mine:

1. my father leaving the house and family when i was 13.

at the time, i never told any of my friends that my father had left. i acted like it didn't happen. this ignited the close relationship between me and my mother. still thriving.

2. being in college at 16 on a full scholarship.

admittedly, the shit went to my head. but the real take-away was young adults with new freedom are wild for the night. and if you give a young nigga money, he will blow that shit.

3. getting locked up for the first time.

fuck the police. and jail. and public breakups.

...

you up for it?

first three for now

~ dad and sister leaving at 9

~ moving out at 16

~ when my son was born at 19



"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

About #3 what did you do?

pressed me about about parking and trespassing at an open metro station.

i flip out for being pressed out.

pepper sprayed.

ran away.

got away.

laid low.

came back for the car and to get arrested.

jail sucked.

they assume every nigga in there is illiterate, irreverent and don't know shit.

they are literally stomping on the rights of niggas.

that was the first time i got a real close look at how the system 'works'.

lawyers, too. they aint shit.

1. my parents splitting up my freshman year of high school. that was a defining moment for both me and my mom as we were the only two left in the house at that point.

2. moving to and living in Richmond/first job etc.

3. the birth of my son. life forever changed.

June 10, 1991
My cousin got shot the day before his high school graduation day. Changed my life. That single moment uprooted me. Went through a long bout of depression. My only savior was my grandmother. My mom probably wouldve had me committed for life but instead she shipped me to my grandmother's house in VA some 8 days later.

My grandmother needed me just as much as I needed her---my grandfather (and her husband of 40+) years passed away some 9 months prior.

My mother loved me--but my grandmother showed me what love truly was.

--------------
April 29, 2002

My mom passed. we had an argument some months prior and we hadn't spoke for a long while. Out of the blue, she called me two weeks before her passing telling me she didn't think she was gonna be here much longer---I responded with a passive "yeah, right, you ain't going no where. You're stubborn and bull headed as a mule. Hard but hardy.

She apologized and said she loved me--- I said "Okay".

and we hung up.

She passed 13 years ago today.

I never got to say goodbye. Mothers day was a couple of days after her passing. I remember being in TJ Maxx while everyone was last minute shopping for Mothers Day gifts.

I never cried so hard or so publicly in my whole life---right there in the middle of the store. I was jealous of everyone in that muhphucka that still had some one they could buy a gift for and apologize to. Eyes watery, face long, nose snotty as I made my way from the store to the parking lot.

As a result, I make it a habit to always say good bye.

-----
Jan 19, 2006.

The birth of my son.
I wasn't ready. Sure I was prepared, but I wasn't ready. No books, no amount of advise can prepare you for the taking care of another human being. There's no cliff notes to this sh*t. You wing it every day. Everyday you learn how to adjust but you never master anything when it comes to parenthood. You do just enough today to hopefully make tomorrow easier.

now thats a tough one.

was she a 'nice' lady?

the week of 9/11.

We had an argument about her cancer treatment and she laid into my ass because I asked a lot of questions and I guess she just wasn't ready to talk about it or accept it all. But I *needed* to know simply because I had to make sure things were in order for my then 6 year old brother.


but to answer the 2nd part of your question---she wasn't HARD at all. Surface level, She was a very calm and pleasant person but she also didn't take no sh*t and that's where we often butted heads because we both had sharp tongues, quick tempers and this belief where we're right even if we know that we're wrong.

>My mother loved me--but my grandmother showed me what love
>truly was.
>
>--------------
>April 29, 2002
>
>My mom passed. we had an argument some months prior and we
>hadn't spoke for a long while. Out of the blue, she called me
>two weeks before her passing telling me she didn't think she
>was gonna be here much longer---I responded with a passive
>"yeah, right, you ain't going no where. You're stubborn and
>bull headed as a mule. Hard but hardy.
>
>She apologized and said she loved me--- I said "Okay".
>
>and we hung up.
>
>She passed 13 years ago today.
>
>I never got to say goodbye. Mothers day was a couple of days
>after her passing. I remember being in TJ Maxx while everyone
>was last minute shopping for Mothers Day gifts.
>
>I never cried so hard or so publicly in my whole life---right
>there in the middle of the store. I was jealous of everyone in
>that muhphucka that still had some one they could buy a gift
>for and apologize to. Eyes watery, face long, nose snotty as
>I made my way from the store to the parking lot.
>
>As a result, I make it a habit to always say good bye.

as someone who's recently lost his mom not too long ago (2 yrs now) I can't even imagine the amount of additional anguish I would've been in had I not gotten the chance to be next to her during her passing.

this truly made my heart heavy

peace, brother.

1) I found out I got accepted to college in NOVEMBER of my senior year. worst thing my counselor coulda told me. Couldn't tell me nothing. Teachers trying to tell me to do XYZ. "BIIIIITCH, oh, you ain't kno?!!!! I'm already in college. FOH with your homework.

2) Finding out my mom was killed in a car accident 4 hours after talking to her on the phone.

3) Finding out my wife was pregnant. I'm still in shock

1. my fiance telling me he wasn't really that into me
2. meeting a friend in grad school that lead to me having a design career
3. making the mental shift to productize my business and stop trading my time for dollars

* i am just starting on #3 but i already know it will be a life changer

-When my peoples split and my father looked me in my eye @ 10 and told me we about to have it real real rough and gotta look after my sibs...

-when I was 13 and a dude was standin behind my mother car while I was in it...he started shooting up the barber shop...my mother was in the store next door...he looked me right dead in my face and i looked right dead in his and he never pulled...if my mother would have walked out the store........

- 11/15/01...I became responsible for a life other than my own

them telling me my step father wasnt my real father at 12
me meeting my real dad at 13 and he was drunk
finding out he fucked his mother
my kids being born
winning homecoming queen
getting a big job at the department of mental health
never going to jail until i was 31...




the colors were NEVER accurate!
my music:
www.soundclick.com/sylana
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Brb8g8f18xE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NgNuVHrEKI

and what did you mean, your dad fucked your grandma?

he denies it though but hes a registered sex offender too

the colors were NEVER accurate!
my music:
www.soundclick.com/sylana
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Brb8g8f18xE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NgNuVHrEKI

the colors were NEVER accurate!
my music:
www.soundclick.com/sylana
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Brb8g8f18xE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NgNuVHrEKI

4/29/02 - met my future husband and it prompted me to give up everything i knew and start a new life

9/26/06 - started grad school which totally changed my way of thinking and it's when i really became an artist

9/4/12 - birth of my son

1. Getting my heartbroke for the LAST time. Freshman year of college. It kind of changed my relationship with women and how I approached relationships. I decided I'd never go out like that ever again.

2. Performing original material on stage in college. Been chasing that same sort of adulation since.

3. I would say the birth of my boys but it didn't happen at that moment. It happened when I was driving home from the hospital in the car with MY family. I remember the song which played that brought me to tears "moment for life" by nicki minaj. I know corny but No I'm not lucky I'm blessed, yes!


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson


"One of the most important things in life is what Judge Learned Hand described as 'that ever-gnawing inner doubt as to whether you're

life, crying and curled up on the bed like a shrimp.

whew.

never again.

...

edit/ i think i successfully blocked that shit outta my mind.

1. Getting kicked out at 15yrs old

2. Taking custody of my brother's 4 kids

3. Moving to New York



Also though, my grandmother passing away changed me forever. Made me a better woman because I strive to be like her.

My older brother. The one that I eventually wound up taking custody of his children.

1. My father being killed

I had to learn coping skills very early in life

2. Graduating college

Even though my career has nothing at all to do with what I majored in. Just obtaining my degree was a milestone

3. Me getting turned out on drugs by my abusive ex

I had to learn how to navigate life on a road to sobriety while attempting to let my guard down when it came to the opposite sex.

what sort of drugs? are they still a factor?

do you take any responsibility?

#1

was there a weapon?

>what sort of drugs? are they still a factor?
>
>do you take any responsibility?
>
>#1
>
>was there a weapon?

Cocaine and Heroin. I've been clean for 2 years.

I take full responsibility, but I was naive when it came to drugs and wasn't aware of how powerful those drugs were.

He was executed with a gun because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. A matter of minutes could have saved him.

how old were you when he was murdered?

did you know the whole truth immediately or did it take some time to surface?

>how old were you when he was murdered?
>
>did you know the whole truth immediately or did it take some
>time to surface?


I was only 6, so I couldn't fully comprehend the circumstances, but he arrived at his friends house during the course of an armed robbery, so he was essentially a witness; therefore they felt that they had to take him out too. I eventually began to grasp the details as I got older.

1.] finding out my bio-dad was a drug addict after 10 yrs. of idolizing him posthumously (committed suicide when i was 5)

2.] whooping my stepdads ass after returning home from college after my freshman year

- i say this was more meaningful than my graduating bc after our fight (#1) he KNEW i was not afraid of him and (#2) it further cemented that i was the man of the house in the eyes of my mother & siblings.

3.] birth of my daughter(s)

he used to come home late after work (bar-hopping & sh#t) & i wld usually be in my room sleep

on this occasion i forgot to do the dishes

he decided to wake me up by grinding the point of his house-key into my forehead until i came to.

& thats just an appetizer.

a-1 dickhead of the highest pedigree.

mine, my mom's moving out when I was in HS. i still remember trying to block her car & then it hit me that she really just didn't want to be there so i moved.

my grandfather passing away; he had been sick for a while & seeing Alzheimer's up close i was glad he/my family didnt have to continue going through it. he was the first person i knew that had died.

a week after I graduated college I was in Kosovo running a leadership training. couldn't believe how lucky I was & really set me on the path I'm on now career wise

>
she had been cheating on my pops for a little while (I found out while we were on a trip to NY & I saw her texting him) & decided she needed to leave. crazy thing is we've always lived with my maternal grandparents (grandparents, my parents, my siblings & I), so when she left there was some tension between my pops & her parents. They knew she was in the wrong, but she was also their daughter so it was complicated to say the least.

losing my virginity
the day I was humiliated by someone I was trying to humiliate
the day I found out my lover cheated

damn, they got yo' ass.

good for them.

...

how was the cheating news delivered?

did you snoop?

he came clean?

she shouted it at you?

word ✌🏿️

/
he came clean

/

please try to keep up...

did he have a history of foolish behavior?

1. finding out my father who's best friend and still idolize today is HIV positive

2. getting married then getting divorced

3. going away to college

Fuck your fort!

DEFINITELY mine
Fuck your fort!

March 2, 1999
I lost my virginity. I felt like it gave me the go ahead to get out and explore all the things I had been feeling internally. 100+ folks, -0- self-esteem and loads of heartbreak...I learned so much about myself in those people and I learned that 90% weren't even worthy of me.

February 19, 2008
My granddaddy died. The plan was on that date to go see him as I hadn't seen him a while. I still feel guilty sometimes that I never got to say goodbye. Tell him what he meant to me, how he was more of a father to me than a granddaddy.

November 4, 2010
The ever present joy of my life was born. All 7lbs 11oz and 21in of her. I have never in my life loved anything, anyone like I love her. Charleigh...game changer!

1. the day i caught my mom smoking weed

the D.A.R.E. program did a number on me - i lost SO much respect for my mom that day. its funny that when you're a kid you don't realize how or why people do what they do. but as an adult, i get it.

2. my grandmothers death

she was the first person ive loved that has passed. she'd been suffering from alz/dem for years. the last time i saw her, was over Christmas break and she was in the hospital. she hadn't spoken to anyone in years, and she didn't make eye contact either. that day, before i left to come back to Virginia, she took my hand and stared into my eyes while rubbing my thumb. i looked back at her and told her it was okay to go. and she did.

3. the day i met my sister

13 year age difference. never knew she existed until about 5 or 6 years ago. i was raised as an only child/only grandchild, child of a single parent, family all lives in NC and we live in MD so i never got to play with my cousins, etc. my uncle doesn't have any kids. lol. a really lonely life. anyway...i met her, and her family...and now i feel like i have a REAL family, and people who will be there once my mom isn't.

1. My elder sister death at 14( I was 8).

2. My grandmother death(the second most important person in my life, both died within two years)

3. Meeting Nelson Mandela in 1990 at Madison Park High School in Roxbury(Boston)



Everyone is crying out for peace, yes
None is crying out for justice
Everyone is crying out for peace, yes
None is crying out for justice

-P. Tosh

>
All the time, When I lived in Dakar, Senegal, I used to go in the desert just to feel something or connect. Her death changed everything!

Everyone is crying out for peace, yes
None is crying out for justice
Everyone is crying out for peace, yes
None is crying out for justice

-P. Tosh

I probably would have been a Memphis lifer had I not gotten that experience and met people that weren't from Memphis. It showed me that the world was bigger than the mid-South and I should explore it. I think leaving home at 14 instilled in me a fearlessness of the unknown. It's why I can so comfortably uproot myself and move on when needed.

(2) Wrecking my Mazda. It set off a chain of events that changed the trajectory of my career. Within a month after the accident, I broke up with my boyfriend, quit my job and went to grad school. If I never crashed that car, those things probably wouldn't have happened... Or probably not as swiftly as they did.

(3) My mom and grandmother both having cancer within a short time frame when I was young. My siblings and I had to fend for ourselves a lot and learn how to take care of each other. As a result we're very independent. Also, since my mom was fairly young when she was diagnosed, I've become incredibly diligent about my health. I pay a lot of attention to my body.

my dad also left when I was 13, and I also didn't really talk to anyone about it. The fact that my mom took him back definitely made a huge imprint on my views of monogamy and relationships.

(2) November 10, 2014 - The day my brother died. It's too soon to tell the long term effects, but nothing seems the same anymore. This, combined with my dad dying 12 weeks later, has put me into a haze that will probably (hopefully) only lift when my daughter is born in 2 weeks or less.

(3) The super-sperm incident. A false positive on a pregnancy test led me to finally end the corrosive 6 1/2 year relationship with the girl I had been dating since high school (she was not the one who tested positive). I likely would have married her if not for that incident, and I'd be miserable today and repeatedly cheating on her. Instead, the incident gave me a reason to end the relationship, and a reason to talk more with the woman who would become my wife.

i still shake my head at that man.

apparently, it's his high school crush.

he a wild boy.

1. Did everything with this dude, we were 13 and he was black and I was white and we were just starting to get to that point where cultures are crossing and we're really learning stuff about each other. We were at that point where you're sitting in the basement making phone calls to girls out of the school directory trying to meet up and make out at the little league field. Laughing about figuring out how to masturbate.

And then suddenly he's taking a drink of water at the water fountain after lunch at school one moment, on the ground convulsing and then catatonic the next. He wakes up months later and his first wish is to get wheeled over to my house, but all he could ever remember was my house. We hung out and laughed a few times but he could never remember my name or why he wanted to be there so it was always fleeting. Soon he had to move away to an outpatient facility and we've never really been close since (he's gotten better but has like 5% function on the left side of his body).

I miss the shit out of that dude and I've been incredibly retracted from most people I'm associated with now. I am awful at building friendships because I just don't trust that they can last subconsciously.

2. I hated my roommate in Lincoln and left after just one semester with a 0.0 GPA, came back to Omaha and got really into African-American studies and was hanging out with the dean of the department on the regular, learning how to play spades and having really dumb deep dives on the influence of horror movie culture on the rise of groups like Three 6 Mafia in the early 90s. Hit the Dean's List two semesters running, dipped a little, and then suddenly just totally lost the spark and got another 0.0.

Told the good Doctor and he really went to bat for me with the accounts people to give me another shot, and then I 0.0'd again, didn't even go to class past late February-mid March-ish. I never could pick a real direction and was pretty adamant about not being That White Guy That Lectures Black People About Black Experiences, which was just about my only path from what I was on. I don't even know where my debt lies, I think I'm considered deceased to credit companies at this point.

3. Stumbled into (literally, drunk) a job at a bar that grew from weekend door guy to head bartender in a little over a year. Was finally making a livable wage (had a $300 apartment making roughly $38,000 a year), had a really nice girlfriend (in AA which ultimately broke us apart but it was amicable) and was a sort of pillar of my neighborhood, the sort of guy that gets a nod and small talk everywhere he goes. It was the first time since I hit a 31 on my ACT three times in a row (32 would've been a full ride to Nebraska despite my weak high school GPA) that I felt super validated and worth something.

I suppose the less subtle part of that story is when I got really sick this past February, tried to come back too early and forgot to lock the doors/turn the lights off in a haste to get home. I learned a lot about looking a gift horse in the mouth, quickly taking for granted things that are really not all that firmly established. I was the only employee there at the time from outside the circle of folks that first started the place, and ultimately a single huge mistake from me got me ousted without much fuss. I learned as much about hubris as actual confidence, and also what it feels like to go from a sense of advancement (was filing for insurance for the first time, moved into an actual apartment, etc.) to a sense of total desperation in the time it takes to have one phone conversation with the coolest boss you'd ever had.

~~~~~~~~~
"This is the streets, and I am the trap." � Jay Bilas
http://www.popmatters.com/pm/archive/contributor/517
Hip Hop Handbook: http://tinyurl.com/ll4kzz

do you mind explaining?

1) The Day My Mother Died
(I was 21 and her death messed me up for years and I still think about how different my life might have been if I had her guidance)


2) The Day my son was born
(I knew that me life would never be the same. I never knew how much I could love another person)


3) The Day I Filed for Divorced
(Some of the fallout still impacts me every now and then)


.
.
.
"And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful." ~ 2 Tim 2:4

>1) The Day My Mother Died
> (I was 21 and her death messed me up for years and I
>still think about how different my life might have been if I
>had her guidance)
>
>
>2) The Day my son was born
> (I knew that me life would never be the same. I never
>knew how much I could love another person)
>
>
>3) The Day I Filed for Divorced
> (Some of the fallout still impacts me every now and
>then)
>
>
>.
>.
>.
>"And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be
>kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful." ~ 2 Tim 2:4

>>1) The Day My Mother Died
>> (I was 21 and her death messed me up for years and I
>>still think about how different my life might have been if I
>>had her guidance)
>>
>>
>>2) The Day my son was born
>> (I knew that me life would never be the same. I never
>>knew how much I could love another person)
>>
>>
>>3) The Day I Filed for Divorced
>> (Some of the fallout still impacts me every now and
>>then)
>>
>>
>>.
>>.
>>.
>>"And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must
>be
>>kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful." ~ 2 Tim 2:4
>


.
.
.
"And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful." ~ 2 Tim 2:4

# 1 I told this story before but some of my first kiss(es) were with this girl who rode the bus with me after kindergarten. I didn't know here outside of the bus, but she initially had put her arm out to keep me from sliding forward on the bus when it stopped suddenly. I don't know-- something about how I just immediately knew it was a caring gesture because it was something my mom would do. The little girl was white and the whole thing was just so innocent and genuine. I guess the memory helps me keep my understanding that "race" really is a mental illness/learned behavior, etc. and that humanity could be so much more.

# 2 almost got my whole face and or body rearranged via fists and stairs in Japan. Was my own doing-- finally learned sticky fingers can get you hurt bad and stopped doing that shit. I had been pocketing the tips at a bar I worked at.

# 3 was given a "it might be aids" prognosis in AZ by a likely racist or racially biased doctor. Haven't trusted doctors since-- especially non-black ones.

Moved to nebraska
Moved to New York
Moved back to nebraska

1. Finishing undergrad
2. Catchin' a dewey
3. Becoming a Husband/Father

I'm guessing, though.

Deciding to go to the marines in 95
Deciding to go to china in 2004
Resigning myself to divorce in 2011

1. 2001-The start of my second semester freshman year at FAMU, my Mama called and told me my Grandmother had passed. She had fought the good fight with kidney disease for ten years. I was mentally prepared but was not truly ready to handle her passing. She was my other parent, my cheerleader and champion for any and everything I did. Later that year Aaliyah died and 9/11, the worst year I ever lived through.

2. 2011- My daughter was born via c-section, she was sick but all ends well. Best moment of my life was seeing my Mama holding her in the corner of the hospital, whispering sweet nothings and they proceeded to have a love affair with each other for a short lived 22 months. The most beautiful time of my life.

3. 2013- My Mama collapsed in her bedroom, my brother found her soon after called 911, they resuscitated her. Once I was alerted I made it to the house to be in the ambulance with her where I witnessed the complete lack of care from the EMTs to my Mom's pleas for oxygen, that she couldn't breathe, for help of any kind while she was having a heart attack. They actually stopped at a fire house to pick up and drop off EMTs before taking her to the hospital. She passed 15 minutes after arrival. Life will never be the same and is a true struggle everyday.

I have had more than my share of tragic moments. I cannot let them define me.

i don't think any of mine were, except maybe my parents splitting up, but in hindsight it may not have been a bad thing for anyone involved.

1. when i flunked out of college, freshman year. came home feeling like a failure, and was promptly told by my Dad you can't stay in this house. you're going to have to join the army and blah, blah, blah. thankfully i got 4 month at home, worked 2 jobs, and paid to get my way back in school. that taught me that no matter how much people say they love you, that shit can change and they won't have your best interest at heart. fuck everything else you better be able to keep food in your belly and a roof over your head. that was when i was 19 and i haven't been home for more than a week since. always had a job, always was able to survive.

2. this girl who i really thought i was supposed to date almost broke me. we had been talking over the course of years, and distance, but i really thought i had a chance when she moved close to me. and i thought everything was going great. then on my birthday she was like...i'm sorry Seth, i can't do this anymore and went off with the next nigga. that one hurt. and nothing had even ever happened between us, but i was on the brink of getting what i really wanted and then it was taken away from me. and the suddenness almost fucked me up. but nah....i was like protect yourself at all times you'll be alright. it left me a far less trusting person tho.

3. last April. almost killed myself in a car accident. that's when i learned that none of this shit we really think matters, really doesn't. all the religion and politics and i'm right...you're wrong. all the my way shit...doesn't mean anything. love yourself, love others, and love the environment. that's all i really wanna focus on. and from a family of hardcore Christians....its fucked some heads up.
---------------------------------------
it's true what they say...people are strange, when you're strangers.

not compassionate....only polite.

I am not like you at all and i cannot pretend.

3) meeting "she who shall not be named".

fresh outta HS.

did you judge the balance of your customer's accounts?

2. buying Wu Tang Forever on tape

3. The first Top Ramen I made without my moms help

no order

life altering shit yo

yes.

I remember the first time I had an orgasm.

It took me a while to realize what the fuck happened. Lol. I thought I busted something....

No pun intended.

i swear i convinced myself that i did it inadvertently.

i have an entire memory that i just don't trust anymore.

i had to have known what i was doing.

I was 11. This disgusting person got 45 to life. I will be at the parole hearing in 2033. I refused to go uptown for a long time after that. I didn't realize how much it affected me in so many ways until I was an adult.

2. falling in first love and then multiple times with the same person. i've never managed to settle that in the right way and it still affects me.

3. motherhood - which i might never had been open to if certain things didn't happen the way they did (see #2). i still can't believe i have such wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, healthy children.

- the night before we left somalia and we had to sleep in the middle of our living room because the war just broke out and the bombings around us were shattering our windows

- my first day of school in canada in grade 6. i had grown up in small town germany and been to somalia, but i'd never been exposed to anyone who wasn't white or black. sitting next to sikh, east asians, etc. was really confusing. add to that that i didn't speak a lick of english, and i just remember feeling really overwhelmed, sad and intimidated.

- my cousin's murder in 2012.

damn, some sad shit lol =/

being somali, but growing up in germany. i guess i will assume you spoke german primarily?

May 2006- my aunt passed away from cancer. i just finished my finals
and decided to stay at her house for a few days to help
take care of her
little did i know that would be her last days on this earth
the night before she passed
she was laying in her bed
talking to our ancestors all while
i was sitting and watching tv (the news and martin)
when i got tired enough
i asked her if she needed anything
she said stopped talking to them and said
"no baby im fine"
i kissed her and said goodnight
the next morning she was gone

my aint taught me so much about life and death
and faith.
it forever changed how i feel about things

April 2008- i left my full time permanent job with benefits
to take a temporary job in pharma. the best decision of my life

Dec 2010- the day wildchild was born
the events after her birth taught me just how strong I am

1. Getting kicked out of college and joining the Air Force

2. The moment after I took that gun away from my head and told myself that I would never feel that low ever again

3. Being back in school to get my aircraft mechanic license

daydream about it, even?

But I'm not going the commercial pilot route. Fixing big planes is what I do. Besides, pilot's need hero's too

1. Giving birth
2. Getting found out that I lost my virginity
3. Getting bit In the face

One day my mom came by his house looking for me and we had just had sex. It was our second time. She saw me and already knew.

She told my dad and they were very angry. Had a meeting at my house with he and I asking him what his intentions were. He said he wanted to get married. I was like hell no.

They got even more mad.

I was interning at an NBC affiliate and was sent out with a beat reporter and a camera man to interview the family of a young man who had been murdered two days before...we stood on the porch and the reporter knocked on the door. The mother and father answered it, both with red rimmed eyes that wavered between complete despair and anger. Somehow they maintained their composure enough to say that they did not want to be interviewed on camera. I was stunned and the reporter, a young Black Woman, was near tears when we got back to the van. This permanently altered my view of the media and how I wanted to use my gifts as a writer.

2. Nelson Mandela at Georgia Tech's old football stadium. This was my sophomore year at Morehouse, and Mandela was on his first tour of the U.S. after being released from prison. When he entered the stadium, and all 50-60,000 lost their minds, I saw the true power of strength in numbers, the power of inspiration, just the power of humanity in general.

3. July 15th, 2000. When he looked up at me with his piercing gaze, I finally met my destiny. He was so little and so vulnerable, but held the power of creation in his stare. I had a lot of important and amazing things happen to me since, but he is most important reason for me being here.

first was when i was 3 and my dad left the house. i still remember him standing in the doorway with a suitcase and i was crying for him to pick me up because i wanted to go with him. i think i knew what was happening. or did i imagine that? who knows? in any case, that was the start of my #daddyissues, lol. i can kinda laugh about it now. my dad is dead and gone and perfect in my eyes now that he's gone. but after that i never felt secure, comfortable and safe. always felt jealous of other girls and their dads. always wanted to do everything i could to ensure that something like that would never happen to my children.

next was the first day of 7th grade. the year before, i was in decatur and went to a mixed school in ATL and now i was thrust into an environment that was 95% white. i walked into the gym and saw NOTHING but white people. when i walked into homeroom, my skin felt 10 times darker. most of my classes had no more than 3 black ppl. needless to say, i hated going to a white school. when it was time to apply for colleges, they all went to the same schools but i wanted to get as far away as possible.

last was my heartbreak at age 29. it was long distance but i never knew a love like that. i was devastated when we broke up but in the aftermath i learned so much about myself. like how crucial love is to me in particular and how strong my capacity is for it. but i had to look at a lot of ugly things about myself too. being clingy, needy, love-obsessed is not cute at all. it also caused me to make sense of my issues and started me on the path to making healthier decision about who and in what situations i choose to love someone. that relationship also led me cali, grad school, my illustrated short story "On the 405" (and all the opportunities that came from that), some great memories and awesome friends.

1. It's 2009ish, I've just spent a year dating someone who was just a friend the year before. It's Labor Day weekend. We've just spent a weekend at her parent's lakehouse with other friends. It's my second time going and first as a couple. It'll be my last. I find the entire weekend to be mentally draining. I can't act dumb with my friends because now I'm the boyfriend, I can't really fit in with her friends because white wealth just isn't s world I have knowledge of, and I spend the whole weekend floating around the house and lake mostly solo. The group goes out to a part of the lake with a cliff, I'm terrified of heights but I jump, I'm wanting to prove a point to whom I'm still not sure. We return home and get into a small argument over music, it'll be the last. It's not that she doesn't get me, it's that she doesn't care to, I'm easy company. I go to work, it's Tuesday, the city floods in places, I drove through a puddle and my engine locks.


It's 2009ish, I've moved on from a huge breakup, a few deaths, depression, unemployment and semi homelessness only to find myself in underemployment, a relationship of convenience, and out of place in my own world and I just break down and cry. I burn out my credit cards to fix my car, I walk over to her house and end the relationship, and I separate from any almost friendships. It's 2009ish and I've decided that I'm not going to live a convenient life, I'll do what I can to maximize it.


2. It's 2012ish, I've now moved to DC and got a job with career potential but it's terrible. I'm struggling to not snap on my bosses and even worse I'm alone. The reason I had moved here has faded, the first date that I had gone on in over two years has a boyfriend that she hadn't bothered to tell me about, my health is fucked, and it's a pretty miserable existence. I show up at a meeting with the files and the network is crashing. It's an important meeting and I'm on the brink of being fired. I panic. I drive from Brentwood to CapitolHeights, grab my laptop, show back up to the meeting, completely disheveled, and I'm just not able to keep it together. Because after the two years I went to previous, I'm more than scared of what'll happen if this job doesn't work out. In Houston I was isolated, in DC I'm alone. I call home. I call mom. I want to be reassured. I want to whine. I'm scared. We get off the phone. I get off the phone. I call dad. I don't want to make excuses for me. I want to whine but I don't need to. I'm scared but that's pointless. I need to get my shit together and it's starts that moment. I grow up over the course of two phone calls. I chose that.


3. Life is good. Life is great. I'm getting married. I'm doing great professionally, friendship wise, and health wise. I'm probably feeling myself more than I need to be. It's 2015ish. I get high. It starts off innocently. And then I spiral deeper and deeper into my head. It's 2013, I'm insecure, it's 2012 I'm heartbroken, it's 2010-2011 I'm Icarus, it's 2008 and I've lost my grandma, I haven't recovered. It's 2015, I make a choice to give up pot and to go to therapy, I miss my grandmother but I never stopped running from the pain to grieve. But damn did I ever get somewhere with running.

so to do this would be to engage in total fantasy, shrug. i find anything that occurred in the past to be inaccessible and as a result pointless to even think about. i'm not trying to be a buzz kill this is just how i am. all my most defining moments are still yet to come.

1. My mother's decision to break up our stable home and drop us off at a relatives while she "got the play out". This lasted for 5 years. Her coming back and moving us into the projects..which lead to...

2. My mother being locked up. This led to myself and my brother being placed in 'the system'.

3. At 16 emancipating myself and taking control of my life. I was tired of decisions about my life being made by people who only cared about how much money they'd get for "housing" me.

my life would be completely different if we A. never moved here and B. didn't stay due to the political climate. It was originally just a 4 year stay that would have ended when i was 12. That alone shaped me tremendously but being forced to stay and seek asylum after those 4 years also had major ripple effects. No clue what my life would be like if either of those things hadn't happened. Most of my closest friends would not be in my life that's for sure. Never would've met my wife or had our child either. But beyond that, I think I'd be a different person altogether from the experiences I would have had.

1. When I was 7, I'll never forget when I came home from church one day. It was my first time wearing a REAL tie, not a clip on. And I went to the bathroom and spent like 5 mins trying to get it off. I knew you just had to pull one side and it would just come lose. I tried and tried and it wasn't working, and I got so frustrated. So I prayed, and asked got to help me get the tie off my neck. I tried again and presto change-o is slid smooth off. I was CONVINCED that God immediately answers prayers, which was a crutch that set me up for many failures before I learned differently and otherwise.

2. My Dad's drug addiction - not really a moment but it was always a backstory through my whole upbringing, from first even knowing that was a thing and it was why he would be missing sometimes, to when he'd pawn the keyboard I made beats on, to when he almost died and I came to visit him in the hospital and a week later he was back out using, to when literally the day after I turned 18 he decided he wanted to move out of the house and do his own thing, to him eventually trying to clean himself up and move back to Chicago. The week leading up to when he died I tried my hardest to get in touch with him (for his birthday) and let him know things were peace between us and I loved and appreciated the good and great things he did. He ended up passing away before I could get him on the phone. The preceding years made that moment one of the biggest transformative moments in my life.

3. Senior year - I was getting recruited by Georgetown, NC State, Notre Dame and North Carolina Central for football. I basically was going to opt out of playing football in college though because I wanted to focus on school and music. Georgetown and NC State were offering a full ride for Mathematics as well. Last game of the season in the 3rd quarter I got hit with a dirty move and tore my ACL and MCL. Mostly, it ended up keeping me in my hometown because my Mom's insurance was only covered within a certain radius, so no Georgetown or NC State. Ended up as WSSU and had some of the best experiences, teaches, romances, and friends I ever could have imagined. Sometimes when you're suffering you're really being protected. Wouldn't trade it for anything if I did it over again.