nada

And there was a group of ratcheter chicks dancing not too far from us.
I don't usually go for women like them.
One of them was fine though.
And she had a bottom gold grill.
And that shit was so goddamn sexy.
I never knew.

i had wanted to get one for years, but didn't for one reason or another. i couldn't think of a better way to celebrate something that i was proud of.

SXSW was cool until I had a meltdown/panic attack or whatever you want to call it. I didn't leave my room Saturday other than to get food. A combination of horrible weather, too many people being out there and other things, and I just spiraled.

Monday my supervisor said she put in an expedited request for me to go full time (I was eligible around the end of June) because Im kicking ass at work. It was approved yesterday. so more money, full benefits, bonuses, etc.

but then I may have broken my right pinky toe last night play fighting at home. it shouldnt still be hurting like this 12 hours later

cause it was WAY more ppl last year. U would've hated it, I thought
it was the worst year of SXSW ever.

finally cycling down, still pissed I cracked my phone screen but whatever, live and learn. I finally got some clarity on a couple subjects perplexing me, still not the crux of my issues but closer to feeling like a truer me.

I have to make some recompense but what else is new between now and then...




"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

I don't know if I ever told you.

when we start giggin' I'd totally love for ya to come out...

I'm tryna play between electro rnb , blues, rock... :)


"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

Gotta take y dad to an appt. so I can't wait to see how it acts. especially since i have to drive through a certain town i don't like

that's Escort Live, and app for driving, you filthy mcnasties

"If you wanna help us, fine. Sit down with your kids and make 'em study at night...otherwise, shoot THIS mothaf*cka!" (c) Morgan Freeman,

>that's Escort Live, and app for driving, you filthy mcnasties

with some folks. this one sheriff's office was using twitter and face book inappropriately and unprofessionally in my opinion.

one of the women i was disagreeing (u would have thought that a badge made a person into Jesus Christ, Himself) with was getting personal. i took the high road though, for a few reasons. but it was KILLING me. she had a face like ben grimm. as far a insults go....your average white woman can't hold a candle to your average black dude that grew up in gary, In like i did as far as joning. i would have eaten her alive. but instead...i chilled. cause i gotta be on my best behavior online for the next year or so.

"If you wanna help us, fine. Sit down with your kids and make 'em study at night...otherwise, shoot THIS mothaf*cka!" (c) Morgan Freeman,

How you gonna let another man have you by the balls? *pause*

He minus well be calling me Daddy.

....no seriously tho. I've gone from him threatening eviction, to court, to now him offering to let me stay rent free through April and pay me $2500 to move out.....not interested.

And ALL because he wanted to go to court over ONE month behind AND refused the money when I tried to pay him #howmuchadollarcost?

i ain't paid my rent this month...but the landlord in the wrong. haha


"If you wanna help us, fine. Sit down with your kids and make 'em study at night...otherwise, shoot THIS mothaf*cka!" (c) Morgan Freeman,

just know that the landlord
was doing illegal stuff
which turned out to be in the wrong

"If you wanna help us, fine. Sit down with your kids and make 'em study at night...otherwise, shoot THIS mothaf*cka!" (c) Morgan Freeman,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twS6MGUQP6U

I don't get how somebody could be so messy and of all people want to take somebody to court. I basically missed November cause my old boss (also my landlord's buddy) didn't pay me a settlement installment. The landlord decided to take this opportunity to take me to court and evict me even though by December I was trying to pay him. He refuses, tried to get me to move, and I almost did....til I figured out he was dirty and legally I didn't owe him sheeeeeeiiit.

Now if I go to court and present my case he might lose his entire building. I don't want that to happen, but I'm willing to leverage it for some free rent in the meantime.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twS6MGUQP6U

You are going for the Bush, the Tree, and the Birds.

.
.
.
"And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful." ~ 2 Tim 2:4

now he's Angry Birds about it, haha.

God is great tho. It's been an awesome feeling knowing any prayers on this regard, ultimately, were already taken care of before I was even aware that they could manifest as a problem. The prayer was answered before I even knew to ask it, just had to push and wrestle with the process, and in the process of trying to do the right thing, I got it all to go my way. All the time, God is good.

.
.
.
"And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful." ~ 2 Tim 2:4

I have never in all of my working life have ever been in a place so shady and cutthroat.

I truly feel like these folks are out to get me...

I am glad to know that I have a handful of co-workers who truly support me and have my back in this bullish that's going.


he's really making me excited about what's to come...I've always wanted him and it seems like he's always wanted me...even when we were in high school. he wants me to help raise his children, he wants to help me raise mine. he's saying all the right things...but I'm scared. I want to love him, maybe even have his baby...

I didn't even have to work hard to put my client's case in a position where he would have to move for dismissal bc he didn't have the evidence to convict her and he has not gotten over it. This happened 1.5 months ago. I had to remind him (??) that we are adversaries in court though we may be friendly while doing it - he should never assume I won't slit his throat to protect my clients' interest. He cannot let go of it. Oh well.

So... there's a very good chance that she lurks.
And she's very playery.
And she can be very unpleasant in her interactions.
Not that she's required to be, but she'd get a better response from people if she wasn't so...

well maaaaybe a lil porn now & then, BUT THAT'S IT, DAMMIT!

"If you wanna help us, fine. Sit down with your kids and make 'em study at night...otherwise, shoot THIS mothaf*cka!" (c) Morgan Freeman,

.
.
.
"And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful." ~ 2 Tim 2:4

I will throw something up and come back to it after the edit and be like YUCK.

TYPOS everywhere!!!

>I will throw something up and come back to it after the edit
>and be like YUCK.
>
>TYPOS everywhere!!!

i dont know how i fell into this corner of neuroticism, but its not so bad actually.

its interesting to see what he likes, but its not like i didnt already know. he likes cool sneakers and darkskinned girls with big asses, lol. he also likes pics of babies/kids. a while back he liked a quote that said, "One day i'm going to marry a black woman and treat her like the goddess she is." i was like, nah, nigga, you cant be this perfect.

if we make it last, i'm going to tell him i did this and i bet he'll laugh.

n/m

meme?

good thing i'm within the editing window.

im going to steal your idea & pass it off as my own. consider this me giving you credit for it before hand.

>n/m


"Seasons may come and your luck just may run out, and all that you'll have is some memories..."

and not in the way one WANTS to break their bed but in the "maybe i need to go back to anger management" way. Granted, I needed a new (and bigger) bed, but I didn't want to be forced to buy one. So I get a new bed and then I realized that I got the wrong color days later...I'm just sick at the whole thing and realize I need to get my life together.

I decided to take off a whole week from work to start this class at (university) but I haven't requested off yet because my one coworker was in an accident and is out, my other one quit and her last day is Good Friday. so basically i have to pick up the slack for two ppl who won't be here...i told my boss i can't do everything and run my own research studies properly. they said my study has to take a backseat for now...mind you, mine is an R01 study. I can't do that. even if i stopped recruiting, i can't stop follow ups for the 50 ppl in my study. we need new ppl but until then, work will be stressful.

to that point, i want a new job that allows me to travel some of the time.

i want to apply for a fulbright but the opportunities they have for public health ppl are limited for me. I found some good ones tho, but then i think "do i really want to be gone for 9 months?"

i get a weird thrill from contention, acrimony, arguing, fighting, etc.

which is GREAT for my line of work because thats literally all i do.

i wonder if that is a good or a bad thing.

a guy who owes us $$$ spent 15 min trying to flex...w/ zero leverage. like NONE. lol

i did some pre emptive CYA corporate jijuitsu just to ensure he had no leverage & now im looking forward to speaking with him again...just to really emphasize how utterly fucked he is.

LOL.


does it really matter?

wonder what bin's doing?
http://i.imgur.com/phECCMp.jpg

She is understanding, she is not confrontational. she is beautiful on the inside and fine on the outside.

This is the first relationship where I can say I have told this person absolutely everything. We are truly one together.

I had some doubts about her having a son. But I think those are done with. Little dude is 10 and has been raised very well. We get along and we have had many heart-to-hearts about his dreams and all he wants is for his mother to be happy...


It's a great feeling.

It is time to take the next step.

this makes me smile

New job, first event and yea...

It's partially their fault because as I mentioned prior, they didn't tell me when they hired me that they wanted me to do corporate sales. I have/had no corporate contacts.

So I invited 60 people, and I only have 8 RSVPs. Lol I think I did okay but the goal was to have 10 to 15 people.

I did have someone from the Kellogg family RSVP so I think if she shows? That will be my saving grace. Lol

I'm so flustered by this damn job.

1. set it up on eventbrite as a free event. list any perks to lure folks too. like *refreshments served* or *vital materials to be distributed*

2. if you are in any linkedIn groups, post the event there too.

I didn't get any hits off of Linkedin though. I joined groups and everything.

I also posted my event in a few groups on Meetup.com. I got 1 RSVP from there.

We can roll DEEP up in there, and look well to do.

we could turn up your turn out.

But I doubt it ;-(.

But hell if there are any Okps that do corporate events, PR, or even marketing for a LARGE company, inbox me!

people who are in the corporate event/pr/marketing field....not in time for this event obviously..but for the next one...if it's something i can use then i can probably make this one depending on the time.

I definitely hate waffle fries

does it really matter?

wonder what bin's doing?
http://i.imgur.com/phECCMp.jpg

and waffle fries suck.

like i'd poke a baby in the eye or steal and old ladies blood pressure meds for a day

and there's a cfa right up the road and i never go.
only think about it on sundays and well...

"Seasons may come and your luck just may run out, and all that you'll have is some memories..."

n half n halfs

it feels good to be coming together

but

i am growing impatient about it all

if i had a time machine i would.....well shit, Im not sure i would kick myself, things happened the way they did.

can't look back. the past is insoluble. you are wasting time.

i'm in the same boat. sail ahead, don't look back.

During the trip, I went to a client hosted party at Minute Maid park (is that Houstons ballpark) where they shut it down for us for the evening. We got to go on the field and take BP and everything.

The park was elegantly decorated, the food was fancy and plentiful, the bar was OPEN.

On my way out of the party, well lubricated (OPEN BAR), there was a string quartet, and one of those human statue dudes who was painted all gold and hitting poses to the string music.

As we exited, people in the party shouted instructions to the human statue guy. Stand on one leg! Vogue! Pretend to swim! He handles all their commands with mechanical precision.

As I approach his station, full of free single-malt, I have only one thing in mind. I approach the group surrounding the human statue and yell, "DO THE SOUTHSIDE!"

When I tell you buddy immediately broke a perfect Robot Southside, it was amazing! Made my entire night. I was cracking up, and nobody around me knew why.

I was thinking about this moment last night, and realized that I did NOT tip this brother for that moment. :-( if I was in my right mind, that moment was worth at LEAST $10 to me.

>When I tell you buddy immediately broke a perfect Robot
>Southside, it was amazing!

"Seasons may come and your luck just may run out, and all that you'll have is some memories..."

Throwin up the deuce and givin n*ggas dap

http://youtu.be/3wuSQpiWtdU

You should have tipped my man for that one for sure...

My homeboy whom I did not know was okp-aware randomly asked me about how I know Tracy and just started talkjng about okp and how they/we run black Twitter

when he was on tv

luckily for me
trace lived in philly for a while
but i always used mr.mcfeely as my frame of reference
like "oh mom i met *insert* name through *insert mr.mcfeely's real name*"

BUT
since i planned the philly RE
and had to use my parent's sam's club card
and their picnic tables
i now just say
"remember that picnic i planned? well through there"

i keep getting the same shit and clicking that opt out shit and it seems like i get mo!

I'm bout to call 911

What a habitual linestepper lol. He's gonna learn tho smh.

I stayed at a venue I didn't want to be at temporarily to get some
event ideas out and build my name up. After next month the mission is
complete, moving all my shit lol.

This year may have been my favorite SXSW for some reason *shrug*

I made all the contacts I wanted in like 4 hours lol.

My homie came up the hardest tho, he made some life enhancing not just
contacts but full on friendships with key ppl that fast.

I love Austin for real. I could live there.

is amazing in bed. Not only that, he seems mad chill and cool. I think he's cute. So don't feel bad.

who knows what happens off camera, but anything on a Mona Scott show is fictional to me

I believe Darryl Strawberry is a grandfather, but not that his daughter left her kid to get smashed in her man's car in NY, never visit his apartment then let his homeboy smash in a woman's bathroom

he was at a Samantha Black fashion show and yes he does have mad women falling all over him.
and rumor is he nasty and hanging.

and i couldn't judge because he wasn't at attention...so...umm...you know y'all can google.

and all those women he has hanging off his nuts on the show are batshit crazy so he doesn't get points from me for that either.
He just another Crisco but he sleeps with model/stripper types instead of BBWs

like Stevie J seems corny but he is funny as shit....

but that dude ain't even funny to me but I can't hate on a lite dude winning...

but umm, besides the latina chick most of his women are a lil sloppy.

I cant even argue with either. Cause I'm just as trifiling
when it comes to the ladies. shrugs

and he is not fine
at all
and he's a major dick or at least plays one on tv

So I can get some.

Because I do not see wtf all of you are talking about.

Really?? He looks like a ninja turtle.

but i'm a sucker for a corny dude with a sense of humour

he's mad grimey..and i'd never date him for real

but definitely a drunken mistake typa situation

I didn't get it at first either but in more recent episodes I have been like "oh he's not half bad...that makes sense..." and he a freak.

lol i mean hes def not ugly but meh
maybe its the personality in combo but i dont watch L&HH like that

http://www.bet.com/news/celebrities/2014/10/30/rich-dollaz-released-from-new-jersey-jail.html

lmao

but what man judges another man's looks...I might as well call him Daddy. bwahahahahahahaha

We usually agree on fineness. I'd even say you like them a little prettier/suave than I prefer, lol.

But this dude? I swear I don't get it.

I dunno why I like it, but its kinda sexy to me.


but Rich is still a creep

I don't know where these feelings of inadequacy and vulnerability came from all of a sudden. My first inclination is to run. But I'm going to chill and sit with these feelings and uncomfortableness and sort it out.

I have to stop spending money. I just need to leave my wallet at home. I have never been a buy coffee everyday type like I've been doing for the past couple of weeks.

I feel that I let my other priorities get out of control. I need to get back to them and find a balance.

I'm glad things are moving slowly and happening naturally. I know it's for the best and that this isn't a race.

I miss my friends.

i haven't been on a first date in almost a year

tinder is awesome.

then i orchestrated a setup between her and a guy i know lol

i think that might work out for them.

you ignore the weirdos & try to see what happens with the non-weirdos. it's worked out well for me :)

esp when he lays off them 'roids

but yeah

I'm making this an actual post....


"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

I hate having someone cut me SLAM off when I'm talking....
I hate most that I can't do shit about it

--Richaud Pack from Maryland bball squad looks just like I did at that age...minus the yellew hair

--Ledo's pizza been slippin lately

--I JUST heard the Head of the Department that reports, tracks and trends metrics just say that they don't know what a metric is...........

--my pullup game needs to improve... I gotta stay consistent with doin em

-- I copped these last week
http://cdn.sneakernews.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/adidas-originals-snake-lux-pack-release-date-01.jpg

I don't know how I feel about that yet.

Also: I'm afraid no one will visit me.

"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

Since Denver didn't quite pan out romantically as I hoped . . .

Cutest lil blue eyed/shoulder length haired/goatee/actorslashslash
Walks like John travolta in sat night fever has the hots for me.

And I him. He's tres tres adorbs *swoons*
Young too. 7yrs my junior. I will make him mine.lol
Doesn't hurt that he thinks the sun rises and sets on my ass.
Also doesn't hurt that he's moving to the west coast in 6wks.
The perfect amt of time for a no-strings fling.

Hippie vegetarian politically passionate yet realistic. We have a standing yoga/acupuncture date on the horizon.

Ooh I'ma run lines with him and run my tongue down his d$&*.

😁

more and more these days.

What a feeling.

something weird is going on..
more than once I swear I saw my ex...
then I met a woman who reminded me so much of his mom

recent events made me appreciate s small part of his personality too bad the rest of it sucks

I have a couple different avenues I can go down, but there's a gap, on all sides, between where I am and the path to where I want to go. I have NO idea, which path is the right one nor what to do to get there.

:/

I mean, ultimately, I know I just gotta pick one and make that leap, but it'd be a WHOLE helluva lot easier if I could see the way.

Nahmean?

...perhaps i spoke too soon. it seems theres hope where i thought there was none.

i dont think im naive but then i later went and googled

whoa whoa whoa.

tara dear, gonna have to borrow your harness.

actually i still want it. it's like a whole thing though and i'd wear it over a dress

i do have a wedding to go to this summer :/

meh

I still haven't started my new job. There are a lot of hoops to jump through.
It's made me realize that, while I am still struggling with depression, I'm actually doing better.
Last year I might've fallen apart by now, but so far I'm able to take things in stride.

So I just keep doing that. Every day. Every little thing. And that's exhausting.
I'm starting to wonder if I actually have some mystery illness or if all
of this is just my depression taking a physical toll on my body.
You hear all the time about how depression can literally make you sick, but
it doesn't seem like anyone really pays heed to it. I never really did.
This fatigue is just amazing though, impressive the way a wolf pack taking down a buffalo calf is.


Meanwhile, I'm so glad I have my little dog. I used think it was kind
of lame to say your dog is your best friend. But he is mine.


I probably need to start a blog again instead of "confessing" on Wednesdays.

>I still haven't started my new job. There are a lot of hoops
>to jump through.
>It's made me realize that, while I am still struggling with
>depression, I'm actually doing better.
>Last year I might've fallen apart by now, but so far I'm able
>to take things in stride.
>

Try not to take them in stride at all. Refuse to acknowledge them as "problems", but as everyday normal things that you will have no problem dealing with now or latter. Be indifferent to them. Refuse to react emotionally.


>So I just keep doing that. Every day. Every little thing. And
>that's exhausting.

It's exhausting because you are making it a focal point of your being. You are placing it in front of you and focusing on it. Your energy is sinking into this great upheaval and effort when it can be a non-event altogether.


>I'm starting to wonder if I actually have some mystery illness
>or if all
>of this is just my depression taking a physical toll on my
>body.

^Pitfall.

Beware the spiral downward. It's not a mysterious illness, it is depression, and depression is an illness, and yes, it will take a physical toll. For some, that physical toll is paralyzing. It all depends on much you actively focus/work on it. I don't mean work/focus on being calm, I mean, the work you put into maintaining your own depression by entertaining self destructive thoughts.

You cannot still rough water with a flat iron, in the same sense, you cannot still your mind with effort. Let go. Just like a swimming pool that calms itself after a windy day on it's own, so will your mind, if you remove the wind/storm. That wind/storm is your focus on the depression itself and seeking a way to physically/forcefully get over it. It will never go away like that.


>You hear all the time about how depression can literally make
>you sick, but
>it doesn't seem like anyone really pays heed to it. I never
>really did.
>This fatigue is just amazing though, impressive the way a wolf
>pack taking down a buffalo calf is.
>

Yes, it's fantastically physical as well as emotional and it will make you sick.

>
>Meanwhile, I'm so glad I have my little dog. I used think it
>was kind
>of lame to say your dog is your best friend. But he is mine.

Why would having a special relationship with any living thing be lame? It is wonderful, enjoy it.


>
>I probably need to start a blog again instead of "confessing"
>on Wednesdays.

Write. Get it on paper. Set it on fire afterwards, and don't look back.

but im to lazy to get some water

missed a few trains yesterday due to having a bitch about the office dummy with my boss, and had a pleasant conversation on the train about zombies due to the book that i'm reading and forgetting my ear phones.

went to a buddhist temple on sunday, very interesting lecture and i was pleasantly surprised at how calm i felt while there. will be going back this sunday again.

went to my first therapy session last week. very interesting. we didn't get a chance to speak in detail about everything - but will be interesting to see how this goes.

consistently checking things off my to do list and it feels great.

And usually i jump on popular shows with a black cast just to check it out but ive been so busy and missed so many episodes i lost interest. i hate catching shows late and playing catch up. Im not a "go catch it on Netflix" guy or watch old episodes online. If i dont catch it when it airs, i probably wont watch.

This crazy weather got everybody at the jo either sneezing or coughing and it hasn't gotten to me yet. I almost want to take a few days off while it passes through the job cause i know i will probably be sick by next week this time. Maybe i should take some vitamin C or drink some more oj to ward it off.

This year i did the worse i ever did in my March Madness bracket. So bad i haven't checked my bracket since Friday.

I want to bust raw in my jumpoff.

espcially the ones I've heard by girls.

At first I was really turned off by kids rapping that kind of language, but i realized its kids being grown/showing out, not necessarily them really meaning it. harmless.

Oh how far I've come. When I first started this job, I felt like I was drowning under the intense pressure and demoralizing hours. Definitely had a good humiliating train cry during a ride or two to Midtown lol. But when I finally learned to tread water and break new ground -- killing my body and social life in the process -- my accomplishments were virtually ignored.

This month, the game done changed. I am firing from all cylinders and slaying (I said SLAY-ING!) these hoes left and right. In our recent team meetings, my boss -- who has generally treated me as an invisible curiosity in the past -- has suddenly started proclaiming how awesome I am. I feel so confident in my abilities right now, reflected by the unmitigated audacity of what I've set my eyes on accomplishing over the next year.

Here's to having a vision -- and executing it against all odds.

but you guys would never believe it. Yesterday, I spent basically the whole evening talking to my Mother in Law and we are actually good! I know that I'm not meant to be her caregiver. But, with that said, we are cool. I can't live with her. But, I can help her out and spend time with her. I think we squash a lot of our beef yesterday and she now...FINALLY understands me and understands why she has such screwed up relationships with me and her son.

It feels like a weight as been lifted off me. I didn't hold any ill will and I always wanted what was best for her. But, it felt nice to get everything off my chest and really help her understand things. I think that moving forward things will be a lot smoother between us because I understand how to talk to her and approach her regarding issues. A friend posted The Optimism Creed and I really took it to heart. So, I'm just going to hope for the best. Hopefully, she will also take my suggestions to heart and work on her relationships with her son and my Mother.

Its amazing how GOD works. I truly thought I would be in jail this morning because my hubby is coming back from a business trip in Albuquerque and my mom is on her way back from Atlantic City, and I was pretty sure that my mother in law was going to say something that goaded me into doing her physical harm. But, the total opposite happened. And, I feel absolutely great! :)

the current list (like before the year is up) even though I am trying not to think of it that way. Once this list is complete, then what?

Also: I am lonely, but I hate people. I can't figure out how that works. You'd think I would relish being alone since people annoy me so much. I go out of my way to avoid people. But I am painfully alone. And I don't like pets.

I have music lessons on Wednesday evenings. :-)

~ ~ ~
All meetings end in separation
All acquisition ends in dispersion
All life ends in death
- The Buddha

|\_/|
='_'=

Every hundred years, all new people