>I still haven't started my new job. There are a lot of hoops
>to jump through.
>It's made me realize that, while I am still struggling with
>depression, I'm actually doing better.
>Last year I might've fallen apart by now, but so far I'm able
>to take things in stride.
>

Try not to take them in stride at all. Refuse to acknowledge them as "problems", but as everyday normal things that you will have no problem dealing with now or latter. Be indifferent to them. Refuse to react emotionally.


>So I just keep doing that. Every day. Every little thing. And
>that's exhausting.

It's exhausting because you are making it a focal point of your being. You are placing it in front of you and focusing on it. Your energy is sinking into this great upheaval and effort when it can be a non-event altogether.


>I'm starting to wonder if I actually have some mystery illness
>or if all
>of this is just my depression taking a physical toll on my
>body.

^Pitfall.

Beware the spiral downward. It's not a mysterious illness, it is depression, and depression is an illness, and yes, it will take a physical toll. For some, that physical toll is paralyzing. It all depends on much you actively focus/work on it. I don't mean work/focus on being calm, I mean, the work you put into maintaining your own depression by entertaining self destructive thoughts.

You cannot still rough water with a flat iron, in the same sense, you cannot still your mind with effort. Let go. Just like a swimming pool that calms itself after a windy day on it's own, so will your mind, if you remove the wind/storm. That wind/storm is your focus on the depression itself and seeking a way to physically/forcefully get over it. It will never go away like that.


>You hear all the time about how depression can literally make
>you sick, but
>it doesn't seem like anyone really pays heed to it. I never
>really did.
>This fatigue is just amazing though, impressive the way a wolf
>pack taking down a buffalo calf is.
>

Yes, it's fantastically physical as well as emotional and it will make you sick.

>
>Meanwhile, I'm so glad I have my little dog. I used think it
>was kind
>of lame to say your dog is your best friend. But he is mine.

Why would having a special relationship with any living thing be lame? It is wonderful, enjoy it.


>
>I probably need to start a blog again instead of "confessing"
>on Wednesdays.

Write. Get it on paper. Set it on fire afterwards, and don't look back.