A good portion of my daily walking involves walking past people eating on patios and every single time I have the urge to grab a handful of someone's fries and walk off eating them.

But I never do it.

I am currently resisting the urge to throw on a headlock and give knuckle noogies to @ 4 people right this second


it's a daily struggle

Head every. Single. Day.

I just wanna slap it so hard I leave a handprint.

Nice enough guy too. I couldn't even explain why I wanna slap his stupid head so much.

~ ~ ~
All meetings end in separation
All acquisition ends in dispersion
All life ends in death
- The Buddha

|\_/|
='_'=

Every hundred years, all new people

I always tap my wife in the ass when I walk past her and at work there has been 1 or 2 times where muscle memory almost kicked in..


I did say "ok babe" one time when she was fussin at me just like my wife. it felt natural and right after I said it was "oh no, no, no.."

but i love dogs.. so i just pet and cuddle them.

that didn't take long.

because it is not a dog

And he's very much a dog.

only the ones with attitude. Not the kittens tho.....



Not the kittens.
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Like a pug I could hug and kiss and give him doggy treats all day but one of those teacup poodles, I wanna kick one like a football out of a window. Chihuahua's gotta go too.

but then I don't like dogs in general. here have only ever been a few that i liked

what would happen if I stood up on the table and said "All yall montherfuckers can kiss my ass" than sat down and act like nothing happened.

Would the meeting continue? Would they escort me out on the spot? Who would escort me out?

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

murder.

i mean cobra kai style.

- Knocking cups of coffee out of people's hands. Coffee culture annoys me and I hate seeing people slavishly drink it.

- Knocking cigarettes out of people's hands as I'm walking behind them, down the street. Folks think the smoke instantly evaporates, but it doesn't. I basically can't breathe if I'm with 25 ft. of someone's who's smoking up ahead of me.

- Attacking people who blow their car horns for reasons other than to avert imminent danger.

- Being the vocal, unsolicited arbiter of who's right and who's wrong when two people get into conflict in public places.

- Yelling at people to control their children when the kids are being unruly and invading my personal space.

- Attacking people who don't use turn signals at intersections.

- Attacking people (vast majority are white) who walk without looking in the direction in which they're walking. Like looking off to the side, or drifting into the middle of the sidewalk without paying attention to someone approaching.

- Attacking people who insist on walking along the yellow platform strip in subway stations.

- Attacking people who walk the length of subway cars and/or pass between subway cars.

- Telling Eastern European immigrants who clearly don't wear deodorant and probably don't bathe daily that they reek.

>- Knocking cups of coffee out of people's hands. Coffee
>culture annoys me and I hate seeing people slavishly drink
>it.

I hate this shit too. I also hate that i look like a coffee drinker when I'm actually drinking tea
>
>- Attacking people (vast majority are white) who walk without
>looking in the direction in which they're walking. Like
>looking off to the side, or drifting into the middle of the
>sidewalk without paying attention to someone approaching.

Fam I ain't moving for them. I l will let them walk right into to me and tell them they need to watch here they going. Sotimes they ntoice just as they ar about to walk into me and I just look at them like they crazy.

I wanna put everyone that sits on the outside seat so no one will sit next to them on a busy train in a cobra clutch

in traffic. in line at the store, even when friends are lost in their shit

i think about doing that way too much

"Is this really the most interesting or entertaining thing you could come up with to talk about?"

Seems rude I guess.

-Mowing down pedestrians who walk ever so slowly through traffic.

-Screaming at cashiers who are socializing as they ring me up.

In my mind the bike just keeps rolling as I lay them out.

>-Mowing down pedestrians who walk ever so slowly through
>traffic.
>

One reason traffic is crappy is because people don't know how to walk they asses across the fucking street in a timely manner.

... after clotheslining a cyclist.


---------------------------

"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out?
Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then?
They don't want to call for peace then.

Like, I want them to just let me babysit until they're finished shopping or whatever, then give them the baby back.

Same goes for their dogs. Just let me have your dog for 30 minutes or so, and then you can have it back.

like people charge money to do those things to willing and grateful customers.

It's creepy and alarming. Maybe men don't really understand how it can come off like you're an obsessive baby-snatcher.

I made a post after my son was born about a quasi-relative whose church friend wanted to come see the new baby. A church friend we didn’t know and had never met and never heard of until we had our son. I thought that shit was creepy and weird and had about a million red flags. That didn’t mean she was going to do anything or that she wasn’t well meaning, but that’s such an odd thing to me. The very idea of requesting to visit a stranger’s newborn screams predatory to me. Most people love babies but the boundaries for that sort of thing should be obvious to everyone.

I was pretty adamant against the visit and posted up here to see if I was overreacting. I eventually relented in part because, despite the average OKP view of me, I’m a sensible adult who realizes that every hang up I have shouldn’t be projected onto everyone around me and I ultimately did my wife the basic courtesy of deferring to her judgment in the matter.

OKP’s by and large didn’t see the big deal. Meanwhile I’d recently read a story about a woman who snatched a newborn. I think your urge is perfectly normal and reasonable, but only because your natural understanding of boundaries overrides the urge itself- like most of our entries in here.

Those who can’t contain such a desire to a Scrubs cutaway moment though? Batshit.

Not only do I feel that draw to children, but I also understand the urge to protect them.
Knowing that for a parent it must be 100000x stronger, I maintain the proper distance.

Unless you WANT me to hold your baby, cause I will hold it until you take it back, lol.

talking to women who feel that pull, they really feel that from the inside out

meanwhile men who have not had a kid yet look at the situation like "hey baby. you a baby right? thats cool. i was once a baby. ok baby, im going to go...over there"

Like "HURRY DA FUCK UP U SLOW ASS MOTHERFUCKER! THERES PPL GOING PLACES HERE"


Ima just extend this to everyone who annoys me on the daily:

- People in the uberpool who try to rush the driver
- People who roll their eyes when you ask them to move so you can take the empty transit seat
- People who stand in the aisle but keep headphones on, then you gotta do extra work to ask them to move outt the way. MOVE NIGGA
- People who stand at the cash register AFTER theyve paid, holding up the line

You probably getting paired up with 4.6 rated passengers.

I have and anlke problem (it's temporary) but I feel you. Now I know the struggle from both directions

Just the ones who are always in the way. Oblivious that theyre slowing others down

If it's a slow walker ahead of me I'm more than happy to just walk around, provided there's space. If its a tight walkway and I just gotta bare a moment of slowness, thats cool too

Just talking bout those constant aloof, situationally unaware mofos

somewhat related. Tourists love to ask me for directions. Particularly foreign tourists on that "where is liberty bell?"

I don't think I look that approachable but I guess I'm wrong

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Fay was older but dammit, that aint no excuse. There would be 10 feet on the left and 1 foot between me and the wall and she would try to squeeze through that 1 ft of space.

one time I just stopped and screamed NO, NO... NOT TODAY FAY, NOT TODAY!!!

when im holding a baby sometimes i wonder what would happen if i just threw it out a window. then i get nervous and my heart starts racing like if i'm actually going to do it. than i have to put the baby down.

people often wonder why i don't like holding babies...

The one who keyed my car. I think about it everyday.

The poor guy who was parked in the asshole's spot this morning had a full cup of coffee on his driver's side window.

It's my favourite on-going story here.

>It's my favourite on-going story here.

+1

https://youtu.be/FF6a-XZEm0o?t=64

https://youtu.be/DsUCRcK7QYc?t=14

... that they shouldn't buy their kids that big bag of chips and 20 oz pepsi.

How cool are you when you can't walk!?

Chill. Lol

i pray everyday for sanity because if one day i suddenly snap, i will probably kill someone

.
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>

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^^ Talking about me. "in a Sylvan" or did you me "attending Sylvan
or "going to Sylvan"?

"You should be in a Sylvan as a student" is fine

Just like:

You should be in a Sears as a consumer

You should be in a McDonalds as an employee

You should be in a Bed Bath and Beyond as a personal shopper

All fine lol

Anything else is just lazy.
.
.
.

But you can be lazy.
.
.
.

>.
>.

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you're picking on the kid who doesn't "read good" in class lol

His comment was lazy. But hey if that's what you're willing to settle for then do you.

>"You should be in a Sylvan as a student" is fine
>
>Just like:
>
>You should be in a Sears as a consumer
>
>You should be in a McDonalds as an employee
>
>You should be in a Bed Bath and Beyond as a personal shopper
>
>All fine lol

It's not you should be in a Toyota, it's you should be in a Toyota car.

Because this is a refined message board filled with thoughtful turns of phrase and impeccable spelling. There's no room for perfectly correct expressions that exemplify real life communication.

.
.
.

I'll wait till you've let go of your thin skinned hate before having a joke with someone else where you might see and get caught in your feelings.

You can let your thinly veiled hate out in the meantime. It's alright lil bro.

But that's what you're good at. Been that way since the garden.
.
.
.

Good you let it out here though little bro. Give a chance for Jesus' love to take your hate's place.

Or anything else that doesn't involve up you fucking up a perfectly light hearted post.

.
.
.

And would have regardless

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.

Seriously, for all your bullshit policing you stay throwing darts all over this place.

You can't resist the draw yet you stay taking me to task for jabs just like this- unless, of course, the target is socially acceptable to shit on.

Sorry but you'll have to find another partner for a dog pile.

.

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grab a woman's booty....


I know this is completely inappropiate so i fight this urge all the time.

Def not psycho.

Not really old but I’d say he’s about 50.

I’d say he’s done this about twenty times in the five years I’ve been taking my daughter to daycare. This idiot will park his fucking car in front of the driveway parallel to the street knowing full well there’s a car in the driveway. There have been times where I’d be walking OUT with my daughter as he pulls up and he starts walking IN as I’m putting her in her car seat.

He’s either stupid or extremely absent minded but the fact that I’ve had to point out that I’m about to leave and ask him to move his car in situations where it’s crystal clear drives me up the wall. I want to floor the gas and t-bone his ass.

It's not shudafukup it's shut the fuck up

slapping people in staff meetings
crotch grabbing guys with beards
flipping a table of food at a gathering lol


It's plenty of money to be made
from Candler Road to Bankhead
It's plenty of room to get paid
for those that ain't scared

Like that seen in Zombieland where they break everything.
I just want to run down the aisle in a store while pushing the bottles off the shelves.

That blatantly refuse to use the sidewalk.

If their mama be on that "Why'd he have to hit my baby?!" fuckshit, I'ma run her ass over, too.

Their lack of coordination is hilarious to me

It fall 17 floors and explode on the street below.

i want to violently pull those pants up. You are wearing skinny jeans my g, its not a good look to sag 90s style in skinny jeans. A bit sure, but full on ass out sagging is dead.

some of the same kids complaining they can't get a decent job.

random taa taas or booties?

Cool me neither.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

Gotta fight hard to remember these ladies are complex people with feelings who are worthy of respect and empathy and kindness, not just sexual objects.

Delicious, exquisite sexual objects.

good LAWHWD I look at 'em like "them titties look nice and joogly, they gotta feel like the softest pillows and some of them unchained asses you just wanna run up on 'em, grab two handfuls, rub 'em like a genie bottle, and motorboat them cheeks.



... But I would never do that... jussayin...
---------------------------

"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out?
Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then?
They don't want to call for peace then.

of that white girl that jumps in front of me at a concert and then proceeds to fling her long stringy hair in my face every 5 seconds....

okay, i've actually done this... but not as often as I would like to.... lulz

I live in a college town and these kids just hit the button and start going even they don't have it. There's a not even a pause where they look up to see if its clear. They just walk out.

Texters are more dangerous and unpredictable than deer. Seriously.

I feel like I shouldn't be charged with anything if someone walks in front of my car like that. I have to stop a car in order to keep myself from hitting them. All they have to do is pay attention.
---------------------------------------


---------------------------------------

"aye... aye aye aye boi... you c'mere... I likes ya... and I wants ya... and uh... we can do this the easy way or da hard way..."

https://youtu.be/cJ-TVhKO7Vc?t=126

---------------------------

"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out?
Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then?
They don't want to call for peace then.

That's exactly what he wanted, you caught him red handed.

Is your daily outrage diet met yet?

"its a joke" is such a lazy copout.

I'm not heartless. Men don't emote as often as women do so when they do it looks awkward.

mn

Like, right behind me, because it reflects off my glasses.
After I asked nicely and suggested she get closer, or take her video recording aspirations seriously and get some real equipment and a real gig doing that kind of work.

>Like, right behind me, because it reflects off my glasses.
>After I asked nicely and suggested she get closer, or take her
>video recording aspirations seriously and get some real
>equipment and a real gig doing that kind of work.

exhibit A why i attend less and less concert these days (aside from getting older).

some asshole 20-something a couple seats away from me held up his ipad the ENTIRE fucking time when i saw jurassic 5 last year. yay, you're shooting video that you'll forgot a couple weeks from now anyway after all your friends have *liked* it.

...then I thank the stars that I don't, because I seriously fucking abuse them. I'd wreak havoc on anyone why slightly pissed me off. I'd be an absolute menace.

I’m well past the point of wanting to use such a power for anything altruistic. I’d be a billionaire and anyone fucking with me and mine would be absolutely terrified of showers, baths, clean clothes, and would eat nothing but funyuns.

Or an overwhelming urge to punch themselves in the crotch whenever someone tries to shake their hand.

...to tell people to pull their damn pants up.

The graying of OKP.

on public transit, and throwing it against the wall.

Overripe avocados sitting by the dumpster.

I want to take them up to the office and throw them out the window so badly.

Throwing old avocados out a window sounds like a lot of fun for some reason

It's some weird shit I always get the urge to do. It ain't sexua at all, I just like rubbing big ass smith foreheads. I'll only do it if it's my girl and she's cool with it, though

Especially on the highway, I want to just be like, "Fuck it" and start driving off into a field or something.


I also really want to thrown shit out of windows. Phones, food, people. I just want to chuck it and keep moving.


"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts..." -The Bard

hand turn on a green light.....


I visualize myself getting out the car and runnin up on em and laying these mighty paws pon dem

signal, but has a regular green light that stop at the corner instead of moving up. They wind up preventing multiple cars from turning.

except for when i'm not in the turn lane yet, i usually just slide up in front of them lol

You ever see someone's dog or puppy and just want to pet them for a few minutes? I ran up on a police dog in another country and started petting him until the cops came up to me after the dog started growling.

Fuck cats tho with their lazy asses.

--

Does anyone else have to resist the urge to call 911 after seeing a suspicious white male in the vicinity that looks like they're up to no good? I call 911 anytime I see a white male with carrying a gun open carry or not. They might be en route to commit some terrorism and I'll be damned if I get caught in the crossfire.

I mean they been offing my people for centuries what's a couple of them gone in the scheme of things? It's frowned upon but I bet it would fee great.

.

the OU and Cowboys Safety, not the basketball coach.

I get it, you have a nice ass car.

I would also like to have a parking spot, but I can't, because you fuckin double parked thinking you'll keep cars away from yours so they don't mess you up. Well, here's to you Mr. Assface.

*throws stick of dynamite in car*

been thinking about this one for years

At least the ones that are down with it, that is. When they cone in with the sheer stockings and open toed heels, I have to remind myself that I'm on the job.

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@ that moment i WISHED i had my blade so i could STAB IT THROUGH ITS BRAIN

god knows