>
>i don't even feel bad for feeling sorry for myself.
>

don't feel bad about it
seems like you've come a long way despite the hardship and sometimes it's just too much. it's ok to be down and allow yourself to be down. just not forever. take your time, be good to yourself so you can heal/build some of the strength you've lost dealing with all of this. whatever you need to do. just know this isn't forever, it's just a bad time right now.