>>but this is one thing i wonder
>>why then such men have a problem with dykes
>>is it because they challenge the whole notion of masculine
>>being an ideal that belongs to a particular sex
>>or that its natural
>>or because they challenge the level of control a 'man'
>>could/should have over how a woman identifies?
>
>i think it's all of that at the same time.
>
>plus the existence of homosexuality among women makes many men
>feel erased. useless. it challenges their manhood. b/c for
>many men their manhood is tied up in their heterosexuality or
>in the idea that women 'need' them. so if there are women out
>there who don't 'need' them...then these men lose a piece of
>themselves and their manhood. it freaks them out.
>

I think it's the idea that society as a whole will just completely pass them by. When others can be fluid in who they are and the roles they play, these two dimensional characters will just be obsolete. Plus there might be a bit of self hate involved. All these guys who have poor attitudes towards women, and really, *really* look forward to the boys night out, or just any time away from the women in their lives. It nags at the back of the head that they feel this level of comfort among other men and they never feel it at home. I imagine the inability to process that mixed with the jealousy over other men who have been able to accept who they are leads to some pretty poor attitudes.