Or, just talk to me while I’m trying to keep my composure since I know I'm not quitting shit, at least not until this other thing pops off.

I requested a transfer at work based on a hardship. My wife got a promotion and changed offices. Now we’re in opposite directions with one car. Plus, she’s 6 months pregnant and those doctor’s appointments are going to increase in a month. She’s also finishing up her bachelor’s at night right now.

Anyhow, transfer denied. Long and short, the reasons given don’t align with what I know to be true from outside sources that are literally in position to know, and I happen to know for a fact that the three offices I requested need workers and have the space. I also know that transfers can be made based on hardships. The logistics of it all demand that either I drop off my wife before her office even opens or have her driving back and forth each way every single day, literally doubling our fuel expenses, and ensuring she’ll be missing most of at least one of her classes two days a week. Plus, you know, there’s a three year old who will wind up having 13.5 hour days will be a newborn in this mix here in three months.

I’ve been told that no, ‘the department’ is not accepting transfers based on a hardship and I’ll just have to wait and see if there’s a need when my number comes up (like 14-15 on each respective wait list). Personally, I think my director is holding a grudge because I pulled his card awhile back in a dispute with a supervisor, went over his head and put an awful lot of things on blast to his boss. This whole thing started as me being perceived as a disciplinary problem, but I produced several letters from coworkers that not only echoed my own protests, but went much further in showing how bad and how long this toxic environment was allowed to fester in some pretty damning ways.

Anyhow, as a result, work conditions in our office changed dramatically for several people. Some magically people got promotions within days where they were basically being bullied and put into pressure cooker situations as of the day I brought all this shit up. Others got the supervisor transfers they repeatedly requested but were previously rejected. Shit, even the supervisors changed their tune in a lot of ways. Pretty much everything that I called out and reported got changed in some way. I even made myself above reproach in the process. I stopped getting harassed by my supervisor all day for shit she could have just looked up, and wonder of wonders, I got more work done, more accurately. I also have a fantastic relationship with my current supervisor. If all the issues I “whined” about- in his words- led to changes that improved not just my situation, but that of other coworkers individually and collectively, that fucking SCREAMS that not only were my issues legit, but that *he* was fucking up prior to me getting aggy over it. It also further cements the fact that that those changes (for the better) would not have been made without my “whining”.

Since I’ve got information from other sources (I.E, supervisors and managers in all three offices I’ve requested transfer to) that clearly tell a different story and one manager who is pretty sure he’s lying and flat out saying no just to say no, I’m kind of pissed because there’s no good reason to deny the transfer.

I know. Perhaps my wife should have held off school this semester. My job didn’t decide to have a second child. Nobody forced her to take the promotion. We could just scrimp and save for another vehicle. To all of that, I say fuck that. I can live with being told no if there’s really just no way to accommodate it, if I haven’t personally witnessed convenient transfers (among other perks) and general flexibility given to people who kiss the right asses (ahem: his) enough. When there’s no real reason other than some guy flexing because he can though? That’s a touch pill to swallow. In years past I think I’d be packing up boxes and getting walked the fuck out right now after burning this bridge to the ground, but you can’t really do that shit with a wife and kids in the mix. Plus, you know, scorched earth policy hasn’t really worked out for me. Being pissed doesn't necessarily mean I'm right and being right won't validate anything short of submission.

I do have one friend who is a manager looking into it from another office, but she’s a step below this dude in rank. She’s well known and well liked but I doubt she has any actual power to pull any real strings.

***
I'm tryna be better off, not better than...

I’m simply talking through my current emotional state. I said “talk me out of this obviously bad decision that I *feel* like making right now”, not “I’m quitting, who’s with me?!”

to it

***
I'm tryna be better off, not better than...

There’s logic

And there’s emotion

I’m currently emotional.

I understand what’s logical, but again… I’m emotional.

So I’m venting that emotion on OKP instead of blowing up at work and going all scorched earth.

If it were so easy for me to just say “logic logic logic” and stop feeling like I want to burn bridges, I’d be a different person entirely.

Talking things out helps me so I’m doing that instead of the shit I’ve historically done. If you don’t get that, so be it.

Stop following me around and commenting on my posts with your cheap, condescending remarks when you don't know what I'm saying to begin with.

and why are you so angry?

-As though our last exchange didn’t expose your bias against me, you decided to prove it yet again by responding in a condescending way that showed you didn’t even read my post before actually admitting you didn’t read what you responded to.

That proves that you form opinions regarding what I say that have to do with the perception you already have of me, not what I’ve actually said. Just stop playing the 'shux, who me? what? WHAT I DO?' act when you get called out for that shit.


So yeah, shut the fuck up. Go fuck yourself. Or kill deadzombie. I’m cool with either of those.

One question I have is if you've gone over your director's head before, why not try to do it again to get the transfer (although the potential downside of not getting the transfer might have some serious implications)

It's tough to be in a position where you CAN'T quit, and you HAVE to play the game even though you know it's bullshit. With a growing family and supporting your wife through your schooling process, you're doing the right thing.

And although you've said FUCK THAT to this, 2 cars is the only option in this case if you don't get what you want. Get a joint for cheap with liability only on it and give your wife the good car (which is what I did)

Good luck dawg...one thing your family doesn't need right now is additional stress...try to deal as long as you can

Be diplomatic about it first.

Get the intel (factual) that these other offices need people and have the spots for you to move in. Refer to them by position/location, even point to postings if listed on line.

Send these to him via email and refer to the initial denial in the email.

If he gives you ANY excuse afterwards that doesn't include inside knowledge on the roles (promised to other hardship cases, postings are outdated and those roles aren't open anymore as transfers have already been processed, etc.) then forward that chain to his manager and explain your situation. In that email, explain that you'd like to keep it private so that your current manager doesn't feel undermined and that you're just trying to do what's best for your family. If it's not possible, you understand but if it is, you'd very strongly like to be considered for the hardship case.

If that answer is no at that point, no harm, no foul. Your current manager doesn't grow further animosity at you and you can just look for a new gig while making more plausible current arrangements (I agree with Rex on the car, especially if wifey got a promotion. Should be a lil extra cake to afford it).

>Get the intel (factual) that these other offices need people
>and have the spots for you to move in. Refer to them by
>position/location, even point to postings if listed on line.

>Send these to him via email and refer to the initial denial in
>the email.

>If he gives you ANY excuse afterwards that doesn't include
>inside knowledge on the roles (promised to other hardship
>cases, postings are outdated and those roles aren't open
>anymore as transfers have already been processed, etc.) then
>forward that chain to his manager and explain your situation.

This one is tough because it’s not a case of literal openings that would be on a job board or something, but a matter of having more work than manpower in their office. To that end, every office could conceivably say they need more workers. Plus, this is a county job and not a private sector job, thus run in stereotypical bureaucratic form. They do have empty desks, thus room to add more people. There are ‘openings’ in the general sense that there are a certain number of slots that we’ve budgeting for new applicants, but those people are then assigned an office. The ‘problem’ is that there’s a waiting list for each office and those lists just sort of sit there. My friend is going to check out the list and the orders of people, and she says the situation as described would definitely count as a ‘move mountains’ scenario, especially since we’re both county employees with significant tenure (she’s ten years, I’m right on five). She said this is exactly the sort of thing they try to accommodate as much as possible. I’ve heard that our office is a different world though, and she agrees. She would know since she came from this office, which is how I know her.

>In that email, explain that you'd like to keep it private so
>that your current manager doesn't feel undermined and that
>you're just trying to do what's best for your family. If it's
>not possible, you understand but if it is, you'd very strongly
>like to be considered for the hardship case.
>If that answer is no at that point, no harm, no foul. Your
>current manager doesn't grow further animosity at you and you
>can just look for a new gig while making more plausible
>current arrangements (I agree with Rex on the car, especially
>if wifey got a promotion. Should be a lil extra cake to
>afford it).

What sucks is the promotion won't yield a raise for like a year and a half. She’s topped out at her previous position and the new position starts off at a lower rate, so she doesn’t get a raise until her new position has caught up to her current pay. I’ve heard a few variants on how this works though, but that seems to be the prevailing one I hear from others in that position. We'll see though.

>This one is tough because it’s not a case of literal
>openings that would be on a job board or something, but a
>matter of having more work than manpower in their office. To
>that end, every office could conceivably say they need more
>workers. Plus, this is a county job and not a private sector
>job, thus run in stereotypical bureaucratic form. They do have
>empty desks, thus room to add more people. There are
>‘openings’ in the general sense that there are a certain
>number of slots that we’ve budgeting for new applicants, but
>those people are then assigned an office. The ‘problem’ is
>that there’s a waiting list for each office and those lists
>just sort of sit there. My friend is going to check out the
>list and the orders of people, and she says the situation as
>described would definitely count as a ‘move mountains’
>scenario, especially since we’re both county employees with
>significant tenure (she’s ten years, I’m right on five).
>She said this is exactly the sort of thing they try to
>accommodate as much as possible. I’ve heard that our office
>is a different world though, and she agrees. She would know
>since she came from this office, which is how I know her.

Well, if she can provide some sort of insight that you can promote as concrete (get it in writing from her) then that's just as good. She's a manager so her word should qualify it. Then just present it as being proactive in the search and dress it up as a family necessity with a lil one on the way. He might be aggy you didn't just accept his 'no' but he won't be confrontational about it unless he feels like he can't sacrifice the man-power (which is probably your biggest obstacle here). But getting something in writing that states there's an opportunity available works for you. You can still follow my second line of advice (sending it to his manager) if he says no without good reasoning. You have a track record of outing your manager so his manager would be more inclined to believe you.

>What sucks is the promotion won't yield a raise for like a
>year and a half. She’s topped out at her previous position
>and the new position starts off at a lower rate, so she
>doesn’t get a raise until her new position has caught up to
>her current pay. I’ve heard a few variants on how this
>works though, but that seems to be the prevailing one I hear
>from others in that position. We'll see though.

Ah ok, yeah that does place you in a pickle. Someone suggested that you just drop her off and rent a car when needed. Might be the cheapest way to go.

>Well, if she can provide some sort of insight that you can
>promote as concrete (get it in writing from her) then that's
>just as good. She's a manager so her word should qualify it.
>Then just present it as being proactive in the search and
>dress it up as a family necessity with a lil one on the way.
>He might be aggy you didn't just accept his 'no' but he won't
>be confrontational about it unless he feels like he can't
>sacrifice the man-power (which is probably your biggest
>obstacle here). But getting something in writing that states
>there's an opportunity available works for you. You can still
>follow my second line of advice (sending it to his manager) if
>he says no without good reasoning. You have a track record of
>outing your manager so his manager would be more inclined to
>believe you.

Yeah this part right here is a good one. My only concern about over-utilizing her is that she might get overruled based on the relationship. Earlier in the post I wrote about a friend who left last year. He left on stress leave and ultimately quit over the same shit that lead me into the lion’s den a few months back. He’s a good friend, he was in my wedding party and all that. Well, she’s his girlfriend and my manager knows it. Hell she was at my house on Sunday. There’s a little history in the mix involving my friend, his girl (the manager at my wife’s office) and another friend of my current manager, who was my boy’s old supervisor. Long story short, I’m concerned that coming in too heavy could do more damage overall if it looks like she’s blatantly pulling strings for her friend. She’s working behind the scenes on some Palpatine shit for now, but anything more substantial will be a back-pocket thing in case things go south.

>Ah ok, yeah that does place you in a pickle. Someone
>suggested that you just drop her off and rent a car when
>needed. Might be the cheapest way to go.

Ah. I think I posted my update after you posted this. I changed my schedule to an 8 hour/5 day a week shift instead of my previous 9 hour day with every other Friday off to accommodate her schedule. For now I’m just gonna ride that out and try to play the game a little more until the next transfer attempt, probably after my son is born.

>One question I have is if you've gone over your director's
>head before, why not try to do it again to get the transfer
>(although the potential downside of not getting the transfer
>might have some serious implications)

I emailed him and promptly got a response stating he was out for the next month. The email was forwarded to his in charge, who is my former director and friend of my current director. So much for that. I tried to recall the message but it came back as failed. So we'll see what's what with that.

>It's tough to be in a position where you CAN'T quit, and you
>HAVE to play the game even though you know it's bullshit. With
>a growing family and supporting your wife through your
>schooling process, you're doing the right thing.

Yeah. It's not even some last straw shit, because as I said earlier things have improved since I set things off several months ago.

>And although you've said FUCK THAT to this, 2 cars is the only
>option in this case if you don't get what you want. Get a
>joint for cheap with liability only on it and give your wife
>the good car (which is what I did)

Yeah this is what it's looking like. I'm gonna find a beater somewhere and just make it work I guess.

>Good luck dawg...one thing your family doesn't need right now
>is additional stress...try to deal as long as you can

Mos def. I'll be straight. In years past I would have just blown my top or held it in until I broke, and that's why I made the post. It's a means of venting. My boy quit last year and there went my sounding board for days like this. I'm bad at holding things in and coping with that sort of anger so I suppose it's a good sign that I just posted about it instead of releasing it into the 'real' world.

sh*t pops up jobwise.

that's all i got

Sorry, that's the pep talk that always works on myself.

That shit helps but there's this swelling of pressure in my chest that just wants to fucking burst. I'd rather not feel that way at all but that's how it is for now.

"darkest before the dawn", they say

and honestly, can you blame him?

Bills, wife, kid on the way... all the obvious shit.

However, if you out here going over people's heads and stirring shit up best believe you aren't going to get a transfer to make your life easier.

especially when you have people depending on you.

what ever you ultimately decide to do, you don't want to make that decision in your current state of mind.

you seem to know that already, though.

I can't really control the way that anxious pressure builds and it gets tough to manage so I need to let the air out so to speak.

I'd regret i it like crazy but I dawn sure want to go off right now

I would check with the conmpany FMLA policy...

see if there is any thing about your wife excessive drivng and have her doctor write that up...

may be something to look into.

I doubt they'd change up my schedule to accomodate her.

Definitely worth looking into though.

now think about doing it without a steady paycheck. Shit would be FUUUUUUUCKED up.

Bear down and grind, at least till the baby here, maybe

My anger has everything to do with what I perceive to be an unjust decision unrelated to my personal sense of self worth. I'm angry at piss-poor leadership and authority that is more concerned with asserting its authority than the overall well-being of the people it serves.

It's not about me getting what I "deserve" or "earned" or validating my self-esteem or level of importance. This isn't an issue of pride or self respect.

emotion=reaction to circumstance
ego-the status of my self worth/esteem

I'm reacting emotionally to a circumstance
Not reacting to some challenge of my value

first job i use to wake up at 5am
travel on public transportation for 2 hours
go to a corporate campus in the middle of nowhere
couldn't get lunch without a car so i ate turkey ham + cheese sandwiches every day for 6 months, literally
2 hour ride back home and walked 13 blocks from the subway home cause that was quicker
and i had no responsibilities then

what you're describing sounds like a typical day for the working poor
worst case you gotta tough this out for 9 months

>first job i use to wake up at 5am
>travel on public transportation for 2 hours
>go to a corporate campus in the middle of nowhere
>couldn't get lunch without a car so i ate turkey ham + cheese
>sandwiches every day for 6 months, literally
>2 hour ride back home and walked 13 blocks from the subway
>home cause that was quicker
>and i had no responsibilities then
>what you're describing sounds like a typical day for the
>working poor
>worst case you gotta tough this out for 9 months

Been there. Done it. Try waking up at four, walking two miles (or so) to catch the bus at 530, riding for two hours, walking another half hour to the job, only to wait until the office opens at 9. I got paid $320 a week in salary to be the scheduler for a DirecTV subsidiary during a time when we still communicated exclusively via fax, which meant I couldn't leave until every installer returned my faxes. The last bus wouldn't go as far as the bus that picked me up, doubling my walk home starting at 8:30. This also meant that there were times when I worked beyond the final bus, leaving me stuck. Fortunately I had a friend I could stay with on those nights. On nights when I went "home" I slept behind a couch in a house full of people during this time.

LOL@hustle harder. I know the drill and trust me, know it far better than you for much longer. It has nothing to do with this.

bailing out without other options and a baby on the way seems
a bit risky but, you know more about your situation than i do.
i know that it may be hard because i just got out of a similar
situation....wanted to quit like a mofo but, i had enough
money saved up to do whatever. things ended up working out so
that i didn't have to 'quit'...just started a new job today.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
instagram:
http://instagram.com/0kayndc

"There is much temptation to use what has worked before,
even when it may exceed its effective scope."

"Roll me further bitch"

>bailing out without other options and a baby on the way
>seems
>a bit risky but, you know more about your situation than i
>do.

Oh hell yeah (c) Stone Cold.
No way that's happening. I think it would be good just to be able to focus squarely on my side project, but that's definitely a crap shoot. I was never really going to quit, but I was on that ledge emotionally and had to vent some other way.

>i know that it may be hard because i just got out of a
>similar
>situation....wanted to quit like a mofo but, i had enough
>money saved up to do whatever. things ended up working out
>so
>that i didn't have to 'quit'...just started a new job today.

What gets me is that the job itself is straight. Good job, good pay, etc. The last time I started to really get aggy, I went for it and got some real change in the office. I'm just a hothead and today that shit ran me up to around 85 on a 100 scale. That's bad. I think I'm good now though. We'll just deal and move forward while continuing to get transferred. Another car might be the way to go.

A good chunk of great advice is already in this post so I'm going to add on some kind words. This is the path you and your family chose. In other words, you haven't come this far to fall now but best believe you will make it through this.

Don't quit because bills keep coming whether you work or not. You're right in that scorched earth policy works at 18 not so much at 29+. Keep pushing in hopes that your transfer request goes through. Document everything you're doing to receive a transfer request.

Old Honda civic or something with like 100k

Seems like it would make it so much easier

You could always sell it again when things settle down and civics hold value well

As if there hasn't been enough going on in the past year for you. I'm glad you've been able to use this place as an outlet, even if it wasn't completely accepted here as that (despite your disclaimers).

Family does put you in a compromised position in terms of what you can do at work. My father went through a couple of jobs like that, didn't play the game properly, and was made redundant. In one case I know they ended up hiring four guys to do the job he was doing on his own. It sucks that the world is that way sometimes, but with a family it's hard to be uncompromising. So coming here and venting is a good way to go (shame your boy is gone, that would have made things a lot easier). I guess it's time to Shawshank through the crap pipe until you get out clean on the other side with your family. I get the feeling you've faced down worse in your life and made this far so good, staring this down is well within your means.

I would attempt to go over your direct report and talk straight to HR /Operations manager/officer to plead your case or ask for more detail on why your request was denied. Your reasons to seek the change seem really difficult to overlook purely for political reasons (although, we all know that is the case 99% of the time...somebody waiting on someone else...).

keep fighting the good fight until something else opens up.

yeah yeah, you made a venting post as opposed to flaming out, this time.

but your temper is a liability.

I've told you to check that shit before.

don't try to act like this is a matter of logistics.

it's a matter of your lunacy.

dig deeper.

and calls *me* crazy. I literally pay him no mind until he says something directly to or about me.

Since you choose to continue to approach me like a subhuman troll at every fucking turn, I’ll continue to tell you to find a way to end your miserable life. Closed casket, preferably.

Bye, bitch.

Let's pass the peace pipe around and spirit walk in the clouds or something.

He’s too heavy on that ‘method’ actor shit to turn back, basically Jim Carrey in Man On The Moon status. It's like he's afraid he'll lose his mojo if he breaks character.

The downside is I lose my day off every other week. That’s no big deal and a small sacrifice to make this more palatable. It also takes away a significant chunk of overtime and that could hurt.

I’m still going to work the angles on a transfer though. Thanks to everyone aside from the usual cadre (those two know who they are and I’m sure everyone else does to) of stalkers and trolls for the pep talk.

My director called me in first thing and basically said that everyone who has a transfer request ‘could be’ doing so out of a hardship and who is to say my hardship is harder than theirs, etc etc etc. We sort of discussed the politics of the office and how my supervisor and manager are both reporting significant, positive changes in me. That kind of irked me since the changes they’re seeing are a direct byproduct of the changes I went to battle over, took to his boss, and got done because him and his underlings wouldn’t. I didn’t say that, but that’s just how my brain works.

He did confess that perceptions are just perceptions and that the bottom line is that the current perception of me is considerably different from the old perception. He then spelled out the path toward what he and other managers look for when people are trying to promote. It was an odd conversation because I’m dubious in letting my guard down since it seems like he’s genuinely trying to be helpful.

What’s funny is they just gave me a customer service award this morning. It’s ultimately a meaningless piece of paper but it’s nice to get some sort of recognition I suppose. Of course, me being me, I’m focused on the reason I even got the damn thing to begin with: the fact that the supervisors screwed up and gave 80% of the day after New Year’s day off, leaving a small handful of us to deal with an incredibly packed lobby of hungry/angry customers. I’m working on shutting that part down and just being happy for an award next time.

The schedule change is helpful and keeps us close to our current fuel expense and

>The downside is I lose my day off every other week. That’s
>no big deal and a small sacrifice to make this more palatable.
>It also takes away a significant chunk of overtime and that
>could hurt.
Sacrifice for the greater good for their families. It'll pay off later.

>I’m still going to work the angles on a transfer though.
>Thanks to everyone aside from the usual cadre (those two know
>who they are and I’m sure everyone else does to) of stalkers
>and trolls for the pep talk.
OK. If the transfer is the optimal way to go, then go for it. As long as it's discrete, no big deal.

>My director called me in first thing and basically said that
>everyone who has a transfer request ‘could be’ doing so
>out of a hardship and who is to say my hardship is harder than
>theirs, etc etc etc. We sort of discussed the politics of the
>office and how my supervisor and manager are both reporting
>significant, positive changes in me. That kind of irked me
>since the changes they’re seeing are a direct byproduct of
>the changes I went to battle over, took to his boss, and got
>done because him and his underlings wouldn’t. I didn’t say
>that, but that’s just how my brain works.
LOL...my brain works the same way too...on some I've BEEN telling you this shit type stuff

>He did confess that perceptions are just perceptions and that
>the bottom line is that the current perception of me is
>considerably different from the old perception. He then
>spelled out the path toward what he and other managers look
>for when people are trying to promote. It was an odd
>conversation because I’m dubious in letting my guard down
>since it seems like he’s genuinely trying to be helpful.
You don't necessarily have to let the guard down persay. But definitely listen and adapt if needed. Being you got you this far, playing their game a little bit might get you further.

>What’s funny is they just gave me a customer service award
>this morning. It’s ultimately a meaningless piece of paper
>but it’s nice to get some sort of recognition I suppose. Of
>course, me being me, I’m focused on the reason I even got
>the damn thing to begin with: the fact that the supervisors
>screwed up and gave 80% of the day after New Year’s day off,
>leaving a small handful of us to deal with an incredibly
>packed lobby of hungry/angry customers. I’m working on
>shutting that part down and just being happy for an award next
>time.
Yeah. Focus on the positive. That will help in the long run. Keep trying to focus on the positive

>The schedule change is helpful and keeps us close to our
>current fuel expense and
You know the optimal way, so if that works for your family, then great. I'm still gonna suggest the 2nd car (I'm hard-headed like that), but you know your household the best.

Stay up fam.

>You don't necessarily have to let the guard down persay. But
>definitely listen and adapt if needed. Being you got you this
>far, playing their game a little bit might get you further.

Yeah. This is a struggle for me. I hate hate hate that shit but it's definitely time to play the game. It's worked for me so far. The whole reason he said he'd heard I'd been doing better is because shot on email to my supervisors boss last week telling her how great my supervisor has been. Low and behold, I get an atta boy, a paper award, and some free advice. I like what I get out of the game, just not the game, because I know it's a game.

>Yeah. Focus on the positive. That will help in the long run.
>Keep trying to focus on the positive

Yeah. I'm the dude who finds clouds in silver linings. Not good.

>You know the optimal way, so if that works for your family,
>then great. I'm still gonna suggest the 2nd car (I'm
>hard-headed like that), but you know your household the best.

The car is iffy for financial reasons, but it's definitely on the table as a last resort.

you both are grinding and something positive should come from it.

Best to you and your fam.

I think it will be ok. My biggest concern is that she doesn’t have the car, since the schedule change demands that I keep it. We get 6 weeks off after the baby is born though so that will be a nice time to recharge.