She was the youngest girl in a family of 8, so the moment she died I knew I had to fight to be heard, to send her off properly. She and I were closer than close and I knew she wanted to be cremated but nobody else in the fam was on board.

I DIDN'T GIVE A GOTDAMN! I knew her wishes and I made sure she got what she wanted.

I know our power is different, I was my Mom's personal representative so I had total control. And it doesn't seem like you did. Just sucks your Grandma didn't get the sendoff of her wishes. Did you fight hard enough? Maybe that's why you can't cry, a little bit of guilt?