who were brought together - cousins (blood-related and otherwise) that I hadn't seen in 90 000 years, that don't even show up to funerals even that I was able to feel that way. me moving away from home really separated me from my immediate and extended family in a way that sucked, I realized.

the actual death itself was saddening, esp. in the context of the men in my father's family (to date, two of my father's brothers are the only men remaining in that generation. all the brothers younger and older than them, including my father) are gone.

but I was OK with it, because he had been in a real bad spot for a minute. his health just went to shit. I never knew why. I don't think he was deliberately fucking up, just a horrible tide of luck crashing down at once.

knowing that + seeing all the family, even for once, felt happier than I think I'd seen in a minute