today there were Easter Egg Hunts all over the area. I am talking 3 or 4 within 5 miles of my house. Well there is a park that is a 5 minute walk from my front door. They have had a sign out in front for 2 weeks now talking about the biggest egg hunt in the area. 20,000 eggs, bounce houses, food, drinks, games, prizes. Me and wife were like cool its close lets do this.

We get there early so the boy can do the bounce houses and try everything before it gets to hot and we can bounce as soon as the egg hunt is over. We get there and the first thing that is off to me is how overly friendly every one working there was. I mean super friendly. We get out there and the boy wants to go through all the bounce houses. So the wife and I find a bench over looking them all and let him go crazy. Within 5 minutes this overly friendly fellow walks over and asks if we want a bottle of water. He hands us a couple of bottles then extends his hand. Hi I'm Jason! We introduce ourselves and he moves on. Right away I'm thinking that might be the Leslie Knope of our parks department.

The boy finishes up with the bounce houses and we start hitting the booths. A few kids games, coloring station, and face painting. Every fucking booth we went to there were huge ass smiles and handshakes introducing themselves to us. The first time it was fine. Now it's getting to be a bit much. But whatever the boy is having fun so I don't say anything.

We are there for an hour at that point and I am commenting to my wife about it all. She just giggled and told me I was crazy. Now the DJ makes an announcement that the hot dogs were ready at the grill and they were free. Red flag goes up in my head. But the boy is going crazy dad I want a hot dog! So we jump in line and grab dogs. They had bags of chips and punch. The dogs were fucking good too. We eat and the boy wants to do another round in the bounce houses. So the wife goes with him. I get another dog and go grab a patch of grass off away from the crowd and in the shade.

I am there for 10 minutes when fucking Leslie Knope aka Jason walks over and sits right next to me. You look like you need company brother. Now the brother should have given it away. But it didn't. I am just thinking who the fuck invited this asshole over. Before he could say anything the wife and kid come over. The boy was thirsty. So I get up and excuse myself from Leslie's company.

We head back over to the drinks and I tell the wife how Leslie just came over and sat down and told her about his brother comment. As I repeat his comment to her I stopped and was like WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE! She starts dying laughing. Right there it all clicked. It was like in 6th Sense when Bruce Willis found out he was dead. All the introductions and handshakes flash through my head. The raffle baskets had bibles in them. The fucking DJ was playing Christian Rock! I swear it was 90's pop when we walked in. FUCK I had already eaten Jesus hot dogs, drank Jesus water and punch. This is how they get you! Hey try this delicious hot dog and punch on the house. You know we do this every Sunday after we pray and watch Kirk Cameron movies, you should come join us. Seriously I looked like the Weebay gif.

My wife thought it was hilarious. She knew the whole time it was a church function. Apparently it said the church's name in fine print at the bottom of the big ass sign they had out in front of the park. They knew exactly what they were doing. Unlike me, my wife is not a heathen. So she thought it would be funny to let me spend the day with church folks and then tell me at the end. Good thing I found out in a little over an hour.

Right away I feel like a hypocrite. I dont believe in God but I had no problem eating Jesus weenies, drinking Jesus punch, and winning Jesus prizes! I couldn't do it. Drove to a different park and went to a city sponsored event. There was candy inside the eggs and not pieces of paper with bible verses on them. We had to pay for food and drinks and the workers were rude. But at least I had a clear conscience.




























]























































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































I start feeling like a hypocrite. I can't be here eating up their free weenies and punch when I dont buy into what they teach.