Nada

lol a coworker was fired a couple of months ago and for all his studiousness and working late, his work, which i have now inherited, is WORTHLESS

homeboy got 8,000 drafts of one document but the actual final signed document is no where to be found

he never revised his budget for a project whose scope changed
all this week i've been cursing his name.

i get being so overwhelmed w/ the job that you get paralyzed but this is ridiculous

but this will only force me to get on the ball :/

is "woosah"

:(

http://www.rapscene.cz/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/d70e014353ac7a730c500170aad261cf.png

a big leap of faith that could negatively affect our household income for who knows how long. it scares me a little but we've been through a lot (March is 5 years since we begun dating) so Im sticking by her because I know she would do the same for me. Yesterday made me realize that all we really have is each other (we have 4 living parents, but they look at it we're supposed to be grown)

I may make an appointment with a therapist soon because I cant go into 2017 feeling like I have been lately. Luckily we're only a week into the new year.

that is a real tough position to be in.

we'll just have to scale back on restaurants and what not, but thanks

but I was talking more so about if the plan fails or has a road bump or 2. Sometimes that takes a toll on a relationship.

Be it regret, money, career trajectory, etc...

it's great when it works out but can be tough on a relationship when it doesn't.

or something generally resembling that....
my wife made a major career shift around that same 5 year mark....
looking back, better that she did it then than put it off and remained miserable....
More so than the money, the biggest pain was that she was in school which = a lot of alone time for me.


"Get ready..for your blessing..."

trying to do what is best for my kids...just don't know what that actually is.

i wanted to kill myself. i was lost and broken, and let my depression define my life

i took 2 yrs off in college bc i was so depressed i couldnt function. now, im finishing up my dissertation and ready for the next chapter of my life.
but more importantly, i have learned to love myself

this isnt a somber moment, just a reminder of how far ive come

very admirable

keep on keeping on...


***
I'm tryna be better off, not better than...

i mean vacay is strong, it's a weekend getaway

feeling pretty lighthearted abt it, but it also strikes me as a little nutty

in all this dating i'm forcing myself into, while the prevailing experience is fun, i just don't have my heart in any of it. which i know is a totally reasonable grown up experience, but iono, it feels a little foreign to me. like the ppl may be basically cool, and the time we spend together basically fun, but iono man. i just don't feel any investment, like at all.

i guess my more meaningful concern is when someone clearly likes me, a lot, and my feelings are as above. not wanting to be that person

anyway, we'll see how this premature weekend away experiment goes, i predict basically fun

These dudes are f*ckin the game up.

I wanna make a post bout it but can't really put it down the way I want too. Mostly all the brothas I know that are complaining about "women issues" & not able to find a youngin are cuz they're chasing after the video model & not swimmin in their own bowl. Ideally there's nothing wrong wit that cuz we all want someone that we are attracted to but, they're average guys - they good folks but...average & havent accepted it.

Meanwhile Kenya who lives next door has her own house, no kids & great job will give their left kidney for ol boy is getting ignored by cuz his nose is too wide open off the IG model. I cant call it.

Aint nothing wrong wit being average.

...chasing their "ideal" too:


http://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=show_topic&forum=4&topic_id=12896196&mesg_id=12896196&listing_type=search#12896486

you got 10% of the population that looks exceptionally good.

and another 10% that looks really awful.

the remaining 80% are average people who either clean up well or they don't. they raise themselves up or down through grooming, dressing, paying attention to detail, and carrying themselves a certain way.

and while those lanes exist, i'm not sure i want to tell people to stay in theirs. especially seeing how looks are just one aspect of life. what about the rest?

i used to follow these 2 chicks on IG who were on that photo-shoot shit cuz they had the bodies for it.

one worked at walmart stocking shelves and the other was a manager at mcdonalds.

i can't see why an average looking man that has his shit together would be intimidated by a walmart or mcdonalds worker. i don't care how nice she looks.

and the one that worked at mcdonalds was barely literate. she'd say shit like minus well and be dead serious...


***
I'm tryna be better off, not better than...

______________________________________________________________________________

cscpov.blogspot.com

"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..."
-unknown

"To Each His Reach"

for a come up, someone who can offer them much more than average wages. they are seeking fame and fortune on IG. Not average joe who can offer them an average life. they tend to be even more shallow than the men who only view them as objects. oil and water all day.

"Get ready..for your blessing..."

______________________________________________________________________________

cscpov.blogspot.com

"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..."
-unknown

"To Each His Reach"

"Get ready..for your blessing..."

is there any part of the Valley where a mid-aged gay Black man might want to make a home? in a 1 bedroom apartment?

right now i'm more focused on Central LA and i'll be checking it out this spring. but i don't want to put all of my focus on that one area while ignoring other parts of the city that might have appeal.

i could elaborate, but there's just not a strong enough case to be made. The central areas I'm sure you're considering are just so much better.

i'll check it out for myself but i don't have high expectation for the Valley.

which is fairly vague info, but iono man. i'm skeptical lol

I actually believe in living close to where you work, which is tricky because jobs change all the time...but in L.A....I HATE, and hate, and fuckin hate having a bad commute.

My daily commute is 18-20 min going, and 25 coming home. When I have to go straight to Hollywood or Downtown after work, sometimes its 55-60 minutes, sometimes even 75-90...and I'll sit there PISSED.

The Crenshaw line will be here in a few years, though. But that's just that...not like we're getting the whole NYC Subway system overnight

I've decided that the first week of January doesn't count.

>I've decided that the first week of January doesn't count.

not because it sucks
but because i havent done any of the meaninful things i've wanted to do
but the up side is, this is just week 1 (or two, now i guess)
there's the whole year to look forward to.

oh and *hugs*

I have mentioned before that my father is suffering from dementia. Well at some point this summer my mom told me a story that after they left my house my dad asked "Where did Buddy G come from". And she told him that they took me in soon after I was born. When my mom told me the story she was a few sheets to the wind. When I asked her about it the next day she said she was just joking and the conversation didn't happen.

My wife and I laughed about it. But it also got wheels turning. Though I look like my mom I don't look a whole lot like my dad. At least not the way my older brother does. Also my older brothers and my dad are huge. I am totally different built.

I could go on with other circumstantial evidence but the truth is I am mostly 90% positive I am my dad's son, it's weird that all of a sudden I got this 10% doubt.

Weird stuff.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

there are no baby pictures of her at her parents house or at our grandparents house.

my daughter had to use my laptop because she was having an issue with her. So while she going into her email, i noticed she had 45K unread email. How the fk does that even happen. I thought my mom was bad with 2k, but 45k is ridiculous. I told as such and she just laughed it off.

Me and the jumpoff are still going strong. She gives the best head i ever had. And she's great for my ego. She just might stick around awhile.

I helped a woman get a job and she went on facebook and posted about it. She went into detail on how she had been unemployed for a whole year and lost family, friends, and obviously her job while trying to care for her father who had cancer. I knew about her father's condition, but didnt know how long she had been unemployed because she never disclosed it to me. It felt good making her happy.

Fk the cold.

and I am mostly excited about it but there is this part of me that is afraid that I am going to want to stay there longer (i.e actually move) and my entire family is on the east coast.

my mother had a major health scare a few days ago. her blood pressure was so high that her doctor thought she was going to have a stroke. put her on bedrest (which of course lasted only a half a day....smh) and kept her out of work for two weeks. she decided to retire now and put everything in motion today. the reality that my parents are getting older is setting in and i don't want to be across the country if something happens. i watched that video from ebro and i know i could get that call too.

but at the same time....i want to live my life for me which at the moment makes me feel selfish. ionno. i guess i will cross that bridge in a couple of months. sometimes i wish i didn't always have the itch to move somewhere new and do something new and could just live in one place for years like my fam has :/

but I'ma say this anyway.

I'm always going to love her but...

I don't feel she supports me like I need, I mean I've been in long relationships(granted none this long) and when it's right, I'm active and creative and more the me I know I am. I haven't written anything but a few 16's in years, no stories, no poetry. I give so much of myself that I have nothing left for me...

and I don't know how much longer I can do this. I am not the person I thought I would be or want to be with her and being the man of the house isn't enough to push this feeling off, I've tried.

I never got that feeling with her and still don't. I thought in the beginning that it was just that I was caught up working to build this life for us and I slow down from time to time. But the women in my life have always been my muses and even when I'm busy as shit, they've inspired me.

Fuck, I gotta go take a walk, this is why I don't mess with these posts cause once I start, I might not stop and the last thing I want to do is hurt her but she's gonna be.

For us at least...we are going on the Q on CBC Radio 1....that is the show Jian Ghomeshi created and he is famously known for his sex scandal last year. He's no longer the host obviously but the show is still just as good. They do really big interviews. It's cool they are having my band perform 4 songs and an interview which i'm super surprised at. The buzz in the city about the band is a lot bigger than I thought. So this should be interesting. We've been rehearsing a lot for the show and we did some media training for them too. I think its gonna go fine...i hope LOL

good luck with the show

www.wearewilde.ca

You should be able to listen live on Friday. They also film it and put it on your YouTube channel and on their site, so hopefully all 4 songs go up
http://www.cbc.ca/programguide/daily/today/cbc_radio_one

They perform at 9am, 9:30am, and then at 10:30am-11 they do 2 more songs and an interview

Thanks, i appreciate that

i'm sure this has been asked before...
but...what is meaning behind the title?
i just can't get the OKP reference out of my head lol...

umm theres really no meaning behind the EP title haha....we just called it that because Flashlight was one of the first songs when we were trying to find their sound and it was part of the foundation of the band's sound.

The song has meaning tho, its about remembering the best part of yourself at your worst

just finished the entire album though. I dig it all!!
"Get ready..for your blessing..."

that we felt described the amount of influences or genres we were trying to mesh together

i want her white privileged obnoxious ass to disappear into another dimension already.

but i think i'm just going to have to quit the project.

that is such a beautiful pic of brandy. <3

it's weird how much he remember and how little I did.
and I remember damn near everything
it's these kids...they have my mind all messed up lol

not healthy. All I do is think about my woman but when I talk to her she is constantly complaining about something. Whether it be I didn't text her enough, Or her living situation, or the latest argument with her roommate. I say the sky is blue she says its gray. I CANT WIN!!!!

It's draining the life essence out of our relationship.

Finally last night I told her I can't do it anymore. Then all of a sudden she was Ms Happy go Lucky. This chick is God Damn roller coaster ride and I want to get the hell off but I can't.

HELP!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oc65hFCls8E


does it really matter?

wonder what bin's doing?
http://i.imgur.com/phECCMp.jpg

This year is busy as shit.

I'm studying simultaneously for a bunch of different exams:
Notary Public Certification which sucks.
The PMP exam which I won't take until the end of the year and there's the whole qualification issue...
The Ruby on Rails certification which is a pain.
The tableau certification exam which is another pain.
I'm going to become app developer this year as well.

That's on top of starting my own entertainment and production companies. My entities take indy to a whole new level as everything is digital. Why should I incur a bunch of operating expenses as a new market entrant? I'm putting out instrumental albums because it's free money.

I need a six logos done and have nowhere to look.

Yeah this year is going to kill me.

This year started off A LOT better than last year.

Been procrastinating on starting my new schedule. Gotta fix that asap.

I lightly checked a friend for the boatload of unsolicited advice
he's been coming with lately and haven't heard from him since smh lol.

Sorry ur not entitled to tell me a bunch of shit I already know & be
negative just because ur insecure. I got me and mine, handle yours.

I almost quit my weekly because of staffing problems, that got solved
right before the new year.

There was a switch over where the former manager asked half the nites
to go to his new venue with him. I wasn't asked and I felt a way at
first. Looks like a blessing in disguise after the smoke cleared.

Plus I doubt I would've gone. I much prefer the neighborhood I'm in
now. This town has taught me to value myself first & don't look to
others for it. We continue...

I need a new restaurant to spin in on weekends. I gotta develop the
skill of finding those spots this year.

Looks like I lost a friend online too lol. I tell em like that Brand
Nubian song lol.

My mind is on the music. Working hard to streamline and simplify my
gigs this year so I have more time for it.

Speaking of, got some sounds I'd been looking for yesterday.

Big dreams.

I confess I'm lame and I'm in bed on my birthday with no intentions of getting up.

And I'm okay with that.