anyways, did ur family help with ur wedding?
ur downpayment?
uh we're mostly black here, right?
now im curious.

no house downpayment but they threw us a wonderful reception
we choose not to have a wedding so wasn't a big deal

the betrothed thought it was a rental hall/house
such a NYCer
LOL

i mean I can see thinking that prior but not after arrival

u know he lives in a bedstuy cloud LOL

Help for wedding and/or downpayment? HA
some of them need all kinds of help, but that's another poast

She also was left some money from a family member as an inheritance and we put that toward our downpayment.

from the folks.


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"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson


"One of the most important things in life is what Judge Learned Hand described as 'that ever-gnawing inner doubt as to whether you're

The one time in my life I sincerely liked being an only child.

and we received a settlement.

I would give it back tomorrow to spend an hour with her.

FIL also gave us a loan for 7K with no interest. Not a gift, A LOAN and we paid it back.

SO sorry
that's terrible.
that new baby has a SUPREME angel. :D

We covered by the Blood which never loose it's power



http://soundcloud.com/rayandersonjr

and that's why i love them so!

when they die.

i wasn't even allowed to live at home after i was 17 and graduated high school.

uninsurable or refuse to cooperate. they are not concerned about their own finances and are REALLY not concerned about mine. these are people who haven't lived together for 20+ years and have not divorced because they don't really do paperwork or financial planning type stuff.

even if this weren't the case, my father's father lived until almost 110 so getting a policy could be a losing gamble either way.

My moms is on some "just don't claim the body" shit. So every friend and family member can think I'm a heartless asshole?

The only life insurance she ever had was an employer policy which expires 2 years after retirement (this summer).

>My moms is on some "just don't claim the body" shit.

I remember calling my uncles to see if they'd give me/lend me $600 for my tuition, so that I could keep going to school. None of them would give me shit.

I learned then what I'm willing to do for them if it comes down to it.

us out a TON. they were also very excited and knew if they didnt pay for certain things, we just werent gonna have them. but they werent willing to go as frugal as we were, lol.

but i may not count. haha

the older generation helps the younger generation.

my aunts and uncles helped me pay for clothes and books when i was in college. two of my uncles paid for my cousin's tuition. (their sister's child.) my aunts and uncles helped my cousins buy their first home. my mom helps me out from time to time.

these are more often gifts as opposed to something we need when our backs are against the wall.

i think when i get married my family will be so thrilled they'll be throwing money at me, lol.

only child/grandchild

i think the well has run dry though

in regards to the wedding, it was just my wife and I going to city hall and getting married in front of a group of our close college friends. But later that summer our families threw us a surprise reception. Completely shocked us. It was great.

to accept it.

i mean i was too proud to take all of the offered $$$ from my grand/parents' to get married
but in hindsight i wish i did
so i feel u
but rethink it
LOL

And also because I don't want them to think they're entitled to my house because they helped out! LOL.

That African communal mentality thing be killing me, sometimes.

i'm also too old for it

one is retired the other is struggling to

i'm way too aware of the ridiculousness of the cost of weddings
and if they want to help with a condo/home downpayment sure
but not for a wedding at this point
~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

wedding yes

I think my mom is talking about helping with a downpayment when we're ready to make that move

I dont take those types of blessings for granted at all

learned VERY early
I gotta get up get out and get my own erything

to both.

Kids to help with major things like that. My mom woulda helped tho. As much as she could have. But it's up to me and a SO to make it work, maybe his family would help

Still even tho my mom woulda gave me the world. She as a single mom who maxed out I think at 65k a year with no income from pops wouldn't have been able to pay my rent and her mortgage on a regular basis

dad was never in my life (i only know his name, never met him). mom passed before the wedding.

extended family is very working class (read: poor) too.

downpayment? LOL. we TRYING to get that right now but it's a slow burn especially considering housing prices in our area.

They told me in college that my down payment would be my gift.

They helped with that, and plenty more when I got the house. All the payments and maintenance have been 100% me, but they surely helped. My mom's dad gave her property to manage, so she got some hand downs as well.

For the wedding, they're gonna be so happy that someone decided to marry my ass, they'll probably put in 5 Figures on it.

Oh...I am an only child, and parents still together. So I know that makes it all different.

i wouldn't ask them but my family is always trying to help me with something so as much as they could, they would...and vice versa. i help my family (with money and other things) when I can...i KNOW my mom and dad can't afford for me to have a big wedding, so i'd settle for a small intimate wedding I can afford.

my dad said i can use his GI bill (VA Home Loan) to buy a house (making it a bit easier) and whatever else he can get from the VA, my mom would just buy the stuff I need for the house so I won't be sleeping on the floor.

that's the extent of their help.

for the other stuff.

I don't see myself getting married/having kids but he would help w/ my wedding/ceremony financially if I ever decided to get married.

I didn't need his help for my home b/c of his help w/ my student loans + job promotion.

If my circumstances ever changed tho, I ain't too proud to beg, no!!

but we were low budget wedding too
only 6K

I can see how the average is $20K-$30K, but yeah. It's refreshing to hear that they don't have to be that high

no thanks

my late Pops was holding a little bit in the years before he passed but i never asked him for much. he was a bootstraps type of dude so me asking him for money would have caused him to launch into his diatribe on how i should do for self...

now that i'm a father...

i'm part bootstraps and part shut up and cut the check. i'll do it on a case-by-case basis...

i mean, they have definitely been there for me when shit got rough and I needed help with rent

but uh


i think i am out earning them at this point

if I did get married they'd help in any way possible: food, deals for dresses, place, etc, but most of the money would be me and the wife. But i do not plan to get married.

side note: the funeral cost for pop was a fucn mindfuck that drove a wedge in my fam.

one of my sisters maxed out credit cards to the tune of 80k helping keep him alive when he fought cancer, while I was still in college, while one of my other sisters was balling the fuck out with her now ex husband.

debt is real for us, and most of the people I know; Brown, Black or White.

I'm proud and grateful they were able to help. I'll be able to offer my children the same assistance. This is how it should be.

He's always talking about how he's going to leave us a large amount of money when he passes (which, I mean, is a weird thing to try to get us excited about lol).

But what about while he's living?! Wouldn't it be fulfilling for him to see his kids use his money to further their lives while he's still around?

I mean, I am an in no position to buy a house because NYC. But my sister and her boyfriend are actively looking. I will be watching closely to see what he does, or doesn't do, for them so that I know what to expect.

As a SINK, I don't think I'd be able to afford a single family house in Queens otherwise.

when my wife's family went the old school route and paid for almost the whole thing, they gave us the rest to help towards a down payment on a home.

the gift was about 25% of what we needed for the down payment, we provided the rest.

We went over budget 4k and that came out of our pocket. But my father in law really wanted to "show off" his daughter. We weren't going to have a wedding before he said that. I am Mexican and my wife is white and black. Her dad is black and her mom is white.

As far as our house we did that ourselves. Her parents again came through with a lot of house warming gifts. Stuff we had money for ourselves but they like to spoil their kids.

my parents arent doing nearly as well financially. If they had money to give us and spoil us with they would. But they dont so they spoil us with love. My wife's parents do well. They constantly spoil their kids, kids spouses, and grand kids. But they also are as loving and kind as they are generous. I lucked out.

Did family money come with any big headaches, like unwanted opinions/demands, religious clashes, guest list stuff etc?

I'm kinda worried I'll end up having to forgo family money to avoid these issues. I really don't want to but I refuse to be driven crazy.
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DJTB YOMM

as kind as my mother is
yes those tend to be the unspoken stipulations
~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

they said "we will pay for the entire wedding, as long as it's here in Syracuse and the ceremony is in our church."

I liked their church, and I'm not very religious. I have no ties to Syracuse, so there was no alternate location that I would have preferred. No big deal. My grandmother didn't come to the wedding though, because it was in a church.

For the house money, my parents gave it to us with no strings attached.

My dad was pissy about me not inviting his other children but he said that to my mom and not me. He acted crazy days leading up to the wedding but calmed down on the day of.

they just wanted to invite a few friends from work. I think it ended up adding 15 or so people to the list. Other than that everything was exactly what we...she wanted. I just told her to let me know the time and day to be there and I would show.

Money flows in the opposite direction.

No wedding so nope.

We saved the down payment for the house ourselves (remember this is the D)

Havent had to ask. . .were saving it for something BIG hahah
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(for everybody who attended. which was about 10 folks)

we'll cross that home buying bridge when we get to it. my dad be broke as hell (lol i mean he makes good money but got mad bills and yet another child on her way to college) but he always helps financially when he can. and his mom always helps.

we're trying to work things out so we'll see if we ever get to that bridge.

But that's not the reality in my family. At this point, though, I'm too old to expect them to help with that kinda stuff anyway. I'd feel weird I think.

our magistrate at the paris city hall was just fine enough for us but since family didn't come to that both sides wanted to do things in their respective countries

we said fine but we aren't doing anything
we are already married
but we will show up
both sets of parents went in a room and worked something out

we paid for nothing except stationery and i wrote/made the invitations
and we showed up
i think we paid for our hotel room in both cities

his side of the family did an amazing job
with an actual church wedding and reception
and my side had a nice reception
but it really wasn't necessary
we didn't even ask for gifts from guests

i'm still anti-wedding tho

my parents do not have any money

I'm her only child
oldest grandchild/niece
They would break me off a little sumthin

Dad's side?
he ain't got a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out of
he's lucky if I even consider asking him to be in the wedding.

:)

His family did not.


We are both black.