Here's a situation my boy just told me about. Of course, it is a bit similar to The Best Man, but still it's own thing.

My boy Deron (names has been changed to protect the innocent/guilty) has been with his girl, Jessica, for a good two years. Maybe a year ago, she had a party, and introduced him to Rico, who's one of her close friends from college. Jessica is pretty damn fine, like almost model type, but strictly corporate. Deron never suspected anything, as both of them only acted friendly around each other, and Rico even helped him plan her birthday before they were close.

A few months ago, Deron proposed to Jessica, and all was well. Rico texted both of them saying congrats, and eventually, Rico became closer with him. Because of this, Deron meets some of Rico's friends, including some who knew Jessica as well...but had no idea about Deron and Jessica.

Somehow, word got to Deron that Rico and Jessica used to be friends with benefits back in college, which is 8 years ago at this point. He doesn't get much detail, but hears that they were never a couple, just that they had sex a few times. Deron doesn't confront Rico about it at all, and goes straight to Jessica. She completely downplays it, basically saying "that was so long ago, and we were just friends then, it wasn't even intimate." She assures him that Rico hasn't even tried to take it there with her in over 5-6 years, but Deron is still torn up about it all.

It's been a good month since Deron found out, and he hasn't even mentioned it to Rico. He told me he's more mad at Jessica than anything, but he hasn't broken off the engagement, or ceased friendship with Rico...he just doesn't trust them nearly as much, and is even suspicious that Rico would still go for it if she was with it.

I really don't know what to tell him...I feel that it was too long ago to matter, but I know how folks operate. I've met Rico a few times, and he seems like a cool square more than anything, but it would be hard to trust, mainly because both of them kept it from me.

Poll question: Guy finds out his fiancee's homeboy used to sex her down in college

Poll result (54 votes) Deron is wrong (10 votes) Vote Rico is wrong (1 votes) Vote Jessica is wrong (27 votes) Vote Rico and Jessica are wrong (7 votes) Vote It's just sex/I'm White (9 votes) Vote

move on

if she had been up front from the jump then the relationship could have been salvaged

but honestly thats a cancellable offense

A...QUIT...TAL

the fact that he(deron) even knows dude(rico) goes to show how much it doesn't matter to her/him.


Now she probably should have told Deron but eh...it ain't that serious! He's still cool with dude...if I were him I'd just be like "so you used to smash them cakes too, huh? they're great aren't they? just remember it's my cakes now!"




sidebar: I don't like that her name is Jessica :-)

yeah, right

who knows that folks have a past...and any man who can handle my past I can damn sure deal with some ish that happened 8 years BEFORE I got into the picture. *shrugs*

have her at the wedding?

it's just not that serious to me...now if he was still smashing? that would not work at all. but something that happened 8 years ago? whatever!

girl).

some time in between 'we kicking it' and, 'i really like this dude and i would consider being wifed up', she shoulda been like, 'you know what? me an rico suave had a lil thing back in the past. its way over now, nothing came of it.'

then deron could have had time to process it.

for rico, the situation is awkward. if ol' girl ain't tell, that'd be kinda messed up coming from him.

of course, this okp. somebody on here will say that rico could have hit last thursday and its still nobody's business.

*shrug*


peace & blessings,

x.

www.twitter.com/poetx

=========================================
I'm an advocate for working smarter, not harder. If you just
focus on working hard you end up making someone else rich and
not having much to show for it. (c) mad

i've unfortunately had to tell my wife a bout a few folks that are still on the periphery

it's awkward but u don't want that shit coming out like a big secret

initially my wife was meh about it but by the time we got married she sent em invites...

full disclosure about that shit has always been my policy to avoid future messiness

You say:

>Somehow, word got to Deron that Rico and Jessica used to be
>friends with benefits back in college, which is 8 years ago at
>this point. He doesn't get much detail, but hears that they
>were never a couple, just that they had sex a few times.

Then say:
She completely downplays it, basically saying "that
>was so long ago, and we were just friends then, it wasn't even
>intimate."

how deep it was, though.

Like, was it two drunk friendly hookups? Or, were they fucking every day, sober, for 7-8 months, with deep passionate mouth kissing, gifts, and out of town trips? Did one of them want to be with the other? Were they almost an item?

She's basically saying it was never deep, and he believes that this could be the case since it's never been awkward or any "hate" coming from Rico. But because they both kept it from him, regardless, he doesn't know what to believe about it all.

All puns intended of course. People always try to downplay shit.

nah...it ain't happ'n?

dude at the crossroads


idk....it all depends on how yo is built...if he can handle it then rock on wit his bride

if not....one monkey don't stop the show...plenty of fish in seas and all that jazz

She's just basically like "it was just some friendly college shit that we all did, we weren't intimate or dating at all."

that's what it was - they were friends w/benefits in the past. it's not a big deal.

did Deron think he was marrying a virgin?

if it wasnt, she would have told dude before she introduced him

i wouldn't be bothered at all if i were Deron.

i would be bothered if she and this dude had been in a significant relationship 8 yrs ago and she didn't tell me. but even then...i'd get over my bother pretty quickly. b/c the past is the past. she has one...i have one. no big deal.

but youre gay

you dont know how manipulative chicks can be

rico was d*** in the glass

if he wasnt she would have been up front

b/c when i sit w/all my gal pals getting our nails done and chit-chatting about boys i hear everything they say. and later when we're all getting dolled up to go to the club and they let me see their titties and feel up on they booties but it's not a big deal b/c i'm gay i give them advice on how to deal w/boys. then the next day after the club when we go have brunch and shop for shoes we dish about what happened the day before w/their boys and then we go have more mani/pedis and gossip and spill T about boys. and so there's nothing you can tell me about them that i dunno, fool.

not romantically

sowhat they bleed.....every month!!! and still live!!!

i touch on their titties and feel up they booties when they ask me to help squeeze them into their favorite freak'um dress b4 their date w/some boy.

>i touch on their titties and feel up they booties when they
>ask me to help squeeze them into their favorite freak'um dress
>b4 their date w/some boy.
>

All he sees is men playing themselves.

It sounds as if the tone she used was downplaying it, regardless of what happened.

From how he told it, she didn't panic, or say "ok, look, here's the entire story" or go into any detail. He said she admitted to it right away, saying what she said. I'm not sure if he asked about anyone else, or if he even knows other guys that she knows.

or accept that if he can't handle this he should get out now.

but she's not wrong here.

k

being that you have the emotional maturity of a 13 year old boy. i expect no less.

some niggas aint built for that....self included


but alot are...


he gotta have a long talk in the mirror

dude either can accept that his NOW bride was someone's late night fuck 8 years ago...or he can't. Nobody did shit wrong.

she fucked someone else in the past. like almost a DECADE AGO.

AND?

if this stupid nigga blows up a good thing over some bullshit like this he deserves to live the rest of his life alone.

fuck him.

so you could trust a chick like that

all her friends knowing dude used to smash

snickering at your dumb ass behind your back

stop it dude

and it's laughable that you find it unbelievable that such people exist.

ok

but to not mention it is just sloppy...

let me know on some good faith shit...

nobody wants to hear that from outside sources...no matter how much it pre-dated me...

that's just some courteous shit, not some insecure shit...when in the room with people your other has bumped uglies with...there is potential for messiness...air it out and it'd literally be no issue

i'm secure enough to talk about the shit, hear about the shit, but keep me informed god damn...

i aint mad at dude...not his place to inform me

now, should she have? PROBABLY if only for full disclosure purposes.

STILL, he knows now, she's confirmed it, and he's still acting immature if you ask me, especially since there is no indication of feelings or actions on either her part or this Rico dude.

he keeps going and he's gonna fuck up a good relationship AND a good friendship for something that actually doesn't matter.

look...if u have a friend u used to fuck and you want him to be around us both...

tell me

or

keep me away from them

u have nothing but your own biases telling you that he would have the same reaction if he had known in advance

been there...not a jealous bone in my body but hiding some shit and admitting to it is still some sketchy shit

it's cool you have no problem with it but acting like he can't be bothered or fuck up a good thing?

if you wanna be real SHE fucked up a good thing by ommitting that info and serving him up to her friends like that.

you don't get to be the last one to tell me and then tell me i need to get over it.

nah, yall are 100% wrong on this.

I'd also recognize, that I should be mad at WHOEVER TOLD ME SOME SHIT I REALLY AIN'T NEED TO HEAR.

Truth be told, Jessica needs to take stock of who are her friends, because that's a violation.

Dude has every right to be mad, he just needs to direct it where it needs to go.

That being said, maybe he can't handle this sitch - and if so, he should go. I know ppl who don't want their SOs to have active relationships (yes a friendship is a relationship) w/previous sex partners. Maybe he's one of these dudes, and maybe they've had this convo, if she denied it THEN she's wrong, but only then.

shouldn't she be telling him so he can decide? or is ignorance bliss only when no cheating is invloved?

this isn't his fault. he didn't ask to be friends friends with those dudes.

Pride is a mufukka

>all her friends knowing dude used to smash
>
>snickering at your dumb ass behind your back

are she and her friends in junior high school?

wtf?

LOL

if her friends ain't got shit better to do than snicker about my girl's decade-old casual sex then i'd have no problem shading them into such darkness they'd never recover. i'm about THAT life. i'm built for THAT. no problem here.

i understand some ppl don't have the constitution for it.

they smashed like 8 years ago. they are not intimate now and she and Deron are together. Go ahead and let this childish insecurity eff it up. She'll smash Rico because of your nonsense lol.

the fact that SHE didn't speak on it and let the streets tell him shows she felt some type away about being upfront from the jump.

you don't introduce your fiance to an old butt buddy and let them chill at the house.


any dude who would shrug it off without a "WTF, we gotta talk about this" is a lame ass person.

can't have secrets like that and keep that person that close to a new relationship. FOH

~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

and that's something u typically want to know before meeting someone like that...

especially since they are still close friends with you

and even 6 years is long enough ago that Deron is being silly and needs to get over himself. quickly. and if he can't he should just break up w/her.

but she's not wrong.

i'm not sweating that my partner had sex...no shit it happens but some people would prefer not to interact with those people or at least be informed...

i'm the latter

i would stay and i wouldn't even be particularly upset...but i'd definitely be like..."no heads up?"

i just like to be informed bc when uninformed, it invites a lot of parties to come in and kee-kee on some shit i'm not even aware of...

it's a consideration issue

when someone comes to me about it being messy...i'm prepared...that's it

but ppl who know me know better than to bring this sort of silliness to my door. i don't stand for it.

but like my nigga Scar i like to "BE PREPARED!"

so that i can shut it down with minimal messiness

i had a friend come to me talking about one of our other friends i'd smashed and he'd 'heard' about it. my response was 'surely w/all of the goings-on in the world y'all could've found something else to talk about. and i'm not about to talk about this w/you now.' and i never heard about that shit again.

i don't do gossip - especially not about my sex life. and if ppl are out there dishing about who i'm banging that says more about THEM than it does about me. if they're that bored that they have nothing better to do than concern themselves w/who I'M knocking down then i pity them. and i don't worry about it at all.

Jessica needs to check her friends.

you ditch the ones that ain't about you, you keep the ones who knows what's up. I can't imagine any of MY friends doing me like that. Admittedly, I have few - but maybe that's why.

Let me have the knowledge of what's going on around and in my life and I'll do the same.

8 years is way in the past. It's not the sex that's relevant to me, it's the openness of what we have.

That said, I'm not in that mans house or relationship and what works for me doesn't necessarily work for everyone else.

my history is so long i couldn't recount it for my partners and i don't expect them to do that for me.

there are men in the world who i've boned who i don't remember. oh well. LOL

We run into dude at the grocery store, eh, I'm not too concerned.

However, if dude is someone I drink with, trust not to be an ass, bring around my friends; I want to know some things about them.

And that's more where I am.

I keep a very small circle of people I hang out with, I entrust a lot to them and they to me and I need to trust the person that I'm gonna marry. Her not telling me isn't a sign of mistrust, it's just a level of communication that I'd have expected. But who knows aside from those two in that situation what their communication level is.

The impression was given that they were just homies from college.

Now I'm legit friends with ppl I've slept with in the distance pass but if they gonna be all up in my world kicking it with my current SO and befriending my current SO Ima let the SO know what the deal was. Not exactly becuz I feel like I owe him to disclose all my past but moreso to protect him from hurt and embarrassment

I would feel hurt and deceived if this happened to me. May not dead it but Rico would be put at a far distance. In fact I wouldn't fool with him at all

read the replies - surely the info you seek is somewhere in the post.

Being. That's self explanatory. I may have "cared" initially why u were coming down on him but then I realized ur just doing what u often do in the last few years and I judged and kept it moving. Thanks

so deep in so many feelings.

you'll be fine. shake it off and keep moving, player. it's alright.

What's so wrong with dude's ego that the realisation that this girl has a sexual past upsets him so much?

He might need a hug and a little cry about what he's doing with his life, but she shouldn't be bullied into letting her (entirely acceptable) past fuck up her future.

She might want to think about finding a real man to marry.

I get needing a moment to get over the initial shock but take a deep breath and charge it to the game. She's gonna be your wife. Trust her or end it. If she still wanted dude she wouldn't be marrying you.

I just had a similar convo with a friend about something like this. People's meaning in your life can evolve. As long as the sex with Rico is firmly in the past (AKA before Jessica was legitimately with Deron), Deron needs to get over it. He probably still keeps in touch with women he's smanged, and even if he doesn't, he needs to grow up.

as do any of the ppl in his or his fiancee's life who are talking about this shit. as if it matters. b/c it doesn't.

"aw girl, she aint mean nothin. we just smashed like three times a few years ago. you girls should be friends!"

stoppit

Who cares? He's mine now. She may have had him once, but I got him all the time. Insecurity is so toxic.

that's some gaslighting tactician shit

nobody wants to be caught out there...if you gonna introduce me to someone u bumped uglies with and the relationships...give me the same history lesson u would with any other friend...

it's a convenient little fact that's left out and it just invites shadiness and messiness

she didn't leave me but she was definitely on some "you can't have me out there like that"

and she was right. I was being messy, manipulative and selfish.

wanna know if I used to have sex with my female friends, lol.
Not saying they don't exist, but people acting like this is just so super far-fetched is some agenda posting shit.

shit

first major argument yall have......

ya know what, if it happens make sure you post abt it. thats all i ask

Had this thing between them that I didn't know about. Like they were keeping this secret from me.

I think I could be friends easily with my SOs old flame. But I'd have a hard time finding out like that they had something going back in the day.

The being kept in the dark part would drive me a little nutty.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson


"One of the most important things in life is what Judge Learned Hand described as 'that ever-gnawing inner doubt as to whether you're

sounds like they casually fucked a couple or a few times almost a decade ago.

if i learned this about my betrothed and his friend i'd shrug my shoulders and give the homie some dap. and then we'd all move on.

this is not anything worth worrying about.

if i wasn't...i'd be curious to know why i wasn't since it would have been apparent that it would come out

WHY WOULD IT? LOL

that's what i'm saying.

i can't stand ppl who are this messy. my ppl know this and don't bring me this kind of mess. b/c i don't entertain it.

and i wouldn't be w/someone who would entertain it.

and neither can i

if you have a circle of friends...

all of which know that you and someone used to be banging...and uninformed as to when exactly that arrangement ends...

it's gonna be at least 1 messy individual looking to be messy

or

1 concerned citizen ass individual

or the nigga might even dry-snitch on his damn self while tailgating or some shit...

i've literally seen all 3

u know how weird and awkward that is...no matter how fucking well u shut it down?

this hasn't happened in 38 yrs. i know it happens to other ppl - not to me.

*shrug*

lol

Kinda similar to DJ-R's scenario. He met her because I introduced them. Doesn't know we used to mess with each other, and the main difference is that I fell way back once they started dating.

It would be wrong as fuck if I was still hanging with the jawn, and friends with dude without disclosure about our former relationship. I mean, that's dude's WIFE. Shady as hell on the jawn and the former fb.

but yeah, this is #Grounds.

>It would be wrong as fuck if I was still hanging with the
>jawn, and friends with dude without disclosure about our
>former relationship. I mean, that's dude's WIFE. Shady as hell
>on the jawn and the former fb.

If you weren't emotionally involved and it wasn't serious why are you still buddy buddy 10 years after. So clearly they are emotionally involved because it's so easy to find other ppl to kick it with on a casual friendship level and that could have prevented this from becoming an issue.

...there should be a sixth choice, so that the "I'm White" option is always purple #chartermemberproblems

It's just sex

THEN

I'm white

everybody knows you leave the last option open for 'I'm white' lol

but other than that i'm team sowhat

A heads up, so 'you don't hear it out in the streets' is probably how I would've played it.

I mean, I didn't tell my fiancé about my past sexual partners but he wasn't exactly friends w/ or encountering my past sexual partners either.

Men are the messiest of humans tho so there is an impulse to divulge to 'get ahead of the story/control the narrative' or w/e.

Happiness & good luck to all involved lol.

Are you also saying you have to disclose to someone you're dating anyone you still keep in contact with that you were more than just friends with? At which point are you supposed to have that conversation?

I just assume after a certain age, adults have had sex lives and romantic history before they met me. If your partner isn't a complete degenerate, it would make sense they still keep in touch with or are even friends with at least one of them.

>Are you also saying you have to disclose to someone you're
>dating anyone you still keep in contact with that you were
>more than just friends with? At which point are you supposed
>to have that conversation?

you dont have to disclose to someone youre dating. you DO have to disclose to your fiancee

>I just assume after a certain age, adults have had sex lives
>and romantic history before they met me. If your partner isn't
>a complete degenerate, it would make sense they still keep in
>touch with or are even friends with at least one of them.

and you should be aware of who it is

Like immediately after you put a ring on it? I'm just wondering how you think Jessica should've played this situation...

if they were in my life then i would tell her before she even met her

This world is small. She could casually know some chick you were with years ago, but due to your lack of disclosure, she hasn't connected those dots. I just wonder when and who you're supposed to disclose. People come in and out of our lives all the time. Shit intersects in crazy ways sometimes.

and letting your SO get cool with them.

I take my wife home and make sure I tell her about old flames I'm still cool with.

we all have a history and I had sex with people before I knew my wife existed and vice versa.

but to let them get cool and someone else tell them? nah... that's messy.

it's hard to say exactly when Jessica should have said something. If she says it before he met Rico, he may always look at Rico sideways, if he's that type...or he just may not trust his intentions. If he meets him, and she tells him a few days/weeks later, he still might feel weird to him.

He did tell me that he wouldn't have been as mad if she had told him at any point first, but he hated that someone else had to break it to him. I'm not even sure how he found out, but it didn't sound like someone was blatantly snitching or "looking out," more so they didn't realize what his situation was.

>He did tell me that he wouldn't have been as mad if she had
>told him at any point first, but he hated that someone else
>had to break it to him. I'm not even sure how he found out,
>but it didn't sound like someone was blatantly snitching or
>"looking out," more so they didn't realize what his situation
>was.

Especially if they knew Deron was her fiance. Why are they talking about who she used to smash 8 years ago anyways?

The whole situation is odd.

which is why I said, she need to take a look at her circle. That was a CLEAR violation.

why is that even a topic of conversation?

that would have to be dealt with.

i'm not w/the ppl in here who seem to just accept that this kind of mess is a part of life. it doesn't have to be. it's not part of mine, at least.

i don't run w/messy ppl and i don't stand for this kind of mess to be introduced in my life or my romantic relationships. and i can't see myself marrying a guy who doesn't feel similarly about this issue. which is why i can't see us having this problem - i think my dude would've shut this shit down as i would've.

Were together.

lol.

It doesn't tell us who told or what they knew. It does say D spent time with R's friends - some of whom didn't know about D & J.

everyone acting like Rico is a cool but more than likely he some told all his boys how he hit it first.

not sure why y'all act like people aren't going to act like real live people.

where are these magical above it all negroes who don't get a little messy once they get a drink or 2?

and real talk, dude who told him may be a hater but he may also be a dude who wouldn't want the same shit to happen to him.

he deserved to know... this is all her fault.

>
> Especially if they knew Deron was her fiance. Why are they
>talking about who she used to smash 8 years ago anyways?


Shit, who even makes their fuck buddy into their bestie, or a good friend that they used to fool around with that became they best friend? Shit don't happen like that, you can bet Rico and Jessica had on of those 'if we don't marry anyone else by 35, then we'll commit to each other' type deals if they were really that tight years after they messed around with each other...

We were cool for at least 10 yrs after college. I have no interest in having sex with him again bc I didn't really enjoy the sex. I did it bc I wanted the experience (he was one of my firsts) and the more we did it the less I liked it. And a relationship with him wasn't interesting bc we weren't compatible as we wanted different things in a mate. These days we are friends on FB but that's about it. But we stayed in touch more often for about 10 years until he left town.

not sure why you guys are acting like this isn't a bit deal. it isnt a deal breaker but it's definitely a WTF moment.

Your dude introduces you to a female friend and you become cool with all her friends and then one tells you that old girl used to fuck your man back in college and you just shrug and keke with the group?

FOH.

y'all lying. okp's get mad at good moring text but this shit is cool?

lol...too funny

>Are you also saying you have to disclose to someone you're
>dating anyone you still keep in contact with that you were
>more than just friends with? At which point are you supposed
>to have that conversation?
>

whenever you are comfortable...but preferably before i'm fully introduced to the person...

u don't have to disclose all your partners but it's definitely a good look that i'm not left in the dark around a group of guys who have seen the goods...that aspect of it is social lol...i'd rather be informed and secure than ignorant and secure

>I just assume after a certain age, adults have had sex lives
>and romantic history before they met me. If your partner isn't
>a complete degenerate, it would make sense they still keep in
>touch with or are even friends with at least one of them.

what does that have to do with being open in the name of trust...i don't care how old you are...nobody wants to go blindly into that situation bc even secure people get jealous or distrustful...

here's my thing...if you have a good friend u want to introduce me to...chances are you've told me many a story about this person...to the point that when i meet them..."i've heard so much about you" is a common saying...

so if you leave THAT part out it seems intentional and sneaky...avoid that and avoid the social awkwardness that could arise from me learning from someone else...both of those are possibilities whether i'm secure or not

I even told my now deceased boyfriend about all my significant relationships and the insignificant ones with guys who are still significant to me now.

But I also know not everyone is built for the whole truth despite how much they may claim otherwise. Personally I don't want a man I can't be transparent with, it helps me weed out the ones I'm incompatible with. But I can understand where Jessica is coming from...

i get it...

u didn't want to go into it...explain why

but rather than "what's the big deal?" aka right out the distrustful person handbook quotes...

how about a simple "my bad, it's ancient history and I didn't think it would be revisited"

But we're also getting this story third-hand. It's altogether possible she communicated that exactly to him, but the retelling has skewed the actual quotes.

then again, i don't believe in being friends with exes.

ugh.

lol

well, on and strong for 2 yrs and then a while after that we were off and on - it was complicated. we're still friends on Facebook. she brought her baby to my high school graduation and the whole family swore he was mine. LOL. but i digress.

it's fairly common for gay men and women to have been involved in heterosexual relationships at some point - usually when we're young.

surely you've heard of this?

hell, millions of us even have kids born out of these ^ relationships. you ain't know?

you ain't never had a woman.


have one as an adult and you'll know what i mean as opposed to arguing what you don't know.

you're pretty much opto trying to comment on relationships. yall have the same level of expertise aka none.

and yet, here i am. and there ain't shit you can do about it but cry, fam.

have fun w/that.

lolololol


yes, you're here. trolls are a dime a dozen on the internet. you're not special. and... the only one that would cry would be the one that values your opinion.

but feel empowered by your ability to speak nonsense.

imagine me crying about it if you like. imagine you have some credibility in this conversation. imagine yourself to be something other than a troll.

but you keep trying this same tactic and it gets you no where.

best of luck.

>but you keep trying this same tactic and it gets you no
>where.

samsies:

>
>best of luck.

>yeah if the last time you had a woman was highschool...
>you ain't never had a woman.
>

hiyyooooooo

on these kinds of issues.

Unless you have some crazy plan on being intimate with a gay guy...

they're doing by giving/receiving bad advice. if i didn't feel like someone else was being misled i wouldn't even acknowledge that shit.

>they're doing by giving/receiving bad advice. if i didn't
>feel like someone else was being misled i wouldn't even
>acknowledge that shit.

his advice is only for the lonely...

shit is sad

because I couldn't and she more than likely wouldn't end her friendship w/him...and I don't think I could ever be totally comfortable w/him being around us after knowing this..

And secondly, if the situation were reversed, there's no f'ing way your soon-to-be-wife is going to be cool w/you having a "friendship" w/a chick you used to have a sexual liason with...I don't care how long ago or how casual you say it was

So what's fair for her should be fair for the both of us

where i've smanged at least one of the dudes in the couple. it has never come up in conversation. i have no idea if the significant others are aware and i couldn't care less.

i can't imagine us needing to talk about that shit. for what? unless we're maybe gonna bone again. and this one time w/one of the couples i thought we were...but alas it didn't go down. oh well.

I've always wondered, because I know a few gay guys, and see how their circles move, and it doesn't seem as different as I'd imagine, in comparison to male-female relationships.

As Vee-Lover said...I know for sure that a LOT of women would have an issue if they found out that their fiancee's "close homegirl" was a former lover/FWB. Hell, even just dating women, many of them see the girls around me, and ask questions, get suspicious, etc etc. Even worse when they sense another girl likes me, when I tell them they're just a friend (c) Biz

i have a couple of friends who'd definitely feel some kinda way if they were in this situation. and i'd ridicule the shit out of them just like i'd ridicule Deron.

yall are still men

theres not the subterfuge that you have to go through with women

sheesh.

but i KNOW them

grow up Deron

or let's make this more about u

get on my level, ho. i'm quite awesome!

...just seems like the "good" thing to do... if the friend would be "in and out" of the circle...

...the timing is terrible...

...it's not something you shake off... needs some time.

Deron, it was a decade ago my nigga.

Jessica, you could of gave Deron a heads up at least.

with love cut the bullshit

you know good and well if the situation was reversed........

do i even have to finish that statement?

>with love cut the bullshit
>
>you know good and well if the situation was reversed........
>
>do i even have to finish that statement?

to get the fuck over herself and that she'd be a fool to throw away a good thing b/c her man fucked some chick almost a decade ago. i'd remind her that she herself smanged some dudes casually and they're not a big deal to her anymore and it's the same w/her current man and the woman at issue. and then i'd order some more mimosas for the both of us and tell her to stfu about this bullshit b/c we gotta finish these drinks and get to Barney's before our favorite shoe sales guy gets off work.

to be friends with the chick he smashed?

it should be all good?

even though she's been smiling in her face and not telling that she's been naked with her man?

......word?

is no reason not to be friends w/her today if she's cool.

he chose my homie. the other chick lost.

who cares? if she still cares about this shit i'd never stop shading her over it. if she throws away a good man over something so inconsequential i might not be able to continue our friendship. i dunno that i could be friends w/someone so immature. or at least so unlike me.

> i'd remind her that she herself smanged some
>dudes casually and they're not a big deal to her anymore

And if she finds out (especially from hearsay) that a chick her man introduced to her as a friend was someone he used to have sex with...she's not going to b down with that in no way whatsoever

First off, by him not telling her, the optics of it seems like he might still be having "casual sex" w/her since he didn't bother to mention they were casual fuck buddies

And lastly, we all know women *in general* don't trust even their home girls around their man...so you already know what's up in regards to a chick he used to have sex with.

i'd shade the shit out of her for being a fool.

eight. years. ago.

get the fuck over it.

seems shady that he would have someone around you as his friend that he use to have sex with and not even tell you abt it

a lot of women are already predisposed to assume a man is going to cheat anyway



>i'd shade the shit out of her for being a fool.
>
>eight. years. ago.
>
>get the fuck over it.

This is Sparta! ...uh, I mean OKP.


Chick's still HANGING OUT with a former fuck-buddy. And she didn't even bother to tell her husband what the deal is. Notice how no one disagreeing with you even touches that point. Also notice how the argument (inaccurately) gets reduced to "everyone has a past!" lol.


Anyway, I've had my fill of bizzaro logic for today. Punching out, boys.

smh*
~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

so.....how ya been

~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

but i changed my mind
this is all on Jessica

She did the introducing
introduced him as a friend
and never brought it up once, even in passing
the fact that he had to hear it from someone else when he could have heard it from the person who actually owes him anything makes this fucked up.

POST-EDIT:
In a perfect world
this would be a non-issue
those friends would have minded their business
and everyone could have lived in ignorance-as-bliss forever and forever
but the reality is
that people are messy and petty ESP with that kind of knowledge
If you are going to cross your streams like that
at least give people options by letting them know the deal
Deron should have been able to decide for himself whether he could live with that knowledge. Maybe he's built to carry that, maybe he's not.

it's that she wasn't honest about disclosing her sexual past to her man about this dude who is her friend.

I feel if there was a scenario where they got married, and dude started a new job, and a new coworker had a romantic past to his wife, he'd prolly feel some kind of way about that too.

but ultimately it doesn't matter. It can't matter. Nothing is happening in this story but bruised hurt dude ego. Lol like marry your wife and get over it.

and in the same breadth convinced yourself that the point didn't matter with some other weird and unrelated scenario lol

yes, he should get over it

but it's definitely inviting drama by not heading that shit off early

response. It's like my girl who is having an argument with her sis about marriage equality, and her sis is like "but it aint about religion"........except it is, haha.

as much as there will be mental gymnastics to make this NOT about dude's hurt feelings, that's what it is.

she wasn't dishonest, the activity just didn't matter. If he makes it matter then more power to him. He can marry them hurt feelings instead of her.

but he still has to live with that ego
either he can suck it up and move on because the relationship is worth it
or he can get the hell on
but that's a choice that he should be able to make
not have someone else make the choice for him by omission.

no one is saying she can't have a past but if she is going to introduce them and let her fiance hang out with his crew... tell the man.


you don't let him get cool with dude and his boys and let one of them being that shit up.


if you love you mate, you have to protect them.

she tossed that nigga into the lions den with raw meat undies... Niggas prolly played with him before going in too?

>this is all on Jessica
>
>She did the introducing
>introduced him as a friend
>and never brought it up once, even in passing
>the fact that he had to hear it from someone else when he
>could have heard it from the person who actually owes him
>anything makes this fucked up.

that type of forethought and consideration is huge

a lot of liars in this post. no one wants to be served up on a platter.

she gave her fiance to HIS crew... and I'm not sure why.

he has basically been sucking that dude's dick.

he should break the engagement with her and elope with him.

real talk tho, what is distrustful of any of this? was she supposed to declare all of her past sexual escapades to see if he approved? Did he do that for her?

No violation *picks up flag* remains second down.

>he has basically been sucking that dude's dick.
>
>he should break the engagement with her and elope with him.
>
>real talk tho, what is distrustful of any of this? was she
>supposed to declare all of her past sexual escapades to see if
>he approved? Did he do that for her?

If that mofo is still someone you're bringing around me/us as a "friend, yes...gimme a heads up
>
>No violation *picks up flag* remains second down.
>
>

he was going to get his boxers in a bunch about it.

say that on date 3 with an outing with the friends and he probably would have labeled him as unwifeable from jump.

she instead waited long enough for him to be sold on HER and not her PAST cause her past shouldn't matter anyway.

she might want to dodge that bullet if he is legit feeling some kinda way about it.

Jessica should have detailed the nature of their relationship once they started interacting with the friend together on a regular basis.

Deron needs to get over it. It's not that big of a deal unless he suspects that they might get right back at it.

If he loves his lady then he will let her past be where it is.



.
.
.
"Romans 10 : 9 says, "If you declare
with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,”
and believe in your heart that
God raised him from the dead,
you will be saved."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAF8OT8MB30

"He Wasn't Man Enough"

Darkchild, oh yeah
Toni Braxton, oh
Ha-ha, uh-huh
Yeah, uh, uh
Darkchild yeah

Listen girl
Who do you think I am?
Don't you know that he was my man?
But I chose to let him go
So why do you act like
I still care about him?
Looking at me like I'm hurt
When I'm the one who said I didn't
want it to work
Don't you forget I had him first?


What you thinkin'?
He's not playing me
He wasn't man enough for me
If you don't know now here's chance
I've already had your man
Do you wonder just where he's been, yeah?
Do not be worried about him
Now it's time you know the truth
I think he's just the man for you


What are you thinking?
Do you know about us back then?
Do you know i dumped your husband,
girlfriend?
I'm not thinking 'bout him
But you married him
Do you know I made him leave?
Do you know he begged to stay with me?
He wasn't man enough for me

Listen girl
Didn't he tell you the truth?
If not then why don't you ask him?
Then maybe you can be more into him
Instead of worrying about me
And hopefully you won't find
All of the reasons why his love didn't
count And why we couldn't work it out





Oh yeah So many reasons why our love is
through, yeah
What makes you think he'll be good to you, no
It makes no sense cause he will never change
Girl you better recognize the game, oh yeah

What are you thinking?
Do you know about us back then?
Do you know i dumped your husband,
girlfriend?
I'm not thinking 'bout him
But you married him
Do know I made him leave
Do you know he begged to stay with me
He wasn't man enough for me

situations like this, she *could* have told him "look this is what it is..." but this is really about knowing your partner. I have dated guys who could care NAUGHT about my past relationships and who I slept with. they don't want to know because "you're with me now" and then I have dealt with a man who got jealous over my godbrother because he read a message he sent to me saying he was in love with me in college and blah blah...which he (my god brother) eventually showed his wife and said yes i loved stephanie, i felt this way and his wife was like "do you still love her? no? don't care."

i am not friends with that many ppl i slept with but to be honest, if i see them becoming friends and building a bond, I would feel the need to say "listen i see y'all getting close and full disclosure..." just because i want to avoid an issue where they get in an argument and the friend goes "that's why i fucked yo bitch."

>i am not friends with that many ppl i slept with but to be
>honest, if i see them becoming friends and building a bond, I
>would feel the need to say "listen i see y'all getting close
>and full disclosure..." just because i want to avoid an issue
>where they get in an argument and the friend goes "that's why
>i fucked yo bitch."

I don't at all agree that Deron is an immature, insecure bitch or whatever is being said here, but it's expected on here. I don't think he cared to know EVERY single guy she's slept with, but that's always gonna feel weird when you get that close to someone and have ZERO idea. And the thing is, the girl is definitely fine, and most guys are always gonna wonder if certain guys have tried her, or will try her, but they can keep it inside and never say anything.

b/c dudes are gonna try it w/her. so?

his focus needs to be ON HER. she has chosen him. out of the billions of dudes in the world she could be with...she chose him. and she chooses him every day. she's not w/him b/c she has no other options - she chose him. he should be honored. he should understand that she chose him b/c he's special - more so than the billions of dudes she could be with. and she chooses him everyday.

it's not about who will try it w/her...they will all try it. so?

informed decisions are fun

which is what it is.

i can understand that.

it's always best coming from your partner especially if it was an on going situation (judging from the OP it was more than once or twice). Seems like maybe he heard and was taken back and that probably upset him more. If he knew before he heard it on the street, he'd be better prepared when the streets mentioned it lol...you don't ever want to look like a fool. I guess his pride is a little hurt but if he truly loves her and if he likes old dude, then he needs to work through his issue and get back to being happy with his fiance and his new friend.

yea, that's some shit worth telling just so u don't end up looking like u have something to hide

and here's the thing...u may not know what type of person that man is until this situation

i'm not the jealous type at all but i just don't like surprises lol

like i wouldn't be mad in this situation but i'd definitely have Nick Young face for a few weeks

http://images.complex.com/complex/image/upload/t_in_content_image/nick-young-confused-face-300x256_nqlyaa.png

Stop buggin, that shit was back in college. Focus on the present.

.

I probably dont know anyone involved, but if she got vulnerable I dont see him being like "nah, Im cool with your fiance now"

those are the type of niggas I dont trust, especially if her homeboy is still single

im like are these nwords serious?

and there are hundreds of them who she'd smash.

she knows several men right now today w/whom it would go down - b/c she wants to and they want to.

this is the reality for every man in a relationship w/a woman.

.

but none of what you said excuses her hiding her past with dude and still keeping him around

even women in committed, happy relationships...they wanna bone other guys. they don't b/c they make the choice not to - for various reasons. and plenty of those guys they wanna bone would bone them.

this is real life.

I know virgins approaching 30 who are likely going to be on some husband only shit

I know women approaching 30 who can count their partners on one hand and still have fingers left, who dont have the active desire to fuck other people

none of which has anything to do with this scenario where deceit is supposed to be okay

>I know virgins approaching 30 who are likely going to be on
>some husband only shit

i do too. they will only have sex w/their husband. but they want to bone other dudes too. they choose not to do so.

>I know women approaching 30 who can count their partners on
>one hand and still have fingers left, who dont have the active
>desire to fuck other people

i don't know a single person like that. i've talked to women who have only been with one guy - their husband - who have told me about other men they've desired.

that's SoWhat's point. yes a virgin may only sex her husband but that doesn't mean she hasn't or won't have thoughts of sexing someone else.

Men too.

Like we are human. I don't find it odd one way or the other but to act like people don't think about sex is odd.

I said: I dont trust a dude hanging around that you used to fuck, especially if yall kept that information from me

you and SoWhat said: men and women desire others, it's natural

neither of them are opting to engage sexually despite nature and precedent

if a dude will start dating his homeboy's ex (I've seen it happen), he sure as hell might try a girl he used to mess around with

it's up to her to decline, but it could be prevented by not having him in the mix at all

it could as easily be another dude
a coworker
dude at starbucks, etc

and she sat back and watched.


I can't believe y'all are up in here acting like you would be cool if your man let you become friends with one of his female friends and her girls and the whole time all of them knew she fucked your man back in the day.


c'mon, don't play yourselves like this.

we all know everyone has a past, but if you are going to marry that person you can't set them up like that.

and that all they did was have sex a FEW TIMES

again what you think about folks who say they are friends but fuck is your own opinion/feeling and probably why Deron has to reconcile

i've dealt with dating men whose exes (as in they had an actual relationship) who were still trying to get with them while dating me

and they handled the situation and kept their distance

this isn't the same scenario

im dating a guy now with a big circle of women friends
if i found out that he and any one of them had relations some time ago but it wasn't an actual romantic relationship where they were exclusive i wouldn't be upset because clearly it ain't like that now and probably explains how they ended up being platonic

whatever dealings they had happened before i came on the scene. before either knew i existed.
and if i never sensed or observed initmate behavior between the two that seemed a bit "will they or won't they???" then i shouldn't have to worry

and if i was given that info and THEN started to wonder, that's on me, not them. i'm placing my discomfort at the situation on them. clearly they've been able to rock platonically for a while , and while they dated other people even.

With whomever he likes, HOWEVER, I don't want to be friends with any of his exes. If he introduces us, he better make their relationship clear or else he will have a problem As some I ne said above, informed choice is a great thing....

(He actually is best friends with his ex, and his ex and I have not spoken in the 5 years we've been together)

and introduced as such from the jump.

this isn't casual dating either. This is almost married. Seems like it would be a good idea to let your mate know they are chilling with an old flame.

if they were, i'd be with y'all

but no one has ever said they did anything but bone a few times
no declarations of love
no 'he/she wanted more but he/she didnt' want it'

nada

they were 2 people in college what people in college do

Ex girlfriend, ex friend with benifit, ex fuck buddy, all the same, I don't want to know them and it's on him to make their past clear.....

because I know women who did xyz and I came in with an ACTUALLY to give you clarity because you seemed to miss his point. Was his point irrelevant? not really because his point overall is you can't control your partner so you need to get over it.

and why wasnt i informed of their past?

"you cant control if she chooses to fuck him again" is avoiding the issue like shit

b/c they're friends. as they have been for several yrs now.

>and why wasnt i informed of their past?

b/c it is inconsequential to her. and/or b/c she feared you might react unreasonably to something that's actually quite minor.

my only thing is it's highly unlikely he wouldnt smash again

I probably dont know anyone involved, but if she got vulnerable I dont see him being like "nah, Im cool with your fiance now"

those are the type of niggas I dont trust, especially if her homeboy is still single

and then i said:

there are billions of men in the world who would smash her.

and there are hundreds of them who she'd smash.

she knows several men right now today w/whom it would go down - b/c she wants to and they want to.

this is the reality for every man in a relationship w/a woman.

^^ that's how it went.

and i said what i said b/c you'd indicated the problem you have is that the guy would try it w/her again. i mentioned there are BILLIONS of men in the world would try it and she'd want to bone hundreds of them and she already knows at least a few right now today. the point was...this guy is only one of at least a few if not hundreds or billions of men Jessica could hook up with. so Deron needs to either get comfortable w/that or break up with her. and if this is a problem for him he may need to remain single.

Im saying "dont drive drunk, you could harm yourself or someone else"

you're saying "car accidents happen all the time regardless, YOLO"

cut the lawyer shtick sometimes, it makes for clear communication

my only thing is it's highly unlikely he wouldnt smash again

I probably dont know anyone involved, but if she got vulnerable I dont see him being like "nah, Im cool with your fiance now"

those are the type of niggas I dont trust, especially if her homeboy is still single

and then i said:

there are billions of men in the world who would smash her.

and there are hundreds of them who she'd smash.

she knows several men right now today w/whom it would go down - b/c she wants to and they want to.

this is the reality for every man in a relationship w/a woman.

we're talking about one dude, one woman and one situation I have reason not to trust

this guy is only one of at least a few if not hundreds or billions of men Jessica could hook up with. so Deron needs to either get comfortable w/that or break up with her. and if this is a problem for him he may need to remain single.

...when i said 'this guy' i referred to Rico from the OP.

we know infinite possibilities exist where someone else could fuck our girl

we're suspicious however of anyone who has done so before who's still hanging around

i'm prone to thinking this way myself. and i understand it's MY problem *I* need to work through that shit. b/c it's silly.

you could have found a better metaphor

what you're really saying is drinking too much vodka can lead to an accident and sowhat is saying the same result can occur w/ tequila, vodka, or lime-a-ritas

Unless she's got a history of cheating or Rico's grimy as fuck, shouldn't that be enough?

she's choosing HIM over ALL the other folx in the world.

would that not include Deron?

if she was hung up with Deron why she say "yes"? Hell, why she aint with Deron in the first place?

And when he proposed, was it conditional? She chose him, and that's all that should matter.

but being buddy buddy with a dude who doesnt know you used to knock down his girl is grimy *enough*

it's not outright disrespect because that was the past but it's close

For some dudes that could be a deal breaker. I could understand homegirl not thinking it was a big deal, especially if she don't even look at dude like that anymore or remember

I used to be cool with a dude that my wife used mess with. We were actually going for her around the same time. Years later our circles crossed (my wife actually became cool with his girl at the time) and we've hung out and played ball and such.

i had about 3 girls that I had been with at our wedding. 1 girl became so close to my wife that she and her husband was in our wedding. We've double dated and gone vacation with each other and me and her husband got real close at a point.

If everyone is mature and adults, it really ain't that big of a thing if there's communication and honesty around it. I can understand frustration and annoyance with being blindsinded by something and then the reaction being whats the big deal.

But alot of these girls i messed with over 10 years ago, in my late teens and early 20's. I can't even remember what dem titties look like for the most part lol

Odds are almost always that a woman's close male friend was once a real "part" of her life so to speak. How he found out is pretty rough so wether or not he stays or bounces is all good either way. One thing is for sure-- his girl is going to get fucked by someone, it's just too bad that one of those someone's will likely be a regular part of his life if the relationships continues. Could be worse though.

been a "part" of their life in any way, even those who are attractive. And I actually know some guys who are the same with their homegirls, to the point that it's like "why the FUCK don't you get with her???"

But it's all about the nature of their relationship, and you can usually tell or catch hints that it's not all good...and I think that's why Deron never suspected anything, because they operate as if nothing happened, which is what mature folks should do. I think it's too many cases where the Rico types will hate or throw salt, whether he still wants her, or even if he wanted her and never got her.

As much as people are saying Deron is being insecure about it, fact is, there's guys who would react a lot worse. Some would cuss her out, cut Rico all the way off, and some may even break engagement.

That you have slept with?

For example, I had a BBQ last month where damn near everybody I'm cool with in some way came to. The girl I just started dating was there, and I introduced her to several folks. Two of the girls she met are girls I slept with some years ago, and I would sleep with them again if they were open for it, but I rarely talk to them at this point...maybe once every few months. And if I did get with this girl, they wouldn't be around, or meeting up with us, getting close enough to buy her gifts.

The ones who I "REALLY" introduced her to, as in "these are my close homegirls," I didn't sleep with any of them at all. The worst thing I did so far was took her to a day party where one girl I had kissed (and ONLY kissed, two years ago) was having her birthday. And it was funny because this girl basically friend zoned me, yet she whispered to me, "who is this bitch???" as soon as the girl I date had walked away. So even that showed me how much drama can happen from bringing folks around when you have pasts with them.

Seems like more women than men have a different outlook.

It's about if your s/o can keep it 100 with you about shit or not. The girl can't. Dude is surrounded by people keeping secrets from him. He should bail. If it wasn't that big a deal she shoulda kept it real. Now look at this awkward ass mess she made..embarrassed everybody.

Did Deron & Jessica both say, "Here's my sexual history with all the names & dates." If so, and she kept something from him, I can understand feeling a little betrayed.

But if that never happened, why is he surprised that she slept with a dude she was friends with back in college? Does he expect her to eliminate contact with any dude she's had sex with? Does he suspect that something is going on now? Or is he concerned that because they slept together back in the day, there's always a possibility that they might hook up again?

EDIT - I wouldn't say anyone is "wrong," per se, but I'm not sure what Deron is all torn up about.

for the most part, he's chill and wouldn't even care about her overall history, but it's just that he had to find out about it after the engagement, and after he's cool with dude. I mean, that news is gonna shake most regular folks in love up at least a little bit. Regardless of everyone here acting like "oh it's just sex, who cares!!!"

>But if that never happened, why is he surprised that she slept
>with a dude she was friends with back in college? Does he
>expect her to eliminate contact with any dude she's had sex
>with? Does he suspect that something is going on now? Or is he
>concerned that because they slept together back in the day,
>there's always a possibility that they might hook up again?

It's a surprise because it was a surprise that he found out, LOL. From what he told me, she introduced him as one of his closest friends, and nothing else. He never suspected anything, or cared enough to ask about them, but finding it out so late and on accident just makes it uncomfortable. He said he didn't even ask her, "so, who else that I know have you been with?" Not sure if it's because he's Mario Winans about it, or because he isn't cool enough with any other guys to care. He didn't even say anything about them possibly hooking up again.

He's building a new life wit this woman, petty bullshit like that could damage their foundation. His pride is making this a bigger issue than it needs to be.

-

Has him all over to the house and shit

Yea sure, if he met a dude who happened to be the fiancee of a girl who he hadn't seen in 8 years and couldn't remember her face...that's a whole different ball game for sure! We are talking about someone who he remained friends with, or even became cool/close with after that time.

lol you think she was misleading cuz she ain't tell him?

I used that I wouldn't recognize them line to say that 8 yrs ago is a long time, those feelings that they shared aren't there anymore. It's about the present, bruh.

If he still feels shook by this dudes presence he needs to leave her.

It's just a whole different type of scenario, being that they did whatever, and he had zero idea about it, and still doesn't know the extent of it. He didn't ask much else, and I don't think he wants to know much else, but it's just uncomfortable to find that info out so late in the game, coming from someone else.

She never cheated, she's been by his side.

you learn in a marriage that kind of shit is not permissible

its front street or the highway

Any of my wife's friends that she slept with, I knew about wayyy before we got married. No, she didn't make a big ass announcement - it's just stuff that comes up in casual conversation when you are reminsicing about the college days or whatever.

In fact, we kicked it with one of those guys in NYC a couple of years ago. One of the best trips I ever had.

Here's the thing:

I didn't have to hear it from a bunch of her college friends. SHE TOLD ME. That's what let me know it was no big deal.

Secrecy = grime in my world.

what's the big deal here
becuz im lost
they smashed
it was over
they remained friends
now theyre all friends
so what they got down a million years ago
i cld see if either of them seemed whistful
but id doesnt even seem like the case
so dude needs to grow up and move on
LIKE THEY DID.

.

a mutual friend 8yrs ago and didnt tell you......?

hand on the bible, lightning strike you if you lie

Jessica has a duty to protect her man and vice versa. They should never put each other in harm's way.

Letting your mate become cool with someone you used to smash in college ain't cool.

She damm tricked him into being cool with an old lover. That ain't cool.


Let me decide. She has put the relationship in jeopardy because she wanted it both ways.

.

From pron lol

Mainly because I've been Rico before, and I was happy for Jessica and Deron with no
interest in Jessica anymore. HOWEVER, if Deron did find out, I wouldn't deny it or anything...
I just thought it best that he not know... mostly because me and Jessica were intimate
only a few months ago, and she was still in love with me.

I've never been Deron, because my SO's have always told me when they used to fuck
someone in their lives. The fact that they TOLD me killed any insecurity I may have had.
If they kept it from me tho, that might have been a problem... because then I feel like
you might be tryna get it in again... or may have never stopped.

So my whole view of this is kinda hypocritical like shit lmao.
If you not gonna tell Deron, make sure no one else does either... because then u just look messy.
If I was Jessica, I'd just apologize for not telling him, and explain that the only reason I
didn't is because it was so long ago and is now such a non-factor that I didn't think it
was worth it but I didn't want you do find out like that, so I apologize. That should smooth
everything out. I dunno how Deron could be wrong when he ain't did shit lol.

>The fact that they TOLD me killed any
>insecurity I may have had.

if you find out your wife to be has been keeping info like that from you

you have no choice but to be insecure

>>The fact that they TOLD me killed any
>>insecurity I may have had.
>
>if you find out your wife to be has been keeping info like
>that from you
>
>you have no choice but to be insecure

I mean, I would pay attention to the reasons she didn't tell me and so forth. I think in
this particular situation, it seems like it's nothing due to the timeframe and all... so I
can't really call this one.

>Mainly because I've been Rico before, and I was happy for
>Jessica and Deron with no
>interest in Jessica anymore. HOWEVER, if Deron did find out,
>I wouldn't deny it or anything...
>I just thought it best that he not know... mostly because me
>and Jessica were intimate
>only a few months ago, and she was still in love with me.

What's the low down on this, Boogie?

I broke things off with her. She invites me over for one last ditch attempt to get back
with me (gave me the best head I've ever had even til this very day, etc), but I declined.
Like a month or 2 later, she's engaged to this other cat, bringing him around the circle.
Cool guy. He and I got along really well, but the way she giggles at my jokes and the
stuff I do is making a lil uncomfortable lol. At one point I swear he gave her a sharp look
when she was falling over laughing at something I said, so I actually wondered if she
ever told him. They are still married today though, and I'm still happy for them, because
she wasn't the girl for me. We lost touch due to traveling in different directions.

She got engaged to that new dude REAL QUICK.

> She got engaged to that new dude REAL QUICK.

She was mad religious (main reason I had to bounce) and he was a preacher, so it was
a match made in heaven lol.

I bet it's always bothered Jessica that she hadn't said anything to Deron and probably knew at some point it was gonna need to come up. but things were going well, and knowing how dudes are, she didnt want to have that potentially awkward "choose him or me" or "i dont trust that n*gga around you" convo that would force her to have to choose between the two. especially now that they've been getting along so well. Rico thinks about all of this from time to time, but told her its not his place to get involved, thats between y'all. Sometimes he wonders about "what if..." and occasionally reminisces about the sex. RIco knows three years ago he def woulda smashed again if the opportunity presented itself, but now things would be too messy. at least that's what he tells himself. regardless, they both know this wont be an issue if Jessica doesnt give him an opportunity (since she's the one in the committed relationship).

ultimately, none of this really matters. her not telling him about Rico is probably no indication that they still have feelings for each other and deep down, Deron knows this. his pride just cant handle watching the game and hi fiving with the guy who used to dick down his wife. and irrational jealousy is keeping him from moving on cause he's gonna question any moment those two spend together and he's not there.

ultimately, the only solution is Rico gets married. it solves nothing, but it makes everybody else feel better. lol

what if she chose the friendship?

I think keeping an old college fuck buddy around is something women do more than men.

I have an ex who wanted to remain cool and said her Husband wasn't all that happy that she kept so many ex's in her life. She told him that's how it is.. and he rolled with it.

now, I told her she is bugging and its selfish. she thinks I'm tripping but IMO there is no reason to have that many ex's up in your man face like that.

him and his fiancee

Then you should tell your BF/GF/Wife that you two used to "date" and keep it moving. Especially if you guys are all hanging around each other.

youre hiding something

they are friends who have had sex a handful of times during college EIGHT YEARS AGO.

i'd agree if these 2 were ex-bf/gf then homegirl more likely should've disclosed. but based on the story in the OP they were not in a romantic relationship. they are friends who messed around w/each other DURING COLLEGE.

so what?

Not sure if he's worried, but would that change your own mind? Such as...they were dating, possibly even in love, but never got together. Or, they randomly had sex within 3-4 months of Deron + Jessica getting together, meaning it happened less than 3 years ago and not "EIGHT YEARS AGO?"

I know those are some of the things that people will wonder when they find out this type info late. And even then, those things still won't matter to some folks. Would the issue at this point be that she lied about it, still feeling that the past is the past?

>Not sure if he's worried, but would that change your own
>mind?

not really.

Such as...they were dating, possibly even in love, but
>never got together. Or, they randomly had sex within 3-4
>months of Deron + Jessica getting together, meaning it
>happened less than 3 years ago and not "EIGHT YEARS AGO?"

if R and J had just boned an hour ago she should've told D and if she didn't she's an unruly trollop who should be publicly flogged and made to don a scarlet letter T for the remainder of her days!!!

>I know those are some of the things that people will wonder
>when they find out this type info late. And even then, those
>things still won't matter to some folks. Would the issue at
>this point be that she lied about it, still feeling that the
>past is the past?

she didn't lie about it unless she was asked directly and didn't disclose. she didn't even fail to disclose unless J and D previously agreed to tell each other each time they encounter anyone w/whom they've had sex in the past no matter how distant or no matter how casual.

>they are friends who have had sex a handful of times during college EIGHT YEARS AGO.

and pussy is vulnerable, you don't realise.

But it's a sliding scale, pussy is most vulnerable when it's virginal. The more partners, the more invulnerable pussy is to new dick, but the pussy remembers the power the old dick had over it. This does not dissipate over time. This has nothing to do with whether a woman is in love with her man as opposed to a man she let hit when she ran out of batteries. This is about vulnerable pussy, and powerful dick.

All these men telling you're wrong know. They have powerfully straight dicks, but only as powerful as the pussy is vulnerable. This dichotomy of power vs insecurity needs to be respected for the sake of a relationship.

.

having sex casually. every man a woman beds is THE ONE. she harbors strong feelings of love for him or else she wouldn't allow him into her temple, let alone to pray at the altar of her loveliness. so of course the woman Jessica was deeply in love w/Rico when they hooked up during college. that wasn't a casual fling for her b/c women don't DO casual. at least not WIFE-ABLE women like Jessica. and we know she's wifey status b/c she's engaged. so she was in love w/Rico - not a fling.

i don't know this b/c i haven't been in a relationship w/a woman since i was a boy and she was a girl. i can't know this sort of thing b/c i live in a gay bubble where all of my friends, coworkers, and relatives are gay men so i have no context for heterosexual relationships. i just can't understand what you ppl do b/c i don't have those feelings and i live in a totally gay world where i'm not exposed to this stuff at all.

>having sex casually. every man a woman beds is THE ONE. she
>harbors strong feelings of love for him or else she wouldn't
>allow him into her temple, let alone to pray at the altar of
>her loveliness. so of course the woman Jessica was deeply in
>love w/Rico when they hooked up during college. that wasn't a
>casual fling for her b/c women don't DO casual. at least not
>WIFE-ABLE women like Jessica. and we know she's wifey status
>b/c she's engaged. so she was in love w/Rico - not a fling.

NO NO NO. Straight dick is powerful. That's the power it has. One does not handle great power casually. That's like saying you'd driver a million dollar sports car casually. Of course you wouldn't. Well, not unless you were more powerful than the million dollar car, but I take you back to principle #2. Pussy is vulnerable.

>
>i don't know this b/c i haven't been in a relationship w/a
>woman since i was a boy and she was a girl. i can't know this
>sort of thing b/c i live in a gay bubble where all of my
>friends, coworkers, and relatives are gay men so i have no
>context for heterosexual relationships. i just can't
>understand what you ppl do b/c i don't have those feelings and
>i live in a totally gay world where i'm not exposed to this
>stuff at all.

It's because your dick isn't straight. It's not powerful. We had a bunch of laws to reinforce this fact, which you're dismantling unfairly, but the power of straight dick is undiminished. You gave her the gay dick. That's not powerful. You don't know the power of making pussy vulnerable to your straightness.

i don't understand these things. i can't.

>and pussy is vulnerable, you don't realise.
>
>But it's a sliding scale, pussy is most vulnerable when it's
>virginal. The more partners, the more invulnerable pussy is to
>new dick, but the pussy remembers the power the old dick had
>over it. This does not dissipate over time. This has nothing
>to do with whether a woman is in love with her man as opposed
>to a man she let hit when she ran out of batteries. This is
>about vulnerable pussy, and powerful dick.
>
>All these men telling you're wrong know. They have powerfully
>straight dicks, but only as powerful as the pussy is
>vulnerable. This dichotomy of power vs insecurity needs to be
>respected for the sake of a relationship.


~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

Should be the same in any type of relationship with anyone.

>and pussy is vulnerable, you don't realise.
>
>But it's a sliding scale, pussy is most vulnerable when it's
>virginal. The more partners, the more invulnerable pussy is to
>new dick, but the pussy remembers the power the old dick had
>over it. This does not dissipate over time. This has nothing
>to do with whether a woman is in love with her man as opposed
>to a man she let hit when she ran out of batteries. This is
>about vulnerable pussy, and powerful dick.
>
>All these men telling you're wrong know. They have powerfully
>straight dicks, but only as powerful as the pussy is
>vulnerable. This dichotomy of power vs insecurity needs to be
>respected for the sake of a relationship.

Like when you don't invite your exes to the wedding despite you guys being good friends for years

OR

making sure you pick her up some tampons at the supermarket.

These 2 arent exes.

And it's even wilder that every person values "dating" differently from "just sex." It's women who knew about girls I slept with, and they felt zero threat, because they knew it was just some fun/drunk shit with no attachment...while they knew of some girls I never even kissed, but was DEEEP in like over, and they were always uncomfortable about them. And then, some folks (especially guys) can see it the other way around.

you are a great catch

if the sex is the thing he's hung up on

but he was willing to marry this woman outside of knowing her sexual past with Deron

*shrugs* he should be buying Deron a beer. If sex is such a deal breaker and so imperative then at least THANK the man for assisting her with wifeable bedroom skills, right?

he needs to get over himself. It aint that deep.

The good: She introduced them, wanted them to be cool, didn't hide the relationship and hasn't shown any signs that it was more than platonic since Deron and Jessica have been together (or recently for that matter).

The bad: We all grown BUT sometimes full disclosure is necessary for trust. Especially when there's a chance skeletal closets can be pried ajar (as it happened). Putting it out there and allowing him to decide how he'd approach his relationship with Rico would have been best. He would have respected her forthcoming and probably would have appreciated how respectful Rico had been of their relationship to that point.

The sideways: By her not disclosing, it can be construed as secretive. And when he approached her about it, downplaying it was understandable BUT she should have provided a side of reassurance and further divulging of her 'recent' history with Rico (no lines crossed, no strong physical desires or expressed interests for either party, etc.)

If it were me: It'd be a teachable moment. I'd let her understand that it's better for me to learn about things like that from her than others. I'd still be cool with Rico if in retrospect all his interactions with me were on the up-and-up (no sideways comments that I didn't get at the time but made total sense after I found out they had a fling) and because I'd want to monitor their relationship up close.

If she was wifeable, this isn't something you veto her over.

>The good: She introduced them, wanted them to be cool, didn't
>hide the relationship and hasn't shown any signs that it was
>more than platonic since Deron and Jessica have been together
>(or recently for that matter).
>
>The bad: We all grown BUT sometimes full disclosure is
>necessary for trust. Especially when there's a chance skeletal
>closets can be pried ajar (as it happened). Putting it out
>there and allowing him to decide how he'd approach his
>relationship with Rico would have been best. He would have
>respected her forthcoming and probably would have appreciated
>how respectful Rico had been of their relationship to that
>point.
>
>The sideways: By her not disclosing, it can be construed as
>secretive. And when he approached her about it, downplaying
>it was understandable BUT she should have provided a side of
>reassurance and further divulging of her 'recent' history with
>Rico (no lines crossed, no strong physical desires or
>expressed interests for either party, etc.)
>
>If it were me: It'd be a teachable moment. I'd let her
>understand that it's better for me to learn about things like
>that from her than others. I'd still be cool with Rico if in
>retrospect all his interactions with me were on the up-and-up
>(no sideways comments that I didn't get at the time but made
>total sense after I found out they had a fling) and because
>I'd want to monitor their relationship up close.
>
>If she was wifeable, this isn't something you veto her over.

i was confused by his agreeing there too

>The good: She introduced them, wanted them to be cool, didn't
>hide the relationship and hasn't shown any signs that it was
>more than platonic since Deron and Jessica have been together
>(or recently for that matter).
>
>The bad: We all grown BUT sometimes full disclosure is
>necessary for trust. Especially when there's a chance skeletal
>closets can be pried ajar (as it happened). Putting it out
>there and allowing him to decide how he'd approach his
>relationship with Rico would have been best. He would have
>respected her forthcoming and probably would have appreciated
>how respectful Rico had been of their relationship to that
>point.
>
>The sideways: By her not disclosing, it can be construed as
>secretive. And when he approached her about it, downplaying
>it was understandable BUT she should have provided a side of
>reassurance and further divulging of her 'recent' history with
>Rico (no lines crossed, no strong physical desires or
>expressed interests for either party, etc.)
>
>If it were me: It'd be a teachable moment. I'd let her
>understand that it's better for me to learn about things like
>that from her than others. I'd still be cool with Rico if in
>retrospect all his interactions with me were on the up-and-up
>(no sideways comments that I didn't get at the time but made
>total sense after I found out they had a fling) and because
>I'd want to monitor their relationship up close.
>
>If she was wifeable, this isn't something you veto her over.

for all the fellas asking about the ladies and what we would do if we were in Deron's shoes

I went through a similar situation somewhat recently
met someone
started dating
started getting closer
I already had an idea they had a...ahem...colorful past
but I told them that I accepted whatever happened before me and if I had any issues with it, they were my crosses to carry. Not theirs because they could obviously sleep well at night with what they did.

I was already aware of one relationship with an acquaintance of mine
but because it's a small world after all, I wanted to know if any other streams could have potentially crossed ours.
I debated a long time whether I would ask or if I could live in ignorant bliss.
Turns out, I couldn't NOT know
so I asked.
I even threw in a disclaimer stating that I wasn't sure if I could handle the answer...
And I was kinda right :/

I *was* taken aback at first
but I had to remember what I said
because the only thing that really hurt in this situation was the hit to my ego (ME NOT BEING #1??? FOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Once I took a step back to remember that this person is choosing to be with me now and in the future, it helped being me back down to earth.

I know the kind of person I am
I can only handle these kinds of things if I have enough information to make an informed decision for myself.
Granted I asked preemptively
but looking at the reasons why I asked
there's the reasons I listed in #65
I realized I asked not because I really gave a fuck for myself
but I didn't want to be sniggled at behind my back because that circle can be messy as hell and I'll be damned if any bitch catches herself trying to steal my joy because she wants to be salty.

fin.

totally.

Granted it's a pretty different situation from the OP due to the preemptive idgaf and
knowledge of the colorful past, but at least you ain't in here frontin like it just don't matter at all.

been secure or cool about these situations. And I wouldn't say it makes them unjustifiably insecure or any of the shit people are saying in here about Deron.

I can't even say it's because "women don't trust women" because guys always feel like other guys are plotting..so overall, humans just ain't shit.

if it hit you hard when you asked, imagine if someone else told you?

hence why I move how I move
I'm gonna nip whatever issues I might have in the bud before it officially becomes a problem because I will open my mouth and ask.
Whatever comes next is now on me.

My situation was a little different because the women knew each other before me. We were all in the same social circle so I knew they knew each other but I didn't know they had once been tight.

Anyway, I had a FWB relationship with one and then, years later, pursued a serious relationship with the other. Things only came to a head when they started rekindling their friendship and talking about living together. The FWB told me to not say anything if I hadn't already... but my conscience got the better of me.

MAAAAAAN, I don't think my ex EVER got over that shit. Huge inflection point in the relationship... I don't think she ever truly trusted me again.

So my perspective is you either need to be upfront about people from your past who're still in your present, or just ignore that shit like Rachel Dolezal's white childhood.

probably would still have an issue with it had it been said in a timely manner because they will think

'if it wasn't that big a deal, why tell me?'

or they will just start feeling uncomfortable about them being around each other because of their past

ultimately it boils down to ego and the little bit of jealousy we all have but those are internal issues, not external ones. check yourself.

n/m

one of my baes had been cool with a girl he use to sleep with. i never knew and still don't know the extent of their relationship and I THOUGHT I could be cool but when I was actually in the position being around her, I was like fuck no. mainly because I was thinking he was so awesome and who WOULDN"T still want him? i knew how much i loved him and felt like other ppl felt the same way and if they are so cool, she could slide back in...it's difficult. So I will be the first to admit I wouldn't be happy in this situation so I get how dude feels but ultimately it comes down to whether or not he really feels she's worth it. if he really wants to be with her, he will find a way to get past this.

total agreement.

~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

>ultimately it boils down to ego and the little bit of jealousy
>we all have but those are internal issues, not external ones.
>check yourself.

>probably would still have an issue with it had it been said
>in a timely manner because they will think
>
>'if it wasn't that big a deal, why tell me?'


Wth. Would you think that? I can't feel that, because I appreciate ppl being upfront,
and I think most people get that sense about me. I understand some ppl are on that
"I'd rather not know" thing tho. At any rate, the answer to the above question is...
"So you don't hear it from somebody else" (especially if yall are hanging around friends
from back in the day, such as the situation in the OP)... just clear it all out and live in peace.


>ultimately it boils down to ego and the little bit of jealousy
>we all have but those are internal issues, not external ones.
>check yourself.


This is sometimes true and sometimes it's not. The question is where do you draw
the line on what's caused by your partner and what's not?
If your partner can never find time for you, but always hangs with his secretary,
the jealousy you feel ain't an internal issue, lol.

it aint about the person its about the deception

dont know or care how many my wife has been with

but if there was a male friend that she neglected to tell me she'd been intimate with, especially if im now taking this person as a friend

that would be a BIG problem

and yall niggas lying, trying to act above it all

is it bc the deception means that they are hiding something else (ie possibly still sleeping together).

>ultimately it boils down to ego and the little bit of jealousy
>we all have but those are internal issues, not external ones.
>check yourself.

I think a little compassion and common sense are necessary here. SHOULD he be upset? Probably not. Is it crazy that he is? Absolutely not. Ultimately, I'm w/Ric on this one - why not just head it off at the pass - that way HE has the option to opt out, if he realize he can't really handle the way she rolls.

but it still should be a process folks are allowed

i informed my wife about someone...hell, a couple someones

she had an interesting initial reaction but she's cool with one and invited 2 out of 3 to our wedding

*shrugs*

if the possibility exists that they may find out anyway...why not be transparent?

>if the possibility exists that they may find out anyway...why
>not be transparent?

lol

not be transparent. we're dealing w/ real life here, right?

U're just naming a reason... not necessarily a good reason, lol

>if the possibility exists that they may find out anyway...why
>not be transparent?

>if the possibility exists that they may find out anyway...why
>not be transparent?

If she may hear about it, it better be from me.

Ultimately, the only remorse I feel for the situation is not saying it sooner. The relationship likely would've been cut short but it also may have been a growth opportunity.

and i'm allowed to clown them during that process. LOL

naw...if this was my dude i wouldn't have said anything b/c i wouldn't have thought it a big deal. if he hears it through the grapevine i'd own it. if he has a problem after...i mean, i dunno. that's on him. if it's a dealbreaker then that's that. if not then - i mean, that's his stuff to deal with. i'd apologize and going forward i'd still handle myself the same way.

Way and have made it abundantly clear that u think Jessica did nothing wrong, what exactly are u apologizing for? And save the simple as one word snark, just think about how u wrote doesn't add up

to assuage his widdle feewings.

i'd kiss his widdle boo-boo and make it better.

reply #280 tho.. I done typed it once lol

>probably would still have an issue with it had it been said
>in a timely manner because they will think
>
>'if it wasn't that big a deal, why tell me?'
>
>or they will just start feeling uncomfortable about them being
>around each other because of their past
>
>ultimately it boils down to ego and the little bit of jealousy
>we all have but those are internal issues, not external ones.
>check yourself.


Protecting me from my feelings is ultimately cowardly. You could find out I care about it as much as you do, which actually brings up together. Or you'll find out just how different we are and may save ourselves alot of time.

they probably didn't think it was a big deal
because it's not a big deal

treating it otherwise, treating it as something that requires a 'talk' can hint at it being something that it isn't

It might not imply dishonesty
it might imply dishonesty
you have to know yourself and your partner well enough to have an idea as to how to maneuver.

>they probably didn't think it was a big deal
>because it's not a big deal
>
>treating it otherwise, treating it as something that requires
>a 'talk' can hint at it being something that it isn't

I think it's better to disclose because it just might matter to the other person.

If they're like "What? Why would I care about that?", there's been no harm.

If they make a big deal about it, better to deal with that now than potentially later when it's been compounded by time and circumstance.

of all the Niggas in the world you want me to kick it with one of your old flames?

but you don't have the courtesy to let me in on the secret that EVERYONE else is in on?

yeah, Thx.

all dude wants is a chance to decide for himself if he wants to chill with dude or not.

you will always have to deal with an ex at some point. mostly minimally but sometimes for life in some cases

so you like dude in every way possible but because he had a consensual fling with your girl before YOU EVER EXISTED where neither he nor your girl ever expressed any desire to be together as a couple during that time or since, YOU have to decide if that's something YOU are ok with? something that happened BEFORE YOU EVER WERE IN THE PICTURE and has no bearing on your life other than your own pride and jealousy?

and she's got the ego?


LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

but harboring jealousy and entertaining the jealousy of others is exhausting and toxic

if you can't deal, be out

if these fools were a couple in the past, i'd feel differently but no one in this situation (including the person who blabbed) hasn't said anything other than that they were friends who fucked in college a few times 8 years ago

I'd feel differently if R and J had been a couple and D heard from a 3rd party. But that's not the case. And if he can't deal (which is understandable - many ppl can't) he should bounce.

best believe there will be a discussion or some hurt feelings.

I know how you get down on here but foh. Deron ain't wrong.

he is free to go. I won't apologize. It wasn't worth me telling him - if he disagrees then we are probably not for each other and I'm fine with calling it quits.

but the problem is some of these women on OKP want to be in relationships.

your mindset is cool because you don't give a fuck.

but there are women in here who follow your mantra while crying about not being able to find a man.

we all adults tho, so it's whatever.

Not that I'm a ringleader. But others have expressed sentiments similar to mi e and their relationship statuses very from single to married.

You're better off accepting the variety of thought here without attempting to discredit those who disagree. You can live with reasonable ppl disagreeing with you. It's okay.

y'all are completely missing the point.

if it was shrugs and kisses then why not tell him?

why let another dude who gives no fucks about your man's feeling disclose that info?

you guys are acting like this info is coming from a sensitive source. its coming from the ignantist one in the crew who gives no fucks.


I mean... what world am I living in?

These 2 are not exes. They are friends who had casual sex a handful of times eight years ago. Why not tell? Bc maybe the sex was awful or stupid or embarrassing and in her mind it was of such little consequence it's not worth talking about.

knowledge is power.

if you are going to ask a man or women to spend the rest of their life with you... don't test them by asking them to be friends with a person you had sex with without telling them.

If he still mad he can fuck off. If not it's all good.

this isn't about being shocked your fiance had sex before you.

we know our SO has a past...

its about introducing a past lover to me like he is a casual friend and letting hating ass Lester frame that shit after a few drinks instead of controlling the info.

FOH. I can't imagine any of you being okay with being in a room full of friends where they all know about some sex with your man and you are the last one to hear about it.

or they can be friends but because they had sex, the context of their relationship is sexual

you're putting more on the relationship than even the person who told did. clearly everyone sees it as them being friends who had sex a few times but were ultimately friends.

there's nothing to 'deal' with. or rather, what you have to deal with is your own feeling about it which means dick because it had nothing to do with you and still doesn't because YOU WERENT THERE.

has either person expressed more feelings? is anyone acting inappropriately? no?
then the only problem here is you feel silly because you didn't know

you didn't know about something that happened when you weren't around and ceases to exist

EGO

it exists to you because dude is still there but dude hasn't been anything but nice and helpful. you just don't like that someone that close to your girl put his dick in her even when he hasn't indicated in any way he wishes to do that again.

it's that simple. if you can't tell me as, as your fiance, that you had sex with dude, its a problem.

most dudes, given how fine she is described, would say "cool, I didn't know you then, I also have a past" and then operate from there...

but she let the next man deliver the info and that is foul.

Lol.

If I were Jessica I might dump Deron if he makes too much of this after I've explained why I didn't tell him about the history with Rico. I'm not about to be made a villain bc his ego is bruised. He can go marry his ego if it's that important to him.

Okay. I didn't know.

it's that simple. if you can't tell me as, as your fiance, that you had sex with dude, its a problem.

most dudes, given how fine she is described, would say "cool, I didn't know you then, I also have a past" and then operate from there...

but she let the next man deliver the info and that is foul.

this isn't about being shocked she had sex with an old friend. its about hearing about it from someone else.

I'm your fiance and you can't let me know that shit and let me friends with dude.

FOH

First I'd find it distasteful that my new friend has friends who engage in this kind of gossip. That would bother me more than learning that my man banged out my new friend/his old friend 8 years ago. It would depend on how the info came out - if it's a funny story I'd laugh and move on. If it's being told on some messy T bullshit I'd shut it right down and consider cutting ties with these ppl.

Second, any jealousy or embarrassment I'd feel would be MINE and my problem to get over. I wouldn't feel like my guy had lied to me by not disclosing such a casual sex thing.

Third, if I couldn't get past knowing my guy banged his old friend almost a decade ago - or learning of it from a 3rd party then I'd leave.

gotdammit.

never seen a dude go to this length to prove he is above it all.

it's obvious you got some serious issues. lol.

anyone who would go to this length to prove he is never hurt or conflicted by emotion got something else going on.

so pressed to prove you are tough.

prolly be snot nosed every third Sunday

I am all of that.

unless you are currently in college

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

unsurprising

Yall can't tell him about the past and trust him to treat Rico with respect?

You think he's too childish to do that?

If you don't have that much faith in him, why do you think he can deal with hearing it from a 3rd party?

If you feel like you're dealing with an adult, be transparent with this adult, and trust him
to handle it all in a mature manner.

If you have to treat him like a child from the onset, you already knew you had problems on your hands.

I swear yall don't think your shit through, lol.

the onus is also on the recipient of this information
can I trust them with this information?
can I trust that they will process this information in a mature manner?
am I sure that they even WANT to know in the first place?
cuz if they truly do not care and do not want to know, then that should be respected as well.

because they were afraid of his reaction

maybe they realized that a lot of people, as they do in college, do a lot of messing around with folks and that was college and in the past and they are never going down that path again so it's not anything worth mentioning. just like most people's indiscretions. that happened almost a decade ago.

again, it's not strange/bad to be upset about it but the reasons why and whether that lies is the issue.

>maybe they realized that a lot of people, as they do in
>college, do a lot of messing around with folks and that was
>college and in the past and they are never going down that
>path again so it's not anything worth mentioning. just like
>most people's indiscretions. that happened almost a decade
>ago.


That's great, but the partner isn't in the past. As a matter of fact, he's there helping
with wedding plans lol.
We can't talk about this like he's mad she had sex in college... the defense seems to
want to turn the story into that, when the details make this far different from that.

They should be candid about how insecure they are about certain aspects of their loved one's past. Let that person know early in the relationship so that they have the chance to comply or move on with someone more chill.

Being upfront should be two ways.

(c)

Can you walk us through how one broaches the subject of whether she fucked certain dudes?

They should be candid about how insecure they are about certain aspects of their loved one's past. Let that person know early in the relationship so that they have the chance to comply or move on with someone more chill.

Tell her that you want to know certain things about her past, and list all the situations where full disclosure are necessary.

Don't make up a rule to get mad after something happens, disclose the rules up front.

I've always assumed that's some information that would naturally be brought up between two people dating. Maybe it's me, but I always tell any GF that I have about the status of the relationship that I have with other. Also going with the "maybe it's me" theme, I'd break up with or at least put the brakes on the engagement if this was my fiance. To me it would feel like she's keeping secrets, and that's not a way to start a relationship with me.

I'm pretty upfront about what I do and don't want in a relationship. I wouldn't try and force someone to mold themselves to me, and I'm definitely not going to accept things in a relationship that I don't agree with. For me, it's better to just walk.

.

Smashed. I think the issue was that she had Rico all up in their new life together and then that info was dropped on him and not by her

holy you get it

>Smashed. I think the issue was that she had Rico all up in
>their new life together and then that info was dropped on him
>and not by her

I'm saying you tell someone the rule.

The rule is, if you've fucked someone in the past and they're still in your life, I want to know. This includes just friends with benefits and even the random smash on a drunken night. No prior fuck is insignificant if the person is still a part of your circle and/or mine.

Don't just decide that your rules are going to be the same as someone else's in a relationship.

It's kinda weird to declare but u can't assume something that might bother u will bother ur partner (at least in the early stages) so yeah communicating that I'd want to kno if any of ur friends were former lovers would be necessary. If not awkward just to bring up

>It's kinda weird to declare but u can't assume something that
>might bother u will bother ur partner (at least in the early
>stages) so yeah communicating that I'd want to kno if any of
>ur friends were former lovers would be necessary. If not
>awkward just to bring up

Especially if that's something you're potentially sensitive about?

a list of everyone my current boo has slept with or or dated for a couple of months...?

I don't get it.

the way that info was delivered is the issue.

.

some people dont like unnecessary drama and try to avoid awkward situations

then you have people like SoWhat that invite that sort of bullshit because "its what they do" as he said i guess

you'd think that it would be a no brainer to disclose that shit up front in an attempt to avoid any issues

some people just like forcing a square peg through a round hole in life

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson


"One of the most important things in life is what Judge Learned Hand described as 'that ever-gnawing inner doubt as to whether you're

I was entertained. Some of yall are wired differently.

and for no reason at all.
they've been together 2 years... if she'd fucked someone else in that two years
maybe he'd have reason to react in some kind of way
but if he was expecting a virgin, he should have looked for a virgin
most of us have had prior sexual relationships
its to be expected
and some of us still keep in touch with exes and they are friends
whom you will meet at some point
do i need to tell you who i fucked in the past? fuck no
unless you need me to tell you about everyone ive fucked
and if you are one of those people? we aint going nowhere at all
i fully expect my partners to have had previous sexual relationships
even some which might have been one night stands
or just sexin to be sexin
you clean? im clean?
then i dont really need a play by play, even if i end up cool with one of your exes
they are in the past, shit im the future.

some of y'all sound like you never talk to your exes
i find that wierd. i talk to all of mine (except for one who is a class act asshole i regret)
id hope to be with someone who is mature enough to recognize this
and hopefully also takes this approach with prior relationships

sheesh, okplayers, y'all got some interesting takes on life.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson


"One of the most important things in life is what Judge Learned Hand described as 'that ever-gnawing inner doubt as to whether you're

it, for sure.

I can understand folks saying he shouldn't trip or freak out, but to go as extreme to say "did he think he had a virgin?" is a whole different thing.

the last guy i dated - on more than one occasion we hung out w/my friend E. E and i smanged once shortly after E moved to Chicago - about 5 yrs ago. we were drunk and it happened. it didn't happen again in part b/c the sex was bad and b/c i heard about our hook-up via the grapevine and that pissed me off. it told me that E is messy i don't allow messy boots in my temple. so that was over and done. E and i are still friends though.

the 2nd time me and my guy hung out w/E they got friendly. at no point did i consider telling my guy that i had hooked up w/E. and as far as i know he still doesn't know that happened. or if he does know he never said anything to me about it.

was i supposed to tell my dude that i'd been w/E ONCE and have no interest in ever smanging him again?

you want it to play out in a messy way to give you something to talk about

you want my attention in this post. how may i dismiss you?

I don't think it's hard to imagine that there are LOTS of folks that care, clearly Deron is one of them. In THAT case, yeah, she prolly should have said something.

Bc I can't deal with that bullshit. He'd have to tread lightly.

i cant think much of a woman like that that would casually introduce me to someone who used to blow her back out and call herself my woman.

if she grew up with brothers or close male cousins she would know thats not cool.

a woman like that couldn't be anything more than fwbs to me.

thats just me.

there's a million fish in the sea.

So if he feels like he can't completely trust her, I understand.

lazy bastards

Thing is I would have assumed they got it in at some point in the past anyway so none of that would have been a surprise to me. Two humans fucking... OMG ?? meh!

I would keep that dude as a friend. If they are still hooking up that shit would come out eventually with some alcohol or a slip in some other way.

Keep ya friends close but your enemies closer type of thing, HAHHAHA

If you are introducing your guy to your ex FWB, you gotta tell him the whole story. You can't just say, oh, this is my boy from college. You gotta tell him eventually that he dicked her down or something. If he hears it from someone else, he's got a right to be pissed off.

She's in the wrong.

BUT...it was 8 years ago. Its not like it was last year or even a current relationship.

I see why OKPs be single as fuck.

you can't introduce a guy as a "friend" and then he find out he fucked her down and expect him to be cool hand luke.

if someone shrugged that shit off I would side eye then like they had some ill shit in the closet.

nah, if you keep a secret like that it's cause you know it's delicate info or you like seeing them squirm.

to be honest it's some pimp shit. she is letting dude know how the relationship is going down.

this won't be the last time she does this shit... and one day, Deron will do some shit that hurts her the same way.

Tough situation on the woman's part. Meet a great dude and if she brings it up then she might lose him or it potentially destabilizes the relationship or if she didn't bring it up upfront then this happens. It's tough and I cape for no one but I think the reason why there is a level of difficulty is because of uncomfortable view on women's sexuality and sexual independence

you meet dude on the street in passing, nah.. no need to bring it up.

but if you introduce him as a friend and let him get close to your fiancé... then it's a problem if someone else drops the bomb.

why would you let your fiancé go out like that? This goes both ways too...

this is some "til it happens to you" Bailey Rae shit. it's cool when YOU know the secret but when everyone else knows....

nah b. it's not cool. LOL

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

and person who snitched knew what they were doing when they dropped that casual bomb.

how you so comfortable being friends with a guy who use to fuck your girl...oh, you ain't know...my fault man listen..."

I have a friend like that. some people think he aimt shit but after the dust settles...


everyone else who knew and said nothing look even worse

to get all pissed at Rico. they owe Rico money and can't pay so they want him dead. but all of them are too chicken-shit to kill him themselves. well, plus they have too much to lose. so they take Deron out and get him drunk and tell him Rico and Jessica are ex-lovers. they know Deron, being a man, will get so enraged knowing his sweet, sweet lady has been defouled by that wretched Rico that he will be overcome by emotion and will demand vengeance against Rico in form of blood.

will Deron fall into their clever trap?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfh4Mhp-a6U

Either he learns to deal with his girl's past or not only move on but find someone who is either a virgin, prudish or has no male friends.

to be friends with a nigga she used to fuck.

A lot of women stay friends with men they used to fuck. A lot of women stay friends with ex husbands and ex fiances, let alone dudes they had a fling with in the past. Now, people have to disclose their whole sexual history to people they meet going forward? Is that something you really want to know?

Lets say you meet someone who does that, then what? They are charged? Dudes want women who are good in bed, but want them to have literally no sexual past at the same token. The older you get, the more likely you will find partners who have a sexual past as well as those who still are friends with those individuals. He has options. Either deal with the new found information or move on.

but people usually don't introduce an ex husband or old sexual partner as "just a friend"

if it was just in passing, no need to go into it but if he is hanging around the house and chilling with you at cookouts and is "friend" it makes sense to be the one to tell him or her instead of letting someone else drop that info on your lap.

it's a set up because everyone knew but Deron.

>but people usually don't introduce an ex husband or old
>sexual partner as "just a friend"
>
>if it was just in passing, no need to go into it but if he is
>hanging around the house and chilling with you at cookouts and
>is "friend" it makes sense to be the one to tell him or her
>instead of letting someone else drop that info on your lap.
>
>it's a set up because everyone knew but Deron.
>
>
>
I do not see this as being a set up because according to the original post, Jessica and Rico are friends and have been friends 6 years prior to Jessica getting with Deron. Which also means that Rico has been to many cookouts and get together soon with Jessica and her past boyfriends prior to Deron coming into the picture. Jessica and Rico being "friends" suggess that there is more going on between them which may be continuing while Jessica was or is in a relationship with Deron.

Now, the question is whether Jessica and Rico had an ongoing sexual relationship during the course of their friendship or if their platonic friendship developed AFTER they had a brief liaison?

If it is the former, then it is a non issue. They did what they did when they were both were young, decided that they are better off homies and moved on. If it is the latter, then it would or should cause great concern because of the possibility of them currently getting together while Jessica is in a relationship with Deron.

To me, anything Jessica did before she met Deron is her business. She wasn't in a relationship with Deron and may not have known he existed up until they met or they could have been just friends that developed into more in which is still her business.

I don't think Jessica is the big bad wolfette for something that went down 8 years ago or something that happened 6 years peior to her current relationship. Truth of the matter is that as uncommon as it may seem for such a friendship to exist, the realities is that it may be more common than you think and it is a relity for all parties involved.

So...

What is more important, how Jessica is treating Deron now which lead to an engagement or an ego bruise which may cause a potential breakup that may be even a bigger mistake than not disposing something that happened many moons ago?

and we all are friends..


then it becomes our business.

I don't need to know all the details of your past but if you introduce someone as a friend and y'all fucked I better hear it from my mate and not shady McGrady

>and we all are friends..
>
>
>then it becomes our business.
>
>I don't need to know all the details of your past but if you
>introduce someone as a friend and y'all fucked I better hear
>it from my mate and not shady McGrady

But, not everyone sees it the way you see it. Seems like the woman in question treated the past liaison as "don't count" sex which is why she did not disclose said info to her current fiancé. I think that it is important to ask these questions prior to getting involved with someone and not expect people to just up and disclose such information.

If your emotional well being is important to you, then take the initiate to qualify your prospective partners, otherwise situations like this may occur.

I say that Deron need to weigh his options and decide whether his new revelation supersedes all of the good things that is happening in his relationship. If it does, then charge her to the game. If it doesn't, then have the heart to heart talk and move forward in the relationship.

on this earth that would sit there with this new found information on some 'welp...gotta move on'.

i LOVE OKP. same people be like'oh hell no, this chick didn't fix my man a plate'...or to okpBuddyGilapsisosihatemycat 'why is your wife's 'work husband' draped up on your wife like that in the pic?

it's not about jealousy
it's not about expecting she's a virgin <--i don't get that angle

it's simply about the person you are about to dedicate your life to...your ace boon coon leaving you out of such an important piece of information that A LOT of people in your circle knew.

it's not like dude is a 'casual' friend...he helped plan her birthday parties...lol.

>on this earth that would sit there with this new found
>information on some 'welp...gotta move on'.
>
>i LOVE OKP. same people be like'oh hell no, this chick didn't
>fix my man a plate'...or to okpBuddyGilapsisosihatemycat 'why
>is your wife's 'work husband' draped up on your wife like that
>in the pic?
>
>it's not about jealousy
>it's not about expecting she's a virgin <--i don't get that
>angle
>
>it's simply about the person you are about to dedicate your
>life to...your ace boon coon leaving you out of such an
>important piece of information that A LOT of people in your
>circle knew.
>
>it's not like dude is a 'casual' friend...he helped plan her
>birthday parties...lol.

No need to do that when I belive in what I said. Why would this woman tell this guy that she used to hump Rico when she legitimacy felt that is was a non issue? I personally do not remain buddy buddy pals with ex lovers for my own reasons, but there are people that do and see no issue with it. It isn't about what was done in the past, but what is done in the present. From what I read, there was no emotional investment when ol girl had a fling. She was young and in college. Shit happens. She moved on and her homeboy moved on.

How I see it, it is better to simply get with those who do not keep in touch with ex lovers (except of a child is involved), if this is going to be an issue for some people. There are people like that out there.

he wasn't given a chance to decide until AFTER he was engaged.

Rico and Jessica were going to keep it hush hush and maybe tell him at the Wedding reception

>he wasn't given a chance to decide until AFTER he was
>engaged.
>
>Rico and Jessica were going to keep it hush hush and maybe
>tell him at the Wedding reception

Besides, I don't think it is Rico's place to say anything to Deron. As for Jessica, like I said, she felt that it wasn't a big enough issue to mention something that happened way before she got with Deron. She was a very young adult in college who happened to briefly engage in a fling that did not last. Her and Rico decided that they are better off as friends and remained friends ever since.

The reason why I take the stance that I am taking is because I believe that what is most important is how Jessica is treating Deron NOW as well as how she has treated him since they became bf/gf. For Deron to even propose tells me that Jessica has and still treats him very well and has not done anything that would cause any suspicion of infidelity or any other type of emotional turmoil.

But, because she failed to disclose that she had a brief fling with a good friend(in which said friendship probably developed over the years), she is untrustworthy and possibly unwifeable?

So, what would you do with a woman who is good friends with an ex boyfriend or husband where not only they had many sexual encounters, but possibly brought a child or children to to the world together as well as have had long term emotional investment with each other?

Because the later is very common in our society. If a person legitimately feels that whatever liaisons they had with people in the past is a non issue, then they will not disclose said issue unless asked. If asked then they may very well downplay it.

The reality is that we will don't get to choose on a lot of things and many people will not volunteer to disclose a lot of things that they have done especially if it is something that may cause strife in their current relationship.

Deron needs to decide if he newly found information is grounds for terminating his relationship with Jessica or if he will simply discuss his feelings about the situation and agree to proceed with the relationship. It is really pointless the feel insecure about a past situation but choose to remain in the relationship. His overall ego and emotional well being is within his control.

but that is still different because I know she has a kid and a baby daddy.

all I want is the info on the fling that was in the past if it wasn't important or serious.

Tell me. I'm sorry but there is no fucking way you don't tell me because it wasn't important.

you didn't tell me because I may have said Rico gotta go. she knew he would react so she ommitted it.

About your significant other's past liasons, especially if said liasons were done years before you came into the picture? Is it because you suspect said liasons are still going on? How often do you disclose ALL of your last liasons with your significant others? If often, do you go into detail? By disclosing said information, does it mean that you are providing emotional security for your current partner? If so, how so?

I just don't see why this is such a huge issue when whatever happened was done when both people were very young. People change a lot in 6-8 years.

>Either he learns to deal with his girl's past or not only
>move on but find someone who is either a virgin, prudish or
>has no male friends.
>
>

the issue isn't her past but her present

the issue isn't her sexual history but her openness and honesty

he has a right to expect her to be open and honest about people with which they are both to be friends with

and if he has a problem he should address it

you should always address anything you have issues with in a relationship because it will become a problem sooner or later

>>Either he learns to deal with his girl's past or not only
>>move on but find someone who is either a virgin, prudish or
>>has no male friends.
>>
>>
>
>the issue isn't her past but her present
>
>the issue isn't her sexual history but her openness and
>honesty
>
>he has a right to expect her to be open and honest about
>people with which they are both to be friends with
>
>and if he has a problem he should address it
>
>you should always address anything you have issues with in a
>relationship because it will become a problem sooner or later
>
>
>
>
The reality is that many people will not be open and honest about everything he or she has done in their past. As for the present, we know that dude's gf and her homeboy are friends. What we don't know is whether they are still having a sexual relationship or not. I used to believe the same things that you are saying but was reminded by a deal loved one that people will not always forthcoming and honest about a lot of things.

My concern about the guy in question is that he failed to address this type of thing before entering a relationship, not to mention expecting his significant other to just spill the beans about her past and sometimes present relationships with all of her male friends to a current boyfriend/fiance.

If a man dates a woman who has male friends, then expect one the following:

-She fucked one or more of her male friends.
-One or more of her male friends tried to fuck or want(ed/s) to fuck.

Maybe I just see things differently because I experienced women holding all kinds of secrets from me and know that many people will not tell shit about what they have done unless asked and then you may or may not get a truthful answer.

That is the chance one takes when dealing with people who has has a sexual past.

Lastly, I would be more concerned about a significant other having some deep emotional connection with an ex lover turned platonic homie than someone who merely had a few sexual encounters as young adults.

I understand how he feels, but what is done is done. The sex and subsequent friendship has long been established way before the current relationship. Either deal with it or end the relationship. I see no other options.

BUT CHU WRONG!
my bad...i mean ...but, wrong you are.

To each one's own. I am real about it. I see things for what it is, not how it should be. But, the difference between me and the dude in question is that I ask questions prior to entering relationships. What happens after that is something that I will have to deal with at that moment.

>

so expecting openness and honesty from your wife is lame?

and she only chose him a couple of times. almost a decade ago.

meanwhile she chose Deron over and over for the last two years AND AGREED TO MARRY HIM. with Rico right there through it all.

if Deron wants to trip...i mean, okay. LOL

>and she only chose him a couple of times.
>
>meanwhile she chose Deron over and over for two years AND
>AGREED TO MARRY HIM. with Rico right there through it all.
>
>if Deron wants to trip...i mean, okay. LOL
>

but because she wasn't forthright with the information

because he's befriending the guy just thinking they are all just friends, only to find out later from others oh but there is more

when she elected to do this she put her relationship with Rico over her relationship with Deron

then its like why would she leave this information out,

what is she hiding?

it puts a question mark on everything

maybe she really wants Rico but is settling for Deron

maybe Rico is still hittin

maybe he doesn't know her like he thinks he does

not saying they can't get over these things but if a marriage doesn't have trust then you are headed for problems

>but because she wasn't forthright with the information
>
>because he's befriending the guy just thinking they are all
>just friends, only to find out later from others oh but there
>is more

like a SECRET BABY.

>when she elected to do this she put her relationship with Rico
>over her relationship with Deron

b/c her SECRET BABY-daddy is always going to be there but this Deron dude is new.

>then its like why would she leave this information out,

b/c she wants those support checks to keep coming to feed that SECRET BABY.

>what is she hiding?

a SECRET BABY!

>it puts a question mark on everything

right, we don't know that Rico is the SECRET BABY-daddy. it could be any number of men from her college campus!

>maybe she really wants Rico but is settling for Deron

b/c Deron will make a better father for that SECRET BABY.

>maybe Rico is still hittin

as the father of her SECRET BABY of course he is.

>maybe he doesn't know her like he thinks he does

and he also doesn't know her SECRET BABY.

>not saying they can't get over these things but if a marriage
>doesn't have trust then you are headed for problems

oh brother, are you! especially once you meet that SECRET BABY.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nS473EWbaiw

So what, you are very trusting of people and that is a beautiful thing

I'm not so trusting, I probably need to work in that, but nobody wants to be the fool.

the days of our lives

if that was you...you're lying if you say you'd be cool.

that one or more of the men in Rico's circle of friends might also be the father of Jessica's SECRET BABY.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfh4Mhp-a6U

http://media.giphy.com/media/13C0ssUPlD4d1u/giphy.gif

O_O

http://soundcloud.com/djshinobishaw
http://www.rareformnyc.com
http://twitter.com/DJShinobiShaw
https://twitter.com/RareFormNYC
PSN: ShinobiShaw

"Arm Leg Leg Arm How you doin?" (c)T510

.

But what if she were like yeah we still have sex from time to time, but it's just sex

Should he be ok with that, I mean it's just sex

It would be ok if that's what they agreed to beforehand but if not it's a deception

Because you take away his choice , and everyone has a right to choose what type of relationship they want to be in

If the guy was not continually in her life and introduced into his life it would be an issue in the past and of no concern but because he is in their lives it's an issue in the present if she isn't totally open about the relationship.

I wouldn't be.

I know men aren't supposed to have feelings or whatever but apparently it's too much for some honesty & courtesy


ppl in here skipping right over the lies of omission IN THE PRESENT to talk about how dude shouldn't be worried about who she has sex with YEARS AGO

GTFOOHWTBS


when it comes down to it, his fiancee getting caught in unnecessary lies already is a pretty bad sign for the impending marriage

who are married with babies now

no idea if their husbands know, no one's ever mentioned it. The husbands both are cool with me, I been to their cribs multiple times, hung out, no sideways looks, no nothing

looking back, it was some young college age let's hang out/party/fuck/fwb thing for a few months. We actually became good friends after we smashed.

Now if the shoe was on the other foot, I'd rather not now. Ignorance is bliss. I'm the type that if a dude I know smashed a chick, she's dead to me. I know this to be true because my homie hit this girl a couple of times. She started giving me vibes (we all worked together) so I start kickin it with her.

One night at my crib I'm about to hit, and I swear right as I was taking my pants off I heard my homie's voice in my head "I fucked her" and that was that, I immediately went soft and told her "you gotta go" I just couldn't do it.

It's all about how much you can live with. If dude is all bent out of shape about it, he better kick rocks and cut his losses now.

with a smirk on your face thinking "you know I use to bang your girl out monkey style right?" or "you know he wasn't man enough for me right?"


Recognizing that smirk just cuts deep into your soul.



**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson


"One of the most important things in life is what Judge Learned Hand described as 'that ever-gnawing inner doubt as to whether you're

replaying every joke, giggle or inside joke he thought was harmless.

This reply legitimately made me laugh out loud. I'd upvote you if we had that sort of thing here.

after he found out...

like a big brother who taught me how to FUCK

I thought that we were past that shaming stuff? Naw?

According to the OP, homeboy is hurt over this for legitimate reasons, but fuck his feelings, them feelings is wrong, and he needs to grow/man up, right?


lol. Some of y'all are a trip.

apparently



like he's really mad about her having sex in college instead of her lying to him in the present

GW is real on here.

She is clearly in the wrong, here but every Deron Wrong post comes with 60 please for Jessica..

http://makeameme.org/media/created/deron-be-like.jpg


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson


"One of the most important things in life is what Judge Learned Hand described as 'that ever-gnawing inner doubt as to whether you're

lawd.

-----
No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. (c) HL Mencken or some other motherfucker.

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

But honestly does it really matter ?

She has options from her past and options that will present themselves in the future. You either trust her, you're looking for an excuse not to trust her, or you don't trust her. If this is that big to her fiance, he was looking for an excuse.

I hope she finds something better to do than coddle his arse every time he finds out she wasn't locked in a convent from birth until 5 minutes before they met. Even then he'd probably eventually obsess over those 5 minutes.

transformative situation where the two people are forever bound to the point where they can't be platonic

but yet here we are

it's really not that hard to do but apparently it was for some reason.


and this is what Deron is struggling with.

He prolly will stay but Rico won't be around as much.

y'all hung up on the sex while ignoring that she kept it from him, basically lying to him

that y'all see this as being bigger than it actually is

if they were in a relationship. or even if say, jessica wanted rico but he said 'nah' and they kept being friends or vice versa, I WOULD BE WITH Y'ALL

but that's not what happened

you had 2 horny kids in college who fooled around a "few" times (again, the person who blabbed's words, not mine)

and all of this happened before there was even a Deron in the picture

the point is: it shouldn't be a big deal. sex didn't trump or ruin their friendship then or now

but the fact that she's still cool with someone she slept with, deron, who didn't even exist when this all happened and is still in the past because they have never revisited their horizontal relations, is upset. and so are y'all

because she's close to a man that was barely a blip on her sexual past

they were never romantic. if they were, different ball game

there's a divide here and it's mainly folks who feel that no one should be close to their past relations. and deron needs a 'choice' like she has an STD or a baby or some horrible debilitating disease that will forever complicate their lives

she slept with a man she never had any desire or intention of boo-ing up who also had no intention of boo-ing her up, and this is really something deron has to cope with? he's torturing himself. he's complicating it for himself. they dont want each other. they lay down a few times at a time where they probably could have/would have boned a stranger like most people were doing in college. but as most people, they were lazy and went for the most convenient option. people they already knew.

if jess and rico were openly flirting or crossing some lines, I'D BE WITH Y'ALL. but it's the imagination and thought that sex will always be on the table and he'll always want her. meanwhile there were 6 years they could have been together and nothing happened. LOL.

that's it. that's all

at least that's why most people are crying foul.

we have no idea if they got inside jokes, giggle. hang out when he isn't around

my whole point is if you are my wife to be you any tell me this is a friend and let someone else tell me they used to fuck in college.

why would you let someone else tell your fiance that information?

.

I'm stuck on the "we just had sex, it wasn't intimate" thing. She might be having all kinds of "non-intimate" casual sex with whoever while they together, but cause a guy not holding her hand or gazing deeply in her eyes or whatever arbitrary gesture "it's not intimate"


Fooling around in college isn't a big deal so keeping a secret that they fooled around in college is way worse. She didn't keep it 100 with the person she getting ready to be married too...

Let Deron make the decision on if it's a big deal, to him. If it is, that's probably not who Jessica wants to marry anyway, right?

So why keep him in the dark about any part of your life & experiences? Jessica should want someone to accept her & her experiences, fully. Especially if it's a friend who is still around, leaving out the part that the good friend who is constantly around was a friend with benefits just isn't being honest to the person she should be most honest with

but if it wasn't a big deal, why didn't you just tell me?

Jessica knew it many be a big deal to Deron and she didn't want to take that chance. now shit is uglier than it woulda been of she told him

now I await a few screams from the delusional crew.

Gender/sex aside. They acting like painting the whole picture & letting the other person decide what they can handle isn't conducive to a healthy & honest relationship.


Like keeping it 100 is the opposite of what they want of out committed relationships

they weren't a couple
they weren't in love
there's no unrequited love situation going on where one person had to settle for friendship

they slept together a few times and went about their biz. never returned to that place even though they had a whole 6 years of friendship to go down that road before i even stepped on the scene.

it's a non issue. not knowing about something that i'm viewing as inconsequential is not a problem.

you don't even know if they still fucking or not, because she left out the part where they fucked, ever


like, before she introduced them she should have have let her SO know, "we use to fool around, nothing serious"


but now it's come out from a 3rd party, some shit about your fiancee they she could've/should've told you easily and then they could have moved forward together from there, or not



She def left him out there, cause he had to here it from someone who wasn't her, when it was always her place to tell him. Basically, dude was blindsided when he never had to be.

but I think it's mostly people playing gender wars.

I can't think of anyone in real life who would be cool if they were in Derons shoes.

I can relate because I was Jessica. Ole girl wqs,pissed, not because I had sex before I met her but because she felt like I put her out there and she was right.

I thought it was cool seeing 2 people I had sex with chilling together.

Nope people are just willfully being ignorant

It's not about you not being able to be friends with an ex

It's about presenting it as one thing to me when it's another or lying

I've had exes who stayed friends with exes and it was cool as long as they respected boundaries

But I wasn't trying to be friends with the nigga (that's my choice a choice she didn't give Deron) and if she had not told me the full extent of their relationship I would've assumed she was trying to hide something because guess what when people lie ( whether it's a lie of commission or ommission) people tend to trust those people less and that can be a problem in a relationship

If her trifling ass loves Rico so much she should just go and be with him

they aren't exes.
they were never a couple

they didn't even entertain being a couple

because he found himself not only in the company of someone else who had a factual accounting of her non-virginal status due to a life she lived prior to his entry into her life, but also in a peer grouping of males who were also privy to that factual accounting of the status of her soiled loins because the peers existed in some way in her life prior to his (the fiances) introduction into her life.

His response was to run to her and demand a guilt-laden apology as to why she had not immediately informed him, upon his initial meeting with Rico, that Rico had soiled her hot spot on several occasions. Had she informed him forthwith he could have rightfully overlooked any friend-like qualities Rico displayed and regarded Rico as a proper adversary and informed her of how she was required to proceed with the friendship.


So what's this about again? His fragile ego or her untenable loins?
________________________________________
Keep Penis Clean Or Find Genital Spots

>Had she informed him forthwith he
>could have rightfully overlooked any friend-like qualities
>Rico displayed and regarded Rico as a proper adversary.

I mean, why is it not ok for a man to not want to hear his wife to be used to fuck dude next to him?

what man's wants to be around a guy who knows her body and her kinky spots?

it's like you women are getting off on this due to God knows what.

it's actually pretty damn shameful to make fun of a man for feeling vulnerable and foolish for being the last to know.

He's only the man she plans on getting married to....


I'm tripping they acting like this dude's feelings shouldn't have been considered or regarded at all. Is that "relationship goals" now?

all those make friends, he had to know one of them fucked Jessica.

lil bitch needs to man up.

way before Jessica knew as much about her body and what turns her on than she knows now. Rico had that fumbling, awkward collegiate sex w/her while Deron gets that professional-grade, well-tuned sex that comes w/age and experience.

wait...what's the problem?

that Deron knows that Jessica likes it when he rubs his dick on her pinky toe and Rico has no idea about that b/c Jessica herself didn't know that when she boned Rico b/c she was so much younger and uninformed about herself. yup...that's an issue. HOW CAN DERON LIVE W/KNOWING HE'S HAD *MORE* AND *BETTER* SEX W/JESSICA THAN RICO EVER HAD???

...but, of course, the real problem here is...IS RICO'S DICK BIGGER THAN DERON'S??????????????????????

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfh4Mhp-a6U

Unless Jessica's other friend is like "yo this one time me her and Rico got drunk and played Finger Cuffs-- shit was wild yo!".

Still a win for Deron, cause he can always hit Rico up for tips.

She has nothing to do with his/your issues. He should not have attempted to make her the cause or creator of his self-created, came-into-the-relationship-with-this-baggage issues. He should have gone off into a corner to lick his wounds and at most mentioned it to her without requesting a play-by-play.

The same way that men seem to have a fantasy that all their women's sexual partners died the month before they met, women often have a fantasy that their man is a "better" man or "bigger" man who doesn't have jolts of insecurity or bouts of ego-driven paranoia...even when they know he does. They don't talk about the things that don't matter in the hope he has more important things to deal with.

It would be easier to assume your woman had been with every non-blood related male she has ever known. Then your ego doesn't live and die by the idea that you're planting your flag in soil that hadn't been tilled right (or at all) until you came along to till it.

A woman choosing you doesn't mean you're necessarily the best or brightest of all her options. It means only that you are her choice. At some point that should be enough of a foundation to build on because all those shaky arse insecurities will collapse a great relationship.
________________________________________
Keep Penis Clean Or Find Genital Spots

you probably have a lot of time to worry about stuff like this

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

because you STAY posting up some Tyler Perry ass situations
lmao

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

dudes in here saying its about her lying etc

but its really about her having the secks with another dude LOL

It just so rooted in the idea women only have sex with people they are in LUUUUUHHHH with.


Im done LOL
*****************************************
. . . If I have something to say when there is a reason involved, I am perfectly willing to talk. Katherine Hepburn

THEY ALL KNEW AND DERON WAS LIED TO ABOUT SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED BEFORE HE WAS EVEN AROUND AND DOESN'T EVEN MATTER ANY MORE

DERON LOOKS LIKE A FOOL! A FOOL WHO IS MARRYING A FAITHFUL WOMAN WHO IS FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE SHE NEVER WANTED TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH BUT HE'S A FRIENDLY GUY WHO DERON LIKES A LOT TOO BUT NOW THIS BIT OF INFORMATION CHANGES EVERYTHING!

THEY WILL CONTINUE TO BE FRIENDS WHO DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH EACH OTHER AND DERON HAS TO SUFFER!!!

can hit a little too close to home if you aren't ready mentally. Like-- is it unreasonable to keep your past sex life out of your current one? Or to expect one to do so?

I voted teal only cuz' like I said D really should have suspected based on odds. That naivete is a bitch sometimes.

imagine what else 3rd parties know about Jessica that he doesn't know.

like, one of her friends probably knows her order at Chipotle. HOW CAN DERON LIVE?

i bet Jessica's mother knows when Jessica took her first step...DOES DERON KNOW???

Jessica's college friends probably have stories about times Jessica got drunk and did something funny. MY GOD...IF SHE HASN'T TOLD HIM THERE'S NO TRUST BETWEEN THEM.

Jessica has inside jokes w/her friends that Deron isn't part of. THAT FUCKING WENCH!!! HOW CAN SHE MARRY A MAN AND HAVE INSIDE JOKES THAT HE'S NOT INSIDE????

this is FUCKED. UP. Jessica had a whole life before Deron and he's not part of it. that ain't right! she is HIS WOMAN. he needs to know more about her than anyone else. he needs to get himself a woman who won't set him up to be on the outside of inside info when he's with her friends.

Or Vegas, or that time after a break up that she got really sad and lonely lol. Sounds like maybe Jessica's friends are the real problem as they keep spilling her info that she's obviously keeping quiet.

what is the saying? if a woman says she has x number of partners multiply by 3.

for dudes...divide by 3.

Or Vegas, or that time after a break up that she got really sad and lonely lol. Sounds like maybe Jessica's friends are the real problem as they keep spilling her info that she's obviously keeping quiet.

It was probably a non-issue.


People can't even remember where they left their keys, but y'all act like she replays a loop of each act every time she sees or speaks to Rico.

Every sexual act isn't memorable, important, or life-changing. Y'all seem to have an issue with her not viewing the experience as one of the more important events in her life before she met Deron. It was forgettable and a platonic friendship with the man was the preferable option.


________________________________________
Keep Penis Clean Or Find Genital Spots

but it's always best to be transparent if they are going to be up in your SO's face.


ESPECIALLY, if friends of yours know about it.

That apparently was never a factor in her and Rico's relationship because Deron is insecure?

If it was that important to Deron he should have asked. He should ask about every man she knows. It's a lie by ommission not to give her the option to see just how insecure he is before they marry.
________________________________________
Keep Penis Clean Or Find Genital Spots

>That apparently was never a factor in her and Rico's
>relationship because Deron is insecure?

Wtf does that even mean? Is she marrying Rico or Deron? again, wtf kind of logic is this? Rico and Jessica were cool with their history so Deron should be cool even tho he just found out? Cmon, we are talking about real people with real emotions.
>
>If it was that important to Deron he should have asked. He
>should ask about every man she knows.

A fiance shouldnt have to ask if her good friend used to have sex with her. More than likely Deron wouldnt think Jessica would be so trife to introduce him to the dude as just a friend.

If you keep people around from your past, you run the risk of the past catching up tp you.

Which I doubt because she's kept the whole group of friends around who know about "it".

I would personally be more ashamed that I'd introduced Deron to my friends than the other way around. He'd become a joke and a footnote.

Maybe one day she and Rico might be drinking and she'll be like "can you believe I was planning to marry him? He took a day off work to google all the men on my facebook page...and some of the women too! Can you say 'dodged a bullet'?"

Then her next man/fiance will show up at the bar, give Rico a manly "what's up, good to see you" hug and give her a kiss...and they will proceed to act like adults, plan her wedding, and the Deron episode of her life will again be forgotten.

I figured since y'all have created a fantasy situation of what you think, I should give my own.

Women get money.

unless she starts being honest somewhere between Deron and the new dupe


so even in your scenario, Jessica continues the cycle of lying

Never let someone else tell your sexual history to YOUR finace.

Unless you want to risk losing the relationship

Being that it was college though-- odds are it was just whatever, but to assume it was forgettable is quite the jump in reasoning. Like if it was so forgettable why keep him around right? Anyway doesn't really matter. If he wants this woman he'll have to take that info which isn't so bad in the long run unless of course they recorded their exploits and there's a disk or video file floating around somewhere.

he just didn't know he was playing XBOX with dude who used to XXX the box.

>dudes in here saying its about her lying etc
>
>but its really about her having the secks with another dude
>LOL
>

If that were the case it wouldn't matter if she told before hand or not but that's not the case



>It just so rooted in the idea women only have sex with people
>they are in LUUUUUHHHH with.
>
>
>Im done LOL

That's what you want it to be about, nobody is expecting or wanting a virgin, it's about who are you more loyal to Deron or Rico

The sex is not even an issue, it's the friendship, random sex partners don't turn into lovers but friends do

And that's the nigga she is going to be running to when they have problems,

Most of the time my girlfriends have had issue with me being friends with exes, did those women have some deep rooted issue with me having sex with someone I wasn't in love with



>*****************************************
>. . . If I have something to say when there is a reason
>involved, I am perfectly willing to talk. Katherine Hepburn

"it's about who are you more loyal to Deron or Rico"

Meanwhile she accepted Deron's proposal ,been planning the rest of her life with Derom but yeah she more loyal to Rico...ooookkkkkaaaayyy.

The assumption that Rico is her confidant.. HAHAHAHA

I wonder if Rico was gay but they had sex because he was closeted and wanted to be for sure would it be that big of a deal. Was this addressed on Will and Grace

MINE MINE MINE EGO EGO EGO

DONT BE TALKING TO NO OTHER DUDE ABOUT ME IMMA MAN

Im trollin
*****************************************
. . . If I have something to say when there is a reason involved, I am perfectly willing to talk. Katherine Hepburn

didn't Buddy G or someone else post a story where a bride had her ex as her man of honor and folks went UP IN ARMS about it b/c the groom was allegedly a simp for ALLOWING her ex to be so close to her...and the ex turned out to be GAY?

i hollared.

anyway, that could very well be the case here. b/c Rico has been around for EIGHT YEARS and has not even sniffed the drawers meanwhile Deron came in and dated homegirl and proposed and she accepted...all while Rico was RIGHT THERE.

just...LOL.

but a'ight.

>didn't Buddy G or someone else post a story where a bride had
>her ex as her man of honor and folks went UP IN ARMS about it
>b/c the groom was allegedly a simp for ALLOWING her ex to be
>so close to her...and the ex turned out to be GAY?
>
>i hollared.
>
>anyway, that could very well be the case here. b/c Rico has
>been around for EIGHT YEARS and has not even sniffed the
>drawers meanwhile Deron came in and dated homegirl and
>proposed and she accepted...all while Rico was RIGHT THERE.
>
>just...LOL.
>
>but a'ight.

its no difference, but we're crazy because people never lie, cheat and deceive others especially if they are going to be married, so we should just ignore and not even address any red flag.


and it would be the same if it were a girlfriend she used to get down with

sure.

>"it's about who are you more loyal to Deron or Rico"
>
>Meanwhile she accepted Deron's proposal ,been planning the
>rest of her life with Derom but yeah she more loyal to
>Rico...ooookkkkkaaaayyy.
>

yeah if she were more loyal to Deron he wouldve told him. Just because she agreed to marry him doesn't necessarily mean she is totally committed. People lie and cheat on their spouses everyday.


>The assumption that Rico is her confidant.. HAHAHAHA
>
>I wonder if Rico was gay but they had sex because he was
>closeted and wanted to be for sure would it be that big of a
>deal. Was this addressed on Will and Grace
>
>MINE MINE MINE EGO EGO EGO
>
>DONT BE TALKING TO NO OTHER DUDE ABOUT ME IMMA MAN
>
>Im trollin
>*****************************************
>. . . If I have something to say when there is a reason
>involved, I am perfectly willing to talk. Katherine Hepburn

and yeah women are never possesive in relationships, its just a male issue

no it wouldn't be different if Rico were gay because its about the lie

i never said he had to leave her over it and it appears that he is going to stay in the relationship but to not expect him to be bothered by it is ridiculous. you only say that because its the guy who was lied to.

do i expect a blow by blow of every relationship no, do i expect to know the full extent of a relationship of someone who is regularly in your life and mine, yes. I don't think that is unreasonable.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/ru/d/dc/Futurama.gender_war.png


While I am in here trolling because this post is 400+ replies deep.

it is about the omission of sex

"I am mad and questioning her character because Rico had his penis where I put my penis and everyone knows that womenz dont let menz put their penis in their vagina unless they are in love ...DAMN IT does she still love RICO???!!!"



*****************************************
. . . If I have something to say when there is a reason involved, I am perfectly willing to talk. Katherine Hepburn

>https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/ru/d/dc/Futurama.gender_war.png
>
>
>While I am in here trolling because this post is 400+ replies
>deep.
>
>it is about the omission of sex
>
>"I am mad and questioning her character because Rico had his
>penis where I put my penis and everyone knows that womenz dont
>let menz put their penis in their vagina unless they are in
>love ...DAMN IT does she still love RICO???!!!"
>
>
>
>*****************************************
>. . . If I have something to say when there is a reason
>involved, I am perfectly willing to talk. Katherine Hepburn


yes she is a trifling ho, you've got us all figured out.

where is that chastity belt

Deron really needs to just man up and put her in her place and go out and slam some new pussy just for gp

>

that's obvious what other reason would she have to keep him down

Deron is obviously a weak nigga,

aint hittin it right

he should just step aside and let a live nigga handle that

No shit.



I'd def be wondering wtf else she lying about and Deron is lucky that this shit came out before he married a lying ass broad

He doesn't care that she had sex with "other dudes"
just like you don't care that your man had sex with "other chicks"
unless you know that other person is your sister.
WHO makes a difference... as does conveniently omitting certain information.

Yall know that tho.

Now watch me troll. The same heauxes in here, making up extra shit and basically telling folks they are lies when folks say that they would like the option of knowing who their friends are, are the same heauxes that accuse menz of not listening when we are discussing, oh say, street hollaz......

if Deron thinks ppl are laughing now...they'll really laugh if he blows up this good thing over something so trivial. Teddy P knows.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvdOvUv0mYk

"The Whole Town's Laughing At Me"

Yeah, I had your love right here
In the palm of my hands
And I lost it and I lost it
Had a love so new, one a man feel
And I lost it and I lost it

Maybe if I had spent more time with you
Maybe then, maybe then you'd still be mine
Oh and only if I had been just a little more kind to you
There'd be no need, for this man to be cryin'

The whole town's laughing at me
Silly fool, how'd you lose such a good friend?

Had my dream so near
I could reach out and touch it
And I lost it and I lost it
Had a world complete
It was, oh, so sweet
And I lost it and I lost it

Maybe if I had spent just a little more time with you
Maybe then, maybe then you still be mine
Oh and only if I had been just a little more kind to you
There'd be no need, for this man to be cryin'

The whole town's laughing at me
Silly fool, how'd you lose such a good friend? Oh

Maybe if I had spent more time with you
Maybe then, maybe then you still be mine
Maybe I think about it
And only if I had been just a little more kind to you
There'd be no need, for this man to be cryin'

The whole town's laughing at me
Silly fool, how'd you lose such a good friend?
The whole town's laughing at me
Silly fool, how'd you lose such a good friend?
The whole town's laughing at me
Silly fool, how'd you lose such a good friend?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suBunMfnv7Y

You may laugh (you may laugh, ha, ha)
When you see me crying (when you see me crying) (when you see me crying)
Oh, you gonna laugh, when I tell you, goodbye

I've tried to do all I could to make this love last
Now I'm looking for my future
Get it all in my past
Won't you tell me
Who has the last laugh now

I really wanna know
You remember (you remember)
When you tell your friends
That your man, your righteous old man
Is gone crying again

Oh, but what will you say
If I never set foot on your door again
What will you tell your friends then
Will you tell me
Who has the last laugh now

I wanna know, I wanna know
Who has the last laugh
I wanna know

You may laugh, you may laugh, you may laugh
When you tell your friends
But, oh you gonna laugh (oh you gonna laugh)
If I never set foot on your door again

Oh, I have tried to do all I could
To make our love last
I've got to look upon my future
Forget all my past
Oh, I want to tell you (tell me)
Who has the laugh last now

I wanna know, I wanna know
Who has the last laugh
Oh I bet you know

When I was good to you
You used to laugh at me
Now I have to let you know
That I have to let you go

*unrelated projection*
*snark*

*fails*

(c)Chris Rock

If your girl is attractive and she introduces you to a close male "friend" or "homeboy" from back in the day just go ahead and assume he fucked, lol.

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

it'll all work itself out

A LOOOOOOONG Engagement

it would just validate his suspicions about them anyway

and invite her to some of their gatherings

Lol....

and he should insist she be one of the maids of honor

So for his recent birthday we all out for dinner and the exgirl couldn't be there because she was out the country but she surprised dude with sending a birthday cake to the dinner.

Now doesn't the wife have a right to side eye the bestie ex for giving her man cake on his bday or was she just suppose to be cool with it all?


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson


"One of the most important things in life is what Judge Learned Hand described as 'that ever-gnawing inner doubt as to whether you're

cookin ass keisha

wasn't that a post

if he suggested that she doing too much sending that other dude a birthday cake?

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson


"One of the most important things in life is what Judge Learned Hand described as 'that ever-gnawing inner doubt as to whether you're

a wife sending an exe a cake is crossing the damn line.

thats a mini soap opera going on there.

Thas excessive den a mug....

I'll put like this...

If wifey ain't mad? coo, whatever....
But if wifey DID get mad?....I'd *completely understand. Trust!

.
.
.
"Romans 10 : 9 says, "If you declare
with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,”
and believe in your heart that
God raised him from the dead,
you will be saved."

that she's been intimate with a mutual friend.

I'm not sure why the fuck it has to be either or with you people.

Is she obligated to tell him about every fling that's ever happened?

Of course not, that's fucking stupid.

Is she obligated to tell him the details of every interpersonal relationship that she has?

No, but seeing as how they're getting married one would think that he would be her closest confidant and overtime get to know her better than anyone else...and part of that usually involves a detailed understanding of your SO's interpersonal history. They're in a committed relationship, they aren't roommates who met on craigslist.

If the roles were reversed, I'd say the same shit about him. If it was a same sex couple I'd say the same shit too.


But no, this has to be about virginity or women being liars, or whatever it is you black and white simple niggas have to reduce it to.

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts..." -The Bard

but basically he has three choices

1. this is his chance to break it off, if he really doesn't want to be there
2. he can stay in it until either he gets over it or finds something better
3. or they can address it and if they are both sincere, they will get past it, have a better understanding of each of and the relationship will be stronger for it.

the Deron Wrong crowd in here is painting it wrong imo
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http://i.imgur.com/81XSukd.jpg <-- Happy trails

A lot of stuff happens in college, and this wouldn't be all that surprising to me, but then again, I can't see myself folding at the thought that two consenting adults had sex at some point in time damn near a decade ago. Deron sounds real soft.