Mine:
Spend more time getting to know them, and brush over none of the negatives.

I respect it if it's too personal, so no pressure

Thought I wouldn't heal considering the circumstances.

And then I did.

The space that had been filled for years got replaced by another.

.

if need be.

parents can suck and sometimes you need to move on to bigger and better pastures if they're not getting the job done.

theres no medals or trophies for that i sacrifice my shit for your shit shit. all you do is create resentment on both sides. do you. and if they can fit doing them inside that, awesome...if not, adios. either way...do you. at least then if nothing else YOU are straight.

thx.

My ex had me waiting in the wings during all of my 30's trying to decide if he was ready for marriage, kids, etc..

One day I just ended it. He then suddenly was ready to get married, save for retirement etc.. But I had already moved on.

so much wasted time.

I HATE that I can never say this during a convo without having to defend myself for 30 minutes. Even women without kids say I'm wrong for this.

>I HATE that I can never say this during a convo without
>having to defend myself for 30 minutes. Even women without
>kids say I'm wrong for this.


Because deep downn inside soemtimnes when it gets tough you think to yourself: why the fuck am I doing this when I can be free doing my own thing and here I am with ready made family when their own dad aint shit..thats an added albatross that nobody really wants to admit to

And because you become attached and if it doesant work out you feel the pain of not seeing them again..even though you eventually get over it

Now I will caveat this by sayuing I was 21..so there's that lol. I felt dman near doomed and that my youth was over.

Thank god we both came to our senses.

And who cares what women think? Once you have children, be you the woman or man, if your relationships doesnt work out, then the rest of your life until they are 18 is FOR THEM! not for you to find someone else and YOUR OWN happiness.

Kids dont need to be going through that blended family shit and then sometimes it doesnt even get to that point but all they see is mom or pops dating someone else once again, fucking up their own mindset etc

I was in no way capable of dating a woman with children when i was younger.

fast forward. I ended up marrying a woman with a daughter. the dad was pretty much out of the picture. One of the best things I ever did, and I love her like she was my own.

They literally kill them little niggas and proceed to make their own....

I'm not raising some other nigga's seeds......I'm starting my own family from scratch.

on one hand, i wouldnt be here if my step father didnt do what he did...i was 13 when he started dating my moms...20 years later they are still at it with no plans to stop

on the other hand, i know im not built for that situation. maybe when i hit 40 but right now the arrow is hovering over nope.

If I meet someone over 35 without kids, I wonder if he is infertile, gay or has never been in a serious long term relationship.

If he hasn't met anyone worthy of starting a family, then I wonder what is up with him.

I am open to men without kids, but I prefer men who have experience with being responsible for someone else.

the same way I've been responsible with my eggs.

for me, the line i draw is whether or not they were married to the mother of their child(ren). no (more) baby daddies for me. i'll just keep dating younger dudes.

I understand why people are always suspicious when their partner or even someone they date has a best friend of the opposite sex. I know that I have some close homegirls where neither of us have ever been into the other, but it's a lotta folk who don't operate that way.

i slept with my prior best friend too while she was engaged smh

shit just ain't worth it.

---------------------------

"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out?
Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then?
They don't want to call for peace then.

seriously tho...

if they haven't cleaned up their old relationship, they aren't ready for a new one.

>if they haven't cleaned up their old relationship, they aren't
>ready for a new one.
>


Always give them time to get over the last. If she can't wait, she ain't worth the time.

stuck with me to this day.

Before her, I was reckless with my money.


When she and I broke up, I had money in my savings account. My bills were current. Man, I actually had car insurance (that was a big thing for me--I was ridin' dirty like a mug). Those credit cards I got while at that HBCU were paid off in full. she definitely made me better for the women that came after her.

Had shit lingering on my credit and she was adamant about helping me clean it up.
I've kept that great score to this day.

exes that cross my mind---she seldom does but she definitely had the biggest impact on my future. She taught me the things about finances that my parents tried to but her approach and sexbox made it all sink in.

>her approach and
>sexbox made it all sink in.

>She taught me the things about finances that my parents tried to but her approach and
>sexbox made it all sink in.

I meet men who are so wild with their money. I want to help but I don't want to be like a mom.

me down, worked out a budget and told/taught/showed me how to do it myself.


Because of her, I'm now pretty good with my money.


I still use a variation of the excel spreadsheet she made for me way back in the late 90's. .

I was blessed to really like my alone time tho

that latent fat gene is a monster.

D

Fuck around and have extended family on the couch every other week
or be dealing with an upset woman because she don't know how to say 'no' to family. UGH

sorry, had a flashback

.

Sometimes (most times) the shit aint permanent...

and that's ok... it was perfect for that phase of your life but you gotta be ok with it being over and not seeing that as a failure

we often mirror the people we attract or are attracted to
or how they we pushing or pulling you to a new place

>and that's ok... it was perfect for that phase of your life

than trying to be someone you are not.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson


"One of the most important things in life is what Judge Learned Hand described as 'that ever-gnawing inner doubt as to whether you're

.

if they can't/don't respond to me being legitimately upset, then they are not the person for me

Like how close are you with your family, are your parents still together or divorced, do you get along with your siblings, etc. The more similar, the easier it is to get along.

Basically I'm tight with my family, and I believe it gives me a certain outlook on life and relationships, and I've had my feelings hurt a couple of times by women who have either a cold relationship with their family or a split up family, and I feel like the burn was incidental because I had a different disposition on family and relationships.

______________________________
http://i.imgur.com/81XSukd.jpg <-- Happy trails

>Like how close are you with your family, are your parents
>still together or divorced, do you get along with your
>siblings, etc. The more similar, the easier it is to get
>along.


And whether they come from a small or large family (used to having a house full
of people or having shit all to themselves)


>
>Basically I'm tight with my family, and I believe it gives me
>a certain outlook on life and relationships, and I've had my
>feelings hurt a couple of times by women who have either a
>cold relationship with their family or a split up family, and
>I feel like the burn was incidental because I had a different
>disposition on family and relationships.
>

is immeasurably important
______________________________
http://i.imgur.com/81XSukd.jpg <-- Happy trails

if someone gives you the slightest indication that they arent willing to roll w/ you thru the muck & mire 'you drop 'em and you drop 'em fast!' (c)

Believe them
I thought he would never be that way with me
We are great
Wrong!
It's only a matter of time
Before that shit gets turned on you

and never give more than you get

good liar.

People change, the change is usually unpredictable and totally irrational from your point of view. Once you see this, leave and let them go. You may still love them, but you'll hate yourself even more for trying to make a relationship work with someone that no longer feels the same way about you.

u r getting a glimpse of how ur relationship with her will probably end

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2pg6dR1z_E

I learned from ex that an argument is never that serious. I can be upset but wait until I've thought about it and cooled off to discuss it.

Giving myself time allows me to weigh whether whatever I'm mad at is worth the relationship. If it's not worth the relationship then when discussing whatever it is I don't need to bring up certain things or hit below the belt, bring old shit because at the end of the day I still want to be with this man. I've learned when you say certain things, even if you make up afterwards you can never take it back.

Now I know I would never belittle a man that I still at the end of the day want to be with. Doing so only makes me look stupid. I used to be the QUEEN of telling my ex he wasn't shit or that he was "so stupid!!" when I was mad or in the mist of an argument. Only to be praising him and being with him for a total of 4 years.

You're either the King or not my man.

After my ex it was very clear why I had issues in past relationships as well.

Example: I used to have a bad habit of locking my keys in my car. I called my pops one time to come help me fish them out. My pops was like, "Nah you got a man now, have that nigga come help you!". So I called my ex and he tried to give me a 100 and 1 excuses as to why he couldn't come. I flat out told him what my pops said. He came.

As the course of the relationship went on, certain situations he just had no clue how to handle. He didn't know how to treat me to my expectations. Not because he was an asshole or didn't want to because he simply had no male references. He was winging it! One time he said, I don't know if I can be like ya Pops. My Dad and I don't EVEN get along and he knew that but I knew what he meant.

My pops always fixed shit, he handled it, he got his hands dirty, made a way out of no way, protected his family, took FULL responsibility for our family. In relationships I find it hard when my man is just as clueless as I am... I'm not good at asking for help either and I just expect a man to volunteer or at least suggest.

I always feel like I'm wearing the pants when I date men who grew up without a father. I can always tell when a man had his pops around.

Sometimes men were ready to move into a relationship and I wasn't. Sometimes I was ready and they weren't.

Be either way, if a man felt like it wasn't his time to do something (get married, have sex, meet the family) then it wasn't happening.

This was a real wake up call because I thought I could persuade, influence, convince and massage a man into doing something. But it ended up only turning into a mess because he just simply was not ready.

>Sometimes men were ready to move into a relationship and I
>wasn't. Sometimes I was ready and they weren't.
>
>Be either way, if a man felt like it wasn't his time to do
>something (get married, have sex, meet the family) then it
>wasn't happening.
>
>This was a real wake up call because I thought I could
>persuade, influence, convince and massage a man into doing
>something. But it ended up only turning into a mess because he
>just simply was not ready.

its funny because I've had multiple men tell me that a woman holds the power to get any man's heart. even a man who i wanted but didn't want me back as much has said that.

But a woman can't convince any old random dude to fall in love with her. The man has to have a shred of desire, fascination, longing, mysterious pursuit for her. Then she can wield her power.

Otherwise, it aint happening. I've been on both sides.

they necessarily know what that means.
next serious relationship i am in expectations of what commitment means
will be discussed ad nauseum bc theres no way im dealing with that foolishness again.

I mean, like...ALL of them....
and if she has a pharmacy in a tupperware container under her bed...
dude.
TAKE HEED

sometimes u gotta just lay shit out there straight no chase...and then work thru it

'that look'.....walk away very slowly and don't look back

Im a libra. I like pretty things. The girls I dated were dimes and if the boys don't look like they live in the gym, next....

My ex is not cute, is over weight, had a strange body oder sometimes, and had chicken legs (imma calf man), but if I didn't fall for homie the moment we met.....

I've had many exes and don't think about any of them...but there's always someting to remind me of him daily.....

it's more of a bandaid than actually dealing with whatever the issue is.
If you're hot at me, and you could say some shit you might not mean if we press the issue, maybe it's best to just chill until we're ready to have a conversation.
If we can talk about it in an hour, cool.
But if you gotta sleep on it & talk about it in the morning, that's cool too.
I'm all about resolving issues as quickly as possible, but don't just say we fixed it just to say I love you & go to sleep but have the same issue again tomorrow.
I think that's one of the biggest reasons why my longest relationship ended.
We (I) HAD to say I love you & be happy before we went to sleep.

No matter how pissed off you are in an argument, if you start going below the belt and saying some truly hurtful shit...some people can NEVER get past that. Not only that, there are some things where an apology just doesn't cut it.

One more things, if you DO decide to say some shit, BE PREPARED for the SO to say some inappropriate shit back

...And ovecommunicate. Make sure you know what you want from each other.Relationships is all about expectations.Don't settle when you're not happy.

one crazy or damaged incident is a quirk, more than one is a pattern
i was guilty of being overly patient through toxic situations in the past, probably as a means of punishing myself for doing someone wrong