Personally, I used to blame my Dad for a ton of shit. Then I found out about his story and let that shit go...

Is it fair to hold onto that bitterness or blame or do you have to take ownership of who you are once you are an adult?

I can see a fucked up childhood impacting ones adult years but I think once you get to a point where you can point out what, who, when, how it impacted you.. you kinda have to put that shit in a box and mail it off to the past.

or maybe not, what say you?

Poll question: How much do you blame your parents for your shortcomings, faults, etc

Poll result (14 votes) 100% (1 votes) Vote 75% (1 votes) Vote 50% (6 votes) Vote 25% (3 votes) Vote wtf is a shortcoming? I'm white (3 votes) Vote

i can definitely pin point the ways in which i'm like my parents that contribute to my short comings.
but i don't blame them. especially after becoming a parent myself. we're all human.
i think being able to see where they 'fucked me up at' (lol) has helped me to better myself
rather than blame them i just use it as a frame of reference and try to be better.

so to answer the question i don't blame them.

edited to add: there isn't really much they DID to me that would make me blame them for anything. they had/have their quirks but my upbringing could have been so much worse
they did the best they could considering all the emotional shit going on with my parents divorce and my mother battling cancer for a good chunk of my childhood.

parents for shit they did or continue to do lol

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I'm tryna be better off, not better than...

or at least to have been raised by people i still respect to this day.

"Seasons may come and your luck just may run out, and all that you'll have is some memories..."

the 'good' is relative to me.

i guess that's my point.

you can have 'bad' parents, but have no awareness - thus placing no blame or responsibility.

just the same that you can have 'good' parent's, and think they're perfect assholes, and blame them for everything you perceive to be fucked.

i typed all that to say - blaming others for your current situation is a waste of time.

or bad they may have been as parents

i dont blame my parents for anything
what they provided and couldnt provide
made me who i am
and i am thankful
for all that they done

Those are on me......

100% blame for doing things and not doing things that could have set me on a better path to success though.

Not bitter, no grudges, but I maintain awareness of it.


"Seasons may come and your luck just may run out, and all that you'll have is some memories..."

you trying to shut the thread down with that answer

you can strengthen the blood line by breaking the habits/shortcomings you picked up from your folks

its funny i was going to make this post yesterday but you beat me to it

i feel its the children's responsibility to their future children to "rewrite their genetic code", so to speak

on the inverse, you have to keep in mind, your parents are passing down things they picked up from their parents and on it goes

ultimately, human beings have had a lot of difficulties becoming civilized and acclimatized to industrial socialization, so a lot of fucks up were bound to happen.

every child should be an improvement on the social dna template you're working with

its important to realize what is inherent to you and what you are emulating from your parents

i read an article in a man's magazine when i was like 13. it was maxim and i took it to the bathroom to beat off but the article caught my eye and i read it, and it was an "anger test", i took it and realized i failed and then i started thinking about where i picked all this anger up and sure enough, it was partially related to my dad, so, at that exact moment i made a point to recognize all the things ive picked up and began walking in the opposite direction, and this is probably why my parents and i had such a hard time with one another, i was rejecting everything they were attempting to instill in me and looking for my own way, ironically, i still picked up a few things, but i am definitely the black sheep and proud of it.

ever is holding us back and try to move fwd in the direction of becoming healthy whole people. everybody got a story

or another...but getting back to even ground with life and contentment eventually falls back on you the older we get. sure it would be nice to get apologies and explanations for shit that happened but sometimes thats not possible but u still gotta reconcile for your own well being

put some blame on them

i know how they contributed to some of my issues. i have some idea why they did what they did. they did what they did b/c they were mistaken - they didn't act out of animus. i forgave them for it...but i haven't forgotten it.

my dad was a Black man from east St. Louis with an 8th grade education

my mom is an immigrant Mexicana with a third grade education

they got me and my five sisters into a three bedroom house in the burbs by the time I was 14

many of the ways they raised us would be unacceptable by today's standards, but overall I think they produced quality humans

the burdens of their short comings I always place back on the racist xenophobic classist patriarchal society we are a part of anyway

in my 20s I liked to dump my schisms on them, but that shit has waned as I've gotten older

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cscpov.blogspot.com

"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..."
-unknown

"To Each His Reach"

So he continues to bring up the past, even though he was fucked up for a lot of shit he did. So only in his case are some things still lingering.

My pops is a hot head. If I don't do something his way, it's fuck me.

I have a question I want to ask my dad but I don't want to upset him.

Its the reason he started drinking. Thing is, when he was in the hospital he wanted to talk about it and I shut him down.

I already know the story, its our story, but a part of me needs to know.. and another part of me that says "no you don't, move forward"

Every resource I could ever gave wanted or needed was provided to me, I guess that feeds into the "entitlement" some folks think that I have. But I don't necessarily think that, that's a fault or shortcoming.

someone mentioned they don't blame their parents for faults and shortcomings but for not being placed on right path, but I believe a big part of my faults and shortcomings are because I wasn't placed on the right path.

While I have for the most part moved on from the abuse and can maintain a cordial relationship it has become much harder to break the habits I formed as a child.

does it really matter?

wonder what bin's doing?
http://i.imgur.com/phECCMp.jpg

But in seriousness, I don't think much of my "issues" or shortcomings come from them.

Just kidding. lol

but after a certain age you have to start working through things on your own two feet

I knew one of my parents and most of my siblings were VERY fucked up, and that's just what it was.

Left home, didn't think about them, because I didn't deal with them.

On the other hand, as I've gotten older, the *depth* of some of the fucked-uppedness became more apparent, especially as I start thinking of becoming a parent myself.

I don't blame them for me, cuz I survived them. Others in my family weren't so lucky. THAT i can never forgive or forget

but understanding where some of my issues stem from.

Adult child of an alcoholic.. namean?
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. . . If I have something to say when there is a reason involved, I am perfectly willing to talk. Katherine Hepburn

I just wish he was sober for my youth.

he missed out on a lot.

but I know why he hit the bottle so I had to forgive him.

and grew up early

helped me manage and handle damn near any and everything...or should i just say ALOT.... that i watched MANY others crumble apart from

they brought me here


the rest on me

for giving me abandonment issues.

its my responsibility to work through them, but it's his fault i have them.

i forgive him tho.

i really think the vast majority of parents can say that really...