this post is part rant, and part me asking for advice, prayers and information...

background story:

my brother is muslim and lives in gambia. he has 2 wives and 3 kids by the first wife and 2 kids by the second wife. when he married the first wife, he promised her he wouldn't take a second wife, but right after she gave birth to their second child, he went on and married the second wife, which devastated the first wife...

about a year and a half ago, my brother came here with his oldest son, who is now 7, and stayed for a while. my nephew started school here and when it was time for my brother to leave, they decided to let him finish out the school year. so he's in his second year here and his parents want him back and he's all ready to go. tickets have been bought and everything.

now my brother wants a divorce from the first wife. he's said all kinds of things about her which may or may not be true, but one would expect this type of behavior from a woman who is scorned. my brother's plan is for her to return to her mother with their youngest child, a girl, who is 3; put their middle child, a boy, who is 5, in boarding school, and take the oldest, who has been staying with my mom for a year and half, and have him live with him and the second wife and their kids.

have you ever in your life ever heard of such fuckery???

so me and my mom are trying to figure out what to do. she's supposed to bring him back to gambia next week but that just seems like a bad idea. my nephew misses his mom sorely. to bring him back and have him live with the other woman is just cruel. so my mom says she won't bring him back and my brother says he's going to come get him.

what would you do? what would Jesus do? can anything be done legally to prevent my brother from taking him back?

as for me and my brother, i really dont want to have anything to do with him.

the oldest son is special because he's the oldest son. he's also been out of his culture for a long time so my brother may want to monitor his reintroduction to his culture.

not sure why he wants to put my 2nd nephew in boarding school.

but as for the little girl, he probably does not value her as much or in the same way because she is a girl and he probably thinks girls should stay with their mothers.

all you can do
is help the 1st wife

but you have to help the middle child too

SMH
Jesus be a fence

my brother got married like a muslim and is divorcing like an american.

NOW he knows how impossible it is to love two human beings the same. after 3 kids. what an idiot.

the goodness of Jesus?

lol
but im serious

or anything better than what he is being taught

i believe they should choose for themselves.

we dont "teach" him anything but your standard morals, values, etc.

although he did say outright the he does NOT want 2 wives.

i dont try to understand you
so no reason to try to understand me
or question me

i mean that was so out of pocket to do that

i don't question who you worship so why throw that out there?

who go thru the same things if not worse. "goodness of Jesus" is a relative term depending of course on if you believe in Jesus.
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it's true what they say...people are strange, when you're strangers.

not compassionate....only polite.

I am not like you at all and i cannot pretend.

.

"lol"
"but i'm serious"

you meant that shit. you still my peoples tho. that's why i didn't say CASE TWO like i originally wanted to.
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it's true what they say...people are strange, when you're strangers.

not compassionate....only polite.

I am not like you at all and i cannot pretend.

and please
like i care if you call me case two

oh that really hurt
NOT

and if you don't have a problem with it, i'll make sure to toss it out there every once and a while to see how it feels.
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it's true what they say...people are strange, when you're strangers.

not compassionate....only polite.

I am not like you at all and i cannot pretend.

how does trying to keep the oldest son in the states help the situation?

best case scenario would be if the first wife could come here with her other kids, but that visa situation is tricky.

not sure if that type of thing happens anymore

and she thinks my brother threw a monkey wrench in it.

how/why you can determine where they stay. That's between the parents and the law.

but surely you understand our desperation.

completely from the mother aka kidnap him? ARe they going to fight over custody? Whats the law say on these things?

I'm missing the desperation/kcufery part.

but its a male dominated country so a custody battle is not really an option.

but you can imagine how it must feel for the first wife to lose her husband AND her son. and how it must feel for my nephew to miss and want his mom but have to live with his stepmom.

its not like it would be over here. which would be bad enough.

both wives are gambian.

I would only support my brother if he needed it, but as far as family decisions and what he does with his wives/children, that's on you, good luck.

you'd just throw you hands up and say, oh well. nothing i can do. and go on about your life? while your nephews and nieces were being split apart and traumatized?

you wouldnt do anything? say anything?

nothing at all?

I have a better understanding of what you are saying tho.

But you don't really have options. :-(

I've dealt with a lot of family drama myself, and I have come to realize that it does not matter how good your advise or intentions are, people are going to make their own decisions, siblings or not.

It's not my life to live.

Give the best advise you have, offer support if requested, and take a step back.

now, I would try and sway him but we already know that ain't prolly going to happen so....

thats probably all we can do.

is it a fact he's being traumatized? is it trauma he'll never get over? will he cry and feel sad for a bit, but then realize he'll still be okay?

i'm not saying he is one way or the other, but if you make a child think they're being traumatized then chances are that'll feed off that and play the role.
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it's true what they say...people are strange, when you're strangers.

not compassionate....only polite.

I am not like you at all and i cannot pretend.

i mean, he'll adjust but you dont get over shit like that. shit, i'm not over my own damn childhood family drama and his shit is way way way deeper than mine.

we don't or won't do or say anything that suggests to him that he's being traumatized, but I'm sure he can feel the energy no matter how much we pretend.

He has two TWO wives right now. He better go and try to work that shit out...










...unless she got a new dude on the side, because then it's too many variables for my simple equation.

and they likely don't have much power either

so its not like he has to pay child support. he's shipping first wife back to her moms. she probably couldn't fight him on this either.

that's a sad situation

?

You really have no rights in this situation.

the sadder part is when/if/hopefully not....a child ends up hurt or affected by something like this you can't go back in time and correct it. and its in bad form to be like, "well in 2015, you had a chance...."
---------------------------------------
it's true what they say...people are strange, when you're strangers.

not compassionate....only polite.

I am not like you at all and i cannot pretend.

---------------------------------------
it's true what they say...people are strange, when you're strangers.

not compassionate....only polite.

I am not like you at all and i cannot pretend.

at all.
to the extent that is your family, i understand your concern.
but you're taking it another step by trying to scheme on what should or should not be done with your brother and his wife's children.

Also, if she does succeed with some plan, it will only strain relationships in the future. The moment you take on someone's problems and go to extreme measures to impact/influence them, you take on the burden of the consequences too.

i mean i can easily say its not my business, but i can't fix my mouth to say its not my mom's.

.

his plan, his problem

Nothing legally you or your mom can do without HIS permission.

He has to work that out with HIS wives.

Challenging your brother or trying to impede HIS plans with HIS family will only make you more estranged than you are.

Kids are resilient and maybe things will work out.

Youve expressed your displeasure to him i supposed but that man going to do what he wants anyway.

Unless he is willing to make your mom legal custodian of the kid, which is HIS prerogative, there is nothing to do.

>this post is part rant, and part me asking for advice,
>prayers and information...
>
>background story:
>
>my brother is muslim and lives in gambia. he has 2 wives and 3
>kids by the first wife and 2 kids by the second wife. when he
>married the first wife, he promised her he wouldn't take a
>second wife, but right after she gave birth to their second
>child, he went on and married the second wife, which
>devastated the first wife...
>
>about a year and a half ago, my brother came here with his
>oldest son, who is now 7, and stayed for a while. my nephew
>started school here and when it was time for my brother to
>leave, they decided to let him finish out the school year. so
>he's in his second year here and his parents want him back and
>he's all ready to go. tickets have been bought and
>everything.
>
>now my brother wants a divorce from the first wife. he's said
>all kinds of things about her which may or may not be true,
>but one would expect this type of behavior from a woman who is
>scorned. my brother's plan is for her to return to her mother
>with their youngest child, a girl, who is 3; put their middle
>child, a boy, who is 5, in boarding school, and take the
>oldest, who has been staying with my mom for a year and half,
>and have him live with him and the second wife and their
>kids.
>
>have you ever in your life ever heard of such fuckery???
>
>so me and my mom are trying to figure out what to do. she's
>supposed to bring him back to gambia next week but that just
>seems like a bad idea. my nephew misses his mom sorely. to
>bring him back and have him live with the other woman is just
>cruel. so my mom says she won't bring him back and my brother
>says he's going to come get him.
>
>what would you do? what would Jesus do? can anything be done
>legally to prevent my brother from taking him back?
>
>as for me and my brother, i really dont want to have anything
>to do with him.

My mother was in hospital for her third major operation in as many years to help keep her alive. Dad was spending most nights at the hospital, and I was at home with my teenage brother and his homestay from Japan. We get a phone call that my cousin has locked himself in the bathroom at my aunt's house with a knife. Police have been called in, and they deliver him over to our place. His parents had divorced (father left my aunt for another woman after a long term affair behind her back) and my aunt was always a bit unstable anyway. I'm wondering how I'm going to deal with three teenage kids and stop my girlfriend (now Mrs Seal) running a mile from all the crazy. Once my cousin came to us though, he was fine. He just needed some stability and a calm household. Handling the three kids was relatively breezy, and my cousin improved even more once my parents came home.

That didn't stop my aunt from taking issue with the fact that he was doing so well with us, cussing my parents out (in their own home) over who knows what, and taking her son back just to salvage some pride.

Wasn't a lot we could do unfortunately. We had no legal standing, despite knowing what was best for him in the situation. He muddled through it all and seems like a thoroughly decent human being now. Sometimes you've just got to do your best from the sidelines. I know that's easier said than done because it's a lot more difficult in your mother's situation, but you have to do your best while staying in bounds, I think.

I'm sorry you and your mother have had to go through this, and can't imagine how hard this will be on the kid. You've got my prayers.

i keep looking at his sweet innocent hopeful face and thinking how heartbroken he's going to be when he gets back home. i just dont want him to go through that. but this is life and life goes on.

>i keep looking at his sweet innocent hopeful face and
>thinking how heartbroken he's going to be when he gets back
>home. i just dont want him to go through that. but this is
>life and life goes on.

Letting your blood go back into an environment you know will hurt them brings such frustration, because you know what should be done and yet you're powerless to do anything about it.

Hopefully you can both stay in contact with him enough, and show him enough love to help blunt the other difficulties he'll go through. If he feels loved, that should help. We were lucky that my cousin is close to my brother due to age, and they were still able to spend time together.

there is really nothing you can do about the matter. Now you can pray that wisdom will prevail, but that's about the extent.



.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

so theres that.

and there's a mint on the pillow at your brother's reservation in hell.

because under american law, she's the only one that counts, if she does
i'd talk to a lawyer, chances are she can apply for residency
for her and her children, but only if she is not divorced.
or she might have some say on what happens to her son, regardless

your brothers sounds like an asshole
and he's in violation of american law.
how is he going to send her to her parents with 3 children?
probably knowing that its all downhill for her after that?

tough situation