>>around me. I think it will be present more times than not.
>
>
>Could be a reflection of your surroundings. Doesn't mean
>that's how it has to be.
>
>>Even if there are ways to address I don't think that means
>>that it isn't commonplace.
>
>Being commonplace doesn't mean that's how it has to be.


I wasn't opining on how it should be. I am speaking to how it is. We all have different values so I wouldn't tell someone else how it should be.


>
>>I also don't buy the notion that it boils down to what's
>>effective.
>
>I mean what's the measure then?
>
>>A mother and a nanny aren't equals and I don't
>>think the best idea or most effective idea prevails.
>
>I say they should be. If one just thinks of them as hired help
>it will dictate the nature of the relationship. Yes they are
>being paid, but they are being paid to be an important part of
>a child's life. They may end up spending more time with the
>children than the parent, in which case they will be a better
>judge of what's effective. If a parent hasn't hired a person
>that they can trust to make those decisions based on their
>experiences not just what they are told the grounds for the
>tension and breakdowns are there from the start. They are
>becoming an integral part of a family. Treat them as such or
>yeah there will be resentments.


I think you are talking crazy and I think very few people would agree with you. You can certainly acknowledge the importance of the role of a nanny and not treat them like the hired help AND at the same time acknowledge that they are not parenting equals. Their input is valued and welcomed but ultimately they take your direction.

Your nanny has a say in whether you circumcise your kid or not? Whether corporal punishment is used? What religion your child will or not be raised in?

Fact is I don't think you will find anyone else who would say that there is someome other than the actual parents who are their parenting equal.

I think that goes for the grandma who help out with the kids and definitely goes for a hired nanny.

And mind you I speak on this as a person who was practically raised by a caregiver who was not my parents. I called her grandma and spoke at her funeral a few years ago. And as close as we were and as much as I loved her I never thought of her as my parents equal and I doubt she saw herself as such.
>>For one, there usually isn't a best way to do things when it
>>comes to raising kids. There are tons of ways to skin a cat
>>and alot comes down to preferences.
>
>Meh.... that sounds like bullshit. And no I'm not saying
>there is a best way. I'm just saying its a fuck ton more than
>just personal preferences.
>
>>If it comes down to preference then the parents way usually
>>and should prevail.
>
>Over the person that's had years of experience with children
>and spends more time with the children than the child? If
>someone can't take honest advice from the nanny, they probably
>shouldn't have one.

You are not saying take advice from the nanny. You are saying the nanny has equal say and that is ridiculous.

>
>>Are you really having extended back and forth's with your
>>nanny about the best way to raise your kids?
>
>No I'm asking the nanny about what she observes in the kids.
>What she's doing that is effective, and what suggestions she
>may have for them.

that doesn't sound like an equal. That's seeking advice from an employee with first hand knowledge.
>
>>I don't think it's my way or the highway but again, parents
>>and nannies aren't equals when it comes to child rearing
>>practices.
>
>Again when you're talking about someone who may end up
>spending more time with the kids than you yourself, I'd
>suggest building a trust that can give them some equal
>footing.

Trust has nothing to do with deciding how to raise your kid. I think every parenting style is different and no two people would raise their child alike so when it comes to hiring someone to help you raise your child part of the job is being willing to execute your visiion of how you want your child raised.


>

>█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
>Big PEMFin H & z's
>"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1
>thing, a musician." � Miles
>
>"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

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