I know very well what you are feeling, and I can tell you that no amount of thinking or stressing about the past is going to fix your present moment.

What you are doing is engaging in thoughts that are self destructive, that will have self destructive consequences. It is a certainty. You must drop that type of thinking immediately if you are going to prosper.

If you are in your 30s, you haven't lived half your life yet. Think about that for a moment, all the time you already had, you have more than that remaining.

Try to focus on the present moment and what you need to be doing *now* in order to prosper, and slowly, step by step, put in the work. Don't count yourself out, do not imagine what could have been, only realize what can be, and make your future.

You're not out of the game. You're alive and you are hear to rock. Why waste your time thinking about a past you can never change.

Forgive yourself. Stop feeling guilty and get out of your own way. You can do this.