https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1051193621566146

this shit kicked off a ruckus on FB & got me defriended but whatever

mine is 11 going on 12. he doesnt like me hugging him anymore which is good because i wasnt much on that any damn way. im the wake your ass up & come get this trash outside before the garbage truck gets here type

im not mad @ snoop for this. of course he loves his child. but this young man is almost grown & out the house. hes not a boy anymore. boys DO need that tough love. you want a hug, lil dude, go hug your mama. imma punch you in the chest & make you scrub the toilet.

the world aint gonna coddle your ass. you have to work. HARD. you need to strive for excellence. mediocre wont cut it. average wont cut it. imma be SO hard on you that when you ARE out there in the world, youll be prepared & able to handle it

because the bottom line is NOBODY. nobody...wants to hear no soft emo 'i need a hug!' ass man out in the world. when you out the house & gotta hook & jab with the rest of humanity? nobody is gonna give you those tender words of encouragement. nobody is gonna give you a hug because you had a hard day @ work. you have to be able to pull that strength out yourself.

I'm not a man, so I'm just here to observe.


Plus, my family's not affectionate. I don't even hug my mama unless she makes me, which isn't often.

But what's the harm in having love and tenderness at home as long as you know it's not out there in the streets?
Would that not give you more inner strength to deal with that harsh world?

Plus, how do you really accept and give tenderness and affection to your kids and wife if you don't learn it at home?
I STILL get awkward about it, even with boyfriends.



Anyway, I'm going to sit at the table in the back of this post and sip my cappuccino now.

he was little. idk i'm a mother so i guess i'ma always be giving out hugs and i love yous
i'm kinda torn on this one bc it seems like the young man is clearly hurt by the fact that
his dad don't hug him and tell him he love him but on the same token
he gotta know his dad loves him!
idk my dad doesn't hug my brother or tell him he loves him
and they have a good relationship. snoops son'll be aight.

so I definitely wasn't getting much hugs and affirmations of love but I try to dole out to my kid in equal amounts. He's fully aware that tears don't move me and I ain't no slouch but he also knows he can come to me for hugs, kisses, and general affection when it's needed.

His dad hugs him but he's def not as affectionate as me.



"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

You can still teach them about the harsh reality of the world
And still hug and kiss your child
That has to be the dumbest thing I've heard

Make yourselves useful.

But seriously I dont expect women to get it because well..y'all are women.


does it really matter?

for all my fans who keep my name in their mouth: http://i.imgur.com/v2xNOpS.jpg

And I asked you some genuine questions, too. *sips cappuccino*

I am very upfront with my utter emotional brokenness. Asking me anything abt feelings is a recipe for disaster.


does it really matter?

for all my fans who keep my name in their mouth: http://i.imgur.com/v2xNOpS.jpg

which i'm watching btw but women are awesome multitaskers and shit

My boys are 12 and 14 and will hug them and tell them I love them until my dying day

your son and telling him you love him. sons need this just like your daughter will. it might not be football game appropriate, but even that should happen too.

this 'man' role is some bullshit sometimes.

.

And to think you can't do so and still teach them about the cold world shows a lack of parenting intelligence on your part.

and that's about it. Maybe a few other times in extreme situations. He made it clear that certain shit was expected from me as a man and the world ain't gonna coddle me.

IM JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some PEOPLE just ain't 'bout that "I love you" life.
My mom was tough like that.
My grandmother has never said the words "I love you" to me.
I know she does tho.
That's mainly what matters is that you know they're there and you have that support.

For instance, pops was an affectionate dude, but he wasn't around. That hurt way worse
than my cold ass grandmoms showing love but never saying it.

I will say this tho... Not ever being told that you're loved can affect you in a different way,
such as not being big on verbalizing affection or being uncomfortable with it, but there
are levels to being fucked up, and you ain't that fucked up if all you missing is an "I love you".

It's never predictable just when I feel like letting him know How much I care.
He responds in kind. And it's never awkward.

My daughters i hug and tell I love them very often.

And for the record, I told my son that I loved him today right after I hugged him.


.
.
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"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

Y'all always want to be included in everything and then nothing at the same time around here. But No. The OP reads, "men: do you hug your sons & tell them you love them?"

And that's where it should stand.

.
.
.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

and it's on a public forum, not a father's only forum.

Keep whining tho.

Every time people run into every post with their own BS and or agenda it takes away from the opportunity to go deeper into the Subject Matter of the OP. And when that happens the post becomes a cluster of random opinions and nonsense.

And La Di Da, we all know it's a public forum, but that doesn't mean that every public opinion is valid or valuable to the subject.





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"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

>Every time people run into every post with their own BS and
>or agenda it takes away from the opportunity to go deeper into
>the Subject Matter of the OP. And when that happens the post
>becomes a cluster of random opinions and nonsense.
>
>And La Di Da, we all know it's a public forum, but that
>doesn't mean that every public opinion is valid or valuable to
>the subject.


That is often the case. It's also often the case that other opinions may add a necessary
perspective or be exactly what opens up the opportunity to go deeper.
In short, you gotta judge input on a case-by-case basis.
Some people just don't know how to stick to a subject.

.
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"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

fewer in regards to any post lol



"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

I always say.

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.
"Today is your day to have a better life -- it's your right."

I'll continue to do it until he tells me he doesnt want me doing it anymore, and even then I'll still show him that fatherly affection. I do it mainly because I didnt get it growing up and always wanted it. I grew up with my father but after I turned around 8 or 9 he stopped giving me that affection and started with that "tough love". I knew deep down he loved me but it would have been nice to still get that affection from him. Even now, its only been in the last 5 years that my dad will hug me when I see him, or say "I love you son" when we finish a phone call.....



We the children of the Light, you know what I mean?
That's why I'm hating on the darkness like Paula Deen
Cause in my hood they masked up like it's Halloween
We going hard for the Rock, but we not some fiends
- Andy Mineo

Fathers job with a son is to keep him off the dole

Out the gaol?

Something like that. I'm on my Farrah gray shit trying out different insipid sayings to make people reblog my shit.


Yes support his lil dreams and make sure he's good, of course but you can baby a boy too much. That's not going to prepare him for adulthood.


does it really matter?

for all my fans who keep my name in their mouth: http://i.imgur.com/v2xNOpS.jpg

>Fathers job with a son is to keep him off the dole
>
>Out the gaol?
>
>Something like that. I'm on my Farrah gray shit trying out
>different insipid sayings to make people reblog my shit.
>
>
>Yes support his lil dreams and make sure he's good, of course
>but you can baby a boy too much. That's not going to prepare
>him for adulthood.


a father's job is to raise a child to become a responsible and independent adult. showing affection to your child/teen/offspring is part of that.

the opposite is basically being hostile for no reason. you're not really showing him how the world works by not showing affection. you're showing him the cycle of bs manhood that has led many 'men' on stupid ass life paths.

this isn't babying your son. there's a huge difference in showing love and babying him.

so much, in fact, he tells me to stop. i just tell him "nah, i'm not gonna stop, little dude. i'm gonna tell you every day."

i definitely felt the love though & didnt really think otherwise or need that to validate anything.
my dads definitely had my back the most out of anyone probably.
nowadays we'll get the whole handshake to hug thing going if i havent seen him for awhile,
but even thats rare cuhz i still make it a point to kick it with him as much as possible.
i saw that snoop episode today & made me think of that before seeing this post.

Going from seeing him every day to, now, a few times a week...I tell him even more now. Granted my son is only 3...I want that to be instilled in him early that his father loves him even though things have changed.

Like someone else said,

I was raised 2nd generation Asian immigrant, and for us, well:

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Yous-Are-White-People-ebook/dp/B0028MVHF0


But yea Im trying to do different with my son. Theres some value in how I was raised, but there are alos some detriments. No reason you cant get the best of both worlds.


Hes 6 but I hug, kiss, and tell him I love him everyday.

The excuse that the world wont coddle him is lame. Of course it wont. The world wont fuckin coddle him whether I choose to hug and tell him I love him or not. The world is cold. He just needs to understand that no matter how the world is -- he's got mom and dad at home that love him and are behind him 100%.

That doesnt mean mom and dad can't also be cold as ice when you do some dumb fucked up shit either.

i think my dad stopped hugging and kissing around 3rd grade or so, when i started saying nah chill....then it just became hair ruffling or a friendly pat on the back and good job, way to go, proud of u etc

at least u and ur pops side hug, lol me and mines damn near dap each other up. and no long phone convos but we exchange long emails about once every few weeks or so

but yea, that lovey dovey kissing hugging shit between father and son is common around in any kind of Asian families


ill probably be the same way. my brother is the same way towards my nephews

>but yea, that lovey dovey kissing hugging shit between father
>and son isnt** common around in any kind of Asian families

I was cool with it, but didn't want to do it in front of my friends, basically being a typically embarrassed teen.

One day, my boy from across the street was over. My dad walked in from work and gave me a hug, and I was embarrassed as usual....and then my boy said "oh.....your dad gives you hugs?" and I can tell he was trying to play it off......but he looked CRUSHED!

His dad has always been in his life, along with his mom, but it just seems like his dad does have that provider vibe...he's a car mechanic, straight blue collar. I felt hella bad, and my embarrassment immediately changed to me just not wanting to make my friends or anyone else feel bad because their situations are different.

I've given him a reassuring hug when he's needed it, but on the daily I'm more playful then straight up affectionate.

says 'i love you' when we end our phone calls. i really appreciate it.

he also hugs me when we greet.

i really appreciate it.

b/c the world is so hard and cold it's wonderful knowing that old school Black man loves me and isn't afraid to show me. b/c i get so much abuse everywhere else i need that refuge when i'm at my parents' home. i'm glad i have it. if he w/held affection in an attempt to teach me something it would be incredibly hurtful and i wouldn't learn anything from it but i would doubt whether he actually loves me. so i'm glad he says it out of his mouth and then hugs me. plus he shows me in other ways too like actually providing for me and offering advice and all of that. but still...it's nice to have that confirmation so i have no doubt about how he feels. i wouldn't have it any other way.

daily interaction.

I'm raising a man that can express his feelings and emotions, holds no shame and is comfortable with himself. Being a man is much more than just the stereotypical manliness that most perceive to be a common way of life. It's a heart, attitude of confidence and boldness to be the man you NEED to be in life as a son, brother, father and husband.

By no means am I soft with my son and never have been. I have always been fairly strict AND loving at the same time.

Edit: And I feel you, generally speaking, Bin.

But the reality is, men are typically taught to suppress emotion, which makes us dysfunctional in relationships (and everyday life to a certain extent).

So the whole HARD HARD HARD, TOUGH TOUGH TOUGH thing doesn't really fly with me when it comes to raising my son.

I'm about balance.

So yeah, I punch him in the chest, toss him around and tell him to tough certain things out. But I also hug him, tell him I love him, and make it okay for him to express his feelings as long as he's being reasonable.

I have two daughters but my dad has three boys. 35, 33 and 26 and he hugs and tells us he loves us every time we see him. Sheeit he'll even kiss us on the cheek if he's had a few brews. Dude looks like Jimi too. Stuck in the past with that 70s fro lol. Love 'em to death though. Best pops ever!

We are all sitting on the couch...My son comes up to Rai and is all kissy kissy hug face....then he looks over to me and says "Sup Dad"

Me: "Sup"

Raina: "OH MY GOD MICHAEL....YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSHOLE...GET UP AND HUG AND KISS YOUR SON!!!"

so I got up and hit him in the chest....
he fell down and started laughing...then he got up and attacked me...

Raina: "SEE...YOU ARE JUST INCAPABLE OF TELLING YOUR CHILD THAT YOU LOVE HIM"

Me: "I thought I just did"

D

i loooooved that shit.

tackling. smacking. hitting. slamming. supplexes, submission holds.

no kicking or biting.

but pretty much any wrestling move i could think of, i was able to perform on him without fear of him getting hurt.

Time and place for everything.

I always quote that Mos Def joint..."it seems there's never no in between"

This post brings that line up to me because people are acting like people who hug and kiss their son ONLY do that and turn him soft like you can't show affection and tough love at the same time.

You ever think that ONLY showing tough love and being on some tough guy shit may have a negative effect on your son?

circumstances.

in households where there's a woman/mother, i like the idea of that outlet being there with the mother primarily.

the parents also have to set an example.

the way the father talks and interacts with the mother is important. the child learns love language by watching them.

he learns how men talk to women, and how sensitivity can play a role.

also, me? i was a cry baby.

don't really know where the shit came from, but as a child i had an excessive amount of 'feels'.

if i have a child that has the amount of hypersensitivity that i had, i might have to lay off the kisses and coddling.

i got a hypersensitive nephew. he's 15 now and likes to hug and hold and say thank you and tell people how much he loves them.

the shit even makes me uncomfortable when this big nigga is holding me with his head nestled in my neck.

im sure not to try and stifle his love offerings, but damn dog, don't be such a hugging and holding ass-nigga. and that's coming from a sensitive man.

i would never say this to him, maybe when he's older.

they are few and far between.

My dad never said that shit to me on the regular....so when he DID...it meant a lot more

D

just like i would a homie....if you think a HUG is making your child "soft" you're an idiot....

and told him he lived him after the game...

That nigga soft forever now.

CAREER OVER!

My father told me he loved me everyday, we hugged whenever we saw eachother.

That was my guy above anyone.

my children will know that I love them, they won't be soft because they aren't soft. Its not in their make-up. They fight, they're not afraid of conflict.

I'm not afraid to show them I love them, and definitely not afraid to tell them.

i love seeing it

so maybe not seeing each other on the regular played in to all that. Now we don't exchange the "I love you's" that often cuz we grown ass men damnit! However, at least three times a year it's gets said and our relationship is pretty damn healthy.

when I he wakes up in the morning I get a good morning hug. When I drop him off at school I get a hug and tell him I love him. When I pick him up from school I get a hug. When I tuck him into bed every night I get a hug and a kiss and I tell him I love him. I dont expect him to give me kisses for much longer. Just the way it is for guys. But I will continue to hug him and tell him I love him as long as I am on this Earth.

Growing up I hugged my parents often. I was never embarrassed about it. But we never said I love you. It was implied but rarely said. When my son was born and they heard me constantly telling him I loved him they jumped on board. Started telling him every time they saw him. Then I think it clicked how could I tell my grandson i loved him and not my own kids? Now we tell each other all the time. It feels a lot better hearing it than when it was just implied.

his dad tell him that he loves him, and he's never received a hug from his dad either. ever.

that's a serious foul, and perhaps why so many of our young black males are screwed up.

I get the whole, "that's what your mama is here for" argument. it's true that at a certain point some of the over the top shows of emotion leave father and son relationships (or they are just reserved for rare/extra special occasions). BUT I think most sons (if they had even the slightest bit of a healthy relationship with their dad) can at least remember getting a hug/side hug/dap hug from their dad at some point in their childhood. after graduation, a little league game, a play/performance, SOMETHING.

Crazy.

snoop said when he was little of course then he took em out for ice cream or whatever, & kissed them boo boos, but hes not a baby now. hes a young man & snoop is trying to instill in him some character traits that will carry him when neither snoop nor mrs snoop is around to help


does it really matter?

for all my fans who keep my name in their mouth: http://i.imgur.com/v2xNOpS.jpg

i don't know.
hopefully they get things worked out.

>that's a serious foul, and perhaps why so many of our young
>black males are screwed up.
>

obviously if your son is a baby, im not telling you to teach his ass how to throw a good right hook.

im talking abt kids this boys age. late teens. 15, 16 yrs old. or hell...12. thats right when they start smelling themselves. i know. i was 12 once. i was DESPERATELY trying to get laid by 12. my mother had no clue & my dad lived on the other side of the country, nobody was telling me shit. its a miracle i didnt get some girl pregnant as a teenager & fuck all our lives up

hell no i didnt need a hug...i needed a man i trusted who i knew had my best interests @ heart who i KNEW i couldnt get shit past...to tell me HEY idiot! you dont even have a job, what will you do if you get these stank crotch girls pregnant? THINK mcfly

thats what im talking abt


does it really matter?

for all my fans who keep my name in their mouth: http://i.imgur.com/v2xNOpS.jpg

If youre a dad who does this:


HEY idiot! you dont even have a job,
>what will you do if you get these stank crotch girls pregnant?
>THINK mcfly
>
>thats what im talking abt
>


And you also give your son a hug, and say I love you.

He will say "gee Im not going to listen to my dad."


I mean the thing is this. Like I said, neither my mom or my dad told me they loved me in HS. They were stern demanding Asian parents. Their lack of love is not what made me say, "gee im going to listen to them because they are so tough on me."

..but my dad did all that and gave me a hug....i ain't mad at either appraoch honestly, but it's all about how the kid takes it all in...

theres a context and history that informs all of that.

my father used words to communicate w/me and i think that did me a disservice b/c now i know how to use words to express myself. i'd be much better served if he had only communicated w/me via grunts and nods and punches. b/c as a man i'm at a disadvantage being able to recognize and express my feelings using words. i'd be better off if i only knew how to hit when i'm angry or when i want to show love or when i'm hungry or frustrated or confused. b/c that's what it takes to survive in this world as a man.

i know b/c i am one.

youre a pacifist & a communist. i dont expect you to understand


does it really matter?

for all my fans who keep my name in their mouth: http://i.imgur.com/v2xNOpS.jpg

so yeah...i don't understand. LOL


i take it back - i DO understand. i understand that fathers who claim this way is best are typically men who are not comfortable expressing their emotions - probably b/c they were raised by emotionally distant/unavailable parent(s). and so telling their boys they love them is difficult b/c they have no context or example to follow. and doing so makes them feel icky b/c they're unsure of themselves and can't deal w/the vulnerability inherent in telling someone (even their own child) 'i love you'. and rather than dealing w/that they hide behind this notion that boys are better off if their fathers withhold affection.

i do understand after all.

http://replygif.net/thumbnail/1408.gif

and telling.

obviously <7 yrs old you should be doing it
once they get in that puberty zone you should flat ask your kid how they feel about it
my biological dad was HEAVY on the i love you's, hugs, and crying
my step dad did none of that. but basically showed affection by trying to teach me life lessons/speeches etc
i preferred my step dads level of affection as a teenager
ppl in here seem to be assuming that every kid wants their dad hugging them and saying i love you every day
maybe they do maybe they don't
problem is the average kid isn't going say hey can you stop hugging me when you pick me up from practice etc....even if they hate that shit
most of these issues can be solved with communication

Fuck the dumb shit.

https://bossip.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/lil-wayne-kissing-baby-2.jpg




but im banned tho.
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Dallas Cavericks LETS GO!!

for controversy/to get people to watch.

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snoop hugs the kid at the end of the episode.
he and his son have a great relationship
and snoop even speaks on how he has learned a lot from his son.
it seems he has learned that a lil affection towards his son can go a long way.

>snoop hugs the kid at the end of the episode.
>he and his son have a great relationship
>and snoop even speaks on how he has learned a lot from his
>son.
>it seems he has learned that a lil affection towards his son
>can go a long way.

That's gangsta

You thought selling calling cards to people was a good idea.

Tl;dr: Bins just bad at life.

And a essential aspect of every retail spot I work with sooo yeah. Rethink your perspective.

/.