured if I'm going to move somewhere for work it should also be to take that next step in life.

So at the time I get a job offer in San Marcos (between Austin and San Antonio), Portland, Charlotte, and DC. So I went on okcupid, wanted to see which site would give me the best chance at taking that next step. DC won hands down.

So I moved up here, across the country for this one woman that I had been "on and off" with for years, hoping that proximity would change the dynamic we had, but also knowing that if it didn't work out that I'd be less fucked up.

And it didn't work out. At all. And that hurt. Because at that point in life, that was my dream woman. I thought we were a go from jump, and we'd known each other so long. But hey, that's life, and I'm not the first person to get it wrong and won't be the last.

So I created a profile on okcupid and started looking. I'm weird at times, but I'm no creep. So I didn't move here off the strength of any one profile, just who had the most numbers. And many it just took off from there. DC for a single black man, no better place.

I hung out with a lawyer for a few weeks, then there was a teacher, couple of dates splashed here at there, but my now wife, I thought I could really do some things if we met. So I sent her a message and I worked on it really hard man. I wanted to get it right. I took weeks getting that message. And here's what it said.
"Hey, it seems like we have a lot of the same interests, if you're interested in talking shoot me a message back"
Bam. Weeks.

And she did. And we emailed back and forth for a few months. I'm a slow goer. And I dated and we emailed. And then we were supposed to meet up in December one day (so like three months of random emails) and I was ready because I just stopped with a few people and I wasn't ready to be alone alone for Christmas up here. So I go into work that day, and she cancels on me. Like an hour before.

Now I'm pretty easy going, so I just said "ok, I understand". She'd gotten sick (which was true) but she woke up sick she could've let me know earlier (also true). But I remembered something a friend of mine told me in 2008 at one of my biggest break ups. He told me I never let people know how I feel and that I need to. So I followed up with that email and I said "I'm kind of bummed that we didn't get to meet up, I was looking forward to it"

and
that
message is why she hit me back up in February. Because I sure as shit don't follow up with people that cancel on me on a first date. But I gave it a go. We met up at a bookstore/cafe. Chatted about an hour, she left. We hung out a few times after that. I was still dating, but this looked like it was going somewhere. So I was working on trying to take that next step. Which for me meant, I wanted to be "good". I didn't wanna so much as kiss someone else once we first kissed. And man, some people just throw it at you.

And then one night I'm out drinking with Kwesi, near the house of the teacher, and she texts like "hey, you forgot your chairs" because I had left some $15 ikea chairs at her place months before from a party. But at 1am, she's not trying to get me to come get some chairs, and I'm not trying to go get chairs, but I was gonna go get those chairs you know? And dude asked me how much them chairs cost, I told him how much, and dude goes
"MAN FUCK THEM CHAIRS"

And I went home, and the next day, I said I think we should be exclusive. And she agreed. Dated, got engaged, moved in together the next weekend, got married the next year, got a little one on the way in 10 weeks.


okcupid. she likes free, I like stats and algorithms