My son starts daycare in June, and my daughter won't start kindergarten until fall of 2016, so we'll have 15 months of paying daycare and preschool tuition. This shit is OUTRAGEOUSLY expensive (and this is in low cost of living Pittsburgh). It would be significantly cheaper to get an au pair. As a matter of fact, it would be cheaper to have an au pair AND my daughter in three-day preschool.

I have two friends who've gone this route; one just started this month, and the other has been doing it for two years. It's been a source of drama in his household; picking the au pair, having another body in the house, issues with performance/personality. Any of you done it? Advice?

because she asked for a raise. My SIL just had her 4th kid and the oldest kid is 6.

This same nanny also threw my SIL a surprise baby shower for the 4th baby. I'm pretty sure that's the real reason she was fired. She hates surprises and she hates having uninvited guest in her house.

Our first thought was how much money was lost due to denying her a raise and going back to daycare.

shit is sweeeet
also have mil living with us who are works part time

after the birth of my youngest and recently when my son was seriously sick. live-in. kids consider her like an aunt. great resource. always kept them engage. she was an older retired educator though. not the general demogrphic you find for that role, but if you can i'd highly suggest it.

█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."

after having an uncle take on one for his twins, and now a friend is in the process of getting one....I did some research and it's much less than I thought it would be.

but you have to house them, feed them and provide transportation. We have the extra bedroom and car, so food/water are the only real increased household expenditures. Daycare/preschool is going to cost us close to 3k/mo. We'd still have to put our daughter in school part-time, and I'm not sure how much that costs.

It's exponentially harder. I love the shit out of that little boy, but NOPE.

Someone that you and your wife would not ever consider you being interested in.

There is a sweet spot age where they are old enough to be matronly and not have family drama of their own but young enough to be very active with the kids. Like a young energetic grandma.

A good nanny will take charge and run things AND know when to fall back when the parents (especially the mother) are around.

The wife will always have tension with the nanny no matter how great she is.

What are childcare costs in Pittsburgh looking like? Are you talking about a live in?


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

http://blackpeopleonlocalnews.tumblr.com/

if you paying 3k a month for daycare it seems like it would be cheaper to get a fulltime nanny for both.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

http://blackpeopleonlocalnews.tumblr.com/

We really, really like her school, and there's a long waiting list. If we pulled her, he'd lose sibling preference for a spot.

>The wife will always have tension with the nanny no matter how
>great she is.

I think giving room for the parents and the nanny to connect is essential. They aren't just there for the kids. There will be criticisms form both sides, but having an open line of communication makes those constructive rather than things either party holds on to and grows to resent. I think this is really important because if you're going to go that route consistency is of extreme importance with the kids, and if divides start happening between parents and nanny it can have an extreme negative effect.

█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."

The nanny will do things that the mother will want to see done differently. If there are good lines of communications then of course they can communicate the differences will out turning into a big thing but the difference will create some tension.

Tension isn't the worst thing in the world.



>>The wife will always have tension with the nanny no matter
>how
>>great she is.
>
>I think giving room for the parents and the nanny to connect
>is essential. They aren't just there for the kids. There will
>be criticisms form both sides, but having an open line of
>communication makes those constructive rather than things
>either party holds on to and grows to resent. I think this is
>really important because if you're going to go that route
>consistency is of extreme importance with the kids, and if
>divides start happening between parents and nanny it can have
>an extreme negative effect.
>
>█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
>Big PEMFin H & z's
>"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1
>thing, a musician." � Miles
>
>"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

http://blackpeopleonlocalnews.tumblr.com/

The way you presented it was like it's always going to be there and I say it doesn't have to be.

>The nanny will do things that the mother will want to see
>done differently.

Without specifics there's a line here and it boils down to what's effective. Sometimes the parent will know, sometimes its the nanny. There has to be that acceptance. It can't be a my way or the highway on either part. That said there are many choices where the affects aren't apparent for a long time. the ones that the parent feels strongly about, they have the right to ensure the nanny can follow, but they should also be open to hearing the nanny say this isn't working out and not thinking it's just the nanny doing it wrong. If its a good nanny they probably have more experience than the parent in that regard and should be cherished for what they bring to the table.

>If there are good lines of communications
>then of course they can communicate the differences will out
>turning into a big thing but the difference will create some
>tension.

Good lines of communication squash any tension pretty quick because it can be discussed and dealt with.

>Tension isn't the worst thing in the world.

Unresolved tension breeds contempt. Even more kids are far more aware of the tension between adults than the adults themselves.

█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."

around me. I think it will be present more times than not.

Even if there are ways to address I don't think that means that it isn't commonplace.

I also don't buy the notion that it boils down to what's effective. A mother and a nanny aren't equals and I don't think the best idea or most effective idea prevails.

For one, there usually isn't a best way to do things when it comes to raising kids. There are tons of ways to skin a cat and alot comes down to preferences.

If it comes down to preference then the parents way usually and should prevail.

Are you really having extended back and forth's with your nanny about the best way to raise your kids?

I don't think it's my way or the highway but again, parents and nannies aren't equals when it comes to child rearing practices.


>The way you presented it was like it's always going to be
>there and I say it doesn't have to be.
>
>>The nanny will do things that the mother will want to see
>>done differently.
>
>Without specifics there's a line here and it boils down to
>what's effective. Sometimes the parent will know, sometimes
>its the nanny. There has to be that acceptance. It can't be a
>my way or the highway on either part. That said there are many
>choices where the affects aren't apparent for a long time. the
>ones that the parent feels strongly about, they have the right
>to ensure the nanny can follow, but they should also be open
>to hearing the nanny say this isn't working out and not
>thinking it's just the nanny doing it wrong. If its a good
>nanny they probably have more experience than the parent in
>that regard and should be cherished for what they bring to the
>table.
>
>>If there are good lines of communications
>>then of course they can communicate the differences will out
>>turning into a big thing but the difference will create some
>>tension.
>
>Good lines of communication squash any tension pretty quick
>because it can be discussed and dealt with.
>
>>Tension isn't the worst thing in the world.
>
>Unresolved tension breeds contempt. Even more kids are far
>more aware of the tension between adults than the adults
>themselves.
>
>█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
>Big PEMFin H & z's
>"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1
>thing, a musician." � Miles
>
>"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

http://blackpeopleonlocalnews.tumblr.com/

>around me. I think it will be present more times than not.

Could be a reflection of your surroundings. Doesn't mean that's how it has to be.

>Even if there are ways to address I don't think that means
>that it isn't commonplace.

Being commonplace doesn't mean that's how it has to be.

>I also don't buy the notion that it boils down to what's
>effective.

I mean what's the measure then?

>A mother and a nanny aren't equals and I don't
>think the best idea or most effective idea prevails.

I say they should be. If one just thinks of them as hired help it will dictate the nature of the relationship. Yes they are being paid, but they are being paid to be an important part of a child's life. They may end up spending more time with the children than the parent, in which case they will be a better judge of what's effective. If a parent hasn't hired a person that they can trust to make those decisions based on their experiences not just what they are told the grounds for the tension and breakdowns are there from the start. They are becoming an integral part of a family. Treat them as such or yeah there will be resentments.

>For one, there usually isn't a best way to do things when it
>comes to raising kids. There are tons of ways to skin a cat
>and alot comes down to preferences.

Meh.... that sounds like bullshit. And no I'm not saying there is a best way. I'm just saying its a fuck ton more than just personal preferences.

>If it comes down to preference then the parents way usually
>and should prevail.

Over the person that's had years of experience with children and spends more time with the children than the child? If someone can't take honest advice from the nanny, they probably shouldn't have one.

>Are you really having extended back and forth's with your
>nanny about the best way to raise your kids?

No I'm asking the nanny about what she observes in the kids. What she's doing that is effective, and what suggestions she may have for them.

>I don't think it's my way or the highway but again, parents
>and nannies aren't equals when it comes to child rearing
>practices.

Again when you're talking about someone who may end up spending more time with the kids than you yourself, I'd suggest building a trust that can give them some equal footing.

█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."

>>around me. I think it will be present more times than not.
>
>
>Could be a reflection of your surroundings. Doesn't mean
>that's how it has to be.
>
>>Even if there are ways to address I don't think that means
>>that it isn't commonplace.
>
>Being commonplace doesn't mean that's how it has to be.


I wasn't opining on how it should be. I am speaking to how it is. We all have different values so I wouldn't tell someone else how it should be.


>
>>I also don't buy the notion that it boils down to what's
>>effective.
>
>I mean what's the measure then?
>
>>A mother and a nanny aren't equals and I don't
>>think the best idea or most effective idea prevails.
>
>I say they should be. If one just thinks of them as hired help
>it will dictate the nature of the relationship. Yes they are
>being paid, but they are being paid to be an important part of
>a child's life. They may end up spending more time with the
>children than the parent, in which case they will be a better
>judge of what's effective. If a parent hasn't hired a person
>that they can trust to make those decisions based on their
>experiences not just what they are told the grounds for the
>tension and breakdowns are there from the start. They are
>becoming an integral part of a family. Treat them as such or
>yeah there will be resentments.


I think you are talking crazy and I think very few people would agree with you. You can certainly acknowledge the importance of the role of a nanny and not treat them like the hired help AND at the same time acknowledge that they are not parenting equals. Their input is valued and welcomed but ultimately they take your direction.

Your nanny has a say in whether you circumcise your kid or not? Whether corporal punishment is used? What religion your child will or not be raised in?

Fact is I don't think you will find anyone else who would say that there is someome other than the actual parents who are their parenting equal.

I think that goes for the grandma who help out with the kids and definitely goes for a hired nanny.

And mind you I speak on this as a person who was practically raised by a caregiver who was not my parents. I called her grandma and spoke at her funeral a few years ago. And as close as we were and as much as I loved her I never thought of her as my parents equal and I doubt she saw herself as such.
>>For one, there usually isn't a best way to do things when it
>>comes to raising kids. There are tons of ways to skin a cat
>>and alot comes down to preferences.
>
>Meh.... that sounds like bullshit. And no I'm not saying
>there is a best way. I'm just saying its a fuck ton more than
>just personal preferences.
>
>>If it comes down to preference then the parents way usually
>>and should prevail.
>
>Over the person that's had years of experience with children
>and spends more time with the children than the child? If
>someone can't take honest advice from the nanny, they probably
>shouldn't have one.

You are not saying take advice from the nanny. You are saying the nanny has equal say and that is ridiculous.

>
>>Are you really having extended back and forth's with your
>>nanny about the best way to raise your kids?
>
>No I'm asking the nanny about what she observes in the kids.
>What she's doing that is effective, and what suggestions she
>may have for them.

that doesn't sound like an equal. That's seeking advice from an employee with first hand knowledge.
>
>>I don't think it's my way or the highway but again, parents
>>and nannies aren't equals when it comes to child rearing
>>practices.
>
>Again when you're talking about someone who may end up
>spending more time with the kids than you yourself, I'd
>suggest building a trust that can give them some equal
>footing.

Trust has nothing to do with deciding how to raise your kid. I think every parenting style is different and no two people would raise their child alike so when it comes to hiring someone to help you raise your child part of the job is being willing to execute your visiion of how you want your child raised.


>

>█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
>Big PEMFin H & z's
>"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1
>thing, a musician." � Miles
>
>"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

http://blackpeopleonlocalnews.tumblr.com/

>I wasn't opining on how it should be. I am speaking to how it
>is. We all have different values so I wouldn't tell someone
>else how it should be.

Nah you were insinuating that what you see is the norm and as you say below i'm talking crazy talk.

>>>I also don't buy the notion that it boils down to what's
>>>effective.
>>
>>I mean what's the measure then?

Still didn't answer this.

>>>A mother and a nanny aren't equals and I don't
>>>think the best idea or most effective idea prevails.
>>
>>I say they should be. If one just thinks of them as hired
>help
>>it will dictate the nature of the relationship. Yes they
>are
>>being paid, but they are being paid to be an important part
>of
>>a child's life. They may end up spending more time with the
>>children than the parent, in which case they will be a
>better
>>judge of what's effective. If a parent hasn't hired a
>person
>>that they can trust to make those decisions based on their
>>experiences not just what they are told the grounds for the
>>tension and breakdowns are there from the start. They are
>>becoming an integral part of a family. Treat them as such or
>>yeah there will be resentments.
>
>
>I think you are talking crazy and I think very few people
>would agree with you.

See you did it again. Other people are like you. I'm crazy.

>You can certainly acknowledge the
>importance of the role of a nanny and not treat them like the
>hired help AND at the same time acknowledge that they are not
>parenting equals.
>
>Their input is valued and welcomed but
>ultimately they take your direction.


You're using this idea of 'parenting equals' to invalidate everything I've said because it just makes you feel wrong. And see this is the underlying part of the tension. The "I am the parent, buck stops with me" shit. The nanny will never be the parent. That's a fact. They will never replace the parent as the 'parent'. But fact they are spending more time with the kids than the parent. Quality time. The children may come to the nanny before the parent with questions. The children may even be more comfortable just talking to the nanny than the parent. They may tell the nanny things they would never tell the parent. And guess what, the nanny over time will sy/empathize with the children too. Over time they will develop a relationship with the nanny.

Now if you've created a bond and trust with the nanny, they will come to you with all of these things. They will tell you, your child wishes you'd spend a little more time with them. Or they can keep that to themselves resenting you as the child grows to. And all your 'well i'm the parent' stuff means nothing to them. This shit happens. If you think it doesn't because you don't see it around you, you need to look beyond.

> Your nanny has a say in whether you circumcise your kid or
>not? Whether corporal punishment is used? What religion your
>child will or not be raised in?

These are just dumb questions.

>Fact is I don't think you will find anyone else who would say
>that there is someome other than the actual parents who are
>their parenting equal.

Again, you're just trying to satisfy yourself rather than hear what I'm actually saying.

>I think that goes for the grandma who help out with the kids
>and definitely goes for a hired nanny.
>
>And mind you I speak on this as a person who was practically
>raised by a caregiver who was not my parents. I called her
>grandma and spoke at her funeral a few years ago. And as
>close as we were and as much as I loved her I never thought of
>her as my parents equal and I doubt she saw herself as such.

That's excellent. I'm not talking about parenting equals. I'm talking about someone with equal responsibility in raising a child. It's on par with the trust you'll put in teachers, except more intimate. Open lines of communication and trust in them to make decisions.

>>Over the person that's had years of experience with children
>>and spends more time with the children than the child? If
>>someone can't take honest advice from the nanny, they
>probably
>>shouldn't have one.
>
>You are not saying take advice from the nanny. You are saying
>the nanny has equal say and that is ridiculous.

Nope you're saying that to negate what I'm saying. Like seriously look at what you just wrote in response to what I just wrote. I literally said 'take honest advice' and you translated that to 'equal say'. LOL!!

>>No I'm asking the nanny about what she observes in the kids.
>>What she's doing that is effective, and what suggestions she
>>may have for them.
>
>that doesn't sound like an equal. That's seeking advice from
>an employee with first hand knowledge.

No shit because that's exactly what I just said. You're the one holding on to the literal of 'equal'. Why does the notion of equality with a nanny bother you so much? And I think its general equality not equality as a parent because if I said those words it isn't with all the meaning you're trying to put into it. So what is it about this equality with the nanny that you find so disturbing.

>Trust has nothing to do with deciding how to raise your kid.

Uhhh trust has everything to do with raising children. In fact I'd say trust is the backbone of all relationships.

>I think every parenting style is different and no two people
>would raise their child alike so when it comes to hiring
>someone to help you raise your child part of the job is being
>willing to execute your visiion of how you want your child
>raised.

Yes and then you have to be able to trust them to do so, but also have the trust in them to understand that vision enough to know if there are pieces of it that aren't working, and make adjustments that fit into your value base, and advise you of that so that you can come to a collective agreement on those adjustments.

█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."

being a "equal" to parents.

Whether they spend more time with your kids or your children have a special relationship with a nanny and choose to confide in the nanny, none of that means or even suggests that that makes them a parenting equal.

You didn't answer the question about whether a nanny decides to circumcise a child or what their religion will be because the answer is obviously "no". Those are decisions for parents only because whether you like it or not, the buck does stop with the parents.

If your kid grows up to be a creep you can't say "well, it's my nanny's fault. she made some bad decisions on how to raise them".

No. It's on you and all the important decision making that the relates to your child can't be outsourced to a nanny.

You can try to dismiss it as that just being my opinion but I will ask the question again you didn't answer, does your wife consider y'all nanny to be her parenting equal?


>>I wasn't opining on how it should be. I am speaking to how
>it
>>is. We all have different values so I wouldn't tell someone
>>else how it should be.
>
>Nah you were insinuating that what you see is the norm and as
>you say below i'm talking crazy talk.
>
>>>>I also don't buy the notion that it boils down to what's
>>>>effective.
>>>
>>>I mean what's the measure then?
>
>Still didn't answer this.
>
>>>>A mother and a nanny aren't equals and I don't
>>>>think the best idea or most effective idea prevails.
>>>
>>>I say they should be. If one just thinks of them as hired
>>help
>>>it will dictate the nature of the relationship. Yes they
>>are
>>>being paid, but they are being paid to be an important part
>>of
>>>a child's life. They may end up spending more time with
>the
>>>children than the parent, in which case they will be a
>>better
>>>judge of what's effective. If a parent hasn't hired a
>>person
>>>that they can trust to make those decisions based on their
>>>experiences not just what they are told the grounds for the
>>>tension and breakdowns are there from the start. They are
>>>becoming an integral part of a family. Treat them as such
>or
>>>yeah there will be resentments.
>>
>>
>>I think you are talking crazy and I think very few people
>>would agree with you.
>
>See you did it again. Other people are like you. I'm crazy.
>
>>You can certainly acknowledge the
>>importance of the role of a nanny and not treat them like
>the
>>hired help AND at the same time acknowledge that they are
>not
>>parenting equals.
>>
>>Their input is valued and welcomed but
>>ultimately they take your direction.
>
>
>You're using this idea of 'parenting equals' to invalidate
>everything I've said because it just makes you feel wrong.
>And see this is the underlying part of the tension. The "I am
>the parent, buck stops with me" shit. The nanny will never be
>the parent. That's a fact. They will never replace the parent
>as the 'parent'. But fact they are spending more time with the
>kids than the parent. Quality time. The children may come to
>the nanny before the parent with questions. The children may
>even be more comfortable just talking to the nanny than the
>parent. They may tell the nanny things they would never tell
>the parent. And guess what, the nanny over time will
>sy/empathize with the children too. Over time they will
>develop a relationship with the nanny.
>
>Now if you've created a bond and trust with the nanny, they
>will come to you with all of these things. They will tell
>you, your child wishes you'd spend a little more time with
>them. Or they can keep that to themselves resenting you as
>the child grows to. And all your 'well i'm the parent' stuff
>means nothing to them. This shit happens. If you think it
>doesn't because you don't see it around you, you need to look
>beyond.
>
>> Your nanny has a say in whether you circumcise your kid or
>>not? Whether corporal punishment is used? What religion
>your
>>child will or not be raised in?
>
>These are just dumb questions.
>
>>Fact is I don't think you will find anyone else who would
>say
>>that there is someome other than the actual parents who are
>>their parenting equal.
>
>Again, you're just trying to satisfy yourself rather than hear
>what I'm actually saying.
>
>>I think that goes for the grandma who help out with the kids
>>and definitely goes for a hired nanny.
>>
>>And mind you I speak on this as a person who was practically
>>raised by a caregiver who was not my parents. I called her
>>grandma and spoke at her funeral a few years ago. And as
>>close as we were and as much as I loved her I never thought
>of
>>her as my parents equal and I doubt she saw herself as such.
>
>
>That's excellent. I'm not talking about parenting equals. I'm
>talking about someone with equal responsibility in raising a
>child. It's on par with the trust you'll put in teachers,
>except more intimate. Open lines of communication and trust
>in them to make decisions.
>
>>>Over the person that's had years of experience with
>children
>>>and spends more time with the children than the child? If
>>>someone can't take honest advice from the nanny, they
>>probably
>>>shouldn't have one.
>>
>>You are not saying take advice from the nanny. You are
>saying
>>the nanny has equal say and that is ridiculous.
>
>Nope you're saying that to negate what I'm saying. Like
>seriously look at what you just wrote in response to what I
>just wrote. I literally said 'take honest advice' and you
>translated that to 'equal say'. LOL!!
>
>>>No I'm asking the nanny about what she observes in the
>kids.
>>>What she's doing that is effective, and what suggestions
>she
>>>may have for them.
>>
>>that doesn't sound like an equal. That's seeking advice from
>>an employee with first hand knowledge.
>
>No shit because that's exactly what I just said. You're the
>one holding on to the literal of 'equal'. Why does the notion
>of equality with a nanny bother you so much? And I think its
>general equality not equality as a parent because if I said
>those words it isn't with all the meaning you're trying to put
>into it. So what is it about this equality with the nanny
>that you find so disturbing.
>
>>Trust has nothing to do with deciding how to raise your kid.
>
>Uhhh trust has everything to do with raising children. In
>fact I'd say trust is the backbone of all relationships.
>
>>I think every parenting style is different and no two people
>>would raise their child alike so when it comes to hiring
>>someone to help you raise your child part of the job is
>being
>>willing to execute your visiion of how you want your child
>>raised.
>
>Yes and then you have to be able to trust them to do so, but
>also have the trust in them to understand that vision enough
>to know if there are pieces of it that aren't working, and
>make adjustments that fit into your value base, and advise you
>of that so that you can come to a collective agreement on
>those adjustments.
>
>█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
>Big PEMFin H & z's
>"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1
>thing, a musician." � Miles
>
>"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

http://blackpeopleonlocalnews.tumblr.com/

>being a "equal" to parents.

i explicitly said the nanny will never be the parent.

>Whether they spend more time with your kids or your children
>have a special relationship with a nanny and choose to confide
>in the nanny, none of that means or even suggests that that
>makes them a parenting equal.

but it does suggest they have a very deep relationship with the children which is bonding and as the parent you have to respect and trust in that. they play an important role in the raising of the child which offsets the parents relationship. as such they have to be regarded with some value.

>You didn't answer the question about whether a nanny decides
>to circumcise a child or what their religion will be because
>the answer is obviously "no".

The answer is no because those aren't the things you hire a nanny for.

>Those are decisions for parents
>only because whether you like it or not, the buck does stop
>with the parents.

*sigh*

>If your kid grows up to be a creep you can't say "well, it's
>my nanny's fault. she made some bad decisions on how to raise
>them".

But it can be your fault for not recognizing the role the nanny was playing in the child's life and having open and honest communications with them about the raising of the child, not just the do as I say type but a back and forth based on what is occuring in the child's life, something which the nanny may have more perspective on than the parent.

>No. It's on you and all the important decision making that the
>relates to your child can't be outsourced to a nanny.

Raising a child isn't just about the 'important' decisions like will they be circumcised. It's the day to day shit which the nanny is experiencing first hand and you are not.

>You can try to dismiss it as that just being my opinion but I
>will ask the question again you didn't answer, does your wife
>consider y'all nanny to be her parenting equal?

No but my wife recognizes the nanny's expertise in child rearing, daily experiences with the child and as such has put the trust in the nanny to make decisions based on our values with an open line of communication so that we all can adjust for the betterment of the children. It's a two way street, not our way or the highway. That's why the choice of who that nanny is and building a bond with them is so important.

█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."

elaborated on it.

I don't disagree with anything you say below, but I would describe anything you say below as being a parenting equal. Important, valued but not equal.

>>being a "equal" to parents.
>
>i explicitly said the nanny will never be the parent.
>
>>Whether they spend more time with your kids or your children
>>have a special relationship with a nanny and choose to
>confide
>>in the nanny, none of that means or even suggests that that
>>makes them a parenting equal.
>
>but it does suggest they have a very deep relationship with
>the children which is bonding and as the parent you have to
>respect and trust in that. they play an important role in the
>raising of the child which offsets the parents relationship.
>as such they have to be regarded with some value.
>
>>You didn't answer the question about whether a nanny decides
>>to circumcise a child or what their religion will be because
>>the answer is obviously "no".
>
>The answer is no because those aren't the things you hire a
>nanny for.
>
>>Those are decisions for parents
>>only because whether you like it or not, the buck does stop
>>with the parents.
>
>*sigh*
>
>>If your kid grows up to be a creep you can't say "well, it's
>>my nanny's fault. she made some bad decisions on how to
>raise
>>them".
>
>But it can be your fault for not recognizing the role the
>nanny was playing in the child's life and having open and
>honest communications with them about the raising of the
>child, not just the do as I say type but a back and forth
>based on what is occuring in the child's life, something
>which the nanny may have more perspective on than the parent.
>
>>No. It's on you and all the important decision making that
>the
>>relates to your child can't be outsourced to a nanny.
>
>Raising a child isn't just about the 'important' decisions
>like will they be circumcised. It's the day to day shit which
>the nanny is experiencing first hand and you are not.
>
>>You can try to dismiss it as that just being my opinion but
>I
>>will ask the question again you didn't answer, does your
>wife
>>consider y'all nanny to be her parenting equal?
>
>No but my wife recognizes the nanny's expertise in child
>rearing, daily experiences with the child and as such has put
>the trust in the nanny to make decisions based on our values
>with an open line of communication so that we all can adjust
>for the betterment of the children. It's a two way street, not
>our way or the highway. That's why the choice of who that
>nanny is and building a bond with them is so important.
>
>█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
>Big PEMFin H & z's
>"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1
>thing, a musician." � Miles
>
>"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

http://blackpeopleonlocalnews.tumblr.com/

I did her name was Jeanine she was black and mexican with long black hair. she was 15 and I was 8

she would let me comb her hair while we watched TV.

she was with us until I turned 12.


That last year was great!!!! but thats another story...

My parents sponsored her up from the Caribbean and once she learned the subway (metro) map she disappeared

One day my dad ran into her at a mall rocking my baby chain


We never had another one after that

Lol

daycare for the young kids around here runs i wanna say between 180-200 a week for a good clean well reviewed place

so you talking roughly 800 a month

i can see if you teamed up w/ another family & they kick in 800 & yall basically split the nannys salary but otherwise i dont see it

1700 for 2 kids or is this for each kid.

If it's for each then I would think about quitting my job and opening up a day care.

We were living in Boston when our daughter was born. A nice daycare there was about 2400/mo...I'm not talking about super-bourgie daycare, I'm talking about daycare at the VA hospital in Jamaica Plain.

When we moved to Pittsburgh we found these prices at the BEST places and flipped. Now don't get me wrong, I think the DAYCARE part is overpriced, but my daughter's school goes up through kindergarten, and we think the PRESCHOOL is worth the money. Unfortunately a couple hundred other families feel the same way, and it's extremely hard to get into the preschool if the kid isn't already there for daycare.

I would look little man in the eye and tell him he is from the Burgh so he is going to get that cheap daycare.

the au-pairs were always young and hot

i never understood why the wives would allow that

those of you that have em, how did you know "this" is the right person to help me in my situation?

They screen the girls, you read the profiles and do multiple phone/skype interviews.

my suggestion would be to find one who is completing their service with another family and talk to that family. probably not so easy but the best way to gauge their effectiveness over time.

█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."

Recommendations can be misleading because everyone is going to say they love their nanny (otherwise you have to admit to yourself you kept someone who sucked for a long time).

I hear people raving about their nannies all the time when I know that they suck.

We had a nanny for a good period and we didn't know how bad she was until she stopped showing up for work. Then people in our building started approaching us and telling us how she was always on her phone and not very attentive.

The truth is gut reaction and instinct is large part of it and even that can be misleading.

Our current situation works well for us because after the debacle of the first nanny we went real slow with the next one. One day a week, turned to two, turned to three, turned to fulltime.

The current lady is a saint and the difference is stark.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

http://blackpeopleonlocalnews.tumblr.com/

as fuck.
The Au Pair is some kinda Latino I believe....at least I think....
She got a big body.....
She was bigger when she started with them 2 years ago....but she joined a gym and started working out....so she kinda right from the proper angles.....
She got a boyfriend about a year into the stint....after she got some of that weight off....
Ionno....
It couldn't be me....
A young woman caring for a child is hella attractive to me....and to have TWO inside my home at the same time would bring up some awkward feelings that I don't know if i'm mature enough to deal with....especially given MY situation....